Darth Avlectus Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Taxmaster is dead! He cannot save you now, and he cannot return! I hereby declare: My reign is mighty and absolute! The Taxmaster cannot be reborn and he is NOT a real American. And BTW Hulkamainia is dead as well because he was not a real American either. Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) I mean it dammit. All of it. My subjects, YOU ARE DOOMED! Now pay up!!!!111!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!!!!!~11! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purifier Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 B-B-But I keep telling you, I'm not Timothy Geithner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Avlectus Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 No matter, fool! You are to be heavily taxed--and I shall come to your home and place of work to pursue you for unpaid taxes!!!!!11!!!1!!!!!! HAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 *twirls mustachio* What's this? The Americans' taxmaster is dead?! As was long expected by Her Majesty's government, the Americans are not fit to have their own government - they are incapable of protecting their taxmasters from death. It is only fitting that they bow down to Her Majesty's Imperial Tax Department, the one taxmaster that shall never die! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Together, America shall be ours once again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astor Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 *twirls mustachio* What's this? The Americans' taxmaster is dead?! As was long expected by Her Majesty's government, the Americans are not fit to have their own government - they are incapable of protecting their taxmasters from death. It is only fitting that they bow down to Her Majesty's Imperial Tax Department, the one taxmaster that shall never die! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Together, America shall be ours once again! I think this just about covers it. Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) Notice of Revocation of Independence To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. 13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it). 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. 16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day. John Cleese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liverandbacon Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I think this just about covers it. Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) Notice of Revocation of Independence To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. 13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it). 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. 16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day. John Cleese Yeah, dream on, 51st state. I've been loving the "special" relationship. Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) Also, two points: #6: The original form of rugby football split off from Association football ('proper' football, or soccer), when the rules were changed to make sure no one got too hurt by a little bit of contact. That original form turned into American football in the US, and modern rugby elsewhere. The pads mean that people charge at each other more recklessly in American football, and Theodore Roosevelt, one of the manliest world leaders of the 20th century, almost banned it because too many people were getting killed. Instead, they just added a few more 'breaks', and the death toll lowered to more acceptable levels. #12: This, on the other hand, I'm totally in favor of. There is very little beer in the US that I'm willing to drink. Uni gave me perspective, and I just can't bring myself to drink it anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purifier Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I think this just about covers it. Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) Notice of Revocation of Independence To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. 13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it). 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. 16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day. John Cleese Ah damn! You mean to tell me, that I'm going to have to start pronouncing my words like when I have a dentist's fingers in my mouth? Well that really sucks! I mean, who can afford a 24/7 dentist? They're not cheap you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liverandbacon Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. Many American English spellings are included in the OED. In fact, it prefers the American -ize to the 'proper' -ise. The '-ize' is actually older, and '-ise' was adopted because the English wanted to be more like the French. Oh yeah, and 'u' doesn't need to be 'reinstated', since the -or spelling is also older than -our. Again, trying to be more like the French. Wait, I almost forgot! Aluminum is also older than 'Aluminium'! Seems to me like America is the last bastion of proper English, while Britain let the language mutate because they wanted to be, of all things, more like the French.:rofl: Since we believe in freedom though, you can still speak your bastardized language, though these truths would probably hurt the British linguistic superiority complex. Note: My own spelling varies between the two, since being born in England with one parent from either country (and 2 other citizenships, though they're tangential to this), raised and educated toddlerhood through high school in America , educated at university in England, and coming back to live in America, really confuses one on what is done how. However, the British should know the truth before they start declaring their English the 'real' type, lest they embarrass themselves. Just as Americans need to figure out that there are more than 2 English accents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astor Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. Many American English spellings are included in the OED. In fact, it prefers the American -ize to the 'proper' -ise. The '-ize' is actually older, and '-ise' was adopted because the English wanted to be more like the French. Oh yeah, and 'u' doesn't need to be 'reinstated', since the -or spelling is also older than -our. Again, trying to be more like the French. Wait, I almost forgot! Aluminum is also older than 'Aluminium'! Seems to me like America is the last bastion of proper English, while Britain let the language mutate because they wanted to be, of all things, more like the French.:rofl: Since we believe in freedom though, you can still speak your bastardized language, though these truths would probably hurt the British linguistic superiority complex. Note: My own spelling varies between the two, since being born in England with one parent from either country (and 2 other citizenships, though they're tangential to this), raised and educated toddlerhood through high school in America , educated at university in England, and coming back to live in America, really confuses one on what is done how. However, the British should know the truth before they start declaring their English the 'real' type, lest they embarrass themselves. Just as Americans need to figure out that there are more than 2 English accents. I concede, good sir, although I think we can both agree it's all one big bloody mess. And what's this about clappers for bells? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Avlectus Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 MUUUAhahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Yes, there is nobody to save the American people from me. My minions Sabre and Astor shall raze the land and I shall rule with an iron fist!!! I will audit you and tax you unfairly! the 15th is my daaaaaay! HAAHAAAHAAA! Your heroes Patrick Cox and Hulkamania are DEAD! DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEEAAAAAAD! :dev11: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liverandbacon Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Seriously American LFers, pay your taxes. I need to get paid. I promise I normally do things other than browse LF, just not right now since I'm recovering from injury/surgery. Oh, by the way, thanks for paying for my surgery and pain meds. Especially the meds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totenkopf Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Freeloader. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pavlos Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. Many American English spellings are included in the OED. In fact, it prefers the American -ize to the 'proper' -ise. The '-ize' is actually older, and '-ise' was adopted because the English wanted to be more like the French. The '-ize' is older yes, but English is not a language that follows rules, it follows convention. The OED is not the Académie française and on issues such as 'ize' and 'ise' I think this very much down to what the individual prefers. British English frequently preserves the spelling not of the word at its etymological root -- as the more rational American English does -- but of younger versions, often representing the language from which the word entered English. Thus, your other example, 'colour' bears the marks of coming into English from Old French/Anglo-Norman colour and couleur. 'Color' is closer to the Latin, but in English is a newer spelling. The reason for its widespread use in America is probably because of Renaissance philology and 18th century rationalism. I believe one of Webster's aims in writing his dictionary was to harmonise the language, it's a goal Samuel Johnson shared. Wait, I almost forgot! Aluminum is also older than 'Aluminium'! It's a rather strange change but an understandable one given the fact that a lot of other elements end in -ium. Sodium, potassium, lithium etc. Seems to me like America is the last bastion of proper English, while Britain let the language mutate because they wanted to be, of all things, more like the French.:rofl: American English is always rather fascinating because it stands as being at once more developed and less developed than British 'Standard' English. America has preserved phrases like 'I guess' -- which Chaucer uses! -- and the rather archaic 'gotten', both of which are making a come back on this side of the pond. But at the same time, America seems to have suffered a severe drought which has damaged its adverb harvest, particularly on the West Coast. 'He ran quick', 'I'm good', 'This is real important'. The idea of there being a 'proper' English is a rather peculiar one, especially given the number of dialects in England alone -- both rural and urban. And that's discounting all the colonial dialects that are developing out there, coloured by native vocabulary, accent, and sentence structure. I think the preferred idea is one of 'Englishes'. There is naturally a 'Stardard English' in each country, but that is a point of necessity for ease of communication. Gif þu wilt Englisc beon wiðutan ænig Frecisce word, then you may as well speak Old English and even that isn't without influence from French. Languages influence one another, it's a part of language evolution. Our language has been enriched a thousand times over by the adoption of countless foreign words into our lexicon, or word hoard, to be Germanic about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 (Pavlos is originally British but is trying to be more like the French) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liverandbacon Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 The '-ize' is older yes, but English is not a language that follows rules, it follows convention. The OED is not the Académie française and on issues such as 'ize' and 'ise' I think this very much down to what the individual prefers. Agreed, I mainly brought up the OED because the Declaration of ReDependance (or whatever it was called) posted above brought it up as the place misguided Americans should go to find real spellings. I wanted to point out the fact that such a suggestion would actually convince Americans that the English don't read their own dictionaries. I also agree on personal preference, especially since I slip back and forth between them due to how I grew up. (Though I attempt to maintain consistency of spelling throughout an individual post, paper, note, or what have you. Thus, your other example, 'colour' bears the marks of coming into English from Old French/Anglo-Norman colour and couleur. 'Color' is closer to the Latin, but in English is a newer spelling. The reason for its widespread use in America is probably because of Renaissance philology and 18th century rationalism. I believe one of Webster's aims in writing his dictionary was to harmonise the language, it's a goal Samuel Johnson shared. This one's a bit odd. The original words borrowed from early Old French generally were ended with an -or or -ur. Some later ones came right across as -our. Even later, with the Norman conquest, Anglo-Norman made most of the -ur and -or words into -our, and English retained the change. The Renaissance changed things yet again by turning many -our words back into -or words, some of which had started as -or or -ur, though others were words that had always been -our. So, although there was a lot of switching back and forth, -or and -our both appeared early on, though -or was slightly more common at the start. Webster did indeed want to simplify and standardize spelling, and was responsible for changing even more -our words to -or, once again a mix of those that had always been -our and those that were originally -or. It's a rather strange change but an understandable one given the fact that a lot of other elements end in -ium. Sodium, potassium, lithium etc. I think it started as alumium, became aluminum, and then aluminium. I vaguely remember that the -ium ending was more traditional in element naming at the time, which is likely the reason it changed. Of course, now there are plenty of -num elements; molybdenum, tantalum, platinum, lanthanum, etc. The idea of there being a 'proper' English is a rather peculiar one, especially given the number of dialects in England alone -- both rural and urban. And that's discounting all the colonial dialects that are developing out there, coloured by native vocabulary, accent, and sentence structure. I think the preferred idea is one of 'Englishes'. There is naturally a 'Stardard English' in each country, but that is a point of necessity for ease of communication. Exactly. My argument is mainly a defense (or defence, if you prefer), against the countless English people who have asked me why my country refuses to learn 'real' English. Its function is to point out that by their own standards of 'real', American English might be more 'real' than British English. In the context of this thread, I was referring to the 'Declaration of ReDependance' and its claim of -ise, -our, and aluminium as examples of 'real' English that America dared twist. Personally, I don't think there is a 'real' or 'proper' form of the English language, since it's in a constant state of evolution. The only unchanging languages are dead ones. As you pointed out, it's impossible to only accept 'original' English as 'proper', since languages swap so much back and forth between each other that English in it's 'purest' form wouldn't be remotely similar to what we know today. I just like pointing out certain facts to linguistic supremacists and making them upset. Freeloader. Oh by the way, you also paid for my skydiving lessons a while back. In addition to paying for any skydiving done on business trips. Thanks buddy! I don't want to sound greedy, but it seems strange how much money you're sending to CEOs who break their companies and are already rich, instead of me. (Or a slightly less worthy cause than me, like education or roads or curing vegetarianism or something.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totenkopf Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Oh by the way, you also paid for my skydiving lessons a while back. In addition to paying for any skydiving done on business trips. Thanks buddy! well, next time.....break a leg, it's on me (and the rest of us). .... curing vegetarianism or something. Too late, no curing the damned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Avlectus Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 Boy I tell ya what...never thought a joke thread would turn into a serious discussion about the English language. OK. Joke is up. I say Hulkamania and Patrick Cox, the Tax Master, are dead. Punchline: Hulkamania will never die and... Only <X, where X equals duos to infinity of repeat of last digits in post #... or just plain nothing> can kill the Tax Master. So at that I leave you all with this: (This BBCode requires its accompanying plugin to work properly.) You may all continue with the serious discussion of the English language. Though I give you all my braining and my blessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canaan Sadow Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Taxmaster is dead! He cannot save you now, and he cannot return! I hereby declare: My reign is mighty and absolute! The Taxmaster cannot be reborn and he is NOT a real American. And BTW Hulkamainia is dead as well because he was not a real American either. Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) I mean it dammit. All of it. My subjects, YOU ARE DOOMED! Now pay up!!!!111!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!!!!!~11! -pokes you with a stick- Oops. You're dead now... now who is our Taxmaster? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Avlectus Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 I'm still alive yo. And I'll get you all next time! NEXT TIME!!!!!!! Mwahuhahahahahaaaaa! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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