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[FIC]Red vs. Blue: The Kotor Chronicles

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Rexraptor2000

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Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue which is Rooster Teeth property, Halo which is Microsoft property, or Kotor which is Lucasarts property. Also, Reisa Tarn is JasraLantill's (Lucasforums Dantooine Theater Company) created character that I asked to use for this fic. But then, nobody reads these disclaimers or warning or anything, do they? I mean, you most likely don't read that federal warning thing at the beginning of DVDs telling you basically not to make money off of it, or copy it and give it away to all your friends so they'll like you. And when you try to skip it with your remote, it tells you something like "Option unavailable" or something like that because they want you to read it. And then they show you the Spanish version. Right now you're probably rolling your eyes thinking that this is just a way to add word count to this. Well, then let there be RvB (Modified quote property of God).

 

Picture of all the RvB characters

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Prologue

 

"A Reincarnation of Stupidity"

 

Here is a recap of the past events and old jokes brought to you by Caboose. The scene shows us on top of one the two bases on one side of a box canyon. There is a soldier in blue armor. That is Caboose.

 

"Wait! Why does Caboose get to do it?! He can barely count to ten with his own fingers!" Tucker said walking up one of the ramps. He was a soldier in teal armor.

 

"That's not true! I can also count to ten with my toes. Watch." Caboose said as he began to count ten with his toes, which he couldn't because they were encased in the armor.

 

"See what I mean? It'll come out stupefied!" Tucker said.

 

"1, 2, 3, ..." Caboose continued.

 

"Yeah, well it'll come out of you perverified, Jack---." Church said as he walked up another ramp. His armor was cobalt.

 

"Yay! Church is back!" Caboose exclaimed stopping his counting.

 

"No, it'll come out blueified coming from you terds!" Sarge, in red armor, said coming up another ramp followed by Simmons, in maroon armor, Donut, in pink armor, and Grif, in orange armor (Looks yellow).

 

"Excellentified, Sir!" Simmons said.

 

"Thank you Simmons." Sarge said.

 

"Oh, come on! That's so lameified." Grif remarked.

 

"Shut it, Dirtbag." Sarge said.

 

Anyways, it is now time for Caboose to-

 

"Hold on! None of us want to hear it from him. I'll do it." Church said.

 

"No, I'll do it." Tucker objected.

 

"I'll do it!" Sarge said and they began arguing.

 

"Let me do it!" Donut said over the arguing.

 

"NO!" came the reply from all of them and they continued. Then Tex came out of nowhere and joined the argument. She was wearing black armor.

 

Then an evil voice came put of nowhere and said "I'll do it! My version involves massacres and bloody murder! Muahahahahhahahahahahahahaha....!" The voice continued as a man in purple armor walked up the ramp. This was O'Mally.

 

Then another voice out of the same mouth said "Can't we all just get along and let Caboose do it like he was supposed to?" This was Doc. They all just ignored the new comers and continued.

 

Well, since they are all arguing, I'll have to give a recap so that you all don't get completely lost reading the story. First, there is a war between Reds and Blues. Don't ask me why, there just is. Second, these two teams of red and blue were fighting each other in a box canyon of no importance. I think you can guess the reason why. They basically did nothing and sat around all day until two new recruits arrived, (Donut and Caboose), along with some other things. The blues got a tank and the reds got a jeep that Sarge called the Warthog, although Grif thought it looked more like a Puma. Caboose was left on guard duty for the flag when he sold it to Donut who-

 

"I really meant to capture it!" Donut yelled.

 

"Yeah right! You thought you were buying it at the store." Simmons said.

 

Forget it. This is taking too long. Basically, Church got killed by Caboose in the tank, came back as a ghost, Church's exgirlfriend Tex came, got the blue flag back, stuck Donut's head with a Plasma Grenade-

 

"After that I remember that Grif was knocked out and Simmons fainted-"

 

"Ha! I knew it!" Grif said.

 

"I did not faint."

 

Got captured, the lousy-

 

"It was well planned!" Church objected.

 

Well planned plan got her back, she decided to stay, she repaired the tank, got stuck by a Plasma Grenade, died, O'Mally in her head transferred to Caboose, Church took over a red army Mexican robot called Lopez (brown armor), spray painted it cobalt, received a doc-

 

"Medic!" Doc interrupted.

 

Received a medic, three months after the call for medical attention-

 

"I'm still convinced he crawled here." Tucker said.

 

Got attacked by the reds and they surrendered the medic, and the reds Grif's dignity,-

 

"That was the best surrender of all time." Sarge commented who, along with the others, was now listening the the author.

 

"Like he ever had dignity." Simmons muttered.

 

"Shut it, kiss ---." Grif said.

 

Since they had run out of ammo-

 

"Grif should have used my suggestion for the last bullet in his gun" Simmons said.

 

The blues nearly killed Sarge by messing with a switch on Lopez, which was in a disgusting place, the reds left Doc in the middle of the canyon since they didn't want him and the blues wouldn't take him-

 

"And Church was being so rude with his back turned to us the whole time. And they were doing something really freaky, but I couldn't tell what they were doing." Grif said.

 

"It was not what you think." Church said defending himself.

 

Tex comes back as a ghost and they try to destroy O'Mally, in turn only transferring him to Doc. Then the reds turn Simmons into a cyborg and and used his body parts to save Grif who had been injured by Shiela, the tank. Then-

 

"Oh, yeah I forgot. Someone remind me later to cut off my right hand." Grif said, but everybody ignored him.

 

Then the blues captured Donut after he learned about O'Mally's plot to crush every living thing in the universe (Like that was hard to figure out), and used him as a ransom for two new robotic bodies from Sarge because Lopez had run away with Sheila to start a robot army. Then-

 

"Codeword: Dirtbag." Sarge interrupted and everybody watched amused as Church's body was forced to punch Grif.

 

"Oww!"

 

Anyways, then after a strange set of coincidences, (In particular Tucker getting shot by a rocket firing alien vehicle), O'Mally escaped with Lopez through a teleporter, they called a truce and decided to work together. After discussing for two hours what would be ironic in that situation-

 

"I still think it would have been ironic if we were made of iron." Caboose said.

 

They set off through the teleporter after O'Mally in teams of two. Caboose and Sarge arrived in a creek bed where there were two teams of eternally respawning fanatics worshiped a flag-

 

"I liked them. They were funny." Caboose said.

 

"They tried to kill you." Tucker said.

 

"I try not to think about the bad things about people." Caboose said.

 

"That's all they tried to do to you."

 

"I know. And that's why I don't think about the bad things."

 

Church and Grif ended up where Church had been stationed before Blood Gulch, Sidewinder. They were shortly captured afterwards by the red forces still there, and Simmons ended up in what you could call the train station of teleporters. Then-

 

"It was more like a janitors closet." Simmons said.

 

"Everybody shut up!" Church said and then they began arguing again.

 

Then after another set of strange things, they all regroup at Sidewinder to face O'Mally. Donut had been left behind when Tex's ghost took one of the robot bodies. They were able to regroup at Sidewinder as well. Then they faced off against O'Mally, who had accessed the weather control device in Lopez. Then-

 

"I still cannot believe you couldn't find D batteries to power it." Tucker said to Sarge.

 

"I told you they were just too expensive at gas stations." Sarge said.

 

Earlier Caboose had activated the remote count down timer for the bomb in Church-

 

"Tucker did it!"

 

And during the battle, a bolt of lightning from the weather device fused the detonator. And Sarge couldn't defuse it because he had specifically made it so he couldn't defuse it, in case he was brainwashed to help the blues. Then-

 

"And then Simmons had to have the honor of getting one last chance before we died." Grif said. Then he looked around and asked "Hey, why are we even alive?"

 

Then Simmons brought the fanatics from the creek and they pwned O'Mally. And then the bomb went off. They were originally going to be sent into the future 800 years, but then that would have nothing to do with Kotor. So I'm going to send all of them to the Kotor era of the Star Wars galaxy. They will still get the shiny new armor and weapons, along with infinite ammo since there is none in that universe.

 

"Oh, cool! Can I be Darth Vader?! Please?" Donut asked.

 

"What in the sam hell is a Kotor?" Sarge asked.

 

A video game set four-thousand years before the Star Wars movies. And none of you will remember this prologue.

 

"What?! Awe come on!" Grif complained.

 

Fine. Caboose will. Now to detonate the bomb.

 

"What?! You stopped the bomb to bring us here and then are going to activate it?!" Church exclaimed. The bomb started to tick and Church said "Awe, you Son of a-" The bomb went off.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Aboard the Endor Spire...

 

Things were going to hell. The Sith were swarming the ship and troops were falling fast. Trask ran into the room of Revan, known right now as Reisa Tarn or by her nickname Raze, and was going to tell her what was going on when a portal of light appeared in the room. It deposited Church and Grif in the room and closed up afterwards.

 

Church looked at his surroundings and said "Frak." Then he gasped and said "By the force, I can't even curse right anymore. AAAHHHH!!!"

 

Another portal opened up in the bridge where Bastila was and deposited Caboose and Sarge in there.

 

Caboose took one look around and asked "Why are you all looking at us funny and pointing those weird guns at us?"

 

Manaan Underwater Kolto Research Station...

 

A scientist was running for his life and had just reached the sub hanger when a portal opened up in front of him and deposited all the red fanatics. The scientist was about to run past them when his head was blown off by one of the fanatic's sniper rifles.

"You are the master of Leet Speak!" A another fanatic shouted and they charged the onslaught of crazy manaan researchers, firing their arsenal of assault rifles, sub-machine guns, rocket launchers, and other weapons.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Did this prologue even have a purpose?" Grif asked.

 

Not really. You probably could have the the first chapter and understood it better. Or just watched the first few episodes.

 

"You suck. Dikut head. BTF (By the force), I can't can't even curse right either. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

 

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more chapters of-

 

"Oh just shut up and get to writing the first chapter! I want to know if Tucker died. Actually, I don't care as long as I don't see him again." Church said.

 

Fine. Thanks for for reading.

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Rexraptor2000 Newbie

Rexraptor2000

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Disclaimer: I've already done a disclaimer for RvB, Kotor, and Halo, so I'll only do it for Monty Python this time. I do not own Monty Python and The Search for the Holy Grail, which this skit is based upon, nor do I take credit for its hilarity. I-

 

"What are you talking about?! It sucks! Grif interrupted.

 

Does not.

 

"Does too."

 

Does not.

 

"Does too."

 

Does not.

 

"Does too."

 

This is pointless. Anyways, I do take credit for the funniness that sprung from their funniness-

 

"What the frak are you talking about? All I see is me being miserable."

 

People deprive enjoyment from your misery. That is your only purpose in life at this point. Besides seeing how badly you can ruin your new body that Simmons donated.

 

"Have you been smoking Grif?! I worked hard to keep that body healthy!" Simmons shouts in the background.

 

"Relax, I haven't." Grif replies, shortly before a puff of smoke comes out of his helmet.

 

Not exactly certain as to who Monty Python belongs to, but whoever they are they-

 

"Ah, poodoo!" Grif shouted as a giant python that you only see in horror movies began to chase him. That was just totally random and will not have any impact on the story if you're wondering. Anyways, end of disclaimer and enjoy the review replies and the skit. Sorry the first chapter is taking so long, but regardless, I hope this will tide you over.

 

"Oh, God! It's got my leg. Help me!"

 

"A snake? Here? OMG, somebody shoot it!" Simmons shouted frantically.

 

Review Replies

 

CSI Nihilus-

 

Church says: "Nah, because the commandos are pansies compared to us."

 

He has his head blown off by Sev a moment later and he comes back as a ghost. "What the Frak was that for?!"

 

"Because I was bored."

 

"Dikut head... I hate you author."

 

The Author says: "Thanks for the review. I felt like doing Kotor because they would fit better in there, and for the fact that the Sith troopers in that time have incredibly bad aim. You know, start on some common ground."

 

"."

 

"As for Shiela, there was a reason I didn't include Lopez, Shiela, and Vic in the prologue. (Yes, Vic is going to be in it too) As to what that reason is, let's just say there were some technical difficulties."

 

"Firing Main Cannon."

 

BOOM!

 

"We're sorry to interrupt you, but all items in foreign languages shall now appear in cyan."

 

"To have your call forwarded to this person's home phone, press 22. To access this person's pager, press 36."

 

"Some very big technical difficulties."

 

Dark_Lady-

 

Lopez says: "Perdón, Do you speak English?."

 

The Author says: "Thanks for the review. There's actually not that much to make-"

 

"We got a girl to review?! Awe dude, we're awesome to the major degree."

 

"Never mind what I was about to say."

 

Tucker was about to say something, but was cut off by the author as what he was going to say was most likely perverted.

 

Jabner-

 

Donut says: "If you're interested, my Amazon wishlist url is-" but the author cuts it off abruptly as he realizes that he doesn't want Donut to interact with the reviewers.

 

The Author says: "Thanks for the review. Hope you'll stick around for more."

 

"Don't! Maybe if you don't the author will quit and spare us from this torture."

 

"You're always going to try to undermine me, aren't you Grif?"

 

"... What the hell does undermine mean?"

 

JasraLantill-

 

Grif says: "Ah yes, the one who allowed the author to use her character in this story of torture. I hope you're proud of yourself."

 

The Author says: "Thanks for the review. Sorry I didn't really include Raze in the prologue, but the next chapter will have quite a bit of Raze."

 

"I bet Grif five bucks that Tucker dies in less than five minutes after meeting Raze."

 

"Make it ten, and it's a deal."

 

Mohunas-

 

Caboose says: "My most favoritest thing in the world is muffins. And Sheila. But I can't like two things, can I? Muffins or Sheila? Sheila or Muffins. But what about kittens? Or nap time? I hate babies."

 

The Author says: "Red vs. Blue is my favorite online series also, and is obviously the inspiration for this fiction."

 

"That's another way of saying that it's a way to steal a few minutes of your life, and you'll never be able to get them back."

 

"You're not helping Grif."

 

"I don't care, I'm just going to go eat some Oreos."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"There it is." Simmons shouted, the sight of an old wood bridge coming up as the reds and Raze traveled along the tree ramps of Kashyyyk, running some random errand for the author.

 

"The Bridge of Pwn!" Sarge said, recalling the name that the author had told him of.

 

"Oh, great." Grif said sarcastically.

 

"Look! There's a blue fanatic from season 3!" Sarge said pointing to the blue armored being at the bridge.

 

"¿? " Lopez asked, but no one understood him.

 

"He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveler five questions-" Sarge began to say, but was interrupted by Simmons.

 

"Three questions."

 

"Three questions. He who answers the five questions-"

 

"Three questions."

 

"Three questions may cross in safety."

 

"What if you get a question wrong?" Grif asked somewhat knowing the answer.

 

"Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Pwning and Corpse Desecration."

 

"... Corpse Desecration?"

 

"The author had to think of a new name since the original was too vulgar."

 

"Who's going to answer the questions?" Donut asked.

 

"Grif!"

 

"Frak, I'm not going to do that. That's too dangerous."

 

"Grif, go or I will shove this shotgun up your-"

 

"Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Raze go?" Grif suggested interrupting Sarge's threat.

 

Raze, who had grown inpatient with both the reds and the author at this point, said "I'll do it. You guys can go back and I'll get the lightsaber myself."

 

"No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions-"

 

"Three questions."

 

"Three questions as best you can, and we will watch... and hope you absorb all the bullets first." Sarge said.

 

"Thanks for the encouragement. Bet you'd make a great morale officer." Raze said sardonically walking up to the blue fanatic.

 

"Oh, look!!! More Leet Speak!!!"

 

"... What?"

 

"Answer my three questions and you pass. OMG, why do I have to put up with such noobs?"

 

Raze rolled her eyes and said "Ask me the questions."

 

"What... is your name?"

 

"Reisa Tarn."

 

"What... is your quest?"

 

"To find the Holy Lightsaber that the author lost."

 

"What... is your favorite color?"

 

"Blue."

 

"Traitor!" Sarge called out.

 

"Right. Off you go, noob."

 

"You have to be Frackin' kidding me." Grif said in disbelief.

 

Raze was stunned for a moment, but then regained her composer and said politely "Oh, thank you. Thank you very much."

 

"That's easy!" Grif said walking up to the blue fanatic, confident is success.

 

"Oooh! Even More Leet Speak!!!."

 

"... What?" Grif asked, but the blue fanatic ignored him and began asking the questions.

 

"What... is your name?"

 

"Dexter Grif."

 

"What... is your quest?"

 

"To find the Holy Lightsaber that the author was too lazy too come here and cross the bridge of easy questions to get."

 

"What... is the capital of Coruscant?"

 

Grif paused for a moment, and then realizing what that meant, said "Frak." Then suddenly a rocket came and blew Grif off the ramp and down below, with a loud Crash! as he hit the bottom. Then there was the sound of weapons fire, and you could hear Grif screaming "Dear God, get them away from me! I'm being violated!" Then Donut went up to take a try at crossing.

 

"I shall Leet you incessantly!"

 

"...What?" Donut asked, but the blue fanatic ignored him and began asking the questions.

 

"What... is your name?"

 

"Franklin Donut."

 

"What... is your quest?"

 

"To find the Holy Lightsaber that the author won't tell us about."

 

"What... is the color of your armor?"

 

"Lightish Re-" Donut began to say, but was cut off as a rocket slam into him and blew him off the ramp. After his crash, everybody waited for his screams of violation, but heard none. Everybody was seriously disturbed by this, hoping that he was just dead. Then Simmons gulped nervously and then went forward to the blue fanatic.

 

"Stop! What... is your name?" the fanatic said going straight to the question to avoid anymore confusion.

 

"Dick Simmons."

 

"What... is your quest?"

 

"I'm looking for the Holy Lightsaber."

 

"What... is your favorite color?"

 

"Red. No, mar-- auuuuuuuugh!" Simmons shouted as he was blown over the ramp by a random rocket, followed by the sound of him hitting the ground and yelling something about being violated.

 

"Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?"

 

"Sarge."

 

"What... is your quest?"

 

"To find the Holy Lightsaber."

 

"What... is the land-speed velocity of an unladen kinrath?"

 

"What do you mean? A Dantooine or Kashyyyk kinrath?"

 

"Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh!" He shouted as a rocket blew him down below, followed by the usual crash and then the sound of fanatics pwning him.

 

"Ooh, look! I habloed Espanol!"

 

"Well, you have to know these things when you're a Sargeant, you know." Sarge said pretending to understand Lopez, and thinking that he was asking how he knew so much about kinrath.

 

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of." Raze stated as she walked back over the bridge, holding a golden saber staff. Then she looked around and asked "Where'd everybody go?"

 

"They're most likely dead and desecrated." Sarge said rejoicing.

 

"*gasp* Sorry to *gasp* rain on *gasp* your little *gasp* parade *gasp* Sarge, *gasp* but I'm *gasp* not dead *gasp* yet.*gasp*" Grif said gasping as he pulled himself over the edge of the ramp, laying on it panting afterwards. Donut and Simmons pulled themselves over shortly afterwards, although they weren't as tired like Grif was. Why? The super powered armor they wore.

 

"We only climbed fifty feet Grif. You're really out of shape, even with that armor which is supposed to make you stronger, not weaker." Simmons pointed out.

 

"*gasp* Frak *gasp* you! *gasp*"

 

"Why aren't you all dead?! You got hit directly by rockets!" Sarge exclaimed, in disbelief that they were still alive.

 

"We had overshields that the author had so generously provided to us before the errand." Simmons said.

 

"I wish it had killed us." Grif said catching his breath.

 

"You were shot at and had your bodies desecrated by fanatics!"

 

"We fought back. Well, I fought back. Grif was running around, screaming like a little girl while firing his weapon randomly. And Donut just laid there playing dead."

 

They all turned to look at Donut and he asked "What?"

 

They all shuddered and then Sarge said "Well, apparently I'm going to have to request another assignment from the author since-"

 

"NO!" they all shouted at him, silencing him instantly.

 

"I'm not dead yet, noobs!" a shout came from the blue fanatic that had been blown up earlier, who was now standing at the bridge again. And he had the backup of 50 other red and blue fanatics. They were all armed with Assault Rifles, Rocket Launchers, Sniper Rifles, and Energy Swords. Then Grif voiced everyone's thoughts' in a single word.

 

"Frak."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

TO BE CONTINUED? (English)

 

¿PARA SER CONTINUADO? (Spanish)

 

VERDER GEGAAN TE WORDEN? (Dutch)

 

続けられるために? (Japanese)

 

ETRE CONTINUE ? (French)

 

2 8 (()|\|71|\||_|3|)? (1337)

 

54 4f 20 42 45 20 43 4f 4e 54 49 4e 55 45 44 3f (Hexadecimal)

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Rexraptor2000 Newbie

Rexraptor2000

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"Bow Chika Bow *Kick in vital spot* Ow"

 

The scene before us has Church, Grif, Donut, and stupid Tucker.

 

"Hey! I thought you weren't allowed to take sides!" Tucker said indignantly.

 

Let's face the fact: You're a pervert. I don't see the reasoning for putting you in this PSA, but I must exercise equal equality for-

 

"Oh just shut up and let us do this. I hate Valentines day." Church shouted.

 

Fine. P****.

 

"Hello everyone and I'm Pvt. Leonard Church from the popular web series Red vs. Blue." Church began with the introductions that no one bothers to read.

 

"I'm Pvt. Franklin Donut from the popular series Lightish Re-"

 

"Pink!"

 

"Lightish Re-"

 

"It's Pink! It's friggin' Pink!"

 

"-vs. Blue." Donut said, the interruptions coming from Grif.

 

"I'm Pvt.-" Tucker began to say, but was muted by the author so that the author wouldn't get banned.

 

"And I'm Pvt. Dexter Grif from the same show." Grif finished up, adding "Oh, and Sis, if you're reading this, don't get any ideas. I'd hate to ruin my reputation as a lazy slacker to kick the earlobe of some kid that you decide to date and-"

 

"But we're not here to talk to you about our word famous achievements or about how handsome we are." Church said interrupting Grif to go along with the usual routine.

 

Grif sighed and said like a commercial person "Or to tell you why you should switch your car insurance to Geoco to save 15% or more on car insurance."

 

"No, we're here to talk to you about the day of love, or broken love, Valentines day, and the do's or don’ts."

 

"We realize that some of you woman out that are lonely, but our statistics show that 10% of women send themselves flowers on Valentines Day." Grif says, a pie graph appearing behind him. The pie has a visible chuck bitten out of it and scribbled on it is 'Tucker did it!'. The actual title is 'The Percentage of Women that hate Tucker'. It has 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% on it.

 

"Hah! I knew all schuttas didn't hate me! Who is it that doesn't hate me?" Tucker asked eagerly.

 

Your mother.

 

"What?! That's Bantha Fodder... You're a lovely person, you know that, right?"

 

And you're a perverted coward.

 

"I'm a lover, not a fighter."

 

"Anyways," Church said interrupting the argument. "We realize that most of you don't have a valentine, are too scared to ask someone to be your valentine, already have a valentine, or everybody just hates you and no one loves you. If your the last person, just go kill yourself. It'll save the world a load of trouble. If you aren't the last one however, we are here with some valentine day tips for all of you."

 

Tip 1: Never try to do it when you first meet

 

We see Tucker talking to a pink armored woman (Not Donut) who is looking a tad distressed.

 

"Can I doze with you? Bow Chika Bow-"

 

We see her kick him in the toenail and him collapse to the ground.

 

"-Ow."

 

Then we see the woman leave and then come back with an Elite. She whispers something in its ear (Where ever that is), and it immediately starts to kicking Tucker in the toenail while he's on the ground.

 

Tip 2: Never hire someone online to be your valentine

 

We see Tucker standing in front of one of blue base in Blood Gulch, and a guy in pink armor (Donut) walk up to him.

 

"Hey, schutta, ready for some Bow Wow time?" Tucker asked.

 

"Oh, you bet I am big boy." Donut says seductively, though it does not have the intended affect. Instead Tucker starts running away screaming like a little girl, with Donut after him.

 

Tip 3: Chocolates are not always the best idea

 

Grif is seen giving a box of chocolates to the woman in pink armor, who eats one of the chocolates and begins to go into spasms on the ground, and then stops a few moments later, only the occasionally twitch. Grif looks at the box and it says 'Warning: Nerve Gas contained in chocolate'. He looks up at some place behind the camera, and then suddenly begins to run away. Shortly later, a giant tank comes, chasing Grif.

 

Tip 4: Try and make a joke because lets face the fact: You suck at jokes

 

"-And I say to Simmons, 'At least a week'. Hahahaha hehehe eh, Why are you aiming that Rocket Launcher at me?"

 

Tip 5: If you’re antisocial, don't bother

 

"Just be my valentine schutta and get it over with!" Church says yelling at the woman in pink armor. She pulls out an energy sword and cuts him in half, starting at the kneecap.

 

Church comes back as a ghost and says "Schutta."

 

Tip 6: If you’re actually listening to our tips, you probably are both smart and insane. Insane for reading something that the author wrote, and smart for following the actual tip.

 

"What?! That's poodoo! First for the writing part, since you're the one writing, and smart for the tip. This wasn't even funny. All that is happening is a pink armored woman is kicking our cute little derrieres. That's just plain not nice." Tucker said, complaining like a baby as he always does.

 

"Hey!"

 

"As long as you follow these simple tips, you will most likely make it though Valentines day not dead." Church said cutting through Tuckers complaints.

 

"But remember, whoever you are asking to be your Valentine or is your Valentine, that you should basically asking someone you actually love." Donut said dreamily, which looked just plain creepy.

 

"Hah, yeah right." Tucker said, slowly inching his arm towards the pink armored woman that was now standing among the group. She grabs his arm and motions to me to censor this next part. I nod in understanding and censor it. (Yes, I have an avatar in that world)

 

You can hear bones cracking and screaming. Mingled with the screams was "Dear god, that's not supposed to bend that way!" and "That doesn't give you an excuse to put my eye out!"

 

I shiver, horrified, and Grif ends the PSA, shaking, with "Have a happy Valentines day. And Sis, remember my warning."

 

________________________________________

 

The next chapter has run into some problems, but I plan to have them sorted out. Thanks for reading.

 

"Please dear readers, make him stop! I'll do anything you want, just get to him stop! He's insane!" Grif cries out, shortly before one of the authors creatures knock him out and drags him away.

 

 

Next time I have to edit a chapter like this, I'll close the thread instead. ;) --Jae

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