[Fic]My KotOR Comedy

[The Architect]

STAR WARS: KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC: I KNOW WHO I AM FOOLS!

MY FIRST COMEDY FAN-FICTION

BY ME. (SERIOUSLY)

 

The main concept of this plot

 

Well, the title is a big clue. Basically this is just KotOR, except Revan knows who he/she is from the beginning and it’s a comedy. Eh, well…that’s the intention of this anyway. Umm…most likely this will be a failure. We’ll see. Hopefully not.

 

PART ONE: THE ENDAR SPIRE

 

You guys know how KotOR goes, right? Well, Mr. Clichéd One Dimensional Cheese Spandex Man Malak, with one of the corniest laughs in fictional character history, ah, is not too fond of the Jedi Order and the Republic, and what do guys with red lightsabers do with people they’re not too fond of? They will try and make good use of their hot laser tools on them!

 

What? Cutting people in half is fun. Well, at least for the Sith anyway, and a few emo Jedi, like ah, Vrook, and Atris. Hey, we can’t all have the same hobbies can we? Anyhow, Malak’s massive army are trying to capture an annoying, obnoxious, whiny, narrow-minded spoiled Jedi princess known as Bastila.

 

Why? I don’t know you tell me. Well….the Sith will tell you that it’s because her mastery of the awesome power of Battle Meditation would help them kick ass, but that ain’t the real reason folks.

 

The real reason is because their leader, you know, the bald guy in the red pyjama suit who looks like he needs to get some more sun, has had a crush on her since he was a little girl, and ah, wants to “seduce” her to more than just the dark side, if you catch my drift.

 

So a Sith battle fleet ambushes a Republic ship, the Endar Spire, in an attempt to capture Bastila and make use of her “abilities” *wink wink*. So, on this crappy ship known as the Endar Spire, a little cross dresser named Revan (yeah cry me a river Revan fan-boys) is awoken by the impact of the blasts from the Sith fighters on the ship.

 

An underpaid Republic officer who has grey hair…in his thirties! Comes running in like a kid whose had too much candy to say to Revan “We’ve been ambushed by a Sith battle fleet! The Endar Spire is under attack. Hurry up, we don’t have much time.”

 

Revan replies sarcastically “Oh you think! No s-h-i-t we don’t have much time. Okay, now how about you shut the f (you the other three letters) up, get out of my way and I don’t know, go help your friends, if you have any, which I doubt.”

 

Trask replies “Yeah yeah whatever hippie. Just shut up, get your skirt and your wand and come with me.” Revan mumbles “Fancy talking to an ex-Sith Lord like that.” Anyway, they both kick every wanna-be Sith’s ass to and at the bridge, head towards the escape pods (you know how it goes) and then umm…Trask decides to be an idiot. Wow what a surprise.

 

He sees Darth Bandon walking towards him and Revan. He says aloud “Holy crap could that skinhead walk any slower? This war will be over before he even gets close to us!” Revan snaps “Look! Would you shut up, stop checking him out and come with me?”

 

Trask says “I’m not running from this guy. I can take him. You go on without me. I’ll meet you at the starboard section.” Revan replies “Okay fine. Just remember that you’re not supposed to make love to him, alright?” Trask sarcastically shouts “AHAHAHAHA, SHUT UP!”

 

Revan shrugs his shoulders, heads towards the escape pods, and once again, Carth speaks to him via the communicator or whatever (can’t remember what Revan had that enabled him to communicate with Carth). Revan cuts off Carth by disabling his communicator and says to himself “Goodness gracious me I hope I don’t get stuck with that guy. What an annoying, girly voice he has.”

 

Revan reaches the escape pods, and Carth says “You made it just in time. Come on, we can hide out on the planet below.” Revan replies “Well duh. Where else are we gonna go? I’d rather land on a planet than an asteroid. Anyway, come on, let’s go, and please, try not to talk much. No offence, but your voice is very annoying.”

 

Before Carth was about to have a big whine as you’d expect, Revan jumps into the escape pod and sings aloud “LA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!” Carth gets annoyed. Revan stops and says “Look, just shut up and get in the pod. It’s a wonder I haven’t taken off already.” Carth surprisingly shuts up, gets in the pod, and it crash lands on Taris.

 

 

 

Who knows when part 2 will be available. It could be done as soon as next week, or it could be done in like, three or four months. It depends. On a LOT of things, as I guess youse can imagine.

[Diego Varen]

This was funny and your opinion of Malak is almost the same as mine. Very random too. Looking foward to more Architect.

[The Architect]

This was funny and your opinion of Malak is almost the same as mine. Very random too. Looking foward to more Architect.

 

Cheers Topsite. Yep, that's all I have to say. Cheers.

[wgfai]

lol,good work, you got me......

[Emperor Devon]

He says aloud “Holy crap could that skinhead walk any slower?

 

 

Your dislike of the Revan plot twist is quite apparent here. Funny parody!

[Titanius Anglesmith]

 

Very funny! Wouldn't it be great if the first 5 paragraphs were the rolling text at the beginning of the game?

 

Anyway, looking forward to more.

[The Architect]

Meh. I won’t post any more of this until the whole thing is complete. I intend to spend like 2-3 hours per week working on my KotOR III plot suggestion and this, pull an Obsidian and release them just before Christmas this year!

 

Sorry.

[Vaelastraz]

Good story. It's really funny.

Poor Malak doesn't deserve such harsh words though..

 

[Tysyacha]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Classic!!!