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Second Contest: Story!

Boba Rhett

By Boba Rhett
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Boba Rhett Newbie

Boba Rhett

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That's right! The second contest is upon us and it comes to us in the form of a story thread like the famous LotS story. :D Here are the the rules and misc info.

 

 

1. The story will be a comedy. Every type of humor you can think of is ok to be used in the story as long as it doesn't go against the forum rules. ;) I'd like it to end up being along the lines of Dumb & Dumber/National Lampoon's/Animal House comedy.

 

 

2. A loose premise of the story is as follows,

 

I am on the east coast and I'm on my way to rent a bus. I'm renting the bus because I'm planning on spending the next week driving around the country, picking up fellow forum members, "you guys" so we can all attend a huge One Year Anniversary party on the west coast, somewhere in California.

 

Make everything that can be made funny, funny. Interactions with strangers such as the rental guys, weird forummer habits in the bus :D, strange sighting, bathroom stops, rest breaks, falling asleep at the wheel, everything you can think of! When the story is finished the funniest chapter(s) will be voted upon and a winner(s) will be chosen. I'd like it to contain at least 25 chapters. So get to writing people! :)

 

P.S. You may write multiple chapters for the story! Just not in successive order. "not one after the other"

 

 

3. Each person to participate adds one chapter to the story at a time. A chapter being of at least 450 words in length and no longer than 1700 words. "give or take a few words ;)"

 

 

Get all that? Good. :rhett:

 

 

Ready? Set? Go!

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Boba Rhett Newbie

Boba Rhett

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Well let's get this ball rolling. You two want to do the first two chapters?

 

 

Who wants the task of kicking this thing off? :D

 

 

Looks like you get the honor, Havoc. :D

 

Hevayarms, nothing "life ending" or terrible sad can happen in the story! :D

 

 

BTW, all new posts are on page 12.

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WolfmanNCSU Newbie

WolfmanNCSU

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How long does a chapter have to be? I am not much of an author.

 

 

--EDIT--

 

Maybe I should have read the end of the first post, duhhhhhhh

 

Oh well, but I would like to contribute a scene.....

 

Rhett: I am looking forward to this trip coming up!

Someone Else: Nervious any?

Rhett: Yeah, a little.

Someone Else: First time?

Rhett: No, I have been nervious before.

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Havoc Stryphe Newbie

Havoc Stryphe

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Okay, here it goes!

 

Chapter One

 

It was a beautiful day in suburbia Philadelphia. A gentle breeze seemed to play tag with the leaves as the sunlight cast it's warmth on everything from the green lawns to the Pink Flamingo lawn ornaments outside Rhett's house. At first glance, Rhett seemed like your typical, average, red-blooded male. But that was the first glance. After that, it was apparent the only truth to that was the red-blooded part. Of course that was still only speculation.

 

Inside Rhett's bedroom, the golden silence was disturbed suddenly by the sound of RD-D2 beeping and whistling madly. A somewhat perturbed, Rhett, finally stirred, reached up and promptly swatted the plastic droid. Sending it careening into the bedroom wall and shattering the alarm clock into a dozen pieces.

 

"Aww crap! That's the tenth one this month!" cried a still half-asleep, Rhett.

 

"Why don't you get an normal alarm clock like everybody else?" a voice asked from next to him.

 

Rhett leaped out of bed, too startled to show any signs of grogginess, "Ahh! Where'd you...How'd you...What the..?"

 

"Don't you remember, baby, at the Star Wars convention last night?", the unknown female asked as she began to sit up, "You seemed pretty enthusiastic last night!", she finished as she turned to face Rhett.

 

It took everything Rhett had not to hurl as he saw the woman's face, "Um...well...I don't remember you at all", he managed to get out, "And I think I would remember a face like that!" Rhett added under his breath.

 

"Well, maybe this will jog your memory, baby", the woman said as she held up a Gold, metal bikini ala Leia in Return of the Jedi.

 

"Damn, the Golden bikini. It never fails, a few drinks and I get delusions of grandeur!", Rhett replied as he backed away and tripped over his toy lightsaber and fell onto the floor. "what the hell is this doing on the floor?", he asked as he grabbed the lightsaber.

 

"Ooh, are you going to use that again like you did last night?" the woman asked sensuously, making her way over to where Rhett was sitting on the floor.

 

"um, would you excuse me, for a minute", Rhett quickly yelled over his shoulder as he leaped up, grabbed a pair of pants and bolted from the room, slamming the door behind him. Of course, not before grabbing the Gold bikini from the startled woman. Ignoring the "Hey where are you going?" from his female guest, he slammed the door still fighting back his gagging reflex.

 

Rhett quickly raced down the stairs and glanced at the clock on the wall. "NOON! I didn't even get to sleep in!", cried a disgusted Rhett as he made his way out the front door. Stopping for a second to open the closet door and toss the newly acquired golden bikini onto a pile of at least another dozen gold, metal bikinis.

 

Once outside, Rhett was greeted by his neighbor, Mr. Viper. who wasted no time with morning pleasantries, "Rhett, you've gone too far this time!", the man said angrily.

 

"What now, Mr. Viper?", Rhett asked already dreading the answer.

 

"Your dog was in my trash again!", The neighbor yelled.

 

"What!? Eets? How do you even know it was him?" Rhett asked.

 

"It was him alright! He was wearing that stupid Wooly Mammoth get-up!", replied the angry neighbor.

 

"It's not a wooly mammoth it's a Bantha, and besides how bad could it be?", Rhett asked hoping for the best.

 

Mr. Viper quickly dashed those hopes as he answered, "He scattered it all over my front porch!". The angry man was now in Rhett's face.

 

Already under enough stress, Rhett finally snapped, "So what you're saying is your front porch now matches the rest of your house?"

 

Rhett couldn't help but smile as Mr. Viper fumbled for something to come back with. Rhett continued, "Well, I'm sure we'll having more of these lovely morning chats of ours, and since I'm late..."

 

Mr. Viper could only stare as Rhett ran to his car, a 1974 El Camino with a license plate that read: "JED-EYE". Rhett turned the key, and after a few black clouds of smoke the engine roared to life. He quickly backed in to the street, but not before taking out Mr. Viper's trash cans at the curb.

 

Suddenly, the car stopped in the middle of the street and the car door opened. Within seconds a tiny Chihuahua wearing large curved horns a dark hairy cape that nearly covered his whole body, came from behind the house running at top speed, and carrying a newspaper.

 

As Eets, leaped into the car with Rhett, Mr. Viper protested loudly, "Hey, that's my newspaper!" Rhett quickly dropped the transmission into drive, and after a couple loud backfires, took off down the road towards downtown Philly. Leaving both a black trail of smoke AND a flabbergasted Mr. Viper coughing and gagging in the lawn.

 

And as Rhett's car pulled from view, Rhett's front door opened revealing a hideous woman wearing nothing but a towel, who promptly yelled down the street, "Hey, come back here, I wasn't finished with your Jedi training!" She then turned to see Mr. Viper standing in the lawn. Seeing her next possible padawan she asked in her most sexy voice, "What about you? Can I see your lightsaber?"

 

Mr. Viper suddenly forgot all about Rhett as a his grimace was replaced with a grin from ear to ear.

 

........

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Tie Guy Newbie

Tie Guy

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Originally posted by Wraith 5

Havoc that was great!!!

 

 

Well i can see i won't be writing any chapters to this story, i'm not any where near that funny!

 

You should try anyways. Besides, its not really fair, he's a writer...well....sorta.

 

Anyways, i'll do the next one, it will be up a little later. Got a tennis match at 2:00 eatern, but if i can get it done before then then it will be up. If not, i'll post it after that.

 

Ok, here it is, i didn't proof read it but you should be able to understand most of it. :D

 

As rhett raced down the highway in his El Camino the brunt of his situation hit him like a rock. No wait, that was a telephone pole. In his confusion he had driven off the side of the rode and right into the pole. "Crap!" He yelled as he pulled himself from the burning wreckage, "I gotta stop doing that." Rhett took a minute to ponder his next move, and then suddenly everything came back to him. He remembered last night clearly now and for a second he dashed off, running back to his house, but then he forced himself to turn around as he remembered with a sigh that he had to go to work. He started trudging off down the highway, lost, forgotten, and really having to pee.

 

Finally, he arrived at the nuclear power plant. He checked his watch and then sprinted to the entrancce as he noticed he would be late. When he reached his post, his boss was already waiting for him, and he didn't look happy. "Mr. Paterson, as you know i've been watching you for some time now. This company has rules and regulations, and those regulations must be followed. This company relies on all of its employees to operate, and one an employee fails, the company fails. Now, this is 5th time this week you've been late, and if our janitor isn't here then the company cannot function. Now, Mr. Paterson, you leave me without a choice. I regret to inform you that we are going to have burn you alive."

 

"What?!" Rhett exclaimed, practically jumping out his pants. At first Rhett thought he was teasing, but then he saw the imposing looking scientists in white jackets surrounding him and he knew this was no joke. "Look! Over there! Is that a electron microscope!" This time the scientists almost jumped out of there pants as they immediately turned to see. Rhett, taking advantage of the confusion, bolted for the door. Unfortunately, the door was also bolted, and rhett ran smack into it with a loud thump. Rhett, never one for painful deaths, immediately got up, unlocked the door and ran out side.

 

Realizing he had nowhere to go, and furthermore, no way to get there he began to panick. And then, as he scanned the horizen, he saw it, his salvation. He ran to it, and it was not long before he arrived, kissing the sign that read what seemed like gospel to him at the time, "Bus Rental Station"

 

Rhett forced himself to calm down, but inside his mind he was conceiving a master plan, one worthy of the greatest minds of the generation. He muttered to himself as he thought, "Yes, i'll go on a tour of America....hmm....and maybe Canada, picking up all the entire forum as i go. And then, when i finally have everyone we can head to the Lucasarts headquarters and have a huge anniversary party! It's perfect!" Filled with new-found hope and excitement, Rhett marched stright into the office. striding confindently. But alas, all was not well. No sooner had Rhett taken his first step than when a foot, protuding curiously into the aisle, reached out and grabbed Rhett's shin. Rhett tumbled with a mighty cry and soon found himslef sprawled out on the cool tile floor of the office. "Hey, you idiot, watch where you put that thing!" he yelled at the man without looking. But when he turned around to see who it was his anger fled and was replaced with something else Rhett couldn't quite put his finger on. "Hey, i haven't seen you in forever, how ya been?"

 

It was Dash Rendar! "I've been doing well, but you look like you've had a hard day."

 

"You might say that. First i had to get up early, then my neighbor practically wanted to kill my dog, and then i ran into a frickin telephone pole.." Rhett explained.

 

"That sounds pretty bad..." Dash responded.

 

"That's not it. Then i went to work and my boss tried to kill me..."

 

"Again?"

 

"Yeah, but now i've got a great idea. I'm gonna go all over the country picking up forummers to go to an anniversary party in California. Wanna come?" Rhett asked.

 

"I guess there will be cheese at this party, so count me in."

 

"Ok, great, but first we gotta rent a bus, which is why i'm at this here bus rental station."

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Havoc Stryphe Newbie

Havoc Stryphe

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Originally posted by Wraith 5

Havoc that was great!!!

 

 

Well i can see i won't be writing any chapters to this story, i'm not any where near that funny!

 

Thanks! ;)

 

But seriously, Wraith, you should write a chapter. You have already shown great creativity when you were brainstorming the ending to LotS with me. If you can do drama, you can do comedy. There is but a fine line between dramatic and Comedic. I think you should try! You'll do great! :D

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Wraith 5 Newbie

Wraith 5

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Well i am working on a web page for class right now so i really can't take time to write something right now. (I have to do really go on this web page, my whole college carrier, if that is what you would call it , is counting on how well i do in this class)

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Clefo Newbie

Clefo

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Originally posted by Artoo

OK guys, I've been inspired to write the next chapter. Hopefully you can read it later tonight. :)

 

Since Artoo is a whore to the mainstream and didn't like my helpful suggestions for the story, I claim the next chapter

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Artoo Newbie

Artoo

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Chapter 3: The Bus Station

 

“There’s only one problem with this plan,” said Rhett, “I don’t have any money. Today was payday and I couldn’t collect my paycheck.”

 

“Money’s no problem,” said Dash as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out what looked to be a crumpled check. “I just got my unemployment check. God bless the U.S.A. Everybody’s watching out for us lazy people,” He said as he held the check out to Rhett. “You can use it as long as you promise there will be cheese at this ‘party’ you are planning.”

 

“I can guarantee that there will be cheese there,” said Rhett as he took the check. He helped Dash up and they both went to the desk to check the prices. “How much is it for your finest, most luxurious, cheapest bus?” asked Rhett. The desk clerk looked at him and his companion’s appearance, and casually quoted a price that would’ve eaten up not only Rhett’s check he held but the hand that he held it in also. Rhett managed to hold his composure despite the astronomical price just given him. “How much will this get me without driver?” he asked as he handed the clerk his check.

 

The clerk smiled and said, “Let me show you what we have for your… price range,” as he led them outside to where a row of buses were parked.

 

Rhett and Dash were amazed at the titan of a bus they saw in front of them. “Is that our bus?” Rhett asked, looking at the license plate that said 2MUCH$.

 

“Good Lord no,” said the clerk as the bus drove away.

 

Behind it was a considerably smaller but still very luxurious looking bus with the license plate RIDINHI. “Is that our bus?” Rhett asked again.

 

“You must be joking, of course not,” said the clerk as this bus also drove away.

 

Behind it were three top of the line passenger vans each on with the license plate saying NOBUS4U. “Is one of those ours?” asked Rhett hopefully.

 

“I’mthinkiiiiiiiing… no.” said the clerk once again as the vans proudly rode one by one away out of the parking lot.

 

Behind the vans was an old rusting VW with 3 wheels and a large cinder block where the fourth one should have been, and a license plate that read CHEAPA$$.

 

“Is that one ours?” Rhett asked with disdain.

 

“If you can afford the engine,” said the clerk. Let me introduce you to him. “Here Yeager!” A blur shot right around the side of the building that was heading straight for Dash at what could only be described as the speed of sound. When it looked like all was lost and Dash would never be able to taste cheese again, the blur came to an immediate halt and it could clearly be identified as a horse. “We call him Mr. Yeager in honor of…”

 

“Chuck Yeager the first man to break the sound barrier?” interjected Dash.

 

“Nonononono. He was named in honor of Ernie Yeager.”

 

“Who the hell is that?” asked Dash.

 

“He was the owner of the glue factory where this little guy is headed once he isn’t useful anymore,” said the clerk. “And the good news is that there is no charge for using Yeager because he is a test subject of CemCo.”

 

“Who the hell is that?” interjected Rhett.

 

“They’re a subsidiary of Little Debbie.”

 

“Well it looks like a sturdy horse,” said Rhett. “Are you kidding?” Dash intervened, “This is the greatest horse ever!” He proceeded to slap the horse on the rump in pride of its great speed. What happened in the next 3 seconds is a little complicated. Terrified by the slap on the rump the horse bolted for the nearest exit, or in this case the street. However, what the horse did not see was a crappy El Camino coasting down the highway looking like it had hit a telephone pole. The resulting collision produced an explosion that will be remembered by all who were present, and even more confusion to the many, many people wondering why the hell the El Camino was going so slow in the first place.

 

As all three of them were gaping in awe at the total chaos on the highway Rhett chuckled as he said, “I’d hate to be the sucker that owned that car.” His chuckle faded when a license plate with JED-EYE on it hit the VW Van and knocked off the driver side door.

 

After all hope faded from Rhett and Dash’s faces Rhett saw the outline of a heroic figure whcoh had appeared on the crest of the hill. (Yes there is a hill go with me here people) The clerk exclaimed, “It’s a wooly mammoth!”

 

Rhett cried out, “It’s Eets! And he is carrying a briefcase.”

 

Dash muttered, “…the hell? (Cue dynamic eets theme song)

 

The little dog ran up to Rhett and dropped the briefcase that immediately sprung open revealing several rolls of unmarked $100 bills. “How earth could a Chihuahua make this much money,” Dash inquired.

 

Upon noticing the naughty look on eets face Rhett chided, ”Eeeeeeets. Did you dump all of your stock out of a large company causing it’s stock to plunge and in the end it’s financial collapse that would leave over ninety percent of it’s employees in multi-billion dollar debt?” Five seconds passed. “Awwwwwwww… I just can’t stay angry at a face like that.” “It looks like we have all the money we need to rent the best bus you have,” said Rhett.

 

“There is still one bus you haven’t seen,” said the clerk. He pulled a little remote and hit a small red button revealing a secret wall. Behind it was the largest bus Rhett had ever laid his eyes on. On closer inspection Rhett noticed a glass grill cover sporting the face of Alf. A small tear welled up in his eye as he said, “In all my days, I have never seen beauty in this magnitude.” When he walked around the bus basking in its sheer presence he also found the license plate that simply stated 1BADMOFO. This was almost too much for both him and Dash.

 

“OK gentlemen it looks like you are all set to go. All I need is a driver’s license for this thing,” stated the clerk.

 

Upon realizing he had left his wallet in the now destroyed El Camino, Dash looked at Rhett and said coyly, “Don’t worry. I have this under control,” as he proudly presented his license.

 

“Sir this an AA membership card. It is not a driver’s license for this vehicle.” Said the clerk.

 

Just then Rhett felt a nudge at his leg. It was Eets the Chihuahua wearing a small cap that simply stated “Bus Driver” holding a Class-S CDL in his mouth.

 

“How did the Chihuahua get a Class-S CDL?” asked the clerk.

 

Both Rhett and Dash simply stated at the same time in the same monotonous tone, “Internet.”

 

“Well that’s good enough for me,” said the clerk. “Here are the keys little dog. At least I have the knowledge you’ll be in safer hands than with Rhett driving.”

 

“Amen,” replied Dash.

 

As they were getting onto the bus only one thought crossed Dash’s lips, “I need cheese.”

 

“ Patience,” stated Rhett. “Come soon the cheese will, yes?”

 

 

Whew. For all of you who don't know, AA is Alchoholics anonymous.

 

And a very special thanks to my co-author and good friend Joseph a.k.a. Chuckles The Wonder Wampa for helping me in writing this chapter. ;)

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