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Huh, this cult gave me the shaft. I see how it is. I'm going to start my own cult. Its going to have blackjack, and hookers. Actually screw the black jack we'll just have hookers! And we'll sacrifice all sorts of stuff. Maybe monkeys. It'd have to be an evil monkey of some sort though. Or a magical one.

 

Magical monkeys have keys in their brains that open up gateways to the magic chicken patty dimension where things are mostly made of chicken patties. Also people say the words honk, honk, and ballllin' as catchphrases far more often then we do here in this dimension. They have cheaper car insurance as well. I'm pretty much just rambling now. I'm in a rambling mood I suppose. There is more rambling in the chicken patty dimension. And all dogs are required to wear jet packs AT ALL TIMES! Any dog caught not wearing his jet pack will be forced to sacrifice a non-magical monkey. This will appease the non magical monkey watchers of chicken patty u.s.a.

 

 

 

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P.S. I think we could use a grill here. We could make food on the grill. And have conversations at the grill. For example:

 

Question: Hey how's that hot dog you just grilled?

Response: Quite well thank-you.

Response: That is quite good.

Response: Action: stabbing a Shank in person's face.

Response: ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH !@#@$#$#

Response: Action: Calmly throws shank in nearby garbage and takes hot dog.

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Your thoughts and suggestions are important to us and our cult. Please feel free to write any and all suggestions you have done a a plain white lined peice of paper. After this please take this piece of paper and put it in an envelope. Lick the envelope. It doesn't matter where. The envelope just wants to be loved. You may also make love to the envelope. Its not necessary, but it will travel faster as a result.

 

Please try not to give the envelope crabs. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Then say the word envelope a couple of times. Sounds weird doesnt it? ENVELOPe. ENNNVEELOPPE> Serously say it out loud. We are watching you. And taped you making love to the envelope. But that will come up later. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOGUH. Take this envelope to your nearest Denny's Resturant. Locate the head cook. Kill him. Using the envelope as a weapon.

 

 

Be advised this is usually a tough one. Those suckers dont go down without a fight. But all of our mail must be first used to kill a head cook at a Denny's resturant. Regardless if it a memo, post it not, or regular mail. Lather yourself and the envelope in the cook's blood. Please remember to defecate upon his corpse before you flee. Take your bloody letter and body home. Wait exactly 14 minutes. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Then dance a little. Nothing too fancy. Just alittle something to get me going. Yea. Yea... Thats good. Yea...... Ok stop. Now I dunno. Open up your CD drive on your computer. Close it. Now run outside naked. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Did you remember your envelope? Good. Take this envelope to outer space. I'm not sure about how your going to do that last part. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Then throw it into the sun. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. We'll get back to you within 3-8 weeks. KTHNXBUY.

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