[Fic] Holovid Moments

[Bee Hoon]

Author's Note: I wasn't actually going to take part, but this particular silly plot gizka was gnawing away. Asam laksa really does exist here on Earth:p It's a uniquely Malaysian dish with a Malay name, and it's absolutely scrumptious!Tao cheung shui is Cantonese for soy milk. Lei's name is derived from Mandarin (please note that Chinese is not a single language, rather it is a diverse group of dialects including Mandarin, Cantonese, Hakka, etc.). Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

 

* * *

 

Lei stared disconsolately at the vaguely green gunk on her plate. “You call that food?”

 

I just shrugged indifferently. “That’s standard spacer fare. Not my fault.”

 

She put her hands on her hips and gave me a look of disapprobation. “Atton Rand, have you ever noticed that it’s never your fault?”

 

That infamous scoundrel’s grin lit my face, and I said in an innocuous voice. “What can I say? I’m just misunderstood.”

 

She rolled her eyes, and threw the food, plate and all, into the garbage compactor. “Well, I’m not going to eat that…stuff. Not while we’re on Dantooine anyway! Come on, let me show you what good food tastes like.” She smiled mischievously. “Although I fear that your tastebuds may have atrophied from eating all that disgusting slop.”

 

She swept past me before I could protest. “Anyone coming with us?” Her voice echoed off every corner of the ship when she yelled.

 

Bao-Dur and Mira were engaged in an intense game of pazaak. “Bust!” Mira yelled triumphantly when Bao-Dur dealt himself a +10 card, making his total 25. He scowled fiercely at the card, seemingly trying to will it into a different number. I knew that feeling all too well, or I used to, until I learnt the fine art of keeping cards up my sleeve.

 

“We’re going to get some food that’s actually edible for a change. Coming?” Sometimes, Lei just looked so damn happy. It was times like this that I knew she’d forgotten her demons for a while, and she looked so beautiful.

 

Mira leaned back and yawned widely before answering. “Isn’t it kind of late? You know, sunset, nasty kath hounds, big teeth, too much trouble to get food.” She waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the plains.

 

A corner of Lei’s mouth quirked in a wry smile. “I’d be really surprised if we haven’t killed practically every kath hound for kilometers around. Well, never mind then. How bout you, Bao?”

 

Bao-Dur finally gave up on the card and smiled ruefully. “I could use a bite.”

 

I was standing behind Lei, and I stared daggers at Bao. I wanted to be alone with her for once, while she was in this cheerful mood. Shaking my head slowly, I glared at him. He glanced at me and backed off.

 

“I think I’ll settle for a cup of caffa instead.” He rubbed his forefingers together discreetly. You owe me, pal.

Lei was mildly bemused, and she turned to me saying, “Let’s go.” Catching me grimacing at Bao, she immediately asked, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

I ignored Bao and Mira’s knowing smiles and said, “Oh…Nothing. Just a crick in my neck.”

 

Frowning slightly, she said, “Are you sure you’re all right? We can always go some other day.”

 

“No, I’m fine. Really. Let’s go.” I hooked my blaster and lightsaber from the table as I steered her out gently, and when her back was turned, I made an obscene gesture at the duo, both unable to repress their peals of laughter by this time. I would get them back soon.

 

Don’t worry, we’ll distract the kid. Even Bao’s mental voice was bubbling with mirth.

 

I ignored him and we walked out of the Ebon Hawk into the cool Dantooine dusk. It was going to be a great night.

 

* * *

The purveyor of foodstuffs of allegedly unrivalled taste had a small shop set up near the heart of the settlers’ base. A kindly old lady with artificially curled hair sat us in the corner near the proprietor.

 

Lei signaled him. “Two bowls of asam laksa. And two cups of tao cheong shui.”

 

The man’s face was weather-beaten and he seemed rather absent-minded. Nevertheless, he peered at Lei carefully. “I remember you. You’re Lei right? That Jedi?”

 

A hush fell over the shop at the mention of that word. She said loudly, “Are you crazy, old man? The less I hear about the Jedi, the better.”

 

The noise and bustle resumed. The old man looked hurt, but she caught his hand as he turned away. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I am. But I didn’t want to cause any trouble for you.”

 

He beamed at that. “See! I never forget a face! You used to come here all the time with that friend of yours…what was his name now?”

 

“Don’t say it.” Her voice was cold, and for a moment, a shadow fell across her face.

 

“I meant no offense, miss.” He seemed taken aback, and I could not blame him. He hurried away, and she lapsed into silence, a pensive look on her face.

 

“What do they put in this stuff?”

 

She seemed startled, then smiled wanly. “I’m no cook to answer that question. There’s fish, mint leaves, chilis, loads of cooking spices.” She inhaled deeply, drinking deep of the rich aroma of the hot broth for the noodles. “I just love it.”

 

As the man served our food, he attempted to initiate conversation again. “Did you know that in my mother tongue, your name means flower bud? Huā lěi.”

 

She smiled sadly. “If pronounced as lèi, it also means tears.”

 

The man was unfazed. “True. But I do not think that was what your parents meant. Don’t look so sad! Eat, and be happy.”

 

We started eating in silence while the buzz of the settlers’ conversation intruding into our little bubble of space.

 

She carefully used her chopsticks to place some noodles in her spoon, which she filled with soup and she sucked them up slowly, savouring the taste. I followed suit, and ended up coughing and spluttering wildly.

 

“My tongue!” I grabbed the drink and gulped it down, grateful for the sweet, milky liquid as it extinguished the fire in my mouth. Despite the burning of my tongue, it had been wonderfully delicious.

 

She watched me with no small amount of amusement. “You off-worlders have no stomach whatsoever for spicy food.”

 

A blaster shot rang through the air, and there was a tinkle of breaking glass. Before the note had even died away, I had dragged her under the table, and was casting about for a way out.

 

She was staring straight ahead, where a bunch of sentients were standing. They might as well have carried neon signboards saying ‘bounty hunter’ despite a pathetic attempt at blending in with the populace. One of them had a pitchfork, for crying out loud. What kind of primitive sentient still uses pitchforks?

 

“The boss’s daughter has been hit. Get out there and distract them while I heal her.” She said it into my ear, her voice nearly drowned out by the screams ringing around the shop.

 

“What? Are you insane? We’re getting out of here!”

 

“Listen, mister, you’re a Jedi now. It wouldn’t hurt you to keep that in mind.” She poked me sharply in the chest to accentuate her point.

 

“What am I supposed to do? Sing and dance?”

 

“I don’t know! If this was a flaming holovid, you’d engage them in witty repartee or something. Go!”

 

I pulled my blaster from its holster, cursing as I crawl out from under the plasteel table and straightened up. Eight pairs of eyes instantly fix themselves on me.

 

Deliberately slow, I dust off my jacket with my free hand and grin dangerously. The bounty hunters are seemingly transfixed by this performance. Her mental groan was so loud that even a non-Force sensitive should have been able to hear it.

 

“Well boys, I don’t like having my meal interrupted. Sith, salesmen, bounty hunters… Who needs them, eh?” Oh, Sith’s blood, I think I dropped my lightsaber under the table.

 

I wasn’t being literal, you idiot!

 

I almost turn back to look at her, and catch myself. If I break eye contact, I’d be spaced in no time.

 

That’s right, and you wouldn’t be able to see me anyway. The girl is right behind them. Since you’re being such a flaming bantha-brain, you can keep it up for a few minutes.

“Might I enquire what you gentlemen are looking for?” If only I had a cigarra. I would look so much cooler with a cigarra. But Lei threw all of them out, declaring that I wasn’t going to turn her lungs into charcoal along with everyone else’s. What a waste.

 

Force, preserve me from dramatic morons.

 

The lone Rodian in the group replied in their race’s typical twang. “We seek Jedi.”

 

I scoffed as casually as I could manage. “Are you blind? Does anyone in here even remotely look like a Jedi?”

 

You know, I think that Padawan braids are really cute. I should make you grow one!

 

I fought to keep a straight face while the Rodian wrestled with the idea. “Er… I suppose not.”

 

“And I heard that there isn’t a bounty on Jedi anymore. Not since Goto’s ship got blown up.” Using my foot, I try to feel for my lightsaber under the table.

 

A human male bristled at this. “Well, we still know where to get payment. The Exchange hasn’t called it off yet, even if your precious Goto is dead.”

 

I holster the blaster discreetly, and spread my hands in a friendly gesture. “Well, there’s no Jedi here, so why don’t you just move along and we’ll leave it at that?”

 

Oh boy.

 

A Twi-Lek male pushed his way to the front of the group, dragging the injured girl. He unsheathed a small, but very sharp dagger. “Well, there’s an easy way to find out,” he commented in an emotionless voice.

 

Her stealth field faded with a buzz of static as she grabbed his wrist and slammed it against a table until he dropped the knife. The Rodian leveled his blaster at her but I executed a swift chop to the back of the neck which knocked him out cold. The idiot with a pitchfork swung wildly at me, and I caught it, pulling him off-balance. I pushed it back towards him sharply, and it hit him in the gut.

 

I turned around to see a blaster right in my face, until she kicked his hand sideways, spun and kicked him in the groin. I hissed in sympathy despite the fact that the poor schutta had been about to kill me moments ago. Sensing movement behind me, I ducked and tackled the man. His vibroblade clattered to the floor, and a well-aimed punch sent him straight into a comatose state.

 

She had just taken out another man, when the remaining two pulled out their weapons. The Twi-lek male held a blaster rifle which was quivering slightly, his face blanching to a pale green, and the other man held an equally shaky Exhange negotiator. The power was rolling off her in waves now, and her face was tight with concentration. The weapons shot out of their hands and fell behind an overturned table.

 

With a certain hopeless look on their faces, they charged us with pathetic war cries that wouldn’t have scared a gizka. I executed a complex series of moves that my Echani instructor had taught me a long time ago. A chill ran down my spine at the thought of when I had learned it.

 

She wasn’t even breathing heavily when we were done. “They never learn, do they?” She stared at the recumbent bounty hunters with something akin to pity. “You know, that whole fancy thing really wasn’t necessary. The poor man fainted by the third move.”

 

“I guess not. It was just for practice.” I chuckled to myself while she raised her eyes to the heavens.

 

“I hope you didn’t kill anyone.” She moved to heal the girl, closing her wound rapidly.

 

I brushed my hair out of my eyes to stare ruefully at her. “Nah. Your darn Jedi thing is getting to me.”

 

I was rewarded with a smile, and the task of moving eight groaning, heavy sentients out of the shop. Bugger it.

 

When she finally came out of the shop, she was all aglow with the Jedi doing good thing.

 

“So what did you do this time, Ms. Light Side?” I asked as I fell into step beside her. “Gave him all our credits?”

 

There was an embarrassed silence, and then she said loudly, “Well, I’ll just tell Zherron to pick up these louts here.”

 

I groaned. And she wonders why we are always broke.

 

She turned to me with an impish grin. “Well, think of it as your holovid moment. You know, the hero engaging the villains in verbal jousting before saving the damsel in distress in an exciting fight, mostly involving the elimination of cannon fodder using overly dramatic and completely useless skills. Like Spacewatch or something.”

 

“Well, I don’t see any scantily clad females of any species around.”

 

She laughed out loud at that, but the smile vanished when I said with a leer, “Unless you could be persuaded to put on that outfit you got from Vogga…”

 

“Don’t push your luck, Rand.” She punched me playfully on the arm. “Letting you drive back is enough of a concession.”

 

“Hey, I’m a great driver!” I slung my arm over her shoulders companionably, and she let it stay there. It was strangely comfortable like that.

 

“Tell that to all the moisture farmers we passed on the way here.”

 

“I didn’t break any vaporators! Well, just one, the one near that sharp bend, and uh, the one just outside Khoonda was just scratched. It doesn’t count!”

 

“Shut up, Atton. Don’t remind me.”

 

I couldn’t ask for more.

 

* * *

 

"Erm, Lei?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I think I left my lightsaber in the shop."

[Emperor Devon]

Superb job as per usual, beehoon! I enjoyed this quite a bit.

 

Not much to criticize - Atton and the bounty hunters were all in character, the descriptions were well done, and there were plenty of little details to add to it. The thug carrying a pitchfork to fit in yet being totally out place was a nice touch, as was the Exile's liking of spicy food - small details can really add a lot of depth to a fic.

 

My only complaints are technical ones - Dantooine's culture seemed too developed and unique IMO (such as them using chopsticks - fairly untraditional in that sector), as they're only a recently colonized world.

 

A good piece! My score: 9.3/10

[Bee Hoon]

Thanks:) It's been a while since I've written something as light-hearted as this. Gotta lay off the angst at times:p I had great fun writing it, so stands to reason;) Hmmm, I'll have to think about the culture thing. I suppose the easiest way out would be to designate a homeworld for the majority of the settlers. But I think asam laksa tastes better with chopsticks! Hehe. I'll chew on that one for a while too.

[Daft Adidas]

Very funny. Good at the end. Great spelling. Very descriptive. A winner in my opinion.

[Jae Onasi]

"Like Spacewatch or something."

 

 

I loved the dialogue in this fic--very witty. I would have liked just a little more detail in the fight scene--I didn't quite get the sense of which bad guy was doing what and where.

 

Bao-Dur's hand motion and Atton's obscene gesture were hilarious.

 

Very fun.

[Bee Hoon]

Darth Aida, thanks!

 

Jae, hehe, I just thought it was very Atton. Lol, this fic was a relatively rushed one, but I'll work on the fight scene once it moves to the CEC. Now I just have to figure out how to keep 8 sentients fully occupied in a fight against 2 people:p

[Diego Varen]

This will be the Fan Fic I vote for this time. Atton, Lei (The Jedi Exile I presume) and the rest of the crew were in character and it was supported by a good plot. Well done beehoon, but I'm not sure which of your works is my favourite. Well done once again.

[Bee Hoon]

Thanks:) Hehe, I don't really have a favourite either. They're all different, so it's impossible to choose!

[Jieulu]

Hey, beehoon, it's great. Actually, there's this really great place in KL that has asam laksa. It's really spicy, not the normal mild stuff. If I remembered where it was, I would definitely tell you where it was.

[Bee Hoon]

Thanks Jieulu:) There's an asam laksa seller who goes to the pasar malam (read=night markets) in PJ. His is a bit unusual, but I love it~!

[mailboris]

hehe that was my absolute favourite writing from you so far. i just found it so funny and entertaining!! and the bit with atton...HAHAHA he's jus SUCH a joker la....makes me think of his stupid grin when he's being an ass hahaha and yes i loved how you worked in the brilliant local flavour (pardon the pun ) into it all...its jus a very original piece in my opinion (i mean just look at the title!!) who would have ever thought...?? brilliant....more please