The_Catto Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Hey All , this is my first fanfic so be nice This is set according to the results of my games of what i played ... Revan is a light side male, and the Exile is a dark side male Sith Lord. But it will depend on how all you guys like it, as to if ill get that far in putting the exile into it, just have to wait and see ... this will be my views on what happened after the Star Forge and also my version of how the Ebon Hawk got to Peragus before the harbinger and all that ... "deep breath" ok ... here we go ... hope you guys like it ... CHAPTER 1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Darkness; it can consume the lightest of all Jedi. That is where a Jedi must learn to shield oneself from emotion; Love, Anger, Hatred, Hunger for knowledge; these things, as small as they may seem can lead to Obsession, Jealousy ... things which are of the Dark Side. But even the lightest of all Jedi can have their doubts. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As Revan sat in the port dormitory of the Ebon Hawk, meditating, his thoughts always trailing back to thinking of what he must do. Of what he has done. Leaving the people he most cared and loved behind, to go on his own search of meaning. To where, he did not even know ... but he did know, wherever his path would lead him ... he could not risk having the people he cared about being with him, not when he himself knew what was ahead. "No, i can't think of them ... I can't think of her" he said, as his thoughts dwelled once more on Bastilla. He sunk once more into his meditation, fusing himself once more with the Force, letting it flow through him. He could hear the humming sound of the Hyperdrive as they sped their way through Hyperspace ... the general creaks and tickings of the surrounding ship. Deeper he doved into the Force, listening more intently to what was happening in the out Universe. "What is that?' Revan muttered quietly as he heard a faint noise ... a strain of a whisper, clinging on like as if, it was just waiting for the time for when Revan would hear it. His thoughts were interrupted once more, stirring him back to reality, but this time it was the sound of a alarm. "What now?" Revan said as he hurried into the cockpick. With a slight "oh" of relief, he just noticed that they were running low on fuel. "Dweep Deet Dee Dwoop!!!" Revan quickly glanced over his shoulder to see his droid companion T3, the Astromech, come speeding in and slamming into the Co-Pilot's seat. Looking down, Laughing, Revan said "it's ok little man, were just running a little low on fuel, that's all" "Dwoo Deet Deweep Deet Dwee Dee Dwoo?" "No no, no bad guys flying around trying to shoot us out of the sky" Revan said, laughing even harder. "Dwoop Det Deet?" "We'll just plot a course to the Peragus Mining Facility. It's near here, but we will have to lay low, with all this nonsense about the bounty on the Jedi" With that, T3 left to go back to doing his routine maintenence of the ship, and Revan got to plotting the course for Peragus, unbeknownest as to what they would discover when they arrived. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- There it is people ... a little short i know, but i just wanted to start out small for the first chapter in case a majority didnt like it. if people do like it, there will be definetly way more longer chapters to come. So ..... COMMENTS PLEASE!!!! Come on peoples good or bad i dont mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I assume this is set before TSL. I'm looking foward to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 im glad someones looking forward to more of it. yup its set before TSL and yet ,once i get further into it, itll be set after aswell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 So does the Exile have a Sith Name or will he be known as the Exile or the Name you called him. Please check out my Fanfic, Jedi Forces - Shadows Of War. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 i might come up with a name for him, cause i just had my own in the game lol ,,,, and also he'll be known as just The Exile ... ive had a look at your fic ... i thought it was really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 i might come up with a name for him, cause i just had my own in the game lol ,,,, and also he'll be known as just The Exile ... ive had a look at your fic ... i thought it was really good Thanks, most of my inspiration for Fanfics come from The Plight Of Darkness by ForceFightWMe12, The Crystal Of Life by Renegade Puma, Jaden Korr - Darth Qollous by Sabretooth, The Adventures Of John Skywalker by John Skywalker and Darth Sion: Legacy Of Pain by Darth Sion101. I usually make Chapters on Microsoft Word first and make them at least five pages long. Thing is they don't look as long on LF. When is the next Chapter coming? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Yeah, The Plight Of Darkness is one of the best Fanfics ive read, hopefully my next chapter should be very soon, ive already started ... so hopefully, not long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Doctor Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Hey guys, if you're going to brown nose FFWM, I suggest you do it in a thread she sees Anyway. Good work, BFA. Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Haha, she already knows what i think ... and its all good also, thanks Doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Well people, here's the next chapter ... i think its safe to say that it's longer than the first CHAPTER 2 With only T3 to accompany him, Revan found that it could be very depressing indeed while travelling through the seeming endless reaches of space. Meditating seemed the only to pass the time, so Revan could only be found in his dorm whenever T3 might be looking for him. During meditation, T3 came whistling and beeping into the dorm, “Not long now T3” Revan said, without opening his eyes “Go check if you want to” T3 left, whistling along the way. The he heard it. The same sound. The same whisper. “Concentrate” Revan muttered to himself. Gathering his thoughts and determination all on this echo, he finally managed to find out where the echo originally came from. Ten minutes later, Revan was standing in the main chamber looking for the planet, which he saw, when searching for the echo. “Interesting, T3 … Are you sure there’s nothing there” There was a positive response of beeps. Why is there an echo coming from nothing? He asked this question over and over in his head but Revan knew he would not be able to answer this question even if he tried for hours on end. Then it hit him. “T3, I’ve got a job for you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Listen T3, I need you to go on ahead to Peragus, get the fuel and return to Corusant to the Jedi temple …to Bastilla … tell her to make sure Carth does his new job well, and keep the Republic strong, because I got a feeling it will be needing its strength soon enough” He said “Oh, and if she asks you how I know about Carth, say … I got my ways”. He added smiling. “Deet Dweep Dwooooooooo?” “I Know where I have to go now … I know what I have to do … There is a terrible threat ready to strike and cripple the Republic unless I do something … and ive got a feeling I know where to start looking … But no matter what … do not tell anybody where I have gone not even … just don’t tell anyone ok” T3 obeyed his master, but he didn’t like it at all. “Thanks T3, don’t worry, ill come back … I don’t know when but I will” With that Revan left T3 and proceeded to the cargo hold, where he stored a ship just small enough to fit, he got in and used the Force to flick a button he and T3 installed and felt the floor beneath him collapse. He ignited the ships boosters and plotted a course, he did not know how he knew the exact coordinates, but he did. The stars began to blur in front of him and there was a seconds slow down, and then he was pushed forward at light speed and into hyperspace. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Carth Onasi, Admiral of the Republic fleet and co-saviour of the galaxy. Five years had past since that glorious day of victory over the Sith Lord Malak, but Carth knew he would never forget that day. As he looked down at Citadel Station on Telos, he took in all the work they have put into restoring the destroyed city, admiring all of her beauty. Suddenly, his com. went off. “Admiral Onasi here” “Its me Jolee, just thought I better tell you, that were getting ready to leave.” “Wait there, ill be right there” Said Carth and he hurried down to the Docking bays. When he got to the docking bays he had to go back to his com. “Jolee?” “Yeah” came the voice of the old Jedi “Heh, which docking bay are you in?” “Were in Docking Bay 3, Sonny” “Ok, see you in a minute” He got to the docking bay 3 door, slid his access card through and entered. There was Jolee and Juhani, Zaalbar and Mission, Standing by a large transport ship. Carth looked on the side and noticed it was called The Returner. “Yes, fitting name isn’t it? Said Jolee, looking in the same direction as Carth “Yeah … you all don’t have to go you know, we would all appreciate it if you stayed” “Here here sonny, look at me, do I look young enough to still be doing manual labour? “You don’t look a day over … Fifty Jolee” said Carth winking at him “Yeah, yeah, yeah ... see? … I don’t know if that was a compliment or just you being smart” “Seriously though … you don’t have to go” “Nah, its best if we all went home, right Big Z?” said Mission “Oh yeah, I forgot a kid got homesick after a while” “Don’t start that again Carth, Big Z and I are going back to Taris to help with the re-building," Said Mission "you know they still haven’t fixed it all up yet”. Carth noticed the slight notion in her voice that she was hurt. “I’m sorry Mission, I didn’t mean it like that, and I shouldn’t be saying anything … I know how you feel” Carth said, making a waving gesture with his hand. “I know you didn’t Carth, it’s all good … but we can’t stay, we would if we could right Big Z?” Zaalbar gave his roar of agreement “But we’ll still see each other you know … we will come back here and your going to visit Taris aren’t you?” Mission said this, not only to Carth, but to Jolee and Juhani as well “Of course” they all said in unison “Now that’s all settled, we better get going” said Jolee “Right” said Carth “Well, Bye” He was responded by another three parting words, and the roar of a wookiee. There were the last waves of the hands and they were boarded on The Returner and it took off out of the Bay and out into the known galaxy, leaving Carth to go back to his duties, back to his life of Admiral. For the time being. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The tall towers of Corusant gleamed in the evening sun. The small freighters, transports and gliders going about as they always did. The Jedi Temple stood in the mist of all this, the waters of the fountain ran quietly … but if you listened, you could hear the soft echo’s bouncing from wall to wall which were produced by the small droplets of water. A top the fourth spire of this temple, in the Jedi council chamber, stood a lone Jedi knight, the soft breeze flowing through the rooms, making her cloak ripple. She stood looking out towards the unstopping city beneath her. Pondering where he could be now … it had been five years, yet still no, sign or word from him. Where did they Prodigal Knight go, why did the Saviour of the galaxy just suddenly have to leave? Why couldn’t she go with him? These riddles, with no answer to them, kept her occupied until the time came for when she would eventually see him again … when Revan would eventually come back, if that would ever to occur. Bastilla turned away from the window and sighed. “Maybe I will never see him again, perhaps it is for the better he had left.” She started to leave, but suddenly got a feeling through the Force, a presence … a presence she had not felt for quiet some time … she turned back to the window and spotted where the feeling came from, and there was a glider there. A Cathar was peering out and looking at Bastilla with a smile on her face. Juhani was back. Bastilla returned the smile and walked back down the tower steps and got in her own glider and took off to follow Juhani. Where they were going, Bastilla did not know, but Juhani sure did … then Bastilla realised, the cantina came into view and Juhani’s glider docked into the bay, with Bastilla’s right beside her. “Heh, tell me why I’m not surprised” said Bastilla smiling. “Hey, it was a long trip … plus I had to endure Jolee’s tales of his youth and the distinct smell of a wookiee … I think I deserve a drink after that” Said Juhani “You do have a point,” Said Bastilla laughing. They got out of their gliders and headed into the cantina. Like i said before people, the more comments i get, depending on if they are good comments or not, ill write more chapters ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 All I have to say is great. I think you've been inspired by The Plight Of Darkness. I like your way of Revan leaving for the Unknown Regions. Looking foward to seeing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 c'mon people, ive had 108 views and only a few replys ... if you read the story so far ... and havent replied, please do .... if i get good reviews itll give me more motivation to put more effort into it, so c'mon peoples Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Well here is the next chapter anyway , as i said post if you like, post if you dont like CHAPTER 3 Revan pulled out of hyperspace and arrived to a vast nothingness. He didn’t understand, this is where he had heard the echo being emitted. He looked around once more, just to see if he had missed anything … there was nothing. “What the hell is going on?” said Revan getting frustrated. But then a thought occurred to him … maybe. He closed his eyes, emptied his mind and allowed himself to be opened up to the Force. He did not hear an echo, but he heard a voice … a voice that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “Ahh … you have come Revan … I had thought that my attempts to bring you here had become attempts in vain … but I am grateful I was wrong” “Who are you?” said Revan “Who am I? Why I am your death Revan, you are known as the ‘Prodigal Knight’, but soon that will not matter. You once followed our religion, you dared to call yourself one of us, you, and Malak.” “ Don’t know if you heard … but Malak is dead, I killed him” said Revan “Malak was weak!” spat the Voice “he knew nothing of power, that was his downfall, his death was inevitable. As is yours, prepare to die Revan”. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grey fog started to build in front of Revan’s ship, as much as he wanted to leave, he couldn’t … something was holding him back … he just gazed at the sight what was forming in front of him. The fog, which was thick as snow in a blizzard … cleared away as fast as it had appeared ... but something else was left in its wake. A planet The whole planet seemed to be covered in a dark aura, Revan could sense the taint, which was of the dark side. He went to turn his ship around, not thinking it would be such a wise idea to go down on the planet without help … but was jolted forward and lunged towards the planet. Nothing he could do would stop the ship from going towards the planet; he couldn’t use the force to direct the ship. Faster and faster he accelerated, the clouds of mist and into the atmosphere of the planet, mountains came closer and trees started to form out of the great green blur in front of him. As he was going down, Revan spotted something in the distance, it looked like a large tower of sorts, atop a mountain in the distance. Revan knew what was going to happen … he could stop it … with all the things he had done in his life, all the things which he had wanted to do … all would be lost. He started to think of Carth, Jolee, Juhani … Bastilla. “No” he said to himself “I am not going to die”, a new feeling had swelled up in his chest, the feeling of knowing that he might lose the thing most precious to him, was death itself. He didn’t want that to happen. With that … the ship crashed into the planets surface. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- T3 wondered he his old master was at the moment. It had been three months since Revan had left him to go where he needed to, but T3 had not yet heard from him since then. He had got the fuel from Peragus, but it was an eventful stop. He had got attacked by what looked like a Republic vessel, got attacked by a fellow droid, and gained a new master. The Ebon Hawk also accompanied a new crew. The was a scoundrel, Atton … for some reason though Atton didn’t seem to like T3 very much, he couldn’t understand Attons hatred towards him, because he got told to shut up or leave the cockpit many times. There was a old woman, T3 didn’t like her much at all, when ever his new master was alone with her for a period of time, he would come back looking sickened, tired and old … but his new master was still very young … a HK droid also accompanied them also … he was very violent towards other people, not just to droids. His new master was most referred as The Exile, but he was also called Jonas.. Once, T3 was able to be alone enough for him to send a message to Bastilla, telling her about Revans departure from him, and telling her to make sure Carth did his job well. “How does he know about Carth?” she said bewilded “Deet Dee Deep Dweet De Dwoo” “Hmm … yes I’m sure he does have his ways” Said a smiling Bastilla. “ Thankyou very much for this information T3 but I must leave you … ill make sure to tell Carth what you have told me just now … I was planning to pay him a visit anyway seen as though it has been a while”. “Deep Dee Dwooo Deet” Yes, ill tell everybody that you said Hi” she said smiling” Goodbye T3”, and with that, Bastilla’s holo image flickered then disappeared. “Ahh …” came a familiar voice of a HK unit “it seems that the Navicomputer on this ship has been voice-locked …” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kashyyyk came into view as The Returner came out of hyperspace. “Ahh … home” said Jolee “ its been too long of a gap since my hermit days” The Returner touched down on the landing pad and the exit ramp lowered allowing Jolee to descend out of the ship. He passed through the city of Rwookrrorro, receiving roars of appreciation as he walked the now Cerka-free pathways. He finally reached the lift, which would take him down to the Shadowlands. “Welcome back Jolee” greeted the Wookiee “I’m surprised to see you back here, I thought you would have stayed with the fellow humans”. “No, this is home” said Jolee, looking around as they descended. Despite its reputation, Jolee loved the quiet life in the Shadowlands, offcourse you’d have to deal with the occasional Kath Hound or Kinrath, but other than that, there was no disturbance at all. “I hope to see you again Jolee” the wookiee roared as they came to a halt. “ You will old friend, I plan to stay” replied Jolee The lift started to ascend, and with a last wave, Jolee turned and headed down the path, which would take him to his hut. But something strange was going on … there was dead Kinrath and the like littering the grounds around him. “Hmm … now who would dare to leave me out on all of this fun?” said Jolee looking around as he walked He walked around a corner and his log-like hut came into view “ Well isn’t this a sight for sore eyes” he said to himself He walked to the door, opened and with a last look at the surroundings … entered … but he suddenly got the distinct feeling through the Force, when he closed the door that he was not the only person in his hut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Jonas, nice name for the Exile. I like this. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Nihilus Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 cool story I like it P.S. ChewKluYa stop saying cr.p, Mr _BFA story is cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 thanks darth ... as you can see, i tried to make up a reason as to why T3 was in communications when Hk walked in ... next chapter is underway ... should be finished soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Nihilus Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Im hear for you pal if ChewKluYa starts saying cra... then I will kik his as... hunt him If I have to or her. looking forward to the nexed chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 20, 2006 Author Share Posted May 20, 2006 Yes, its been a while since a posted the last chapter, but here is the next one, hope you enjoy CHAPTER 4 “Hello Jolee” said a voice “Now, that’s a voice I haven’t heard in quite some time,” said Jolee very sternly “Yes, the last time I recall, was when you were standing over my brothers corpse when he had not done anything to you” said a voice of pure hatred “Listen Taz” said Jolee turning to face the intruder “ I wouldn’t call attempted murder nothing” “No, you listen old man” Said Taz Rayg “ you killed my brother for turning down a path which was different to yours” “Because he was a Dark Jedi Taz, you know this” Smiling, Taz replied “Yes, I know, now im following in my brothers footsteps” Pulling out a lightsaber and igniting the magnificently bright reddish blade Taz said “Now prepare to die old man, this should have happened a long time ago. * * * For a guy with that much age on his shoulders, Jolee Bindo still could put up a fight. Lighting his Greenish lightsaber, Jolee Dodged, twirled and ducked … with all the age, he still had all the strength and agility of a younger Jedi. Fuelling through the Force, gaining more cognition of Taz’s incoming attacks, Jolee blocked all of Taz’s attempts at the dismemberment what he was trying to inflict on him. Taz twirled and with him, is lightsaber came, heading straight for Jolee’s gut. Jolee blocked, brought his lightsaber back up and went to strike down at the shoulder of his enemy, but was also blocked, and he was forced back hard, getting brought off his feet and slamming into the wall. Getting up, igniting his green lightsaber, he prepared for battle once more. Using the Force to fly a chair to fly up at Taz’s face, Jolee ran forward. Taz destroyed the chair and bringing his hand up he pointed it at Jolee, Taz released an onslaught of Lightning at Jolee. He brought his lightsaber up and blocked the Lighting, fusing it with his lightsaber. Struggling Jolee stepped forward, towards Taz. The Force lightning was stopped and a lightsaber was brought down, and it caught Jolee on the shoulder. The smell of burnt flesh filled the air and Jolee grunted and gasped in pain. He stumbled backwards. Taz ran towards Jolee, lightsaber held high. But with an almost lazy like flick of the wrist, Taz was engulfed in a stasis field, paralysing him in all ways except sight and hearing. “So young” said Jolee, shaking his head, gasping for breath “Your brother made the same mistake, never attack an opponent while in a state of anger, now you will listen to me whether you want to or not” Jolee took a seat in front of Taz, and looked upon him with an intent gaze. “Your master is dead” he began “ and still you strive to fight for the code in which you somehow still believe in … a code in which you swore your life to abide” Jolee got up, walked over to Taz and grabbed the lightsaber from within his hands and quickly walked outside … a few seconds past and Jolee walked back into his hut. But this time he was carrying a large rock. He placed the lightsaber down on the table, and with a last look at Taz, Jolee said, “It’s the wrong path” and forced the rock down onto the lightsaber as hard as he could, and he could feel the shatter of the lightsaber underneath. He lifted the rock and gazed down at the once was weapon. Jolee returned his gaze to Taz, “Now you have no weapon and in a situation where you can not possibly prevail” he made another wave of his hand, releasing Taz of the stasis field, making him land on the floor on his hands and knees. “What do you want from me?” he said, without looking up at Jolee“ “All I want is to you to see, that it is folly to try and make the once was sith live on. They are destroyed, removed from the face of this galaxy … come back to the light Taz, don’t follow where your brother once lead” Jolee pleaded Slowly, gathering his breaths, Taz stood and regained his feet. He bowed his head and softly said: “There is no emotion –“ Taz began “There is peace ... ” Jolee finished Looking up, Taz spoke “Jolee, you have wakened me back to the path which is right, my brother was selfish, only searching for more and more power was his downfall, I see that now, and for that, i thankyou." “It’s alright Taz” said Jolee “I’m glad you see it that way, just do me one favour” “What is that?” asked Taz “Just don’t try to kill me ever again please, ive only got a few good years left in me” said Jolee “Don’t worry,” said Taz laughing, “ I think im going to discover the true nature of the galaxy, let me think, and sort some things out, try and find out what it is I am meant to do” Taz Headed to the door, with once last look at Jolee he said “Thanks again old man” and walked out the door “Hmmph” said Jolee * * * “I told you Carth,” said in irritated Bastila “It was right after Juhani left when I got T3’s message” “And Revan knows I am a Admiral” asked Carth confused “Yes! But I don’t know how he does” said Bastila “Hmm … ok then” said Carth, and suddenly he folded his arms and a serious expression relieved the confused look what Carth’s face just had. “What about you, are you alright?” he asked “ Im fine” said Bastila, avoiding Carth’s gaze “Don’t lie to me Bastila, tell me the truth” his eyes burning into hers. “OK, ive been better alright” she folded her arms and walked out towards the window and looked out upon Citadel Station. Even as a person who could not wield the Force, Carth certainly had good persuasive techniques. “I’m … I’m just scared for him, wondering where he is now, if he’s still … “ Bastila’s voice trailed off “Of course he is Bas,” said Carth, embracing her in a consoling hug” he will come back” “Ive just got this feeling that its not going to work out the way we want it to” “Through the force?” asked Carth “Call it instinct,” said Bastila “Don’t even think about that Bas … look at me” he lifted her head up so their eyes met “ he will come back, I promise you” Bastila wanted to believe Carth, but no matter what he said, that doubt just kept on entering Bastilla’s mind. They pulled away from each and Bastila wiped the tears, which were forming in her eyes away. “So” said Bastila, determined to drive the conversation away from Revan “ any news of the Ebon Hawk and the Exile?” “The last time I heard, they were spotted out on the outer rim, heading to Korriban by the sounds of it” “Korriban?” said Bastila bewildered “why would they be going there?” “Im not sure, and im getting quite concerned about out Exile friend.” “Why is that?” asked Bastila “I’m fearing he might be going to the Dark Side, his brutality against other people is mounting, and his power is growing immensely,” said Carth “Well let’s just hope they don’t stay on Korriban for too long, that’s the least place we want him to be if that’s the case” “Hmm … “ Said Carth, straying into a deep thought. i know its a bit short but hey ,,, its not the size of it, its how descriptive it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Good, a few mistakes. Bastilla is spelt Bastila. You spelt Tan in one area instead of Taz and the Ebon Hawk and the Exile are nouns so they must have capitals. Other than that it is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 20, 2006 Author Share Posted May 20, 2006 thanks pottsie, yeah, i was a bit tired last night when i typed it up, but as you can see, its all good now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 Hey peoples, another chapter in very popular story haha. Again, if you have read the story and either didnt like it or did like, post saying it , i wont bite lol, anyway, here it is: CHAPTER 5 Nom Kavar led a hard life; he was separated from his mother and father when he was only two years old, taken to a family on a planet in the Outer Rim, and when he was old enough, put into a life of slavery. He was now seventeen years of age, still at the same facility. As much as Nom hated the place, he could not deny, that this has been more of a home than anywhere he had known, even though he had been here as long as he could remember. On the days where he was not slaving away in the mines searching for rare crystals and riches alike, Nom liked to spend the time he had to himself, in the bosses library, reading up on his most favourite subject in all the galaxy. The Jedi. Nom idolised the Jedi, he was fascinated just to read about the lives these people had. The powers they wielded, the weapons they used. He wondered what it would feel like, wield the same powers, use the same weapons. He usually dreamt of a Jedi coming here, to take him from this wretched place, from this wretched life he had. But lately, Nom kept on having the same dream, over and over again. It was about a Jedi offcourse, Nom could tell that by the Lightsaber. The Jedi would be surrounded by enemies, fighting gloriously, prevailing over his enemies, and perfecting every stroke of attack, every block of defence. But when all his enemies were defeated, the Jedi would turn around as if he was facing Nom, he would walk towards him, holding out a hand. The cloak billowing in the wind behind him, shoulder length, dark hair and brown eyes, overall the Jedi appeared to be Godlike. For some reason though, Nom had got the feeling that he recognised this man, he knew that was impossible, but there was just something about him, and as Nom went to grasp the Jedi’s hand, the dream would end. One evening however, Nom was reading about the Exar-Kun war, the last stand at Yavin IV, Light started to fade around Nom, and eventually engulfing him in darkness. He blinked, and suddenly he was bathed in sunlight. He was surround by green hills, and log green plains. The grass rippling in motion with the direction of the wind. He fel his feet leave the ground and he was flung upwards and started to soar through the cloudless sky. He went over a hill and a building came into view. ‘I know that building’ he though to himself Then he realised. It was the Jedi Enclave. He was on Dantooine. ‘Reading those documents on the Jedi actually paid off’ he though amusingly. He came over an opening and suddenly he dropped, he felt earth underneath his feet once more, and he looked up. Four people were standing in front of him. “Welcome young one” spoke a Twiliek stepping forward. “I suppose you are wondering why we have summoned you here” “Ahh.. “ Hesitated Nom, he didn’t want to sound too rude “Just … just a little bit” The Twiliek smiled “ You are very interested in the Jedi aren’t you Nom” Nom nodded, yes he was very interested. He disregarded the thought as to how the Twiliek knew his name. “We have bought you here because you show a strong affinity with the Force and we wish for you to be trained in the ways of the Jedi” Nom couldn’t hide his happiness “Re – Really?” he asked, his dreams were finally coming true at last! “Yes, now we wish for you to start your training when –“, but Nom didn’t hear the rest. Darkness engulfed him once more, and he woke to be shaken very roughly by another worker. “‘Bout time mate, I was here for nearly five minutes tryin’ to wake ya’, lights out in a few, betta’ get to bed” Nom yawned, “yeah … ok” For just a small while, he thought he was going to be away from this place once and for all, he got up reluctantly and went to his dormitory, and fell asleep almost the minute his head hit the pillow. * * * Revan could smell smoke. Still with his eyes closed, he reached out with the Force to find out the damage of his ship. He lifted his lids to see with his own eyes. “Oh... “ he said, “Crap" The sight was much more worse than he could have anticipated, his attention was directed away from his ship to the sight in front of him. Two terentaks where walking towards him, he jumped out of his, with some help from the Force, he was able to land behind them, ignite the blue blade of his lightsaber lunge it into one of the beasts neck. With an almighty roar, it fell to the ground limp. The second beast turned, but before he could find out the reason for its mates death, there was a lightsaber sticking into its abdomen and being brought upwards killing it instantly. Revan looked around and once again, the sight was more worse than he could have anticipated. “Heh” he said with a sarcastic smile spreading over his face “well, that’s not good” There were eight more terentaks surrounding him. Gathering the Force, he made himself able to travel double the speed of a normal being. He sped towards one of the terentaks; lightsaber held high, he sliced through the middle of the beast cleaving it in two. Without looking back behind him, Revan sped on. As soon as he got a fair enough distance away, he stopped. Looking around, he took in his surroundings. Thick dense forest surrounded him, blocking out all means of sunlight, a light fog, wisped through and around the many trees, he noticed a large boulder beside him, and he took a seat. Revan listened intently and he started to pick out the small linger of whispers between the trees, then thought came upon him once more. “Where the hell am I?” he said angrily to himself. He had no food, no other supplies, about half an hour later, he decided to head back to his ship, see if the terentaks were still there and get the supplies in which he had and needed. As Revan walked, he hadn’t used the Force, but he distinctly got the feeling that he was being watched, but he kept on walking. He came to the edge of a couple of trees blocking the view the small clearing in which his ship was. He peered out through the leaves to see if the coast was clear. There appeared to be nothing or no one, so he used the Force to see. Nothing. He walked to his ship, opened the back hatch and withdrew: a blaster, medpacs, some stims, food and water, a cloak and a backpack. He hitched on the blaster, put his cloak on, placed the supplies in the pack and slung it over his shoulder. He started to walk, but that’s when he felt it. A disturbance, not too far from where he was, someone was in trouble. He fuelled himself with the Force once more, pinpointed the distress and took off. * * * The next day, Nom got called to do a routine search of the surrounding grounds. It wasn’t the most fun thing what he would rather be doing, but it was good to get out of the mines all the same. He walked to the lookout tower and peered out of his binoculars. Everything was as it should be as far as Nom could see, that was until he came across a sight, which caught his attention rather quickly. A group of trandoshans were arguing about something. He could tell they were arguing because it looked like they were about to rip each other to shreds. “Hmm.. “ he debated whether or not to go and get someone or go and have a look by himself. Curiosity got the better of him and he decided on the second, as he wasn’t going to do anything stupid. He climbed down the tower and headed into the deep forest. For about ten minutes he walked, then he heard the raised voices getting closer. The trandoshans were definitely arguing about something, because they were speaking in Basic, Nom could catch bits of what they were saying. “I don’t care what you think!” one was saying, “ We have to get that crystal!” “We can’t do it yet” another was yelling “ we have to wait for reinforcements before we can do anything” Nom peered through a couple of bushes to see what was going on. The two voices what Nom was hearing, were apparently the only two in the argument, as everyone else was standing back, not saying anything at all. If we wait any longer – “ but Nom didn’t hear what the rest that was said was, because his attention was brought back to where he was and the fact that he had a end of a blaster pressed against the back of his neck. “Well, well, well” came a voice “What do we have here? Move” it said prodding Nom forwards. Scared of his wits, Nom walked forward out of the bushes and into the sunlight. Everybody looked in his direction, and one of the arguing trandoshans walked towards them, looking absolutely furious. “Who the hell is this!” he yelled, pointing in Noms direction “I spotted him spying on us sir” came the voice behind Nom “I wasn’t ‘spying’ on you” piped up Nom “ I was just passing by and I heard raised voices, you know” “What did you hear!” the leader demanded, “Speak!” “No – Nothing really important, just something about a crystal, you attacking somewhere and waiting for reinforcements to arrive, please sir, don’t hurt me, I won’t tell anyone,” pleaded Nom At this, every one of the trandoshans bursted out in laughter. “Weakness” spat the leader” you don’t even deserve to live!” he lifted up his blaster and pointed it directly at Nom. But just then, a dark figure had leapt of out nowhere right in between Nom and the trandoshans leader. A blue blade was ignited; there was a loud shout of the order ‘Fire!’ resulting in several blaster shots. Nom jumped to the ground and closed his eyes. He could hear blaster shots, the screams of agony, and the occasional small explosions of grenades. He opened his eyes and was shocked as to what he saw. A Jedi! The Jedi was fighting as gloriously as the other Jedi Nom has saw in holovids. His movement, his perfection for battle was just overwhelming. As the bright blue blade cut down, the last of the trandoshans, the Jedi turned off the lightsaber and turned around to face Nom. Nom’s jaw dropped. It was the Jedi from his dream! Was it a dream what he had had? Or something more? The Jedi walked towards Nom, but he quickly scampered backwards. “Its ok” said the Jedi “ your safe now” he held out his hand, Nom grasped it and he was pulled to his feet. “Nom Kavar” he replied scared “It’s ok” the Jedi said once again “ your safe, do you understand?” Nom nodded Smiling the Jedi said,” Good, now Nom, I need – why are you looking at me like that?” “So – Sorry” stammered Nom “ its.. “He was trying to find the right words, so he wouldn’t seem like a complete nutcase “it’s just that, I have dreamt this, you standing where you are now, I’ve seen you fighting, as you just did, turning to face me, as you did,” At first the Jedi looked bewildered, then an intent look of curiosity came over his face. “You speak the truth” he said “Perhaps.. “ he trailed off “Perhaps what?” Nom asked “Nothing, ill explain later,” replied the Jedi “there’s something I need to ask of you Nom” Nom was taken back, what could possibly a Jedi want with him? “I need you help Nom” the Jedi continued, “ Can you help me?” “Hmmph, I can’t help you,” said Nom, the Jedi raised an eyebrow “That trandoshans was right … I am weak” The Jedi looked at Nom. “Listen Nom, not wanting to die is not weakness” he said, “Nobody ever really wants to die, now ill ask again, can you help me?” Nom looked into the Jedi’s eyes. Should he believe him? He had read about other Jedi, who have fallen to the Dark Side of the Force over the years. But this Jedi didn’t seem all that bad; he had saved Noms life after all. “Yes?” asked the Jedi Nom nodded, “Alright, ill help you … what needs to be done?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Good Chapter. At first I thought Nom Kavar was Master Kavar. Can't wait to see more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 woah man, that was a FAST reply lol, didnt expect to be so soon lol, hahaha yeah, i though Nom's name, would be brought up, its not that hard to miss though really is it? haha .. anyways, thanks again ... ahh yeah, better go read the last chapter what you posted for Sith Lord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revan435 Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 hey just clicked on your link in another thread. nice job. u should be a writer or something. get a job maybe right some of the stroy line for kotor III if there is one.... u should seriously send some of this stuff in for a base the developers can edit it or w/e anyway nice job man keep em coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 thanks man ... its gonna take a while for the next chapter though, im starting to get more asssigments from school, and starting my trial HSC soon, so lots and lots of tests lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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