AgentSmith Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 In the spirit of good fun and decent humor, since lexx launched a great thread of AOTC quotes I thought it might be funny to take that idea to another level. Post any AOTC quotes or lines, but the way you think they should have been or could have been. (This is meant all in good fun, so I'm not keen on getting perversions, tons of needless profanity that surpass any humoristic value. ) (This is an idea based on lexx's AOTC thread and general humor from starwars.com. Just thought to put a little disclamer. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 6, 2002 Author Share Posted July 6, 2002 An example : Anakin : 'Don't be afraid.' Padme : 'I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.' Anakin : 'What are you talking about?' Padme : 'I truly deeply, love you.' Anakin : 'Oh great! Now you tell me! We're about to get viciously slaughtered and only now you tell me you love? What must a guy do these days!? Sheesh!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotionMan Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 (Mace)-"Partys Over" (Dooku)-"Parts just started!" (Mace)-"Shut your old ass up, unless you want me to shove this electron lighsaber up yo a**!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 Padme: "I dont need more protection, i need answers. I want to know who is trying to kill me." ObiWan: "We are here to protect you, not to start an investigation." Anakin: "We will find who's trying to kill you padme, i promise." ObiWan: "Anakin, please, try to keep your raging hormones under control for the love of the force.." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natty Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 CloneTrooper: are you alright? Padmé: yeah, I'm fine, was just taking a nap during scenes since obviously I haven't been in a scene for the last 5mins... Anakin: she covered the cameras, I don't think she liked me looking at her... ObiWan: well obviously, I'd be pretty freaked out too if I knew some sad tosser was still obsessed with me after 10years I think the best script though is here http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/starwars/clones1.html Meanwhile, below is the entire Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones screenplay... however, to adhere to U.S. Copyright law, I have made the following alterations: The word JEDI has been replaced with MONKEY The word FORCE has been replaced with ASS The name ANAKIN SKYWALKER is now CHUBBY CLOWNEATER AMIDALA is now STALLONE DOOKU is now BLACKULA YODA is now CAPTAIN GREENCROTCH PALPATINE is now DR. DICKHOUSE JAR JAR BINKS is now JAR JAR LARDSTAR ARTOO DETOO is now MR. ROBOTO MEATFOO MACE WINDU will now be known as KA-RAAAZY SHAQFU SITH has been replaced with JEWS EXT. SPAVE A vast sea of stars serve as as a backdrop for the Main Title, following by a rollup, which crawls into infinity. There is unrest in the Galactic Senate Several hundred solar systems under the leadership of the rebel leader, Count Blackula, have declared their intentions to secede from the Republic. This separatist movement has made it difficult for the limited number of monkey Knights to maintain peace and order in the galaxy. Senator STALLONE, the former Queen of Naboo, is returning to Coruscant to vote on the critical issue of creating an army to assist the overwhelmed monkey. Of course it then has the whole entire script...wait till you read the Yoda/Dooku scene Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 Did you see the part where Anakin was DFA'ed by Dooku and Anakin got up and shouted: "You cheap DFA whore, I'm gonna ram my saber up you're scripting a$$." to which Dooku replies: "I own you, you n00b idiot" to which Anakin replies: "Own this" as he backstabs him which Dooku dooges and yellow stance chops his arm off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 Padme: "Ani, my goodness you've grown!" Anakin: "Yeah and I've been dreaming about you every day for 10 years so shut up and take your clothes off" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 6, 2002 Author Share Posted July 6, 2002 Tipoca City on Kamino scene : *Obi-Wan goes to his Jedi starfighter as Taun We stands at the door and rubs her neck with her right hand.* Taun We : 'My, that Obi-Wan Jedi Master is so yummy! I'm all flushed!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotionMan Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 *Jango and Bobba in the Genosian platform that overlooks the arena* (Jango)-Bobba did you see me shoot that Jedi dead? (Bobba)-Ya pop, your the best. (Jango)-First Jedi I ever killled. (Jango)-Now stay here Bobba, Im going down to the arena floor to try to kill some more Jedi scum. (Bobba)-Ok pop-Hehe. Get em! (Jango) watch me. I will be 100% focused. I cant get too cocky. I cant lose my head out there. True warriors always give it their all. (Jango thinking to himself)-That bald Jedi looks easy enough. *Swoooosh*Rocket pack noise!* *Jango goes down to arena floor* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 *carries on from MotionMan* Jango: "I'm so gonna win this, the black guy always dies in movies" Swoosh...thud...roll Jango's Ghost: "Damn it, I forgot George Lucas was directing this!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tirantus Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 PADMÉ Please don't look at me like that. anakin Why not? PADMÉ Because I can see that your looking down shirt it makes me feel uncomfortable. Anakin Sorry, M' *cough* hotty *cough* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaster21801 Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 Dooku: You're impossibly outnumbered. Windu: Not for Sammy J. I'm a bad @$$ mutha*****. See? Says so right here on my saber hilt. Dooku: Well I'll be damned... Well, look at the time... um... gottago *Dooku jumps into Jango's arms as they rocket away* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotionMan Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 Originally posted by Jaster21801 Dooku: You're impossibly outnumbered. Windu: Not for Sammy J. I'm a bad @$$ mutha*****. See? Says so right here on my saber hilt. Dooku: Well I'll be damned... Well, look at the time... um... gottago *Dooku jumps into Jango's arms as they rocket away* LOL thats a good 1:thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natty Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 I hope this isn't too rude, but here's mine, based on the whole Anakin/Padme discussion after dinner scene where Anakin prooves how desperate he really is. I tried to keep it tasteful, but yes, just a little warning, but if it is too offensive then I'm quite happy to change it as I don't know how some people might react, as in some people may have more tollerence than others ANAKIN: From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you and given myself a major hard on. Nowow that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony. I'm walking around with a huge bulge in my pants which everyone can see. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. I can't breathe, my pants are too tight, and the massive hardon doesn't help either.... I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me, yet you don't seem to care, your just a little tease... look at you!'you're wearing leather and look at my hard on! You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask... *pause*If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me. PADME: ...I can't. We can't. It's just not possible and the leather is called fashion, get used to it, besides all your wearing is some form of rug, which is sooooooooooo gone now, I think the Jedi need a new wardrobe, I have plenty of clothes to spare, I change my outfit every scene... ANAKIN:Anything's possible. Padme, please listen...I need a new look and my bulge is in sooooooooooo much pain... PADME: You listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight with no fashion sense. I'm a Senator with fashion sense. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go... and that place we can not go to is pretty obvious, I have the looks and you dont, regardless of the way we feel about each other. ANAKIN: Then you do feel something! I knew it!!!!! You want me bad and your just using the fashion sense as an excuse... PADME: Annie, it doesn't make any difference whether I have fashion sense and you don't. Jedi aren't allowed to marry. You swore an oath, remember? You'd be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your responsibilities... and your responsability at the moment is to protect me, not talk a load of usless sweet talk in the hopes I'll sleep with you, I'm not like that, I'm just a tease ANAKIN: I was destined to be a Jedi. I don't think I could be anything else. But you are asking me to be rational. All I can think of is sleeping with you, but I know hat is something I know I cannot do. I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I can't. PADME: I am not going to give into this. I'm not going to throw my life away. I have more important things to do than fall in love, and be considered a cradle snatcher ANAKIN: It wouldn't have to be that way... we could keep it a secret. PADME: Then we'd be living a lie - one we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that? Besides, imagine if we did marry? You wouldn't be able to keep your hands off me, as it is I can tell it's pretty obvious you just want to grope me now as it is... ANAKIN: ...No, you're right. It would destroy us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 7, 2002 Author Share Posted July 7, 2002 Motionman, lexx and Jester that was just hilariuos!!! Natty that was a very good one too. (Personally I didn't mind the language. At my age and all it'd be bad if I did. I just like to be careful cause you never know how old/young any of the other people around are and I wouldn't want to pervert or destroy some young fragile mind ... wait a minute!!! I'm all about perverting these fragile weak little human minds and breaking them!!! Bwahahaha!!! ... oops. Sorry. j/k ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 7, 2002 Author Share Posted July 7, 2002 (Not exactly lines but Ep II humor nonetheless .. well an attempt to it! ) Lightsaber hilt engravings/inscriptions : - Mace Windu's lightsaber : BMF as in Bad Mothaf***er - Yoda's lightsaber : LGM as in Little Green Man - Aayla Secura's lightsaber : BBTB as in Beautiful Blue Twi'lek Babe - Kit Fisto's lightsaber : CDD as in Crazy Dreadlocks Dude. - Plo Koon's lightsaber : SSMA as in Stop Staring (at my) Mask Already. - Ki-Adi Mundi's lightsaber : CLR as in Coneheads Lost Relative. - Shaak Ti's lightsaber : CCBKA as in Clown Colored Babe (that will) Kick (your) Ass. - Bultar Swan's lightsaber : DWAHM as in Darn Why (is) Aayla (so much) Hotter (than) Me. (Not sure if that's funny but hey I do my best. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Vehicular Jedi Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 (Here's a bit of horribly-offensive trash for everyone to enjoy.....not even a quote, moreover as observational humor) Notice, as Anakin dreams about his mother, his hands are under the covers and he is sweating! I didn't know he was from Alabama! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 7, 2002 Author Share Posted July 7, 2002 The Coruscant Club scene, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they enter. Obi-Wan : 'Why do I feel you're going to be the death of me?' Anakin : 'How do you know!?! Darned!!!' The Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan and Yoda with the Bear Clan younglings. Obi-Wan : 'It ought to be right there. Just south of the Rishi maze. Gravity is pulling everything in the sector towards this point.' Yoda : 'Gravity's silhoutte remains but the planet is gone. Any ideas?' Youngling : 'Master Yoda, sir. Because someone erased it from the archives.' Yoda : 'Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.' Obi-Wan : 'How do you mean erased it? I don't understand. it's not on the map?' Yoda : 'Dense, Master Obi-Wan is. Too much deathsticks had he.' Obi-Wan : 'Are you making fun of me? It's not my fault! It's all Anakin's fault! He's so difficult!!! He never listens!!!' Yoda : 'How embarassing this is.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 7, 2002 Author Share Posted July 7, 2002 The Jedi Temple scene, background behind Obi-Wan Kenobi, Aayla Secura walking down the staircase and unidentified Jedi Padawan. Padawan : *Whistles* Aayla Secura : 'Excuse me?' Padawan : 'My my! You have grown some nice ... eeuuh more beautiful I mean.' Aayla Secura : 'Do not look at me that way!' Padawan : 'I'm sorry my'lady. Sometimes we must do what is requested of us and my Master said I need more training .. I'm sure you could teach me and all ...' Aayla Secura : *Grabs Padawan hand and twists it. The Padawan squirms.* Padawan : 'Awawaw! Damn Anakin and his 'They always work' pick-up lines. It's not my fault! I swear!' Aayla Secura : 'I've been close to the Dark Side before. I can and will again if I ever catch you staring at me again.' Padawan : 'I didn't mean no disrespect ma'am!' Aayla Secura : 'Do you want me to report you to Master Windu? I'm sure he would love to get 'medieval on your ass' as he puts it?' Padawan : 'I'll never do it again!!! I swear!!!' (I just love women that can kick ass. And no that's not my cut cameo part in Ep II ... my pick-up lines are better and would have worked ... besides I've got my own even better than Aayla Secura babe. *Rubs painful wrists.* j/k pepole ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C'jais Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 I'm sure he would love to get 'medieval on your ass' Hehe, I use that pulp fiction quote in the game as a taunt.... Along with: "We should have shotguns for this sh*t!".... Sorry for getting off topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishman26 Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 when thier chaseing Dooku Anakin: YO cloned guy, shoot that speeder down CT:Sorry sir were out of missles and 2 retarded 2 use the lasers that we have all over the ship. DO OR DO NOT THERE IS NO TRY Yoda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 7, 2002 Author Share Posted July 7, 2002 Alternate chasing Dooku dialogue. Anakin : 'Shoot that speeder down!' Clonetrooper pilot :'We're out of rockets sir! And the Troopers manning the cannons followed this experimental 'Stormtrooper' training, somehow they can't aim for dear life anymore?!' or even Obi-Wan : 'Those fighters behind us are firing!' Clonetrooper pilot : 'I know sir, we thought of using that rear cannon to shoot them down but that just be too obvious.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaster21801 Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 This isn't my joke but I'm not sure how many of you have heard/seen this... Obi-Wan: Your clones are very impressive. You must be very proud. Jango: I'm just a simpleton trying to make my way in the universe Master Jedi.... WAIT! Did I say simpleton? I meant simple MAN! SIMPLE MAN! I've lost everyone's respect now haven't I? Obi-Wan: What respect? You were in Speed 2!!!! Taun We: That's your boat outside? I thought it was Clooney's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 8, 2002 Author Share Posted July 8, 2002 Lol! That's hilariuos!!! The Arena balcony scene as Mace Windu comes into play his lightsaber held at jango's throat. Mace : 'This party's over!' Jango : 'Eeek! Hold on ... you have a purple lightsaber? Purple!?! What kind of a faggot color is purple ... I mean red yeah, that's a cool color but purple!!! So weak!' *Jango snickers and laughs.* Mace : 'I don't think so.' *Mace chops Jango's head of.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 During the senate scene where JarJar is voting the Chancellor Emergency powers. JarJar: "Itsa clear that these federations who trade have made a pact, so.." *suddenly Plo Koon leaps out onto JarJars hoversled thing* Plo: "You have irritated me for the last time with your annoying voice and lack of intelligence" *Plo Ignites his saber, cuts of JarJar's head, and force jumps away* The entire Senate gets up on their feet and begin applauding. Palpatine: "S***, now what the hell am i going to do?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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