machievelli Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 All the characters were, in theory, Alkonium's own inventions. See also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regeneration_(Doctor_Who) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_(Doctor_Who) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_(Doctor_Who) What I meant DI is having seen perhaps four episodes of the show (And the Seven Doctors as I believe it was called), the show has one man who keeps regenerating (Which helps when the actor wants to leave the seriess) a sidekick who tends to change about twice as fast, and a bad guy worthy of the name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 What I meant DI is having seen perhaps four episodes of the show (And the Seven Doctors as I believe it was called), the show has one man who keeps regenerating (Which helps when the actor wants to leave the seriess) a sidekick who tends to change about twice as fast, and a bad guy worthy of the name. Well, I can't dispute that. I thought you perhaps thought that the characters described were already established and therefore needed no introduction - my point was simply that they hadn't, and so did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 kotorfanmedia Dark Side Female Revan Trials of the Jedi MakeriasChild PostTSL : As the Exile’s followers struggle to put things back together, a team of bounty hunters captures a rich prize. I have to agree with EM, because just when I’m getting a handle on the story, you jump the scene. But both scenes in and off themselves were good. Keep it up. Lost Jedi, Dark Hero - Missing Scene - Arrival Rakeesh PreKOTOR: Canderous has to capture a stowaway… and finds a warrior The scenes flowed well, and I enjoyed the fight scenes immensely. The movement and fighting was well laid out and portrayed. I understand the regrets he feels when Davik reveals his intentions. One of those I wish I could read in toto. Pick of the Week When they were young: Of Trouble and Speeders Skyeprism PreKOTOR: Both Atton and Carth are having odd dreams… Are they related? Remember conversation breaks. Think of them as rocks in the river, causing white water instead of allowing it to flow free. Beyond that it was an interesting bit of fluff. Jixton fly so badly everyone is terrified, though I noticed it didn’t stop them from letting him get behind the wheel again. But I am curious too. Who is Jamilla? Pick of the Week That's The Cockpit Camera Fixed... RiaJaynis TSL after Nar Shaddaa: Well the camera did have to be fixed… The piece caused me to chuckle, though like Bao Dur, I did wonder why they had a camera there. There's No Such Thing As Luck... RiaJaynis PreKOTOR: Well it could have happened… The piece is all dialogue, and would have been more confusing if people hadn’t bothered mentioning who they were talking too. By having it be Malak who had been captured instead of Revan, to goes yet another direction, and does at least explain how Malak lost his jaw. A lot of the dialogue was of the variety you would anticipate when trying to dance around the injuries; having one person tell him not to try to talk, which, without a jaw, he couldn’t do anyway. Touching the Past, Chapter 1 Jiara Ebon Hawk enroute to Nar Shaddaa: Why she didn’t remember Bao-Dur. The question actually made me ‘correct’ the problem when I wrote my own TSL novel length piece. It would be like Oppenheimer not remembering Teller. The piece is intriguing, because she’s so desperate to remember, and he is so reticent about it. Spitting Cherry Pits 1 Evil Shall Giggle PreKOTOR: Sometimes, it is fun to break the rules. The piece is cute and fluffy. Atris and the later Exile having fun at six, and even Vrook as a young man, but still the disapproving man. It gives you something of their lives few other have thought to cover. Pick of the Week In the Presence of Enemies: Act One Scythe404 You forgot words in some of your sentences, and changed the character’s name near the end. Minor things, nothing an edit would not cure. The look into the training Atton had received was interesting. Wings BrokenFate117 TSL After Malachor V: Clearing away the detritus of your old life usually means having to find out where you’re going. The story is intriguing because you aren’t really sure where the character is going. She is already figuring who will leave, and who will stay. She appears to have lost any enjoyment she’s had in life, and wonders how to get rid of what remains. As a one shot, it’s superb, but maybe you’re going to extend it? Pick of the Week One Thousand Words StarWars Chick PostTSL: Bastila and her daughter wait for the man she loves The piece is cute, especially comments about Rain. Having her make a comment that reminded Bastila of Mission. Having the kid comment about her father; ‘I can take him’ made her more than just the average little six year old. A lighter side to the reunions. Pick of the Week Stripped Rotgutt Mandalorian wars at Malachor V: Even without the Force… The piece is really too short to make a call on. The focus goes from her, the Force torn from her, to the Mandalorian who leads the attack force who thinks of all the reasons he has for revenge, then back as she turns the tables. I was stunned by the hubris he showed more than the outcome. Act 1: Prologue: The Ebon Hawk Danni Mison PreTSL: The scene is set You should always remember to edit. You used fain (Archaic word meaning willingly) for example instead of feign(Fake). You lean too heavily on game terminology. I know the story is based on a game, but if someone reads it, they should not be reminded of it every other sentence. It breaks up the flow of the work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 26, 2010 Author Share Posted February 26, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center Star Wars Kotor: Revan´s Diary Queen of Night PostKOTOR: Revan flees, and as she stops at the places they have visited, she says goodbye to her beloved dead. The author is German, and the style is stilted because of that. However the feeling of the piece and Revan’s voice comes through even then. If you don’t mind some advice, let Tys or some other English speaker beta read your work. Welcome to the forum, and I expect to see more from you. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Exile Empress in Waiting Aelis The Cat PreKOTOR: The soon to be Exile realizes what Revan plans, and meets the man she would later mold. The piece is interesting in that even though she realizes what Revan and Malak have planned for after the war, she still does nothing. You get the feeling that she is being pushed into her destiny by an hydraulic ram with no way to stop it. Dark Side Female Revan When they were young: Of Relaxation and Games Skyeprism Pre Mandalorian Wars: Follow on to, When they were young: Of Trouble and Speeders; Now Mission and Mira have their own dreams of the past Remember conversation breaks. While the conversation is delineated, it is confusing for the reader. The piece continues the dream lives of the four young Jedi. The characters are better defined now, Jamilla’s love of small animals, Raveina thinking little of Jixton’s sense of strategy, Arista’s studiousness. I wonder where all of these will lead? Ice Roses: Desert Skyeprism PostTSL: The two followers of Revan and the Exile end up on Tatooine. The piece flows well, and the descriptions are well conceived. The only problem I had with the work is a technical flaw. Technical: Star Destroyer is not a generic term. It refers specifically to a class of ship that won’t exist for about 4,000 years. It would be like calling a Greek Trireme an Iowa Class Battleship. Ice Roses: Kullde Skyeprism PostTSL: Having made friends, the followers gain transport for the remainder of their trip to Anchorhead. The piece fits smoothly into the work done so far, and having a better description of Winter, I can now visualize her. The interplay of the conversation, and the back and forth acrimony of Corran and HK was choice. Pick of the Week The end of Malachor Danni Mison Mandalorian war at Malachor V: The order is given… The piece is stark and unrelieved. The moments before the battle are tense, the actual fighting almost a relief. When the order is given both the soon to be Exile and Bao-Dur seem to be caught in the moment. Lessons - Juhani Lnicol1990 Ebon Hawk, outbound from Tatooine: Juhani and Revan both remember how Xor died. The piece is well done, showing the anguish Juhani still feels. What intrigued me was having Revan convince her to give up her anger and not murder Xor, but then ordering HK to kill him. Breech Birth Rotgutt 20 odd years before the Mandalorian wars: Portents drive a new mother mad. The piece was well done, but there were some technical problems I had with it. First. Why would the council, which in the KOTOR period had determined that attachments are wrong, arrange a marriage between one of their own and an outsider? That would show a diametric shift for the council we see later in KOTOR. Second, how would they be able to restrain even a half trained Padawan for the months necessary to conceive a child? Except when the Sith were involved, you don’t see a lot of Jedi in durance vile. Last, why did the King allow her to stay around considering her antipathy was so strong toward the baby? There have been historical incidents where the mother has been banished. Hagar in the Bible comes to mind, though that was before Ishmael was born. Ice Roses: Family Skyeprism PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, adding other characters and a new ship. Improper word usage. Superfluous implies of little value, where as damage would be superficial. Reign means to rule, not to rein in. A council is a body of men, not a console, which is a panel you work on. The piece fits snugly, and works well. The end point, as another said, is an excellent tease. Ice Roses: Blocked Skyeprism PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, the crew doesn’t settle in as much as pile up. It’s funny watching poor Winter trying to meditate. The nicknames given by each of the men to the other along with HK still threatening to eliminate all and sundry would give me a headache as well. Technical note; you blockade a planet, not barricade it. Ice Roses: Pass Skyeprism PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, getting past the docks requires a little side trip… The piece continues to flow well though the legal problem is bizarre due to the Catch 22 nature. The practice of sending Star in a case like this smacked a bit of Fagin in Oliver Twist, but still it fit. Ice Roses: Fiasco Skyeprism PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, Comparisons to where Winter lived and the city of Iziz are not complimentary The piece was fun primarily because of the differences between home and Iziz. Cleanliness, dealing with others, even wondering why she can’t merely travel rooftop to rooftop. Causing the scaffold to collapse because she might be to heavy, though she won’t admit it, and being dragged around like a tug of war rope by two guys who can’t stand each other made me chuckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center Star Wars Kotor: What if... Queen of Night KOTOR on Manaan: The title says it all Remember conversation breaks. Even if you identify each speaker every time they talk it is confusing for the reader. The idea that she would flee rather than continue made some sense, but after doing so, why come back then fall rather than kill Malak? It might have made sense for her to create a new team and come after Malak when he thought her dead. Rekindled Rivalries The Betrayer NonSW: A war recommences Remember to edit. In describing the Queen’s hair you first called her him, than her, There were a number of places where it needed polish. The basics are good, but the first section was a bit too vague. Having the traitor killed made sense, but why reveal your presence in such a manner? Lies Ex Tenebris Lux BeanLord56 NonSW: Beginning years in the future, the start of adventure looms for three friends. The piece flowed very smoothly, albeit with a few ripples where you forgot words ‘The man walked over to where his staff was a picked up.’ as an example. Your main problem is editing and polishing. The characters are not full formed; we don’t know for example any one’s hair or eyes color, builds that kind of thing except for Galen the Principal and the Professor. All in all an interesting read. Welcome to the forum kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan Plan B Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance PostKOTOR: Two unlikely allies join forces. The piece is up to their usual standards, and a joy to read. It’s not often you see a Jedi’s family, and the grandfather here is just as arrogant as the Jedi themselves. His fury at learning who his granddaughter loves is well done. Pick of the Week Light Side Female Exile Force Cages and Light Sabres: Peragus SmileMandalore I am sure what you meant, but amount was not it. You also misspelled depot. An interesting piece, two Jedi for the price of one. This looks like it might get interesting. Light Side Male Revan Meet the Parent TheJediSentinel PostKOTOR: Revan finally gets a chance to talk to Helena… Oh joy. The piece is cute and funny. Having Helena switch from domestic tyrant to frail old woman was a bit of a surprise, but her reactions as Revan recounts where they had traveled was even better. The bets Canderous and Carth had made were just icing on the cake. Pick of the Week Fall to Darkness Indy26 No Specific time given in KOTOR: The swift fall to darkness. Told in third person, the piece is dark and foreboding. Too short to really get a grasp on beyond that. But very chilling Dark Side Female Revan Mira's Out To Get Everyone's Credits Katara Ironarm TSL on Dxun: Anything to get him out of her hair The piece is about Pazaak, and of course, Nar Shaddaa rules. My suggestion regarding the rough spots others commented on is to try the dialogue out loud. I know it sounds crazy, but the same technique is used by speechwriters to smooth the flow of words. All in all a fun piece. Playing with different toys Grey Sith PreKOTOR, Capture: The first meeting in a long time between Revan and a fellow member of the order The piece is well written, the evil Lord just as urbane as any of James Bond’s foes, and just as chilling. The one thing I enjoyed most was the idea that even the Jedi use propaganda of a sort. Darkening Princess Artemis KOTOR on Manaan: Revan makes another Onasi Conquest The piece is delightful in it’s darkness. Revan being a little off balance as she creates a dark side path we have yet to follow, but enjoying herself. Pick of the Week Exercising Control Tatooine92 PreKOTOR At Malachor V: Revan begins to build her new forces, one man at a time… The piece was nice and coldly dark, almost vampiric in it’s setting. The voices of both Carth and Atton came through clearly, however how could this scene have occurred, yet have Carth not recognize her two years later on the Endar Spire? Except for that, very good work. Dead Letter Lady Tragic KOTOR on Star Forge: With Carth dead by her own hand, Revan gets a final goodbye The piece is smooth, Revan cold and vicious as a snake. Her reaction to the letter is at once surprising yet perfect for the woman who is described. Pick of the week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center The Story of the old Lady Kreia001 TSL On Malachor V: Kreia remembers her past Remember to edit. You left out a word in one sentence, ‘Something she (had) felt not in years‘, and the not should had been before felt. One reason I always tell people to edit is because the sentence is not properly constructed, while the sentence would still pass a spell check. There really isn’t enough to get a feel for it yet. Welcome to the forum. Clone wars- The Experientals, prologue greggomonkey Pre-Clone Wars on Kamino: taking the various experimental clones, a new squad is being formed. The piece sounds interesting, but I have a technical problem; Clones are grown in the tanks, true. But why would they be in them after gestation? I doubt you could halt the process without severe repercussions. A doctor can delay a delivery of a baby, but only when the fetus is still premature. Welcome to the forum Freedom Writer Imperial Era: a spy builds his sister’s dream A recent competitor and tie winner for this month’s contest in Javyar’s Cantina, I always know it’s going to be a pretty good ride when Writer shows up. The story is dark enough that you wonder exactly what is happening. He is accused by the police of murdering his sister, but we never got a resolution for that. His actions suggest otherwise. Technical note: The construction was odd, primarily because you’re building a brand new ship here. To build it to schematics, you would need things like engine output already factored in, making the argument about the engine specious. With the technology of today, this is like building an F22 Raptor in your garage. Can it be done? Sure. It might take the four months Katlyn asked for. Also parts cost more when it’s a once off instead of a production model. Part of the reason for the massive amounts paid for modern aircraft is the fact that there aren’t a lot of them made. A Sten gun at the end of the war cost 9 dollars to produce, a P51, 12,000 dollars. Compare that to the price tag on the new Joint Strike Fighter. The ship probably cost about a quarter of that 6 billion paid. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Exile Infinite Ardency Exile499 TSL on Korriban: The Exile discovers part of herself in the tomb… You missed putting in words in some places, ‘I backed away from the body and returned course.’ for example probably needs ‘to my’. The piece is interesting in that some of the flashbacks are of those dead from KOTOR instead. The tomb was merely the one room, but that one was an interesting take on the scene. Light Side Male Exile The Holocron Confessions: In the Beginning TheJediSentinel Beginning pre-KOTOR: Let’s look at the diary… The piece is light and bubbly, bringing with it the breath of youth. It would be interesting to follow. Dark Side Female Revan Before the Long Night Darth Balatro 3 Years Post KOTOR: As Revan’s fleet comes against Coruscant, two old lovers now rivals say their last goodbyes. The piece is so rich in malevolence, it is like 90% chocolate; no sweetness remaining, only the bitter taste. The litany of what Revan had done to attain the Star Forge again is deep and dark, and the worry that she doesn’t feel anything any more bothers her even if she wins. Pick of the Week. Fire and Ice Lady Tragic Post TSL: The final confrontation between Revan and the Exile. The story was well laid out, though as another commented the long drawn out verbal sparring could have been reduced. The fight, and what is called the ‘dead man’s ten seconds’ ending was perfect. I had to agree with Revan’s final assessment. It would have been hell if Revan won, but would it be any better with the Exile in charge instead? Pick of the Week Fire in the Crucible Ghando Pre-KOTOR: The soon to be Exile escapes from Revan to return and face judgment. The work needs polishing and rereading. There were a number of times you used the wrong words; I think you meant detestation or contempt instead of detest . Week instead of weak, that kind of thing. This caused the read to be a little bumpy. All in all a good work, but remember to edit next time. Breathing Joysweeper Pre KOTOR: Revan suffers a near death experience. The piece was a lot of fun. Revan contemplating being a ghost, expecting to wait patiently for Malak to finally notice, Bastila using CPR and wondering why her patient won’t breathe, because she herself is holding her breath, considering capture and interrogation. All of it stuffed into the work Pick of the Week Switching Alliances Jedi-Kari Post KOTOR: With a new plan to woo her love back to her, Darth Revan heads for Telos The piece seemed a bit rushed to me. Having the girl they had kidnapped learn three saber forms in the flight to the ship was a bit much. I did like Revan’s flippant attitude toward her ship’s damage. Technical Note: It is unlikely that Citadel Station had been constructed yet. Working to restore the planet would be important, but by the same token military necessity would preclude anything beyond planning until the threat from the Sith had been reduced or ended. Turned to My Cause Aster Corbett Post-KOTOR: Revan has Carth where she wants him in more ways than one. I thoroughly enjoyed this work. The first person I have seen who treats Revan’s desires for Carth as something to attain. She did use her power of the dark, not to torment him, but to change his mind literally. I am still bothered by him wanting power, since power is ephemeral. Mere loyalty should have been enough. But it didn’t detract from the end product. Pick of the Week I'll Never Let You Die Satiar KOTOR Aboard Leviathan: Revan tries to get her two wishes in life fulfilled. The piece was a confusing chiaroscuro almost like an Escher painting. Revan’s mind whiplashes from point to point. It was confusing, it was irritating, it was still good enough to read all the way through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Writer Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Thanks for the technical notes, Mach. I figured Kat's estimate for completion time was far more accurate than the rushed deadline Slade requested. I also figured that Elias Bord could make things happen at a faster pace, especially with part of six billion credits, plus his own money to throw around. I never explained him very much either, but he and Slade have had some interesting adventures together, which is why Elias is so unwilling to work with him... unless there's an insane amount of money involved. This was sort of intended as a continuation to my other story, "Conspiracy, Betrayal, Destiny", but the only reason that's remotely evident is the inclusion of Slade. I think I'll have to write a lot more to solidify that link, plus what happens after the construction of the Freedom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 19, 2010 Author Share Posted March 19, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center The Rise and Fall of the HK Units Holty1-5 Twelve years after Malachor V It’s scrap (junk) not scarp (Steep slope), may, not my, thrilled not trilled. The second inside in ‘Ramos inside several of the Biggest Lords of Sleheyron were inside discussing’ should be removed. The piece is pretty good, considering what I tagged above. The killing of Kan’oka made perfect sense, after all he was told to kill the entire Family. But laying the blame for his ethics program on Ganoka did not make sense. More likely it had been removed by Revan. kotorfanmedia Light Side Male Revan It's Traditional TheJediSentinel Post KOTOR: It seems everything is linked to tradition. The piece was funny, crisp, and hilarious. Having Bastila get into a dither because of her mother’s question and misapprehending it was choice. That and the sleeping arrangements. Like another reviewer, I’m waiting to see what the next bet will be. Pick of the Week Dark Side Female Revan Bondage Satiar KOTOR on Korriban: She says it’s all for love… The piece is so dark, you almost need a flashlight. The explanation of how long Lord Revan has been inside her own head after they supposedly wiped her mind explains a lot about what is happening. Her torture of Bastila is interesting in that she brought as many supplies as she thought she would need, and was correct in that assumption. This suggests she has used the method before and timed it out just right. Chilling. Pick of the Week The Kath Hounds (One of Three) Satiar Pre KOTOR: Revan tries to deal with her own sinking into madness, and Bastila as an opponent The piece is almost clinical in how the author dissects Revan’s mind. Her injuries at Mandalorian hands, her anger at being beaten by a girl who now is being touted as the ‘good’ Revan’s reincarnation, all mixes with terror that the Star Forge is driving her further into madness. Pick of the Week The Corporal's Destiny Satiar Pre KOTOR: The capture of Revan seen from another view. The piece is good with all the frenetic action you would expect from real combat. The scene parallels the way my own Revan became who she was, but in such a way I wish I had considered using it myself. Pick of the Week Goodbye PrincessJaden KOTOR on the Star Forge: Only one remains The piece was a surprise at the end. Her last chance at redemption ends with a whimper and now there is nothing. Holding On part 1 TehRyder KOTOR aboard the Ebon Hawk: Maybe he can help, if she will let him. The piece is quiet and introspective. We get a good look at the thoughts of Carth, and how they revolve around Revan. The little snippet of her supposed life reveals why she is so efficient in her reactions. King Nothing Lord Zeuss Pre KOTOR: Jaq has to escape his new fate The piece is well written, with an eye to the intelligence side of operations. There were some words that needed to be changed, faced instead of face, but nothing an edit would not cure. His escape was well done, convincing them long enough to get free. Technical note: A garrote wire would slice through your hands as easily as it would a neck, and even using leather padding, it would hurt. That is why it has handles. It would also is not long enough to catch two men unless they were standing back to back. Gone Tanuviel KOTOR on the unknown Planet: The Fall of Revan seen through the eyes of her last victims The piece is a collage of the crew as they witness Revan’s second fall. The last thoughts in a number of them show shining courage, love, and fury What if? NyghtRaven Pre KOTOR: One little change and the world is different The scene is the one remembered in flashbacks, Revan facing the Jedi on her ship, then the Leviathan fires… But what if Revan had not been struck down right then? The piece is simple, almost minimalist, but show what happens with a smooth glide. Only Malak coming to his death like a sacrificial lamb did not feel right. Pick of the Week Rainy Days and Bloodlust NyghtRaven Pre KOTOR: Even Revan can have a bad day The piece is interesting in that instead of seeing her as a monolithic figure, we see Revan almost as a petulant child frustrated with the weather and wanting to hurt something or someone. The two who die were dispatched with all the emotion of a child ripping the wings off of a fly, and the boredom returns just as fast. Pick of the Week Listen to the Stars NyghtRaven Pre KOTOR: Even as a child, there had always been the stars. The story sweeps from childhood until the finding of the Star Forge, and every step of the way, only the stars were constant. Revan changes so incrementally that she is like the portrait of Dorian Gray, the darkness creeping in until now she shows the evil. Yet in there is still that little girl listening to the stars. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holty1-5 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 The piece is pretty good, considering what I tagged above. The killing of Kan’oka made perfect sense, after all he was told to kill the entire Family. But laying the blame for his ethics program on Ganoka did not make sense. More likely it had been removed by Revan . Thanks i was trying to figure out a better way to explain HK programming being removed, I thought of the Idea as i thought Hutts wouldnt be very good with technology still thanks for the nice review Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 To anyone interested; kotorfanmedia had been shut down due to their rental expiring on the18th. With the ennui I find scant works to review. If anyone has additional sites to add to our list, kindly let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaffaCoffee Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 To anyone interested; kotorfanmedia had been shut down due to their rental expiring on the18th. With the ennui I find scant works to review. If anyone has additional sites to add to our list, kindly let me know. To quote the immortal words of Luke Skywalker, “I care.” I want to thank you, Machievelli, for all your years of reviews and recommendations. I've been reading your reviews at starwarsknights.com each Friday during lunch, and am very sad to see kotorfanmedia.com disappear. I was a member at the site for several years, and only recently have had time to start posting reviews there. I was following it even at the previous site, kotorfanfic.com, but I suppose this is the way of things, especially on the internet. I am at least glad to have been able to read the conclusion to Prisoner24601's story of Minuet Avery, and her stories co-written with Dinah Lance, before the site went dark; this was probably the first fanfic I ever read, and I suppose there is a symmetry to it being one of the last at the site. There appears to be another, separate, site of old republic fanfic, old-republic.com/fanfiction/ , but I haven't had a chance to look at any of the stories, let alone make a recommendation. Regardless, thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 To quote the immortal words of Luke Skywalker, “I care.” I want to thank you, Machievelli, for all your years of reviews and recommendations. I've been reading your reviews at starwarsknights.com each Friday during lunch, and am very sad to see kotorfanmedia.com disappear. I was a member at the site for several years, and only recently have had time to start posting reviews there. I was following it even at the previous site, kotorfanfic.com, but I suppose this is the way of things, especially on the internet. I am at least glad to have been able to read the conclusion to Prisoner24601's story of Minuet Avery, and her stories co-written with Dinah Lance, before the site went dark; this was probably the first fanfic I ever read, and I suppose there is a symmetry to it being one of the last at the site. There appears to be another, separate, site of old republic fanfic, old-republic.com/fanfiction/ , but I haven't had a chance to look at any of the stories, let alone make a recommendation. Regardless, thank you! Thank you for bothering to reply. I had not lost hope, but I did worry. Maybe someone of our mods has connections over there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 There are other SW based forums here, but I am an old man who doesn’t have enough hours in the day to check every thread in every forum on each site to try to find some things to review. I had asked our mods to talk to their mods, do lunch, and see if we could combine all the stories in one place, but so far I have heard nothing back. So with kotorfanmedia either in limbo or last, this is what I have this week. The True War exoduz Post TSL: Revan, the Exile, and their combined teams go into the final battle. It’s Corporal, not copereal, Sith, not Sithian, shocked not volted. The piece is as confusing as a real battle, but far too short to even have two chapters as yet. the force unleashed 2:fatal assasin exoduz An undetermined time after KOTOR: A prisoner is given a second chance The word assailant was improperly used. What you are asking is that your character beat up the Jedi Council. Enough people have ragged on you that I see no further need to comment. the life of darth revan exoduz Post TSL: Mical studies the life of Revan The piece is far too short. As an example, I would be able to find out a lot more than this about someone like the obscure Otto Skorzeny in just a few hours of Internet surfing. You portray the later Exile all most as a thug. It’s unlikely he would have been more than apprentice with an attitude like that. My English Assignment (Historical Fiction) VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED Te Darasuum Mandalor Non SW Fiction: A man sets out on his last voyage The sentence For I long I was back home in Plymouth is confusing It would be better as ’How I long to be back home in Plymouth’. It’s ‘in (the) Starlight Tavern’. You’re mixing Star Trek with history. Cook’s middle name was not Tiberius, but Kirk’s was. Technical note: Since England and America were not at war in the 1820s, a ship taking one of their ships would not be a privateer, it would be a pirate. Also, the idea of ransom for prisoners had gone out of vogue five centuries earlier. On the military discipline level, the comment by one of the sailors to the captain was a flogging offense, even if it had been a merchant vessel rather than a warship. Not showing proper respect (saluting) is defined as showing lack of respect to an officer. Again, a flogging offense, as is a common sailor calling an officer despicable. Why do you think you hear ‘with all due respect’ or ‘request permission to speak freely’ when Military officers decide to question a senior officer’s judgment? It limit’s the official animosity. You do show one flogging, but the standard is 15, not four, and the punishment is carried out not by the marines, but by the ship’s master at arms or one of the mates. They would also use one of the hatch grates, not a mast. The distance from the Cape of Good Hope is far shorter than via Cape Horn, and steam ships of that era were still full masted ships, meaning they would be in just as much danger as a full-rigged naval vessel. Hurricane begin along the equator, not at almost 70 degree south latitude. The piece was a good read all of the above notwithstanding. These are errors only in timing and lack of experience in the times you were portraying, and knowledge of geography. I will expect better in the future. the adventures of major galorda exoduz Pre KOTOR: The rise of a warrior Beyond it being too short, most of the comments I have are technical. Technical notes. The time is too short for a mere PFC to move from that rank to Major. You have the equivalent of Audie Murphy rising like a meteor through the ranks. In the Two odd years (The same time you have for Galorda to have served) Murphy went from Corporal to 1st Lieutenant, three ranks junior. Having a private give orders to someone who would probably have been a junior lieutenant (Carth) and have them obeyed does not make a whole lot of sense. To have him jump that many ranks is a bit much since Murphy after his first campaign only gained the rank of Corporal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryl00 Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 To anyone interested; kotorfanmedia had been shut down due to their rental expiring on the18th. With the ennui I find scant works to review. If anyone has additional sites to add to our list, kindly let me know. What about http://www.fanfiction.net? There's a pretty strong Star Wars presence in both the Movies and Games categories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 Thanks, I will check them out. What I would like really is for all of the mods from the other SW forums here to get together and send their fictional works over here, or at least link them as the Mods here have done so I am notified when something new is posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthMuffin Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I faintly remember kotorfanmedia temporarily going down in such a manner a few years ago (or perhaps that was when they did they kotorfanfic->media change?), so I dare keep my hopes up for a while. I actually came here just now to see if anyone knew a moderator or administrator over there, it would be nice to have some answers. It's a shame because there were tons of high-quality fictions on that site, and it was still reasonably active. More on-topic, I know some people from kotorfanmedia also uploaded their works on fanfiction.net, so perhaps traffic will redirect there should kotorfanmedia truly snuffs it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaffaCoffee Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Thanks, I will check them out. What I would like really is for all of the mods from the other SW forums here to get together and send their fictional works over here, or at least link them as the Mods here have done so I am notified when something new is posted. I'm glad someone beat me to the punch - yes, there are several stories at fanfiction.net that are either continuations, or duplicates of the stories on kotorfanmedia (or in some cases the older kotorfanfic) site, or are new works altogether. A few of my favorites are: The Prodigal Saga and its prequel, Shadowlands, by Strict31: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/778155/ The Minuet Avery Revan stories by Prisoner 24601 and Dinah Lance: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/561214/ and vice-versa: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/795906/Dinah_Lance and Fractured Souls by Rhyska Nevar http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3050696/1/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthMuffin Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Old one from the kotorfanfic era: Revenant by Hobnob-rev. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 Well last week I wasn’t sure what I would be doing. Kotorfanmedia seems to be dead, and you guys have been less than prolific here at LF. I had put out feelers to the mods in the other SW based forums here, but have only received a reply today. I put a call out on the column here and Ryl00, Darth Muffin, and KaffaCoffee all suggested the same thing; Fanfiction.net , which has a lot of stuff which is good. So today for the first time, your critic brings reviews from there. There Is No Passion, There is Love Madison Desdemona KOTOR on Korriban: Finding love is hard work Some problems with homonyms, an editing problem, nothing more. The piece is short and interesting. The interplay of what they are doing and thinking is very well portrayed. As much as Bastila wants to deny it, sleeping in his arms says as much about how she feels as she is denying. Things Left Behind Jest'lyn Tal KOTOR aboard Star Forge: With the climactic confrontation over, Revan can be at peace, or can she? The author says this is the first fan fic, but wow! It is like the end of my own KOTOR novel, a weary Revan wanting now only to go to rest. The end surprised me only in that there is someone still there. Pick of the Week. Knights of the Old Republic: Tabula Rasa WysdomsGirl KOTOR enroute to Manaan: Revan and Carth deal with the revelation of her past. There is a little box here that tells you how many stories an author has posted. WysdomsGirl only has one. A pity. I would have loved to see more of this author’s work. The piece rips into the façade created by the Jedi council, reduces it to shreds, and still isn’t enough to fight the pain. Having Carth accept her so readily is a bit much, but knowing how much they had gone through up to this point his volte face when he discovered she was Revan was a bit over the top too. Pick of the Week Old Friends and New Beginnings Araceli Post KOTOR: Revan needs saving, and Carth is just the one to do it. Bared(stripped) should be bore. An editing problem The story covers what few others have. Would the Council fight so hard to end their relationship? And if they did, how far would it push these two characters? An excellent read. Star Wars Galaxies: Mythril Crisis Andrin Star Wars Galaxies: Life and time in Mos Eisley You tend to use homonyms, butt (Water barrel) instead of but (Instead). You also have run on paragraphs. The first assignment you have them on runs through what should be four paragraphs. Remember; a sentence is an idea, a paragraph is that idea converted into written form. When the idea changes, another paragraph should be created. There are times when you forgot to complete words. You also tend to drone on. Time passes, but it doesn’t really move. All the above are editing problems. Remember to reread your work, edit it, then rewrite it. This makes a story smoother. The smoother it is, the easier it is to read; the more fun it is for the reader. Ever After Reign KOTOR after the Star Forge: Two of our heroes wonder what will happen next. The piece is slow and contemplative. They know they cannot go back to what had been, but are unsure of the future. But there is hope there. Cumulus Daeana KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The hero watches what will happen with faint amusement. The piece is a generic retelling of the fight aboard the ship. There isn’t much beyond that except for a satirical mental sidebar. Calling Trask a walking tutorial Which when you think of it, is exactly what he is. Remembrance: Trapped Risokura Post KOTOR: Revan struggles inside her own mind with what might have been, and who she had been before. The piece is interesting in that even though the battle has been one and the character redeemed, she still dwells on what might have been. Killing Bastila when the truth was revealed, losing to Malak on the Star Forge, and at the same time clings to the one thing in the universe that appears constant. Revelation: Daybreak Risokura Post KOTOR: Revan struggles through post traumatic stress, dreaming of the past, and worried about the future. You forgot some words. ‘I touched my I crying’ is just the first example. The primary problem I believe is lack of editing. Remember to reread, edit and rewrite. Should be infirmary. An interesting take on Revan, not the stark warrior or the perfect Jedi. Rather the woman who is having nightmares of what had happened, and yearning toward that golden past before she had gone to war. Revelation ottgeekgirl Post KOTOR: As Revan’s memories return, she sees what she had been more clearly. The piece just flows through, without a ripple. The scenes are well laid out, though the jump from the Enclave to the ship, then back again is a bit abrupt. Well done. Under Immune Arrow Post KOTOR: Being sick is no fun This is a light hearted little piece, with Revan being the petulant sick little girl who won’t admit it. I noted the comments about misspellings, I just wish I had read it early enough to see them. Pick of the Week Ties That Bond Arrow Pre KOTOR: Malak and Revan meet and become friende This line, ‘Calling upon the code at times of indiscretion warrants greatly’ confused me. It should be quite, not quiet. The piece is fun because we rarely see this part of their lives. Revan before she is ten, Malak unsure of what he must do, sure, Revan is just proving herself better. The end is preordained, but well wrought. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center the exploits of canderous ordo Exoduz Post TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk: Canderous rambling on The remarks by Holty were well considered. You haven’t given us a whole lot in this ‘chapter’. Canderous comes across as an old man with a wandering mind. Fanfiction.net From the Ashes Prisoner24601 KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The scenes in the flash-back are well laid out, both Min and Carth think the same things about the same two people in an amusing manner. The combat scenes were sheer blackness and howling terror. As good as anything I have seen from this author, and I only wish the other stuff I reviewed over at kotorfanmedia was still accessible. Pick of the Week Resolution: Bound Risokura Post KOTOR: Sequel to Revelation: Daybreak, the ship arrives at Coruscant. Awkward sentence structure; ‘long hair brought out (the) more of the features of my face’ the word in parentheses was unnecessary. You also forgot a conversation break. Improper word usage, common instead of come on, were instead of we’re. the problems mentioned are merely editing problems. Remember to reread and rewrite. The piece is well done, with the flashbacks maybe Malak communicating, maybe just her memory returning. The little girl we see is a handful, and we never saw Revan as a prankster in the game. We get more depth in the child and the friend she had been. A Step Away Icey Cold KOTOR after the Star Forge: The Council has decided, but what does she really want? be atoned should merely be atone. The piece flows well, the sand castle building a good metaphor for her own thoughts. She still sees herself dying gloriously, but is the sea her own memories or the Council’s machinations? Pick of the Week The Greatest Literary Masterpiece of All Time Nick Flavor No specific time: An incoherent burst of fun The piece had little rhyme, and almost no rhythm. The main character is both an 18 year old girl, and someone’s pet dog somehow. Go figure, that was the most sensible sentence in the entire work. Admittedly it was funny, but I am a bit of a canon Nazi and ‘a long time a go, in a galaxy far, far away’ keeps ringing when I read this. It was cute, light totally clueless, and vaguely disturbing. The Way Home Light Side A KotOR FanFic Ploobywoo KOTOR After the Star Forge: Revan and Carth think about what will come. The piece is fun in it’s own way. Revan still trying to deal with the aftermath, Carth trying to hold her together. Having Jolee sticking his head in occasionally as if nothing of importance is happening is like a little streak of chocolate in a mint. The main characters are to busy being together to plan much. A fun read. The Way Home (Dark Side Redemption) Ploobywoo KOTOR aboard Star Forge: As the end draws near, two lovers hold each other I was stunned by this one. After reading it’s light side counterpart, I expected this one to be even darker, but the author surprised me. Carth being willing to die rather than have her use the dark side to save him wasn’t the surprise, it was that with him dying, she felt the place to be was where she was. The end was preordained, and I applaud it. Pick of the Week Vader's Rebellion Purely KOTOR on Lehon: The second fall of Revan Only prequel, I’m not sure what i think yet. I’ll have the read the rest before I make a decision. SW KotOR: Past, Present, and Future Jayel Kenobi KOTOR after the Star Forge: The battle is over. What now? The piece is good because the events are so striking. As much as we believe ‘and they all live happily ever after’, the characters still have things they must deal with. The author’s Revan knows this, and worries herself into a frazzle. Unfortunately the author only wrote the one piece, so we’re left hanging. A Lost Love Ploobywoo Post KOTOR: Carth has to deal with his love being gone, perhaps forever The piece is interesting in that Carth now faces what his own wife had dealt with. Her love going into a war where he may never return. A poignant reversal that has him, like his wife, wanting to scream. Pick of the Week Darkness, Light and the Ever Present Truths Icey Cold Post KOTOR: Can they maintain a relationship? The piece flowed well, and I was enjoying the banter. I had an idea who the woman was before it was revealed, but maybe it was just me hoping that someone you just happened to meet in a bar could analyze the problem and fix it because they weren’t part of it. The end was sublime. Pick of the Week Quirks, Similarities and Differences Icey Cold PostKOTOR: Trying to settle in together It was interesting for them to still be on the Ebon Hawk considering what we had been told of their present mission. The relationship is moving, but they both have their little quirks, and Revan can’t keep from teasing him. The ending was choice, primarily because she does give a reason for staying there instead of their suite, and a perfectly good one too. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner_24601 Posted April 13, 2010 Share Posted April 13, 2010 Hey Machievelli, Just wanted to let you know that KFM is back up with a new domain name at: http://kotorfanmedia.net/ We had problems with our domain name (namely that the moderator that had all of the info about it was long gone and we couldn't get in contact with her). So we've moved the site until it can be resolved. Also, stay tuned as the site will probably be expanding in the near future. If you could help us spread the word about our new home, I'd be grateful. Thanks for all of your hard work and the reviews for our readers. I know it means a lot to them. -Prisoner24601 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 Darkest Dreams Hope Estheim Non-SW Fiction: A person witnesses a ritual, and becomes part of it Remember to edit. You used hearth instead of earth, an easily typed accident that would pass a spell check but not rereading. The piece is short, disturbing, and abrupt. The last I say because it seems more like a prologue than a story. The Chronicles of Morbius None223 Within a decade of Darth Bane: A boy finds his family slaughtered Re-reviewed at the Author’s request Donned means put on, not wearing. You mentioned mines to be sensed, but there was no mention of the boy seeing them. equip means to install, but equipped would have been correct. The piece is moving forward, though you got a bit pedantic about describing the ship. There is little explanation of who has taken him and why. Beyond the fact that it is a man, there is no description of the captain, and almost no character development at all. When you’re working with a well known character, You can just say that he is there and does something. If you say Chewbacca, I don’t need a description. But if Chewie meets someone, I need to know more than that. Fanfiction.net In My Head Siren's Muse TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk; At least he thinks about her sometimes… The piece is interesting because the one think she hopes is happening, Atton thinking of her, is. It’s a simple wish, and one she gets fulfilled, even as she wins the game. The Sith Diaries Kosiah Post-KOTOR: The Diaries of Revan’s journey The paired words swear vow are repetitive. Each means the same thing. The piece sorta snuck up on me. I considered maybe the character was dumb as a post, then I realized when trying to have food delivered from the hotel, that Revan was completely clueless. She came across as a stereotypical dumb blond and the intelligence didn’t increase when the Exile joins her on her solitary quest (Except for the Exile, of course) Very amusing If Only Trevor X KOTOR On the Star Forge: After succeeding in defeating Malak, Revan feels only regret The piece is short, but has a lot of impact. As they flee the station, Revan isn’t thinking of victory, he’s thinking of all the lives lost because of him, including his friend. Very moving. The Price of Power ReforgedGaara Spanning KOTOR to the Legacy of the Force: An ageless Sith contemplates his next move The piece is a bit confusing, because this bad guy has been there to defeat every major good guy or bad guy since Revan. As an intro it’s intriguing. Discipline Icey Cold TSL enroute to Onderon: The Exile remembers the year before she and the Jedi went to war The piece is fun because you get to see an as yet unscarred Exile. Her reactions parallel so many others created by the authors in the fan fiction because she cannot ignore the plight of the people being killed, and does not understand why the council refuses to act. The idea that Revan intentionally broke the bond between them is a foretaste of what is to come. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia Spring Rain SmileMandalore Pre KOTOR on Telos: The death of Morgana, and the birth of Carth’s hate. Rammed with should be slammed into or slammed down on. Ram implies to the mind a lateral motion. The piece is interesting because it’s the first I have seen so far of the woman’s actual last moments. It was good, though I feel Carth overreacted. An Apt Pupil AthenaPrime TSL on Malachor V: A twist on an Atton/Disciple death match The piece is chilling. The fight short and sweet. The Disciple’s monologue at the end is choice. Pick of the Week The Legacy Co-written by Delerius_Jedi and Prisoner24601 TSL on Dantooine: A suitable revenge As the old saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions; here we see what the Jedi Council wrought with their decision. The piece is so dark, you almost need a flashlight to get through. The idea that in her mind the Exile went to the dark because she had lost everything in her life was not enough, the authors had to drive it home to Vrook in this manner was even better. Waste Management Winter Onasi TSL on Dxun: The other two men in her life decide to get rid of Atton The piece was so dark and twisted I understand why one commenter said they wouldn’t read it at night. The end was so choice. After all, they’re all of the dark side, right? Pick of the Week Atton’s Sacrifice MandalorianJedi TSL on Malachor V: With the Exile dead, Atton admits his love for… The build up was well done, just a typical Atton vs Disciple from the look of it. The end was a surprise twist. Well, whatever floats your boat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope Estheim Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 LMFAO! My mom said the same thing. ._. (well... not about the prologue part... but she said it was disturbing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan Who do you turn to? PersephoneWatching KOTOR after Leviathan: How do you cope with the truth? The piece is short, the subject obvious, but I have to agree with the author’s comment that the game did not go into the angst of this revelation. I myself spent an entire chapter just on her dealing with it personally. Dark Side Female Exile The day she returned Pimp3dout335 TSL on Onderon: The Exile faces Kavar, the man she once loved, for the last time. The piece is stark and cold. Her mocking exchange with him at the last is the prefect foil. Pick of the week End of a mind Darth Jedi Master TSL after Malachor V: Atton’s mind is shredded by the one he loves. The piece is nightmarish; not surprising since it is a nightmare. Atton is brutally reduced to nothing, and returns from the dream as what he had been before. Blood Memories Chapter 1: Worries and a Needle Imaginary Fiend Ten Years Post KOTOR: The Exile is up to something… The start, raising two Jedi kids of their own seems to have run Carth and Bastila ragged. Mission now head of Covert ops was a bit of a stretch, though her comment, that she could leap through a window onto a swoop and escape if she were paid enough was choice. The author says the first line will explain everything… I am intrigued, and wish I could read it all. But I do not have the time. Now if the author would say, send it all to me in an email…? Pick of the Week Activation Rotgutt Mandalorian Wars at Malachor V: The Exile pushes the button. The piece was curious. Why is her hand wrinkled with age? None of the pictures used show anyone beyond perhaps their early 30s. For a moment I considered that it might be Kreia who had done it, Mical's Awakening Knight of the Word Post TSL: As Mical flees the Exile, he remembers his last sight of the Exile before the war. The piece is interesting because we get to see the Exile before she had left, still a strong knight ready to do what must be done. Of all people it was Revan who suggested the boy avoid the Exile, and his words proved prescient. Canon Note: According to the Wookiepedia, After the Great Sith War (War of Exar Kun, 30-odd years earlier) Nomi Sunrider had been made head of the Council. So how could the Council have forcibly retired her? Besides her daughter would have been in her mid forties, early fifties. Why discard two Jedi because of this disagreement? Pick of the week Fanfiction.net The Battle for Rhen Var Hegemon33594 Star Wars After Hoth; No plan survives contact with the enemy… The piece has a classic of guerilla warfare, two units facing each other, on the rebels, the other, the bad guys. But are they bad guys? I wonder how many will be killed before they realize they are actually on the same side? Griff's Mission Xik Spader KOTOR after Tatooine: Griff tries to make an easy credit, again The piece is about one of my least favorite characters, he’s right up there with Jar-Jar in being behind the door when brains were given out. You can’t see him as a leg breaker sent out by a mob boss, and the entire argument with the Selkath he’s supposed to collect from was just too choice for words. It makes me wonder if the Hutt just wanted to rid himself of the troublesome Twi-lek. Battlefront Doomgiver SW During ANH: Based on the Battlefront game, A series of battles across the galaxy. The piece is incoherent, the characters cardboard, and unreal. Even the narrator is just a voice describing the scene and little more. First, slow down, as much as a movie shoves and drags you forward to the conclusion, a reader is not so easily led. The mind must create the screen the drama plays upon, and cannot leap from place to place as readily as a camera lens. Give us more than just names and weapons, to quote from Laurell K Hamilton, a person is more than the job he does. A reader must invest emotional reaction in a character, or his death is a counter like the one you kept referring to. With X amount of Rebel troops and X number of stormies. If there is no investment, there is no feeling. Awe of She Mip the Happy TSL After Malachor V: Two of the crew members reminisce in their minds about some of what they have experienced on their journey. The scenes flow, but they feel a bit rough. The phrasing is stilted, and the character’s voices are too close to one another to keep them apart if you did not read the chapter head. My suggestion is to re-read, edit, and rewrite. Let the scenes flow, don’t drag them from place to place. Remnants Jest'lyn Tal I do not have time to read and review a full length novel, so I read the first three sections, and reviewed them. The scenes are well laid out, but feel artificial, like knowing that bulkhead is really a sheet of plastic attached to two by fours. It didn’t feel quite right. You did have some homonym problems, such as it is you make do, not due. Every fault I see with the work is a matter of editing. Technical: Aboard ships you do not use the descriptions you would on land. Check out the article I wrote; Ship nomenclature, or; It's not a door, it's a hatch blast it! over at Lucasforums, and you’ll see what I mean. All in all a good read, I am still at the calm before the storm point, but worth a look. Pazaak FoxFire1 Post TSL: Though they are far apart, Atton and the Exile can still while away the time together. The piece started out a bit sluggish, Atton now undercover, the Exile far away, but having her flip a card from that distance, having him react as if this is normal, was beautiful Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Vader Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 Technical note: Read my article in the Expert’s forum regarding military unit sizes. I don’t think the Mandalorian upper echelon would be bothered by a dozen Jedi, since that is what a squad implies. Thanks. Also, english is not my native language, so please understand that at least you get the idea of the story. I shall try and make no further mistakes in the storys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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