whitedragon Posted November 20, 2002 Author Share Posted November 20, 2002 Originally posted by KingPin well im not acussing you of anything but.....im just saying other then that i LOVE IT! well thanks for the good complements guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckcsaber Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 Just wondering whitedragon, does your title have anything to do with the Rolling Stones song "Sympathy for the Devil"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedragon Posted November 20, 2002 Author Share Posted November 20, 2002 Originally posted by ckcsaber Just wondering whitedragon, does your title have anything to do with the Rolling Stones song "Sympathy for the Devil"? no ive never even heard of that song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckcsaber Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 Oh, its a pretty good song too. BTW your story's plot seems to be really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedragon Posted November 20, 2002 Author Share Posted November 20, 2002 Originally posted by ckcsaber Oh, its a pretty good song too. BTW your story's plot seems to be really good it mite not be written too well though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taos Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 Originally posted by whitedragon it mite not be written too well though Well, you can still edit the thing before you show us.........or at least send it to someone you can trust for the editing. I can't wait to see it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jed Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 *hints that he is a good editor* Well, in any event, it'll be great to read it. If you ever want me to edit something guys, get in contact with me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacky_Baccy Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 Posted by whitedragon it mite not be written too well though We can help with tweaking it, if you like ...And besides, it's the plot that makes the story, really - and this story's plot sounds pretty kewl to me I'll proof-read it for you if you'd like me to... Help you work out any kinks... I like doing that sort of thing, oddly enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiRtY $oUtH™ Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 sounds like a masterpiece in the works... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dath Maximus Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 if only i could read. ohh well, ill get someone to read it to me:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedragon Posted November 21, 2002 Author Share Posted November 21, 2002 well thanks for the offer of editing it for me guys and btw ive started typeing the beginning of it because im kindof stuck on where im at so ill post the opening in a little bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedragon Posted November 21, 2002 Author Share Posted November 21, 2002 heres the opening. it isent as good as it would be because i lost the papers i had “Jesus Christ this place stinks! Those Russians better get here soon” charley O’Neal said with disgust. “shut up do you want anyone to know were down here” marks Roberts said. The sewer wasent exactly the best place to hold a conversation but it was a good place to give the leaders of the second soviet union war secrets so that they could return to there former glory but after he gave the information he would have to get out of mars fast. “What was that?” one of marks henchmen said. “What to you mean,” said O’Neal “ I heard a splash.” marks sighed “O’Neal check it out” “me “ “no the mouse in your pocket. Get going!” O’Neal got going around the corner to where the splash was heard but very reluctantly. “Why is it always me” O’Neal though he had been walking for a while and was about to give up when he heard movement beside him. He turned and looked but no one was there. He drew his gun and looked around, nothing. He sighed a heavy sigh but his relief was soon destroyed by the small sound of dripping water right behind him. He turned around and didn’t even have time to scream as he saw the flash of cold steel. “What the hell is taking charley so long? Someone go and…oh my God” he saw it in the sewage, blood, Charles blood. Everyone drew their guns. Anew of them without being told anything ran down the sewer passage, a few minutes later marks heard gunfire and screams. Every one else beside one person went down the passage too but they never even had time to scream. Marks looked over at the man who was next to him but he wisent there anymore. He was dead on the ground. A figure jumped down inform of marks. Marks fired at him but weather the bullets hit or not he wisent sure. “Please don’t hurt me please” the figure spoke in a cold voice “It is time to pay for your sins and to repent for all the innocent lives that you hurt” but marks couldn’t repent because he was already dead. The figure moved with great speed through the back alleys of mars being careful not to be seen and he wasent seen after all he was one of the best. The apartment that he rented was very small but it suited him. The man took a shower and shaved and changed his blood soaked cloths to a white undershirt, blue jeans, black leather jacket and fingerless gloves, he had long blond hair and a pair of blue eyes that said that this was not a man to step on because you mite end up stepping on a nail. He brought out a Japanese katana and put it in a sheath, the second he did that it disappeared; it had a clocking device so that you could not see it when it was sheathed. He put on two shoulder holsters and put two handguns in them. He put on his jacket and put the katana on his back Then walked out the door into the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yom Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 Nice i like I like. man white u are really good i like the whole damn thing. but i keeping up with the dialoge a lil dificult but oh well. i think it is going to turn out nicely. so pleas keep me posted on how it tuns out. it is a great intro. Yom P.S. keep up the good work good chap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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