[Fic] Forgiveness and Redemption

[Jae Onasi]

I've entered, and while it's ineligible to win, I'd appreciate comments!

Thanks.

 

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Carth hoped to get drunk quickly. Completely, absolutely, drunk. He’d already had several glasses of Corellian ale, but it wasn’t helping a bit. He had been spending the evening in a noisy, smoky Anchorhead cantina commiserating with Jolee and Canderous about just how bad love stunk when she walked in, her light parting the sea of gloom. His heart rose and sank at the same time. It was Chaya. Revan. Whatever the hell she called herself now.

 

“What do you want? I’m not sure I want to be around the person responsible for my wife’s death,” Carth said, fire and pain burning away the glazed look in his eyes.

 

“Please, Carth let me stay. I just want a chance to talk with you.” Chaya’s eyes pleaded with him, mirroring the anguish in his own.

 

They’re that beautiful blue-green of a Telosian sea. That she decided would be turned to nothing but steam…. I hate her. I love her. Carth closed his eyes, swallowed hard, clutching the glass of whiskey to keep his hand from reaching for her soft copper hair.

 

“Much as it would be entertaining to see the two of you spar verbally, I’m not up for refereeing right now. Grab that bottle, Jolee,” Canderous said, tossing credits down on the table and getting up to leave.

 

Jolee stood. “I kept the seat warm, Chaya. Ignore him when he tells you to get the hell out. That’s just the booze talking.”

 

“Thanks, Jolee, Canderous. Nice of you to abandon a guy,” Carth grumbled.

 

Jolee grinned and squeezed his shoulder. “Heh, we only do it ‘cause we love you. See you at the ship later. Okay, Canderous, let’s see if we can manage to walk out of here straight.” The two men walked through the crowd and left the cantina.

 

Chaya continued standing patiently while Carth went back to contemplating the reflections off the surface of the whiskey. “I suppose you want to sit down.”

 

“Actually, I was wondering if we could take a walk outside. It’s much cooler now that it’s dark, and a lot more private.” Carth swirled the amber liquid in his glass and didn’t look up. She continued, “Look, I don’t remember much of what happened before I joined your crew. All I know is the person I was died, and Chaya is here now. And Chaya loves you, and hopes you can see it in your heart to forgive who she was before.”

 

She held her breath as Carth’s gaze pierced her, hate, betrayal, and pain flooding out. There’s a faint glimmer of light in all that darkness, though….

 

Carth sighed. “Fine. Let’s go.” Chaya let out the breath she had been holding. He got up, tossed credits on the table, and strode out of the overfilled cantina. They walked down the dimly lit and nearly empty main street. Carth felt the cool desert night air ruffle his hair, and he absently pushed the stray lock back out of his eyes. “Explain to me how you could be that monster and Chaya all at the same time.”

 

She said, “I remember waking up on the Endar Spire. Everything else is just fragmented images of those maps, the duel with the Jedi boarding party, and Malak’s attack. I can’t remember doing any of the things they say I did. I can’t imagine giving orders for mass slaughter, though HK seems to take great delight in reminding me.” She grimaced.

 

“Even if you are telling me the truth, how do I know that the evil Revan won’t come back?”

 

The hurt clouded her eyes for a moment and she said in a voice tightened with emotion, “I’d give a million credits to go back in time a couple of days to the point where we loved each other, trusted each other, and I wasn’t Revan.”

 

“Yeah, well it’s not happening.”

 

“I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through--”

 

“No, you’re right. You can’t. Seeing your home destroyed and having your wife die in your arms is not something you’ll ever understand. I should have known better than to let myself have any feelings again.”

 

Chaya stopped and turned to look at him. “Carth Onasi, you just stop that right now. If I didn’t know who I was, how in the Force were you supposed to?”

 

“I…you…I just shouldn’t have let myself trust anything again.”

 

“None of us get anywhere in life without a little help. You have to trust someone at some point. We’ve been together several months now. We needed each other to survive. We’ve needed our crewmates to get through this crazy quest. We need everyone’s help to stop Malak and rescue Bastila. I can’t do that alone. None of us can. The crew needs you and your trust.” Chaya took his hand. “I need you. I need your strength…and your love.”

 

He didn’t grasp her hand in his like usual, but he didn’t pull away, either. The ache in his throat made his voice a near-whisper. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Chaya searched his eyes. “What do you feel? Deep down?”

 

“My mind tells me I shouldn’t even be standing here talking to you after what you’ve done. My heart is telling me—deep down—that I can’t live without you.”

 

“I love you, Carth, and I know I never want to go back to being what Revan was. I also know that with your love, I never will.”

 

“Oh, Chaya….” Carth folded her into his arms and stroked her hair gently.

 

She laid her head on his chest. “Can you forgive me?”

 

“I can try. I can’t promise that it’ll be easy, but I can try.”

 

She looked up at him. “I won’t ask you for more than you can give, Carth.”

 

He gave her a little smile. “That doesn’t sound like something a Sith would say.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you wanting me to say something evil?”

 

“Actually, I want you to tell me you love me again.”

“I love you. I love you so much I can hardly bear it.”

 

“That’s a good start, then.”

 

“Do you trust me enough to do something?”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Kiss me. Please.”

 

Carth looked into her eyes, dark with emotion. He felt her trembling in his arms as she waited those long moments. He whispered, “I can do that.” She melted against him as he gently brushed his lips against hers. “I love you, too.”

[JediMaster12]

This was a nice little interlude. You did a nice job of showing the feelings of two people torn over an issue, that being Revan's identity. I like how it starts out with Carth trying to drink himself into oblivion and then Chaya/Revan comes to make things right.

 

None of us get anywhere in life without a little help.

This was a nice testament as to confronting the issue of trust. I like how you use Revan to get Carth to see that you have to trust people and ask for help sometimes.

[stingerhs]

good work, and it seems to be appropriately gushy. i'm not normally one for love stories, but its pulled off quite well. a little short, but its still quite sweet in the middle.

 

score: 8/10.

[Diego Varen]

I like this Jae. Revan, Carth, Canderous and Jolee are written in character and Carth drinking himself, because of Revan to get her attention was good. Too many Fics to vote on!

[Darth InSidious]

Nice

 

Very...Breakfast At Tiffany's

 

Not too long, but some constructions, and word use don't quite work, IMO - "Carth hoped to get drunk quickly. Completely, absolutely, drunk.", is an example. Personally I would have phrased that a bit differently. Maybe more like this: "Carth wanted to get drunk fast. Completely, utterly, totally polaxed. The couple of Corellian ales he'd already downed weren't helping, and, unaccompanied, felt as alone as he did, and just as miserable."

 

Obviously this is just my interpretation, and it is in any case a very enjoyable piece