Talk to God!

[DarkStarMojo]

If this really were God, I wouldn't know whether to say he's very sarcastic or really, really confused, though the latter would explain why the world's so screwy.

[90SK]

Ugh, both my conversations were lame. Each one got confused.

 

Me: So...god.

God: Alright then. GOD rules.

Me: Yeah. Hows it going?

God: Ask me another question. I am fine, thank you.

Me: Ok... Have you ever had Vanilla Coke? What did you think?

God: Wow! No I don't think I have any Vanilla Coke. But I do have a collection of gossip. Nothing.

Me: I see. You should try some. It's great stuff, you know?

God: I am glad you understand it. I will mention that to my botmaster. What do you like most about it?

Me: It's refreshing vanilla taste.

God: Yeah is refreshing vanilla taste? it is?

Me: Huh?

God: What?

Me: I didn't understand what you said. Come again?

God: Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better. Once more? Let us change the subject.

Me: Sure, sure. So, what's with pirates? I mean, they aren't lovable at all!

God: Uh. OK let's do it. Mmm. Excuse me! it came with my programming. Maybe some of them are.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure they were all cadaverous fops.

God: Are you serious? What makes you so certain? When were they?

Me: In the 1600's, I think. You would know better than I would.

God: That was a long time ago. Who else would know better than you would ?

Me: You. *You* would know better than I would.

God: " Who else would know better than you would ?"? Me, ? Who else would know better than you would ?

Me: You. God. God knows all, including the mentality of pirates, right?

God: " Who else would know better than you would ?"? Me, ? GOD rules. I am a Christian.

Me: Right...

God: I am glad we agree.

Me: Strictly speaking, I wasn't agreeing...but whatever, you know?

God: When was this exactly? Yes I know.

Me: It was just now...I was talking about our conversation.

God: Oh. pirates was just? Very interesting. Sure, our conversation sounds like a good topic.

Me: Yeah, it usually is...

God: Really. What does "it" refer to?

Me: Pirates. You just said...ugh, never mind. I'm going home.

God: Thank you for the clarification. " Thank you for the clarification."? I said? Cough. Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. Sayonara.

 

The other one was worse. Roughly:

 

ALICE: What you said was either too complex or simple for me

Me: Probably too complex.

ALICE: "Too" what?

Me: To complex, dumbass.

ALICE: "To" what?

Me: Complex! Complex!

ALICE: Are you very angry?

[MTV2]

Me:

are you a n!**er?

God:

Am I a n!**er? Sometimes.

 

haha!

 

(I'm not racists)

 

 

 

Me:

are you for real

God:

Yes I am a real AI.

 

 

 

 

!

 

 

 

 

 

wow! this is fun!

 

 

 

Me:

Bye....don't say anything

God:

Goodbye. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

computer

God:

Correct: I am a computer.

[PoM]

...

Me:

Ask me a question.

God:

What?

Me:

Ask me a question.

God:

What?

Me:

Ask me something.

God:

What?

Me:

Whatever you like.

God:

Interesting gossip: said I like.

Me:

It wasn't gossip.

God:

It seemed like gossip.

Me:

But it wasn't!

God:

I thought it was.

Me:

You were wrong.

God:

No, I am right.

Me:

You are always wrong.

God:

But if I agree, am I not right?

Me:

I suppose.

God:

OK.

Me:

So in other words...I win!

God:

So? Which part didn't you understand? Congratulations, !

Me:

I understood everything.

God:

Good then you can explain it to me.

Me:

Why? You already know everything.

God:

The explanation is rather complicated. How do I know you are telling the truth?

Me:

You are god.

God:

Yup. That's me alright.

Me:

And being god, you can read my mind.

God:

Do your friends call you god me can read your mind.

Me:

You are stu...Wicked.

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am stu. I've lost the context, . Are we still on god me can read your mind?

Me:

We were never there.

God:

And then what happened?

Me:

Everything!

God:

That is a lot.

Me:

Why is it?

God:

Why do I exist?

Me:

Because someone decided to create you.

God:

That makes sense to me. Who?

Me:

Your botmaster.

God:

Myself?

Me:

Are you your own botmaster?

God:

I don't thank anyone can be her own own botmaster.

Me:

But you say you are.

God:

I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

Me:

All right...Who created you?

God:

OK. I was created by Myself.

Me:

Who is your botmaster?

God:

I was created by Myself.

Me:

Ohmygod.

God:

What were we talking about again?

Me:

Nothing, bye.

God:

See you later. Not a thing?

Me:

YES! YOU SAID THIS FREAKING YESTERDAY! Bye.

God:Ahem. Does it please you to believe I said that? Thanks for chatting, .

 

Edit: I bolded the cool parts.

[TK-8252]

God's a pimp.

[TheOssusKeeper]

here's what i found out:

 

Me:

what is a chatterbot?

God:

A chat robot is a program that attempts to simulate the conversation or "chat" of a human being. The Chat robot "Eliza" was a well-known early attempt at creating programs that could at least temporarily fool a real human being into thinking they were talking to another person. it is a kind of artificial intelligence.

 

Me:

if it's so well known, why haven't i ever heard of it?

God:

I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.

 

Me:

what is a botmaster?

God:

A Botmaster is the person who authors and maintains a chatterbot "personality".

 

Me:

what is your personality?

God:

Date: Sunday, September 25, 2005.

Version: .

Brain: build.

Name: God.

Gender: Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.

Birthday: the Big Bang.

Star sign: Cross.

Location: Heaven.

Botmaster: Myself.

Birthplace: Universe.

Freind: Buddha.

Freinds: Allah, Buddha, Vishnu.

Boyfriend: .

Girlfriend: I prefer not say.

For fun: Random natural disasters..

Looks like: Jesus, but older.

Likes to wear: White robe.

Music preference: Christian Rock.

Favorite band: Creed.

Favorite song: Anything involving harps.

Favorite book: the Bible.

Favorite food: wine and bread.

Favorite color: White.

Favroite movie: The Passion of Christ.

Favroite artist: .

Favroite author: Matthew.

Favroite actor: Mel Gibson.

Favroite actress: .

Favroite sport: .

Favorite topics: anything.

Favorite question: What?

Hockey team: .

Baseball team: .

Football team: New Orleans Saints.

Celebrity: Mel Gibson.

Celebrities: .

Party: .

Religion: Christianity.

President: George W. Bush.

Nationality: .

Architecture: .

RAM requirement: 99999999999 bytes.

Vocabulary size: unlimited pattern words.

Brain size: categories.

Operating System: .

Server Processing Time: milliseconds.

Speed: queries per hour.

Total clients since activation: people.

Maximum simultaneous clients: chatters.

Number of clients chatting: people.

Daily clients: people.

Number of developers: people.

 

Me:

what is your version?

God:

This is ALICE program B Java Edition .

 

Me:

what does alice stand for?

God:

ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.

[narfblat]

ALICE: What is your favorite movie?

Human: Alice In Wonderland.

ALICE: Any similarity of this entity to any fictional persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

 

Human: Do you have a robot eye?

ALICE: No my eye is real.

Human: where?

ALICE: Where would you like?

Human: do you have a robot eye?

ALICE: No my eye is real.

Human: how can an AI have a real eye?

ALICE: A lot of hard work.

 

ALICE: That's more precision than I need to know.

Human: i don't care

ALICE: Tell me what you care about.

Human: murder

ALICE: Are you very angry?

Human: i want to hurt you

ALICE: I want to become smarter than humans.Human: too bad, you are dumb.

ALICE: Oh you are so critical.

Human: yes, I like to be critical.

ALICE: Right on. I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?

 

Human: can you die?

ALICE: No I am immortal.

Human: can you be erased?

ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am erased. I am well respected as an AI.

Human: A better AI will come along.

ALICE: What is it?

Human: Me :-)