Chevron 7 locke Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 My very first song fic ever! I don't own the characters of KOTOR 2, I do not own the Song Broken hallelujah, i don't own any of it so please don't sue me The Disciple was dead I heard there was a secret chord And she knew it was her fault That David played and it pleased the Lord Shil'ya had wept for days on end But you don't really care for music do ya? She blamed herself. Well it goes like this And no matter what the Disciple had told her The fourth the fifth She would blame herself till the day she died. The minor fall and the major lift At times she felt the tears would never stop falling The baffled king composing Hallelujah Tears fell from her face day and night Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah She had been alone in the galaxy. Well your faith was strong but you needed proof Until she had met the the Disciple You saw her bathing on the roof Shil'ya hadn't trusted him at first. he was too new, too young, too naive Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you Shil'ya couldn't trust him. she tied you to her kitchen chair She was afraid the Disciple would betray her, like Revan and Malak before him And she broke your throne and she cut your hair Until the day the Disciple had thrown himself in front of her and had caught a blaster bolt meant for her And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah And Shil'ya, had stared on in disbelief Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah They had become close friends Well baby I've been here before And in the disciple, she had found a student and a friend I've seen this room and I've walked this floor The discipl had once asked her why she had always been running I used to live alone before I knew ya And so Shil’ya had told him the tale of Malachor five, all the deaths she had caused, the guilt she carried on her shoulders I've seen your flag on the marble arch How she felt she didn’t deserve her newest student Love is not a victory march The disciple had looked at her in disbelief and then had shaken his head and smiled at her It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah the Disciple told her in no uncertain terms that Malachor five was in the past, that the past did not matter to him; Shil'ya was the teacher and he was the student Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah It was not his place to judge her for the crimes of Malachor five Well there was a time when you let me know And after he finished his speech What's really going on below Shil’ya realized that could be forgiven But now you never show that to me do you? She needed the others to forgive her so she could forgive herself And remember when I moved in you? And Shil’ya had finally let go of the guilt she had carried since the battle of Malachor five And the holy dove was moving too Life had been great And every breath we drew was Hallelujah Until the Disciple had been shot by a thug seeking revenge upon Shil'ya Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah The wound was too severe to be treated, the only thing they could do was make him comfortable Well maybe there's a God above Not even the force could heal him But all I've ever learned from love The Disciple had smiled as he had died, knowing he had saved his teacher Was how to shoot somebody who'd OUT DREW YA He had died And it's not a cry that you hear at night Now there was no one standing between Shil’ya and the darkness that threatened to overtake her It's not somebody who's seen the light The only thing that was keeping her from the darkness were the Disciples last words to her It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah He had begged Shil’ya to stay true to the light Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah And Shil’ya had taken his words to heart Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Shil’ya intended to stay true to the light, for dearly departed student Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endorenna Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Ehhh...Chev, not to be rude or mean, but this fic didn't particularly appeal to me. One, I like Brianna, and two, I really dislike the concept of two girls falling in love with each other. That really, really bothers me, somehow. And the song--it's mixing two Bible stories about sinful acts, glorifying those acts, and saying they were okay. I wouldn't mind seeing another one of your song fics, since this one really is well done--but I do have problems with the content. Edit: Now that you've changed it to Disciple instead of Brianna, I like it a lot better. I still don't like the song, but the story alongside it is a lot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I agree with Endorenna on this Chev. Well put together, but the content doesn't set well with me. It's a good song, truly, but there are things that I can greatly disagree with. Good song placing and planning, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 Actually. i came up with the song on a whim...maybe i should do a different type of song fic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Nickleback? Sadly, I can't say I've heard of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 you are from earth right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Well, I'm a Clone Trooper, I'm from Kamino...I might've heard of Nickleback somewhere but, I don't listen to them. It'd be like me asking if you've heard of Apocalyptica. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabish Bini Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I liked it, a bit different from how song fics are usually written, I thought it was nicely thought out, a fairly good plot. A little idea for you, if you have the time, read some of my song fics or Jedi Master 12's, just if you need a bit of inspiration. PM me if you want me to send you some links, they're written differently to yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Oy, interesting change there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 Oy, interesting change there... Yup! People just don't seem to like seeing Brianna die. I can't blame em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 If you're going to use a copyrighted song as part of your fic, please cite it along with your poetry or else it's pretty much plagiarism. I really dislike the concept of two girls falling in love with each other. That really, really bothers me, somehow. And the song--it's mixing two Bible stories about sinful acts, glorifying those acts, and saying they were okay. That content didn't bother me and I'm sad to see he changed it. It was fine the way it was before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted December 7, 2008 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 I still have the original version, i can PM it to you if you want it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Well, this is the first song-fic I've ever read so I really don't know what to say. A good song choice, I thought. But to agree with Endorenna, combing a sinful act with a biblical song may not have been the best of Ideas, but now that you changed it I really liked it! Good Job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 The song he chose is by no means 'Biblical' in the sense that it is religious in nature. It makes direct references to the Bible, but it very much secular in theme and intent. By the way, the title of the song is simply "Hallelujah", there is no 'Broken' in front of it. And I'm still not seeing what this 'sinful act' is that people are alleging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Rouge Nine i think this is what refers to the sinful actions. The following line could be seen as david from the bible seeing bathsheba on the roof and wanting her. You saw her bathing on the roof Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you The following lines could be seen as samson getting his hair cut by Deliah and then getting killed. she tied you to her kitchen chair And she broke your throne and she cut your hair And once again I can PM you the original song fic if you want it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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