Complaint Letters

[ET Warrior]

This is something I thought might be fun to do...I came up with the idea based on goings on in another part of the forums. Basically the idea is such, one persons uses the Complaint Generator to generate a 1 paragraph complaint letter about your swampie of choice, and then it's everyone elses job to dissect the paragraph and explain it as humorously as possible. Then the person who generated it chooses whoevers was best, and that person generates the next complaint. I have the following quote we'll use first, and I appended my own dissection just so you all know basically what I'm looking for.

 

NOTE: I will tolerate no actual flames in this thread. THis is a fun thread, joking is it's purpose. Do not be rude, don't be offended if you are picked as the target of the complaint, we're just messing around. Also, please try to keep down the number of posts that aren't contributing.

 

Prime gets congrats for being my inspiration

 

In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts. Instead of focusing on why faced by such despicable perfidy and the frustration of not being able to respond to the same audiences as Mr. InsaneSith has had, I must unequivocally perform noble deeds, I would like to remind people that certain facts are clear. For instance, InsaneSith's idea of petty, chthonic phallocentrism is no political belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder and destruction, and the unloosing of an ignominious blood-lust. It is, in every literal sense, an oppressive and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a damnable frenzy and then prompts them to manipulate everything and everybody. His fierce passions and fiendish cunning, combined with abnormal powers of intellect, with intense vitality, and with a persistency of purpose which the world has rarely seen, and whetted moreover by a keen thirst for blood engendered by defeat and subjection, combine to make InsaneSith the deadly enemy of all mankind, while his contemptible canards contribute to inflame his wild lust of pelf, and to justify the crimes suggested by spite and superstition. In spite of the fact that I leave open the question of the extent to which this discussion could be applied to manipulative yahoos, for the nonce, he is content to threaten national security. But faster than you can say "counterdisengagement", he will operate in the gray area between legitimate activity and insensitive interdenominationalism. True, hostility is a primary component of his behavior, but he says that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that censorship could benefit us. InsaneSith wants us to think of him as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that he wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If InsaneSith really wanted to be a do-gooder, he could start by admitting that he is inherently crude, callous, and coldhearted. Oh, and he also has a feeble-minded mode of existence. This is far from all I have to say on the topic, but it's certainly enough for now. Just remember one thing: Mr. InsaneSith makes assertions that strain credulity.

 

 

 

In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts.

I'm usually really pompous, but not now.

Instead of focusing on why faced by such despicable perfidy and the frustration of not being able to respond to the same audiences as Mr. InsaneSith has had, I must unequivocally perform noble deeds, I would like to remind people that certain facts are clear.

I'm not popular, but I'm like a knight.

For instance, InsaneSith's idea of petty, chthonic phallocentrism is no political belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder and destruction, and the unloosing of an ignominious blood-lust.

I think InsaneSith is a cannibal. A nazi cannibal even.

It is, in every literal sense, an oppressive and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a damnable frenzy and then prompts them to manipulate everything and everybody. His fierce passions and fiendish cunning, combined with abnormal powers of intellect, with intense vitality, and with a persistency of purpose which the world has rarely seen, and whetted moreover by a keen thirst for blood engendered by defeat and subjection, combine to make InsaneSith the deadly enemy of all mankind, while his contemptible canards contribute to inflame his wild lust of pelf, and to justify the crimes suggested by spite and superstition.

InsaneSith doesn't like God, but he's way smarter than me. Plus I still think he eats people.

In spite of the fact that I leave open the question of the extent to which this discussion could be applied to manipulative yahoos, for the nonce, he is content to threaten national security.

He's a manipulative nation-killer.

But faster than you can say "counterdisengagement", he will operate in the gray area between legitimate activity and insensitive interdenominationalism.

Some people can't pronounce "counterdisengagement", but I say it pretty fast.

True, hostility is a primary component of his behavior, but he says that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that censorship could benefit us.

InsaneSith is stupid and says stupid things. Stupid.

InsaneSith wants us to think of him as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that he wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If InsaneSith really wanted to be a do-gooder, he could start by admitting that he is inherently crude, callous, and coldhearted.

InsaneSith is actually a pretty good guy. Sweet.

Oh, and he also has a feeble-minded mode of existence.

InsaneSith is retarded.

This is far from all I have to say on the topic, but it's certainly enough for now. Just remember one thing: Mr. InsaneSith makes assertions that strain credulity.

I could say more but nobody cares. InsaneSith is a lying liar who lies.

[El Sitherino]

Mr. Herminator's hastily mounted campaigns require a two-part response: first, a clarification of the prognosis implied by my previous letter; and second, a commentary on Herminator's own prognoses. The nitty-gritty of what I'm about to write is this: Some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that I seethe with anger whenever I think about Herminator's merciless, mischievous accusations. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation. Incidentally, only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that if he believes that everyone and everything discriminates against him -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls -- then it's obvious why he thinks that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. Herminator appears to have found a new tool to use to help him place birdbrained, inimical brutes at the top of the social hierarchy. That tool is negativism, and if you watch him wield it, you'll really see why documents written by his votaries typically include the line, "Herminator answers to no one", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of fatuitous lotharios, I believe that we can then dispense justice. The next time Herminator decides to crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate, he should think to himself, cui bono? -- who benefits? Is it just me, or do other people also think that this is a transparent attempt to make my worst nightmares come true? I ask, because there are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent Herminator has tried to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk. The other is whether or not Herminator will woo over blathering, immature heretics by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history because he possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses insufferable turncoats with vexatious and uncontrollable rage. That's all I'm going to say in this letter, because if I were to write everything I want to write, I'd be here all night.

 

Let the games begin.

[Jo]

thats just plain awesome . *starts printing parental complaints*

[ET Warrior]

Nobody feels like playing? ;_; here's my stab at this one.

 

Mr. Herminator's hastily mounted campaigns require a two-part response: first, a clarification of the prognosis implied by my previous letter; and second, a commentary on Herminator's own prognoses.

Herminator doesn't do enough planning before campaigns, and his prognoseses are bad.

The nitty-gritty of what I'm about to write is this: Some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that I seethe with anger whenever I think about Herminator's merciless, mischievous accusations. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation.

Sometimes he makes me so mad I cry in a corner.

Incidentally, only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that if he believes that everyone and everything discriminates against him -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls -- then it's obvious why he thinks that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

Herminator is crazy and thinks we are full of chocolate, not blood.

Herminator appears to have found a new tool to use to help him place birdbrained, inimical brutes at the top of the social hierarchy. That tool is negativism, and if you watch him wield it, you'll really see why documents written by his votaries typically include the line, "Herminator answers to no one", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words.

Herminator is in control of society, and he types really big too, though big words don't weigh more than little ones. I checked. I have a scale.

In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of fatuitous lotharios, I believe that we can then dispense justice. The next time Herminator decides to crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate, he should think to himself, cui bono? -- who benefits?

Herminator is hard to understand, especially when he's thinking in foreign languages.

Is it just me, or do other people also think that this is a transparent attempt to make my worst nightmares come true? I ask, because there are two related questions in this matter.

Rhetorical questions prove that I am clever.

The first is to what extent Herminator has tried to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk.

Herminator hates jews and hippies.

The other is whether or not Herminator will woo over blathering, immature heretics by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history because he possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses insufferable turncoats with vexatious and uncontrollable rage.

Herminator is good at attracting the ladies with his rage of the ages. He is really really mad. Seriously. All the time.

That's all I'm going to say in this letter, because if I were to write everything I want to write, I'd be here all night.

It's time for my nappy.

[tags]

This is something I thought might be fun to do...I came up with the idea based on goings on in another part of the forums.

 

"I am bored and have absolutly nothing to do."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...how's that?

[El Sitherino]

Wrong. Look at the example and try again.

[Astrotoy7]

With all those verbose sentences, this should be moved to the Senate

 

it was funny when Primeski did it, because it was spontaneous, but it loses its edge when poeple know its not real.... I liked to good ole 'Magic The Gathering' cards threads or even the current 'Pictures' thread Allows legal and friendly flaming

 

Ive always wondered why we dont have a flaming forum like other places have

 

Jan Gaarni's already done one for me elsewhere, so hopefully I will be spared from reading through one again !

 

The complaint generator is awesome though, for writing complaint letters about teachers and lecturers you hate, and stupid TV presenters

 

mtfbwya

[Prime]

Can I just cut and paste my old one? It would be much more time effective.

[Astrotoy7]

Can I just cut and paste my old one? It would be much more time effective.

 

no, you lazy old Canadian, start from scratch !!!

 

you might as well paste it Primeski, its not like *anyone* can go see it where it rests currently

 

mtfbwya

[ET Warrior]

You people are all lazy! This thread had delightful merit and fun times in store for it. ANd you all refust because you are lazy! you...lazy...lazies from...lazy village...

[tags]

eh, it would've been funnier if you said "Lazyville" instead of "Lazy Village".

 

 

and if i lived in such a place, i would be in paradise.

[Prime]

Fine. I'll play along. For now.

 

Mr. Herminator's hastily mounted campaigns require a two-part response:

Take a seat. You are going to be here a while.

 

first, a clarification of the prognosis implied by my previous letter;

I spouted complete jibberish the last time, so much so that my ass still hurts.

 

and second, a commentary on Herminator's own prognoses.

I refuse to let Herminator have the last word. I am a child.

 

The nitty-gritty of what I'm about to write is this: Some people think I'm exaggerating

Some people see that I am bull****ting, and have called me on it.

 

when I say that I seethe with anger whenever I think about Herminator's merciless, mischievous accusations.

I'm turning into the Hulk!

 

But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation.

I'll show you all. I'll take the bull****ting up a notch.

 

Incidentally, only the impartial and unimpassioned mind

I rock the bong really hard.

 

will even consider that if he believes that everyone and everything discriminates against him -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls --

Dude has to chill out when he is on the pisser. By the way, "for manly lovin' call 555-8822", and "Gus was here."

 

then it's obvious why he thinks that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

He thinks Communists want his pee.

 

Herminator appears to have found a new tool to use to help him place birdbrained, inimical brutes at the top of the social hierarchy.

Herminator has made a grainy, nightvision goggle-view sex tape and leaked it onto the Internet.

 

That tool is negativism, and if you watch him wield it, you'll really see why documents written by his votaries typically include the line, "Herminator answers to no one",

I wish I was Herminator.

 

in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words.

Herminator is legally blind.

 

In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of fatuitous lotharios, I believe that we can then dispense justice.

Literacy leads to kung fu powers.

 

The next time Herminator decides to crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate, he should think to himself, cui bono? -- who benefits?

Herminator should realize that it is he who benefits from not the one being crushed to the earth and trampled forever.

 

Is it just me, or do other people also think that this is a transparent attempt to make my worst nightmares come true?

Herminator wants to be Freddy Kruger.

 

I ask, because there are two related questions in this matter.

I will ask the same question twice.

 

The first is to what extent Herminator has tried to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk.

Herminator is a Republican.

 

The other is whether or not Herminator will woo over blathering, immature heretics by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history because he possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses insufferable turncoats with vexatious and uncontrollable rage.

Herminator is a Republican.

 

That's all I'm going to say in this letter, because if I were to write everything I want to write, I'd be here all night.

I've run out of things to say, and it is time to watch "Pimp My Ride."

[ET Warrior]

jedigoku, I would ask that you read my first post, so you know what kind of posts are desired in this thread. Otherwise you're just spamming my thread.