Jason Skywalker Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Statement: For not liking me, this meatbag is my primary target and will be eliminated at all costs...maybe not all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaggles Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Statement: Junkpile droid can blow up for all I care. I happen to like being a meatbag because I actually am an intelligent lifeform. (beat that!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Statement: Ahhh...you stink! *runs away* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ztalker Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I just started reading this Fan-fic, and i really like it Keep them coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 @ Jason&Yaggles: Statement: Mods no like spam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Statement: You are right. Meatbag named Pottsie, are you working on the next chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 Statement: You are right. Meatbag named Pottsie, are you working on the next chapter? As I mentioned before, I've started working on it. I've finally broke up for the Summer Holidays, so I'll hopefully write more. Also thanks for all the comments and no HK spam now please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Alright. It was getting kinda boring now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 This next Chapter that I'll post as soon as possible, will include a new person who will join Jaden and the others. He has been inspired by the Doctor off Doctor Who and has the same powers, but he isn't a Time Lord. Hopefully Canderous will return in either Chapters IV or V. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter III Danger! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning had arrived quicker than Jaden expected. Now he would have to find the parts to repair the Ebon Hawk’s engine on Korriban’s surface. The only problem was that the chances of finding some parts for an engine were a million to one. Especially now that Dreshdae was gone. ***** Jaden’s friends were in the main hold, waiting for him to arrive. They had been waiting for an hour now. “Something must be wrong,” Visas murmured, “He wouldn’t take this long.” “For once I think you’re right.” Brianna told her. Jaden appeared. He had been using his Stealth Field Generator to remain invisible. He had heard everything his friends had said. “I didn’t know everyone was worried about me.” Jaden told them, laughing to himself. “Well Mira and I weren’t, but the others were crying out for you.” Atton told him sarcastically. “Statement. Don’t forget myself and my counterpart Meatbag!” HK shouted at Atton. Jaden sighed. He had to go soon and he would need some help. “Okay, I’m going to go onto Korriban and search for an engine,” Jaden started, “And I may need some help, so…” Jaden stopped speaking to expect everyone begging to go with him. Kreia had told him that he was a born leader. However, nobody offered to go with him. Even Bao-Dur didn’t offer. He then spoke. “I’ll stay and work on the ship.” He told Jaden. T3 beeped. “Statement. My counterpart and I shall protect this meatbag,” HK told Jaden, “Just in case if you know what I mean.” “Yeah and I will protect the cockpit,” Atton told Jaden, scratching his hair slightly, “And play Pazaak. With myself.” Nobody else said anything. Jaden was getting worried now. Had all his friends lost faith in him, since the echo within him had gone? Surely if Canderous the Mandalore leader was here, he would go with him? “Well if nobody is coming with me, I guess I’ll go on my own.” Jaden said finally, before leaving the Ebon Hawk. ***** From the top of the high, Korriban mountains, a strange man watched over the Valley of the Dark Lords. He was covered with a battered black robe, which covered his whole body and even his face. He had seen the ship land on Korriban. He felt as if he had seen this ship before, over ten years ago. The man watched as a man who wore a Jedi robe look around Korriban. Now was his chance to see this man. The man who he had once trained with during the Mandalorian Wars. ***** Jaden sighed. This must be the one hundredth time I’ve sighed today, He thought, I’m getting pretty sick of it too. “Jaden wait up!” A voice called out from behind him. Jaden turned around to see Brianna, along with Visas and the Bounty Hunter Mira. “What are you three gorgeous ladies doing here?” Jaden asked. “We decided to come with you.” Visas told him. “We’re with you to the end.” Brianna continued. “Yeah, besides it was getting boring shooting Atton’s left leg for a while.” Mira said. Jaden smiled. “Okay then let’s go.” Jaden said finally. He walked off, with the three ladies following behind him. ***** As the man was climbing down the mountain, he noticed the Jedi’s three companions. This maybe harder than I thought, He thought, before returning to descending down the mountain. ***** After two minutes of walking through the Valley of the Dark Lords, Jaden stopped as he finally reached the top of the hill. The windy path that he and the others had arrived to had led them to the old Sith Academy. “I remember this place.” Brianna told everyone. “I can still feel the hunger of the dark side.” Visas said. “Yeah it sort of gives me the chills.” Mira said, shivering slightly. Jaden laughed slightly. That was the exact same thing Atton had said when he was with him and Brianna on their last visit. “Come on, let’s go inside.” Jaden told them. However, before he could pick the lock, a man had landed in front of him. He wore a black robe that resembled one a Sith Lord would wear. Jaden immediately got his Lightsaber out and ignited the green blade. Brianna ignited her double-bladed silver Lightsaber and Visas got out her red Lightsaber. Usually Mira would use her two purple Lightsabers, but instead she got out her two-blaster pistols. “Who are you?” Jaden asked. The man didn’t reply. “I don’t want to have to kill you, but I will if I have to.” Jaden continued. The man removed his hood to reveal long, untidy black hair and sharp blue eyes. He had a crooked nose and his mouth was so dry, it looked like he hadn’t drank anything for a long time. “I have no name Jedi.” He told Jaden. “Surely you must have a name,” Brianna said, “Do you have a title or…” “No!” The man shouted, before calming down to say, “As I told you, my name isn’t important. For now.” Jaden put away his Lightsaber and everyone else put away their weapons. “Can you at least tell me why you’re here?” Jaden asked. “You need help,” The man told Jaden, “I know about you and your adventures.” “You look familiar.” Jaden said. “My name isn’t important.” The man told Jaden once again, “Now please, stay here. You’ve arrived late at night here. Please remain here and I shall protect you all.” Jaden decided to do what he said. He seemed to know best. However there was something about him that Jaden knew. As soon as everyone was comfortable, the man sat on the floor, in the pose of meditation. His meditation created a large force field around them. “Relax.” He told them. Jaden watched him murmur some strange things and it made him feel drowsy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stay tuned for Chapter IV Truths of a Stranger ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Another good one, and, i wonder who that guy is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 You'll find out soon enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niner_777 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Good chapter, Pottsie. I liked the point of view changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Aye 'tis a mighty fine fic indeedlio. You have a few issues with your punctuation and capitalisation, but they're not too much. PM if you want examples or editing. <_<I'll bet $5 CDN on the man being Revan.>_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Yeah...i mean, long untidy black hair? That sound like Mullet Dude! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 Wow, I didn't think anyone would think he was Revan. Although that would be an interesting concept, it isn't Revan, so I would put that $5 CDN back. As I mentioned in a previous post, he is like the Doctor off Doctor Who, who has the same powers, so he can't be Revan. Don't worry, we'll find out who this man is soon enough. Thanks for the advice Hall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 My longest Chapter yet. Five pages on Word and it was 1363 words long. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter IV Truths of a Stranger ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As soon as the morning arrived, Jaden, the man and the others returned to the Ebon Hawk. Everyone had been weary of him, though he had found the parts for the Ebon Hawk and Atton even told Jaden that he should go into the cargo hold, until Brianna reminded him that that was her quarters in the ship. In the end, Jaden gave him permission use Kreia’s old dormitory. Jaden hadn’t learnt anything about the man, for he refused to tell him or anyone else anything. Maybe in time, he would tell Jaden something. ***** Later that day, Jaden was at the cockpit with Atton. “So where do we go now?” He asked. “Dxun.” Jaden told him. “What about Telos?” Atton asked. “I’ll apologise to Admiral Onasi over the com,” Jaden told them, “I need to see Mandalore.” “Fine by me.” Atton said. Atton set the coordinates for Dxun and the Ebon Hawk left Korriban. As the Ebon Hawk entered space, Visas entered the cockpit. “May I speak with you for a moment Jaden?” She murmured. “Sure.” He told her. “I need to speak with you privately, away from the ears of the crew.” She told Jaden. “Okay then,” Jaden told her, “Atton ask Bao-Dur to speak with Admiral Onasi please.” “No problem.” Atton told him. Jaden nodded thanks to Atton and went off with Visas. ***** Admiral Carth Onasi paced around his office on the Telos Citadel Station, waiting for the Exile to return. Where was he? Carth thought, He wasn’t usually this late. Bastila Shan, a Jedi Knight who had helped him and Revan, during the Jedi Civil War, interrupted his thoughts. “Are you alright Carth?” She asked. “Fine,” Carth told her, “I’m just wondering where the Exile is.” “Are you worried?” Bastila asked. “Something must have happened,” Carth told her, “Otherwise he would have been here by now.” The comlink was ringing. Carth went over to it. A picture of Bao-Dur was there. “Admiral Onasi,” He started, “It is good to see you again.” “Bao-Dur?” Carth asked, “I haven’t seen you, since the beginning of the Restoration Project. Where have you been?” “I’ve been with the Exile,” Bao-Dur told Carth, “He has trained me in the ways of the Force and I’m the engineer on the Ebon Hawk, but that isn’t what I needed to talk to you about.” “What is it then?” Carth asked. “The Exile might not be on Telos for a while,” Bao-Dur told Carth, “He has to meet with an old friend.” “When will he be back?” Carth asked. “I have no idea,” Bao-Dur told Carth, “He’ll be back as soon as he can.” Carth sighed. However he wondered who the Exile’s old friend was. Maybe it was someone from the Mandalorian Wars. “Bao-Dur please stay on the comlink,” Carth told Bao-Dur finally, “I have a proposition for you.” ***** Visas led Jaden through the Ebon Hawk and they eventually arrived in the starboard dormitory. Visas immediately sat on the floor. “Please sit with me.” She told Jaden. Jaden decided to do what she said. “I need to show you something,” She continued, “Something about last night, with our mysterious friend. Now please close your eyes and let me show you…” Soon Jaden felt like the time he was training with Kreia, however this was different. This showed the past twelve hours. ***** Jaden saw himself back on Korriban, however he was asleep, along with Brianna and Mira. Visas was the only one awake and the man was meditating, protecting them all with his large force field. The man stopped mediating, causing the force field to stop and he walked over to Visas. “Not asleep yet, Miraluka?” He asked coldly. Visas stood up. “Why should it matter if I’m not asleep?” She asked. The man licked his lips and smiled. “Nothing wrong, I was just wondering how a Miraluka like yourself survived the attack on Katarr.” The man told her. “I was taken in by my master,” Visas told her, “But that isn’t the point. You’re the last of your species why are you interrogating me?” “I loathe Miralukas,” He told her, “Most my of my species adored your species, however I hated them ever since the Mandalorian Wars.” “What does that have to do with me?” Visas asked. “You are one of them,” The man told her, “When I was a Jedi Knight, some of your species had joined Revan and Malak and became Sith like them. My master was killed because of your species.” “Is this why you hate Miralukas?” Visas asked. The man licked his lips again and smiled, however now he was angrier. “Partly yes, but because of your species, I would have been killed by them, but the only way to survive was to join Revan and Malak,” The man told her, “I became a tool of evil, being my species caused me to regenerate into another person and I survived through the Jedi Civil War and the Sith Civil War here on Korriban.” “Please calm down,” Visas told him, “Nobody can change the past and you can’t blame my species or anyone else for that.” “I suppose you’re right.” The man said. “What is your name?” Visas asked. “I’m Zor Krel of the Immortalis race.” He told Visas. Both Visas and Zor remained quiet for several seconds and suddenly Zor used the Force to choke Visas. Visas was choking so hard, she couldn’t even breathe. Zor gritted his teeth to drown out Visas’ cries. Soon Zor let Visas go and Visas didn’t say another word. Visas decided to go back to sleep. As soon as Visas went to sleep, Zor had one last thing to say. “Sleep well Miraluka,” He told her, “If you ever tell anyone about our confrontation, I shall kill you by the stroke of my Lightsaber.” ***** The vision stopped and Jaden saw himself return to the present. He could sense Zor behind him. Jaden immediately turned around and his predictions were right. “I’m sorry did I disturb something?” He asked. Jaden suddenly felt angry and got out his Lightsaber. He raised it to Zor’s chin. Zor immediately withdrew his Lightsaber. It was a blood red colour, similar to Nihilus and Sion’s Lightsabers. Zor’s Lightsaber clashed with Jaden’s. Jaden immediately pushed him back. “If you ever threaten my friend again, I shall make sure I drop you off on the next asteroid we pass, do I make myself clear?” Jaden threatened him. “Of course,” Zor told Jaden, “It’s your call.” Jaden withdrew his Lightsaber as soon as Zor left and Visas put her hand on Jaden’s shoulder. Jaden turned to see her. “Thank you for protecting me Exile.” She told him. “Please just call me Jaden Lennon,” Jaden told her, “No wait, just Jaden.” Jaden and Visas felt weird and they felt themselves lean in for a kiss… Until Brianna interrupted them. “We’ve arrived at Dxun.” She told them. Jaden and Visas immediately pretended as if nothing happened and pulled themselves away from each other. “Thank you Brianna.” Jaden told her. Brianna watched Visas leave and she went to talk to Jaden. “What are you doing?” She asked, “I thought you loved me.” Jaden sighed. “I do, but can’t I have as many lovers as I want?” He asked. “No, you told me that you loved me and only me.” She told Jaden. “Well I have feelings for Visas as well,” He told her, “But I love you most.” “You sound like Atton!” Brianna shouted, before she left. Jaden sighed again and went to see everyone in the main hold. ***** “Mandalore, the Exile is here.” Kelborn told Mandalore. “Thank you Kelborn,” Canderous the Mandalore told him, “Send a scout to bring them here.” ***** Jaden left the Ebon Hawk along with Atton and Zor. The Mandalorian scout greeted them. “It is a pleasure to see you again,” He told Jaden, “I shall take you to the base. Please follow me.” The Mandalorian scout left with Jaden, Atton and Zor following them. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stay tuned for Chapter V Hanharr's Survival ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 Immortalis means Immortal in Latin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I just started a profile here! I read what chapters you have so far and it was great! Keep updating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Wow, i would have never guessed. Jk. Good chapter, liked the confrontation and discussion parts the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 Thanks for the comments and welcome to LF LordRevan123, I hope you have a good time here. I see you've also posted in Revanscool's Fic (They are good). Feel free to check out my other Fic, The Sith Lord. Anyway, the next Chapter shall take sometime, but I'll try to get it out as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 For u, I will wait until I am 42! (I'm serious.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 great chapter, Pottsie, its good to see another baddie in there although, the dream part was a bit rushed, IMO. you wrote that Visas decided to go to sleep after the guy had stopped choking her. i dont know about anyone else, but if someone choked me just like that, i would have [HK]gladly ripped his entrails out right then[/HK] or at least, i wouldnt go back to sleep while he was present. its your call, though KUTGW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Thanks for the comments RC. The dream part maybe rushed, but that was because Visas isn't usually the type of person to blab it all out. Until the Exile is awake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Interesting point Posttsie. Didn't think about it that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.