Chevron 7 locke Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 If you didn't see the Stargate Episode Point of View, this won't make any sense If you don't watch Stargate, you are going to be hopelessly confused by this story If you are one of the people haven't seen the episode, Here's the episode Stargate SG-1 The Reunited Samantha Carter couldn't help but be amazed by how her life was changing. The Goa'uld had finally been driven away from Earth with the help of Earth's new-found allies: The Asgard The Asgard ship, looking like some great grey avenging spirit had appeared in the sky above the SGA at their darkest hour and had whisked the Jaffa foot solders away and Apophis had looked on in fear evident in his eyes as the Asgard beam had whisked him away to his ultimate fate Now, things were different Nearly everyone on Earth was now aware of the existance of aliens, the pentagon had decided it just wasn't worth trying to cover it up. Nearly everyone had seen the Goa'uld ships in the sky, they had seen the pyramid shaped ships unleash their golden weaponry upon all resistance they encountered, they had appeared above the mountains of Colorado and the bustling city of New York. And they had cheered and rejoiced as the Asgard unleashed the beams of white light upon them. The Goa'uld ships had been taken apart in mid-air by the Asgard Right after Apophis had been taken, beams of white light had appeared all over the broken and battle worn SGA, whisking away the bodies of the slain and the injured. The bodies had been everywhere, in the corridors, in the labs, and in the gate room itself. And then, almost instantly, the same men and women she had seen die defending the SGA had appeared in the corriders, in the labs, in the mess hall. They were confused, some of them looked terrified, but they were alive Gotta love the Asgard And Samantha Carter had hoped against hope that maybe they had brought him back as well She had left the base as fast as she could and had begun climbing, It had been raining out, The thrumming of the large Asgard battle cruiser hovering over the mountain sounded so loud, she was afraid she would go deaf, but she had kept going, she had to see if he was alive. And then he had met her halfway down the grass ridden mountain. He looked so very confused, but he was alive She had run to him and he had caught her as she tripped over a small brown rock He had wiped her blonde hair out of her eyes as she cried with joy She really loved those Asgard After seeing him die defending the mountain, she had watched him battle it out with the Jaffa at the very top of the mountain She had watched him die as the First Prime of Apophis had blasted him in the chest with his staff weapon Now he was standing before her once again The Asgard had brought him back to her Gotta love the Asgard She could hardly speak, she really didn't know what to say. So she said the first thing that popped into her head "Jack...your back." "Just out of curiosity...where did I go Carter?" "You died." "I...Died?" "Yeah." "And yet I'm here talking to you." "It's complicated." Jack couldn't hep but look up at the large, grey Asgard ship that was currently hovering over the SGA "Would it have anything to do with that big alien ship hovering over the SGA?" "Yup. Those would be the Asgard." "And how do they fit into this?" "They fought off the Goa'uld and brought everyone back." "How so?" "To be honest, I have no idea how they brought everyone back." Jack smirked at her "The great Samantha Carter finally finds something even she can't figure out?" Sam smirked back at him "It looks that way." "Just who are these "Asgard"?" "They're a group of highly advanced aliens who seem to have issues with the Goa'uld." Jack couldn't help but smile at that one "Sound like my kind of Aliens, How did we meet them anyway?" "Do you really want to keep talking out here in the rain, or would you rather go inside and hear about it later?" "Good point." Jack was still a bit dizzy after coming back to life, so Sam nearly had to drag him back into the SGA Gotta Love those Asgard The Asgard had given her the greatest gift of all They had given her her husband back Jack had heard the full story, Carter had really enjoyed seeing the look on his face when he heard about the alternate version of the SG-1 team that had come to their aid Jack had seemed really curious about the mirror after she finished talking about it "So...does this Mirror thing still work? "It Should." "Can I-?" "General Hammond says the thing is too dangerous to use." "Do you think I could talk him into letting me use it just for a little bit?" "Maybe..." She had already joined the military, and was going to serve on SG-1 with Jack, and two new guys, Daniel Jackson and John Sheppard Daniel Jackson was thin and small in stature, the guy looked like a gust of wind could blow him over He was also their resident expert on the Goa'uld, the snake-like aliens that had been so recently defeated by the Asgard John Sheppard was another thin guy who looked a bit like Daniel, but there was one big difference between the two of them: Sheppard may look thin, but he had enough muscle on him to go a few rounds with a Jaffa foot solder and still come out on top The Asgard had brought Earth into a treaty, Even as they prepared to depart through the stargate, Thor, the commander of the ship that had come to earth's aid, was discussing the finer-points of the treaty with the Commander of the base, General Hammond. Thor was something of a mystery to Sam, The grey-skinned, small statured alien strongly resembled the descriptions of the Roswell greys from the Roswell crash incident. Thor seemed to enjoy spending most of his free time on his ship. There was still quite a bit to rebuild across the planet. Many major cities had been wiped out, and the Goa'uld had managed to do quite a bit of damage before the Asgard had arrived. She didn't really have a clue on what to do next Only time would tell I Plan To Continue This Soon. Won't you please leave me a comment or two? I can't really describe Jack that well so heres a picture of him Jack O'neil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endorenna Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Interesting concept, Chev...of course, the only Stargate I've seen is the first movie--y'know, the one with Kurt Russel? It sounds fine to me. There are a couple punctuation mistakes (like the last sentence--it's missing a period. ), but overall, nice job! Oh, one thing you might want to work into the next few chapters is more description. Dialogue is fine, but description adds a whole new dimension. Keep it up! Edt: I like that you added more description, but you gave up grammar to do so. It needs more polishing, but it's definitely still good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Sehr gut, Chev:D I have only seen commercials for Stargate sadly:( but this is a very excellent way to write it, that's for sure:D Keep up the good work:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andurilblade Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Endo's right, needs more scenery. Other than that, it be a great prologue, and I shall return! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Good job, Chev. Endo and Anduril are right on the description thing. Other than that it was flawless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'm curious about the whole description thing, what do you guys mean by that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Describe things more, it'll bring the story to life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Lucky for you, I'm a HUGE Stargate fan Got all seasons AND movie(s) on DVD OK. Description = NEEDED! I'll help with giving you idea's if you like. For one ... You said thee was an Asgard ship hovering there. What does it look like? Is small? Large? Give these details to give the reader a clearer picture of what you are telling them about. Describe more of the characters. Me, I know what they look like, how they are, what type of persona's they have. But others, who have not seen the series, would not. You need to help them out with that. This chap seemed a little rushed to me, but if you add more description adn what not, it will flesh it out more and make it more tidy and full. Just a few ideas to help you out with Overall I think you did a good job on this and I will be awaiting to see more. Just try and add to it a little more. You'll be surprised just what can come out of fleshing out a story a little more EDIT: It's better One thing I think I'll let you know about though is the sentence where you mention General Hammond. Then you say that Thor was still a mystery to her. To me, you're saying Hammond is a girl, lol. In fact I know he's just a somewhat wide, balded head guy, lol. Nice description of the Asgard ship. Oh, and as for description of Jack .. just an older Magyver, lol ... Cause .. you know .. he was Magyver after all haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 @Chev, wheres the next part? I'm eager to read it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I really don't have the time to write anymore, classes have started again and I just don't have the time to write up a full story. The next part will come Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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