FanFic Help

[zelda 41]

ATTENTION: I need help making a new ( and not suckish) fanfic. All ideas and suggestions would be great. Don't make ideas that sound like the last god-alfull one I wrote.

[Smon]

Keep the fanfic to one thread and it will do much better.

[zelda 41]

Well, I read a lot. But, when it comes to grammer, I suck. Okay, thanks.

[Klia]

Well, I read a lot. But, when it comes to grammer, I suck. Okay, thanks.

 

First rule. Stop saying you suck. That's not true and it doesn't help anything.

 

Now, we can't come up with ideas for you. You could make this thread a place to dump ideas.

 

Also, you're last fanfic had a great premise, but the delivery was not so great. If you need help on grammer I'm sure I could dig out some of my old English books and help you out.

[Anglana-Pheonix]

Try and have a solid plot and make the chapters longer and together. That is the advice I am going to say.

[shinzuku]

Commonly used ideas: Chibis, au, journeying into the past, get togethers, crossovers, ect.

[pyrohappygirl]

Crossovers are always good, if executed well. Also, mock crazy pairings go down well if you do them right, and don't take it too far. I did wonders with a Sasha-brain tumbler segment of a fan fiction.

[DarthAve]

1. don't make slash. Cheez will kill you.

2. If you're making a paring, make it logical. No more Milla/Raz or Sasha/Lili.

3. Try somthing fresh! We've had enough Milla\Sashas. Why not a Milka/Elton or a Bobby\Chloe?

[Mashi An'krekku]

2) Take your time with each chapter. Give each section of dialogue plenty of thought. And make your chapters longer. You don't have to update every day. My favorite Psychonauts fanfiction writer out there, Alistair2410, updates only once every week. So don't rush through your chapters.

For me, the prologue to my story has taken me 11 months to plan. And I still haven't written that memorable first passage.

And there were times I wrote out a few scenes and ended up hating how it went so I have to rewrite it. And that other time when the girl's hangout was originally a webtoon-themed cafe owned by my friend and her boyfriend at the time, but then they broke up so it became a bubble tea place that a small group of my friends own.

Storywriting can be a pain in the ass sometimes, if you're me. But you're not me, so it probably isn't.

[DarthAve]

For me, the prologue to my story has taken me 11 months to plan. And I still haven't written that memorable first passage.

And there were times I wrote out a few scenes and ended up hating how it went so I have to rewrite it. And that other time when the girl's hangout was originally a webtoon-themed cafe owned by my friend and her boyfriend at the time, but then they broke up so it became a bubble tea place that a small group of my friends own.

Storywriting can be a pain in the ass sometimes, if you're me. But you're not me, so it probably isn't.

Mashi, you can stop writing fanfiction for all I care. That 'Lili the pirate" story is enough for me. "Delishious purple grapiness." is all Darth needs.

[pyrohappygirl]

I go on music. Listen to music, and all shall be revealed.

[DarthAve]

I go on music. Listen to music, and all shall be revealed.

Yeah, title your fanfiction after a song. I'm currently working on a fanfic called "Bohemian Rhapsody" where everyone is camp at least says one line from Bohemian Rhapsody. I'll post it on the official fanfiction thread.

[Mashi An'krekku]

Mashi, you can stop writing fanfiction for all I care. That 'Lili the pirate" story is enough for me. "Delishious purple grapiness." is all Darth needs.

Yeah, I need to get to work on that...

And Dinner Parties Make Great Crime Scenes (AKA almost a ripoff of a Bonus Stage episode without any of the actual lines) because Vernon Goes Platinum got canned. And then there's Doppleganger Daughter...

Dammit, I'll never get to work on my first idea! I feel I made a bunch of awesome anthro characters, like a succubus and an onery crazy freaky bunny, for nothing!

[DarthAve]

Well, I wrote my Bohemian Rhapsody fanfic, and everyone who has read it was all "OMG!! THAT IS THE SHIZAT!"

 

raise the roof.

 

So here's some advice. Write somthing about somthing everyone loves. Like pie, who doesn't love pie?

[pyrohappygirl]

The g-men wife-stealers. They would hate pie that the other g-man cooks. There are no wife-stealing g-men in the game, but they were just lurking in the dark, inaccessable places for dark

[DarthAve]

We used to talk about g-man swingers. Them and their Rainbow Hoes.

[pyrohappygirl]

Dang rainbow hoes. They shall ruin us all. Anyway, back to fanfiction. Here is a story of mine that is yet to go up on fanfiction.net. It's only part done, so here goes.

 

The bus was hot and stuffy, and everyone was sweating. The sweltering summer heat burned the children’s heads and nearly everyone had taken their shoes off. Sasha groaned. He had been forced by Milla and Oleander to look after the kids on the bus. It was too much for him. Sasha suddenly remembered something. His lab had been revamped over the spring, and now he had the expensive, fancy brain tumbler that he had always wanted. Sasha grinned, before shouting at Bobby to stop setting Nils on fire.

 

Raz stared out at the road, watching for the bus to Whispering Rock. He had gone on numerous missions in the past year, including rescuing Truman Zanotto. And now he was tired. The acts at the circus that he performed were getting more and more difficult, but now he could use his psychic powers to do amazing stunts, and everyone loved him.

 

Cerice hid behind a tree, looking at Raz’s back. She had snuck out of her house late at night to get there, and she wasn’t giving up now. It had been difficult to figure out the route of the bus, but she had managed it. Following the Aquato family circus, she had made it to the buses final stop. She grinned evilly. Whispering Rock wouldn’t know what hit it…

 

Sasha looked out the window and heard cheerful music coming from around the corner. A familiar boy was standing in front of the Circus, grinning cheerfully. Sasha saw that Raz had grown a lot since their mission in Bangkok, and he had grown for the better. Raz was now taller, and had reasonably muscular arms as a result of all the acrobatics he was doing. Behind Raz, Sasha saw a figure one might call a Goth. She had long, slightly frizzy ginger hair and purple tinted skin, similar to Benny’s. She had large emerald green eyes, and was very tall. Her skinny frame was dressed in black fishnet tights, leading to a small denim mini skirt. She had an aubergine top with fluted sleeves and a vest. Numerous Barbie heads painted in dark nail polishes hung from the belt loops on her skirt, and she had huge feet adorned with big, black clunky ugg boots. Her lips shone pink, contrasting with the rest of her outfit, and she was smiling evilly. Sasha groaned. He hated Goth psychics. They always seemed to abuse their powers to set fire to kids and throw them telekinetically into walls. She strode up to the bus, and Raz was taken aback by the sudden appearance of another kid. Sasha noticed the heavy contrast between the two. Raz had a green turtleneck on again, similar to last year, and she had purple. Sasha smiled. He had a feeling those two would get on well…

 

Cerice groaned. The bus had only got to eighty six bottles of beer on the wall and she was already sick of the song. Maybe coming to the camp was a bad idea… She thought to herself. She shunned the idea off quickly. It was better than home, where everyone feared her powers. She grinned. She would show them when she came back. She would show them…

 

Raz groaned. The Goth girl had been giving him looks all through the journey, and he was scared. She was pretty, but she had a look about her, a look of… Slight insanity. Raz shuddered. Lili was giving him a hard time, and she was scaring him…

 

Jazz looked about the bus. She was nervous. Everyone around her seemed to be talking to each other, and everyone seemed to know everyone else. She was scared. She hated situations like this. Her coral bracelet around her ankle clinked as each piece touched the next one with the shaking movement of the bus. She was okay for the time being…

 

Tony was happy. There were so many girls there to flirt with, he was astounded. Never before had he been presented with so many girls! His sister had told him to stop being such a pervert earlier when she read his mind, but he didn’t care about her. Tony made his way over to a particularly pretty one, with purple hair and a scarf, ready to make a move…

 

Misha shook her head. Her brother was acting perverted and sick again. She hated him sometimes, but all in all she loved him more than anything else. They were two half’s making a whole, and she couldn’t let them grow apart. It would kill them, and Tony knew that too. He had saved her life once, and she was happy. They would always have a bond, and that was great…

 

Nala swooned. She was on the bus with her crush, Sasha Nein! Sure he had yelled at her the month before when he found out how she felt for him, but she didn’t care. True love goes like that right? She thought. Of course it does. Her inner muse murmured. But that Milla character… She didn’t care for Sasha enough. Nala would make sure she learnt to treat Sasha right. She would…

 

The bus pulled round the corner and arrived at Whispering Rock. Milla and Oleander were already waiting for the kids, and Cruller was standing next to them, apparently thinking that he was a ranger. The kids leaped out of the bus, followed by a haggard looking Sasha, and an excited Nala. The two Psychonauts strode up to the others, smiling at them. Or, in Nala’s case, scowling at Milla. Milla didn’t seem to notice, and simply waved at the children. Oleander cleared his throat, before shouting at the children.

“Okay, kids. I would like you to know that this year I am completely sane, and to make sure I maintain that state Agent Nein will be making regular stops in my mind. Firstly, I would like to point out a few changes to the camp. To begin with, Ranger Cruller’s shack has been demolished and replaced with a computer lounge for all of you to use,” At this statement Cruller’s eyes welled up with tears, before he muttered,

“My shack,” Disappointedly. Oleander continued.

“Also, we’ve updated the kid’s cabins so now you all have proper beds, courtesy of Milla. And the final change is that now we have an air hockey table in the main lodge for you to enjoy. Also of note this year are our new councilors, Nala Sanders and Nadia Weston!” When Oleander said the latter’s name, a patch of air shimmered and a lean woman with blond hair and eyes the color of the depths of the ocean was revealed

“As you can see, Nadia is an incredible user of invisibility! She was on the bus with you all for the past 4 hours, and no-one ever noticed! And, Nala here is the world’s most proficient confusionist! She can have us all thinking that we’re chickens for ten minutes if she wants us to!” Everyone around gasped at this, worried that she might place them all in a permanent trance.

“Do not worry children, Nala won’t do anything to hurt you,” Milla murmured after seeing the expression on the children’s faces. Meanwhile, behind Milla’s back, Nala was giggling quietly. She would hurt someone, but it was unlikely to be the children…

 

Lili stalked Raz with her utmost care and silence. She wanted to surprise him by leaping out when the time was ripe, and having known invisibility for several years was now able to stalk anyone for at least ten minutes unseen. She accidentally stood on a twig, however, and alerted Raz of her presence.

“Lili, is that you? Or is it that Nadia person?” He asked the thin air.

“Hi Raz,” Lili mumbled, turning visible. Raz smiled.

“You’ve had practice,” He giggled, before Lili leapt into his arms.

“I’ve missed you,” She smiled, hugging him close.

“Well, it’s great to see you too!” Raz shouted, placing Lili down and running on into the forest.

“Let’s go look at the new computers!” He yelled, Lili tailing him, as they ran into the woods…

 

Milla grinned. The councilors’ quarters this year appeared to have been revamped too. She thought, running into her picturesque cabin. The inside had been restyled too, especially for Milla, it appeared. She now had a huge pink-tinted water bed, and a set of orange bean bags for entertaining any guests. She had a large beaded doorway into an ensuite, that the decorators had colored purple. A small television was there, and a long blue sofa. Milla was ecstatic. It was her dream home. And wouldn’t the children just love to know where I live. She thought to herself, giggling…

 

Sasha was excited. His restyled lab now had a bed underneath it too. Just like his mind, however, you needed to put your feet in the right place to find it. The revamped brain tumbler was good as well. He could now do even more dangerous experiments with the children and have his lab completely color coded. He liked how the machine was red, it looked much better than the pink color that he had bought originally. Sasha grinned.

“I’ll call you Betty,” He said running up to the tumbler and hugging it.

“People must never know what just happened between us Betty,” He muttered, straightening his sunglasses and walking away to find a new test subject…

 

By the shores of the lake, something was happening, unbeknownst to all the rest of the camp.

“You can’t let them catch on, Madz,” One voice murmured.

“I know, Hillary, just give me time,”

“Don’t mess this up for us!” A teenage girl stood by the lake, hooded in dark cloth. Her eyes, bright as starlight in their slate colored iris reflected the water. A second figure, who was likely to be only thirteen, stood, fists clenched, next to the first.

“I won’t… I promise,” The second murmured, a solitary tear sliding down her face.

“Your promises mean little to me Madz at this late stage. But away with such trivial things. Go to the camp, infiltrate its inner workings, get close to him,” The first figure sneered, slate grey eyes twinkling.

“I shall Hillary. We need to do this. No matter how hard, I shall do this,” The girl obviously called Madz cried.

“Don’t forget to get close to him, Madz. Get close to him. Get near… Raz,” Hillary grimaced, shunning Madz away towards the camp…

 

Me: Well, this is an interesting situation that you’ve got yourself into, Sasha.

Sasha: Well, you put me in it, Madeleine.

Me: Well, yes. Zoe, tell Sasha why that happened.

Zoe: Madz here wanted to make it slightly more funny for the readers.

Sasha: Well, why couldn’t you have made Raz make out with his bag? Why me and the brain tumbler?

Zoe: Because you’re in love with it anyway.

Sasha: No I’m not!

Me: Yes you are.

Zoe: I’ve been doing some research into this, and Sasha is in love with the brain tumbler, due to the fact it is a complex machine with no feelings.

Sasha: Um…

Leah: I like bananas!

Me: Leah, go away. I am having a complex conversation with two of my other muses.

Leah: Okay.

Sasha: Hey, if I teach you how to psy-blast, will you forget this ever happened?

Me: Sure.

Zoe: What about me?

Me: You’re a muse. You can’t psy-blast.

Zoe: Aww.

Sasha: Shall we continue the story now?

Me: Mkay.

 

Note: This chapter shall probably consist of heaps of insanity, and very little plot development.

 

“Raz woke up. He liked having a nice bed, and it was even better secretly using pyro to set fire to other beds, without anyone knowing. He had murdered both Clem and Bobby during the night, and now that they were dead, Raz only had one person to get rid of. Mikhail. But that would be difficult. He would need some gasoline. And some wood. Raz thought hard, and then came up with a way to get rid of him. He would ask Sasha to help.

 

Cerice grinned evilly. She had found the councilor’s cabins, and now it was time for some fun. She walked into a psychedelic 60’s style cabin, and proceeded to cause mayhem. She jumped on the water bed, wearing spiky shoes that she had made, a popped it. She ran into the ensuite, and lit the sofa on fire. She quickly ran out, and noticed that there was a pink fluffy cabin with heaps of bunnies in it. She remembered the camera that she carried with her everywhere, and snapped a picture of it. Whoever’s cabin it was, (and she knew it would be either Nadia or Nala’s) she would love to see the look on their faces when they realized someone had found it. She crept back the way she came, and grinned evilly again.

 

Tony was happy. He had been slapped by girls three times that day. Once by Kitty, once by Cerice, and once by Chloe. He didn’t know if Chloe was a girl, but whatever she was, she slapped well. Tony had decided early on in life, when he still lived in Brazil, that any interaction that a girl had with him was good. Girls were his calling. Tony remembered something. There was another creep around camp stealing Tony’s prey. He was called Nils. Tony decided he would have to deal with him. But not now. There were girls to flirt with before everyone died from Raz’s pyromaniacness.

 

Sasha grinned, kissing the brain tumbler tenderly. Betty was a great woman. Sasha decided. She never fell in love with anyone else; she never ran away, she never did anything. She just sat there draped in the steely grays of Sasha’s lab. Suddenly, Sasha noticed Raz come in. He was grinning evilly, and had a ball of fire in his hand. He ran down to Sasha, taking a couple of suicidal jumps along the way. Sasha was happy. He could have a man on boy conversation about his love for Betty. Sasha smiled at Raz. Raz ran over to Sasha as he finally reached the ground.

“Sasha, do you have any gasoline?” He yelled a hint of sadism in his voice.

“Raz, I have gasoline in here somewhere, but listen. I’m in love with Betty!” He yelled. Raz stumbled back.

“You mean the brain tumbler?” Raz asked Sasha.

“Yes. She’s a wonderful lady, isn’t she?” He yelled happily, before running up to Betty and hugging her. Raz groaned.

“Sasha, it’s a machine. And what about Milla?” Raz asked.

“It’s okay Razputin. Betty is merely an affair, a short lived romance. I will be back with Milla in a short while,” Sasha hummed, stroking Betty tenderly. Raz grumbled, before remembering what he had come for.

“And the gasoline, where is that?” Raz asked, smiling evilly.

“Top shelf on the right,” Sasha murmured.

“Thanks Sasha!” Raz yelled, before running out.

 

Mikhail was hunting the hairless bear when Raz found him. Gasoline in hand, Raz grinned at Mikhail. Mikhail looked up, fear in his eyes. Gasoline was poured all over Mikhail, who was crying at that point. Raz focused his mind and lit Mikhail on fire. Raz was happy. So he found Lili, and they went to Pizza Hut. Lili ordered large meat lovers pizza, which she downed in ten minutes. Raz however ordered a new size of pizza, the so-humongous-you-couldn’t-eat-it-in-a-thousand-years, and got it in supreme. He ate it in five minutes, and then got into the Guinness book of world records. Lili was thrown aside, where she lived in a gutter for the rest of her life, eating chocolate ice-cream. Raz started going out with Milla, and Sasha got legally married to Betty. Everyone (Other than Lili) lived happily ever after in a castle made of brussel sprouts. And Lili died at the age of twenty.” Benny finished his incredible story, with several people deeply entranced by the wonder and how Raz got into the Guinness book of world records.

“Of course, this isn’t true, otherwise Mikhail wouldn’t be here today, nor would most of you. And for the record, Raz doesn’t like you Milla, so go about your bizarre fantasies on your own,” Benny groaned, seeing Milla’s expression and reading her mind. Milla immediately turned to Sasha, who was holding a small piece of Betty’s metal casing. Raz groaned, and Sasha started making out with Betty. Milla slapped Sasha, who promptly turned to her and slapped her back.

“Slapping fight!” Tony called, leaping up and joining in…

 

Coach Oleander was sitting in a small café down the road from Whispering Rock. He felt safer there, away from creepy kids and suicidal maniacs. He sipped at a cup of strong earl gray tea, his intercom system microphone beside him. He was glad he had brought it with him, some of the kids had learnt how to imitate him perfectly, and used that ability to their amusement by making so called ‘urgent announcements’ telling the kids to do stupid stuff. Oleander was happy and calm for once, and he was grateful for his hour of peace.

 

Nala grinned. She was stalking Milla, and she was ready to attack. She prepared a confusion grenade, and aimed. Milla heard a crackling in the bushes which alerted her of Nala’s presence, however, so she ducked. Nala threw the grenade over Milla’s head, and managed to confuse a pokemon that had magically appeared there. It got angry, and electrocuted Nala and Milla, before realizing that it wasn’t real, and spontaneously combusting. Nearby, Misha Caliente drank some coke, laughing so hard that she suddenly choked.

 

Chaos was everywhere, and I, with my magical authorial powers, am the only one that can stop it all and make everything normal again. But should I? Now I shall have another strange debate with my muses on what to do.

 

Me: Uh, Sasha?

Sasha: Yes Madeleine.

Me: I need your help.

Sasha: What with?

Me: I need to know if I should save the camp from complete and utter destruction.

Zoe: Hi Maddy. What kind of dilemma are you in?

Me: I never said that I was in a dilemma!

Zoe: I was eavesdropping. You did.

Sasha: Well, she needs to know if she should save Whispering Rock from complete and utter destruction.

Leah: Hi Maddy! Want some advice? Get Lili to fix it!

Me: Uh… About that.

Sasha: Haven’t you been reading? Lili is part of the dilemma.

Emma: Hi Madz. What have you done now? I did this didn’t I?

Me: Well, yes. You are my muse of evil and destruction.

Emma: Yes…

Sasha: Maddy, I’ve got advice for you. Use your authorial powers to save the camp. Save me. Save Betty.

Me: Whatever you say, Sasha!

 

Sasha grinned. He had convinced the author of all the cheap, stupid chaos to save the camp! He was proud. He decided he wanted his own holiday, called Sasha Nein’s saving day. But no, he wouldn’t get it. Maddy would make sure of that. He went and looked at his watch. It read quarter to nine. It was the morning again. Maddy had rewound time. Sasha was happy. Now all he had to do was stop everyone from destroying the camp again.

 

Sasha: Maddy, that entire chapter was crap.

Me: I know. It’s worse than what I wrote when I was five. This is why I only write when I’m feeling moody.

Sasha: But Maddy, you were moody when you wrote this.

Me: Not that kind of moody! I mean when I’m on a high, or when I’m feeling blue.

Sasha: How can you feel blue, you aren’t blue. I’m green, and that’s abnormal. But blue? You’re strange.

Me: You can go now Sasha.

Sasha: Bye then.

 

Milla sighed. It was nice having a new room, in the middle of the woods, where no-one could find it. Other than the other councilors, but they didn’t count. Milla lay on her pink water bed, smiling. Suddenly, she heard a noise from outside her room. She crept out, ready if it was a bear attacking. But when she got out, all she saw was a kid. She had long hair, mousy brown with golden tips. She was tall, and had blue trackpants on, and a green t-shirt. She had large brown eyes, and overall was quite plain. Milla shook her head, walking up to the girl who must have been around thirteen.

“You shouldn’t be here darling. It’s a secret government camp, and if you don’t leave, I’ll have to get you out of here myself,” Milla sighed. She really hated telling children off. The girl’s eyes welled up with tears.

“But, I arrived here late. I tried to levitate, I’m really good at levitating, but it all went wrong when I flew into a flock of ducks and got shoved out of the sky,” The girl began to cry. Milla thought about something. There was, supposedly, only one person in the world who could properly fly when they levitated. That was Milla, herself. Raz could float down gently, but couldn’t actually properly fly, and Sasha could levitate himself up for short distances, but got tired easily. Milla’s brain clicked. The girl was a prodigy. Milla was excited.

“Um, just wondering darling, but can you actually properly fly?” Milla asked, dumbstruck. The girls face lit up.

“Yeah! And I can invoke massive explosions when I use pyrokinesis!” She yelled excitedly. Milla was amazed. If this girl could do everything that she was saying, then she was a psychic master.

“Show me please darling,” Milla egged.

“Okay, and it’s Milla, isn’t it?” The girl asked excitedly, shooting up into the air. Milla fell backwards. Shaking herself out, Milla stood up, smiling.

“Careful darling, wouldn’t want to get hurt,” She hummed, adoring the new child.

“Okay. Oh, and I just realized, I haven’t told you my name. I’m Madz. And by the way, I can’t do anything else,” She sighed. Milla was almost crying in happiness at this point. So was Madz, but for a completely different reason. Everything is going to plan. Madz thought. Soon the Psychonauts will be under my control! She chuckled, walking towards camp with Milla.

 

Mikhail was bored, so he decided to start burning squirrels. Sure, they were smaller than bears, but they still had similar intentions. He decided upon his new life goal at that moment. Become a matador. Who wrestles bears on the side. He grinned, before realizing something. Matadors lived only in Spain. Mikhail did not like Spain. Spain scared him, and there were no bears there. So Mikhail went back to burning squirrels and considering his life…

 

Madz walked through the forest with Milla towards Sasha’s lab. Milla was grinning inanely, and Madz, to keep up impressions, was too. Hillary would be very pleased, Madz thought to herself as they walked into the G.P.C. A small thought suddenly popped into her head. I might just like it here. She frowned. Madz had not been trained to think that way. She would have to be wary of events like that. She could not let herself go. Hillary saw everything. If she forgot her mission, Madz could lose her life…

 

Jazz groaned, her tanned hand reaching up to her head and rubbing it tenderly. Stupid Bobby had hit her. HARD. She was ticked off, and no-one else realized how bad an idea it was to tick her off. No-one else in camp knew about how she was a pyro. It seemed against her nature, but then again Phoebe was a pyro, and it was very unlike her too. Jazz loved a good fight. And that was why she wore what she wore. Her outfit; consisting of a pair of brown khaki shorts and a black t-shirt with a yak on it; was the most appropriate for fighting and running. Jazz enjoyed the aforementioned activities. They were entertaining; and they kept her from using pyrokinesis. Oh, if she saw Bobby; regardless of whether she felt like fighting with her fists or not; there would be fire…

 

Sasha typed in stuff to avoid the imminent system failure on his computer. Yes, he knew it was imminent, but it made him look smarter if he was typing away furiously. Sweat formed on his green brow, and he sharply brushed back his flowing black hair. A loud shrieking noise filled the room, and Sasha’s computer switched off. Sasha fell back into his chair, looking tired. Suddenly, Oleander burst into the room.

“Nein! We have a new recruit! Milla brought her in a moment ago!” Sasha sighed.

“Quick Nein! We have to go and see this kid!” Sasha stood up sharply, and walked over to the small form of Oleander. He nodded, and together they strode out of the room…

 

Maddy was setting fire to rubbish bins when the two Psychonauts found her. She was smiling evilly, and Milla was on the ground crying.

“She’s the best levitator I’ve ever met, but she refuses to stop using pyrokinesis!” Milla sobbed, emerald eyes laying on Sasha. Sasha gazed at the child, who was now bouncing all over the place on her levitation ball. Oleander groaned, as he saw how tall she was. Suddenly, a figure came careering around the corner with a bunch of flowers round her neck. Misha Caliente had accidentally found her way into the awkward situation, and she was now staring at Milla and Oleander in hysterics.

“Sorry I’ll just leave now sorry to bother you goodbye,” She moaned, before running back the other way. Sasha was faster than her, however, and he grabbed her with a telekinetic hand.

“You will show this girl to a bunkroom NOW, and save Milla from further emotional distress,” He moaned, before rushing over to Milla to see how she was feeling. Misha glanced up at the crazed pyromaniac, and shrugged.

“Sasha said for you to come with me,” She groaned, and Maddy darted down to her.

“Okay, I was getting bored anyway,” She mumbled, and the pair walked off towards the kids cabins…

 

Tony walked along slowly, wondering where his sister was. She had disappeared earlier, and he wanted to find her. His shaggy black hair fell down on his face, and he swept it back sharply with a silvery gloved hand. Tony chuckled, and then saw his sister come round the corner with another kid, who was slightly older than her. The two girls were talking happily, and Tony was impressed. It was a triumph to get much out of his sister, and having an entire conversation was a near-impossible feat.

“So you’re from Brooklyn are you?” Maddy asked, fascinated by Misha.

“No, I’m from Brazil. My family moved here when I was just three because I got very sick… Hey, there’s my brother!” Misha hummed cheerfully, rushing up to Tony.

Thanks for reading!

[DarthAve]

..Thatr was pretty good. You had a nice use of details. However, maybe you should have split it into chapters. I hate reading uber long stories where there's no designated reading rest stop. I do love the fact that you have a character named Jazz, because that's my nickname.

[Mashi An'krekku]

Well, I wrote my Bohemian Rhapsody fanfic, and everyone who has read it was all "OMG!! THAT IS THE SHIZAT!"

 

raise the roof.

 

So here's some advice. Write somthing about somthing everyone loves. Like pie, who doesn't love pie?

 

I love pie. But I don't love drugged brownies.

[DarthAve]

I love pie. But I don't love drugged brownies.

...don't be hatin'.

[pyrohappygirl]

Oh I'm lovin the drugged brownies. That fan fiction is in chapters btw. On fan fiction.net. Whispering rock summer camp- A new dawn. But only the first two parts. Not the third...

[DarthAve]

Wait, you're psychonauts madz?

 

OMGS I lurved Nala 4 Sasha.

 

And am also pleased that you used my nickname, Jazz, in your story. I'm pleased at your kindness.

 

“I’ll call you Betty,” He said running up to the tumbler and hugging it.

 

I'm offically a fangirl all over again!

[pyrohappygirl]

Aww... Thanx. Who r u on ff net?

[DarthAve]

don't got a name. I browse often, looking for steamy oneshots(cause I'm into that sort of thing) but still don't have an account.

[pyrohappygirl]

Righty ho. I'm working on a fan fiction right now where Raz is in a coma. It's kinda sad... I've made Lili's mother out to be really cruel and she's really sexist.