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Im Done Im Finnally Done


whitedragon

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with my spoof that is

 

the prolog

a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...oh never mind lets just get on with it.

 

*Gandalf rides on his carraige singing "Follow the yellow brick road" *

 

Frodo: Gandalf! You're back!

 

Gandalf: What about my back?

 

Frodo: You know what I mean! It is so good to see you!

 

Gandalf: So, my young hobbit, your infactuation has not ceased, I see.

 

Frodo: Pfft! Like that can happen! Anyway, on to more things,how is the world?

 

Gandalf: You know i cant tell you important things

 

Frodo: Well thats good to hear! Tell me, Will you be going to uncle Bilbo's birthday party?

 

Gandalf: They aren't bringing back that clown this year, are they?

 

Frodo: After last year, I doubt it!

 

*frodo gets off carraige*

 

Frodo: Well, see you later!

 

Gandalf mutters under his breath on a lose up shot: good riddance.......

 

*gandalf rides up to bilbos house and knocks on the door*

 

bilbo: oh do come in

 

*gandalf goes to the side of the door and opens it with his staff. a shotgun blast goes through the door and bilbo comes out with a shotgun and looks around*

 

gandalf: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

 

bilbo: oh hello gandalf i uh...thought you were a sackvillbaggins

 

gandalf: nevermind that do you have the old toby

 

bilbo: shhhhh later

 

*they both go inside*

 

bilbo: i need to ask you a question. do any rings ever talk to you

 

gandalf: so what do you have to drink

 

ring: eat at joe's eat at joe's eat at joe's eat at joe's

 

bilbo: yeah....by the way im going away and im takeing the evil ring with me

 

gandalf: just tea thank you

 

*later. bilbo gives his birthday speech*

 

bilbo: you all suck so bye

 

*bilbo dissapears*

 

frodo: ohhhhhhhhh boy

 

gandalf: ok got to run frodo

 

*afew days later frodo finds his house broken into*

 

gandalf: BOO

 

frodo: HOLY $#!+

 

gandalf: the ring is evil, thats why it talks

 

frodo: you hear it to, thank God

 

ring: HEY I HAVE FEELINGS TOO

 

gandalf:......yeah so i need to see the obviously evil saruman and get my ass kicked. you need to go to bree and make sure that if you hear tom bombadil shoot him

 

*they hear a noise and gandalf pulls sam out of thin air*

 

sam: ack gardening at night

 

gandalf: whatever. i need some one to loose frodo

 

sam: dont worry mr. gandalf i wont loose him

 

gandalf: thats not what i said

 

*all three are in a spooky part of the forest*

 

gandalf: so um bye

 

*gandalf takes out two empty halves of coconuts and starts banging them together as he galops away*

 

frodo: this is gonna be one long spoof

 

*gandalf meets radagast the brown*

 

gandalf: your not supposed to be in the movie

 

radagast: where are you going

 

gandalf: isengard

 

radagast: are you rideing on a horse

 

gandalf: yes

 

radagast: your useing coconuts

 

gandalf: what

 

radagast: you have two empty halves of coconut and your banging them to gether. where did you get them

 

gandalf: i found them

 

radagast: in the shire? the coconut is tropicle. this is a temperate zone

 

gandalf: LOOK ITS ELVIS

 

*gandalf slips away*

 

gandalf: saruman the dark lord whats his name...star man has found the ring in the shire.

 

saruman: and you dident notice it before. have you been smokeing old toby again.

 

*they go inside*

 

gandalf: WHAT YOUR JOINING SAMMEY

 

saruman: he said hed give me 5 bucks

 

*gandalf gets ass kicked and frodo, sam, mary and pippin*

 

pippen: SHROOMS

 

frodo: scary scream from man in black roab usually means to get off the road

 

*nazgul appears banging coconuts together*

 

nazgul#1: where is this person shire from the land of baggins. *sniff sniff* i smell shrooms.

 

ring: IM DOWN HERE YOU PUTTS

 

*nazgul goes after shrooms instead*

 

mary: it gets dark really fast around here

 

*nazgul chase hobbits to boat and frodo falls in water*

 

nazgul#1: HA HA HA HA HA HA

 

*hobbits go to pranceing pony and drink*

 

pippen: FOOD

 

mary: BEER

 

sam: SPOOKY MAN IN CORNER

 

*agenct all odds by throwing the ring in the air frodo gets it stuck on his finger*

 

sam, mary, pippen: ohhhhhhhhh boy

 

*frodo finds himself in weard shadow world*

 

sauron: peeek a boo

 

frodo: HOLY $#!+

 

*frodo takes off ring*

 

aragorn: do it again uh i mean come with me

 

frodo: can i ask you a personal question do you uh wash your hair

 

aragorn: am i scary

 

frodo: no

 

*scean changes nazgul stabing beds and finding out that the hobbits arent there*

 

nazgul#2: do you know if there are any ring makers in bree

 

*hobbits and strider get to weather top*

 

frodo:i hope you know strider that when you wander off where ever your going mary and pippen are going to do something stupid to attract evil.

 

aragorn: yes but i must rescue you hobbits in my own perticular...uh

 

sam: idiem

 

aragorn: IDIEM

 

nazgul#1: whats going on

 

nazgul#2: some migets are makeing smoke signals that say "baggins is here"

 

nazgul#1: im glad they know where that place is cause its not on the map

 

*nazgul attack hobbits*

 

nazgul#1: so do you guys know a mr. shire from...

 

sam: BACK YOU DEVILS

 

nazgul#1: ouch man thats harsh

 

*frodo gets stabbed*

 

nazgul#2: hey aragorn do you think that you could just scare us away like in the book

 

aragorn: sorry but i must fight you more uh...

 

nazgul#3: dramaticly

 

aragorn: DRAMATICLY

 

*aragorn + hobbits meet up with arwen*

 

sam: WOAH BABE-O-RAMA

 

arwen: so you dont wash you hair on journeys

 

aragorn: oh shut up

 

*nazgul try to ask arwen for directions*

 

nazgul#1: hi uh were lost

 

arwen: if you want him come and clame him

 

nazgul#2: dose he owe us money or something

 

*big wave shaped like horses sweep nazgul away*

 

all nazgul: HOLY $#!+

 

frodo: gasp choke cough

 

arwen: oh dont be such a baby

 

*and now we go to the happy land of rivendell*

 

gandalf: ah old toby

 

frodo: gandalf

 

*gandalf hides pipe*

 

gandalf: ok now time for flashbacks

 

saruman: embrace the power of the ring or embrace your own destruction!

 

gandalf: there is only one lord of the rings, and i cant remember his name...LOOK ITS TONY DANZA

 

*gandalf hitches a ride with the lord of the eagles*

 

saruman: gandalf?

 

frodo: your not makeing any sence

 

gandalf: fool of a took you know i cant tell you importent things

 

frodo: wrong hobbit

 

Elrond : Welcome to the Matrix, wait, I mean Rivendell, Mr. Anderson err uh, Frodo Baggins.

 

frodo: ohhhhhh boy

 

*legolas and unimportent elves arive. gimli and unimportent dwarves arive. boromir and old farts of gondor arive. boromir drops the shards of narsil *

 

boromir: oops

 

aragorn: im trying to read

 

arwen: all aragorn wants to do is read his book, he has no time for me

 

gimli: there there. hey do you want to play a game of hide the helmet

 

arwen: how do you play

 

 

 

*then other things happend and aragorn managed to finish "a catcher in the rhy"......meanwhile at elronds councel*

 

elrond: big bombad sauron has found ring and him mucho happey.

 

all:....what

 

elrond: you dont like my boss nass empression

 

all:..........

 

elrond: you have to take the ring into mordor and you all my die hororable deaths. any questions...gimli

 

gimli: how do elves walk on snow

 

elrond: any intelegent questions...boromir

 

boromir: can i borow the ring

 

elrond: no. so who wants to die

 

frodo: ill go. the ring is driveing me insane with repeatingthat damn poem

 

ring: everyone hates me no one loves me im gonna eat some worms

 

aragorn: you have my sword

 

legolas: and my bow

 

gimli: and my accent

 

gandalf: well i have nothing better to do

 

boromir: youll need some conflict for the story

 

sam: im not supposed to loose frodo

 

mary, pippen: youll need comic releaf

 

elrond: well at least we'll only loose one elf

 

gandalf: well elrond we cant screw up too bad

 

elrond: no gandalf your men are already dead uh i mean good luck

 

*annnnnd there off....first they try to go around the misty mountians*

 

gandalf: no we cant go that way

 

gimli: well that was a waste of time

 

*then they try to go on top of it*

 

gimli: how do elves walk on snow

 

legolas: its the shoes

 

gimli: cool. new balence

 

gandalf: no we cant go here eather

 

gimli: who wants to go to the spooky place

 

*all but gandalf raise hands*

 

gandalf: what have i gotten myself into

 

*they go to moria and find everyones dead*

 

gimli: i thought something was funney when i dident get any christmas cards for 60 years

 

*frodo gets violated by "the watcher in the water" and all get traped in the mines*

 

pippen: they still have malt beer here right...right???

 

gandalf: im lost

 

boromir: who put him in charge again

 

legolas: there arent any trees here

 

gimli: .....its a cave. i like it. its nice and snug on these sharp rocks

 

aragorn: dwarves are so weard

 

gimli: thats not what arwen thought when we played hide the helmet

 

aragorn; WHAT!!!

 

*aragorn starts chokeing gimli and gandalf remembers just in time then they see the great hall of dwarrowdell*

 

aragorn: dwarrowdell

 

gimli: dwarrowdell

 

gandalf: dwarrowdell

 

legolas: its only a model

 

all: shhhh

 

*gimli gets mopey over baliens death and gandalf finds oris long lost diary*

 

gandalf: "bought the new jedi knight 2 game and i can own dori any day on MP" *skips abit* "they have taken the bridge and the second hall. we have bard the gates but cannot hold them for long. drums, drums in the deep. we cannot get out. a shadow moves in the dark. we cannot get out....they are comming........P.S. if i get out of this i need to remember to pay gimli that 5 bucks i owe him.

 

*pippen attracks the preasence of evil and thus big fight breaks out*

 

gimli: were in my own country and the elf get the better fight sceans

 

peter jackson: yeah throw those rocks you hobbits

 

*frodo gets stabed but has dwarf mail to protect him*

 

gandalf: aww shoot uh i mean horray for dwarf mail

 

*balrog appears and chases them. gimli thinks he can make a 50 foot jump...right. balrog chases them to the bridge of kazad dum "dont you just love to say those words*

 

gandalf: YOU CANNOT PASS

 

balrog: hey your that wizard who stole my wallet

 

gandalf: uh....YOU SHALL NOT PASS

 

*gandalf and balrog fall into an abyss "bye bye" hobbits have a teary moment*

 

boromir: dont cry gimli

 

gimli: LET GO OF ME YOU OAF

 

aragorn: quit crying you wusses

 

gimli: i hope that was the horn of gondor that you were jabbing into my cheast

 

*they go to woods of lothloriean*

 

gimli: they say there is a great elf witch who lives in these woods

 

mary: ooooooo spooooky

 

gimli:but she wont get me, i have foxy eyes

 

haldir:the dwarf breaths so loud that...HOLY, jeese dwarf what did you eat

 

gimli:gaze into my foxy eyes elf

 

*haldir ignors gimli*

 

aragorn:forgive the company i travel with. they're all...well...stupid

 

*they meet galadriel*

 

all: TURN OFF THOSE FREAKING LIGHTS

 

galadriel: muwhahahaha scary arent i

 

*yada yada yada blah blah blah*

 

galadriel: fairwell frodo baggins. i give you this...shiney thing

 

frodo: where do you put the quarter

 

*companey gets to amon hen*

 

gimli: recover strength!? what do you mean by that!

 

legolas: alot of orcs are on the other side. can we go

 

aragorn: ummmmm no

 

*boromir fights frodo for the ring*

 

boromir: ITS NOT FAIR

 

*frodo dissapears and goes off to mordor with sam*

 

sam: im not supposed to loose you

 

frodo: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

 

*aragorn legolas and gimli kill half saurons army in woods, boromir gets killed and mary and pippen get captured "perfect end to a perfect day" they put boromir in a boat and bury him*

 

gimli: the boats stuck on a rock

 

aragorn: er

 

legolas: dont look at me, im not getting it

 

THE END

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