Darth Stephanie Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 thereThere once was a girl, who lived in a town. Her parent would fight almost every night. And one day, her daddy, did something bad. He pulled a blaster and just like that her parents were dead. Annarra Revan hid behind the couch as her parents yelling and screaming got louder and louder. She hated the noise and started silently sobbing to herself. Then just as the noise started, it stopped with two shots. One day the man with the funny robes came to take her away. And she had a new home, with lots of love, and masters who cared. The Jedi temple was different then Annarra was used to. There was kindness, instead of harsh words. Master’s who worried that the little youngling would never recover from the trauma of witnessing her parent’s death. She did recover, and eventually she made it to being a Padawan.... but those tales are something left for atris to tell. She went to school, in a big room, and they all asked who was that man. Annarra stood up and proudly said. "He’s my savior, he was there with me the night my parents died." No one ever knew that the once cute little youngling could ever harbor such hate inside her, but she did and Annarra ceased being Annarra Revan and became Darth Revan, Lord of the Sith. "She’s still the same little Jedi to me, she'd never betray, the ones that she loves. She’ll always be my favorite student inside, she'll never grow up and be cruel inside." See what power does to one-person students? See that you never turn out like Annarra.... "Yes Master Kavar. Good day" Kavar closed his eyes and sighed. How he missed his shining stars, his brightest pupils Malak, Annarra and Dire. ((Once again, this is Kavar lamenting the loss of two very good students)) Two little girls, best friends for life, Jedi in arms, are missing tonight. They ran away, took all that they own, and are going to make it on their own. Dire and Ana walked the lower streets of Courisant holding onto each other for dear life. They'd run off once again to make it on there own, and prove to the Jedi they didn't need their help. How those 2 managed to survive, I’ll never know, but i know they are alive. They’ll drag them back home, send them away, and part them from everything gray. Ana and Dire screamed as they tore the two friends apart from each other, Kavar holding a teary eyed Annarra back, and Zhar taking Dire to Dantooine. Annarra spoke to Kavar saying " I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! YOU SENT HER AWAY! I HATE YOU!" and ran off crying back to her room. She’s wounded so deep, her very best friend isn't there for her, nor will be again. I have broken her trust, wounded a friend. Soon she will see, the wisdom in this choice, and respect it she may. "Kavar, how could you? Dire and Annarra were friends, you broke her heart. You know it's hard for her to make friends easy.,” the other masters said. Annarra- that name still brings me to tears. Such promises in a jedi like she, and she threw it away. Some day we will meet, face to face, and exile her i must, turn her away. No room in the world, the masters say, for hearts like her's, or so they say. "Wisdom, old friends... may wisdom guide your hearts back home to the Light." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledFish Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Its good you should defiantly write more though it is short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davinq Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 A bit short for an intro. Might help to flush out this backstory about Revan's childhood more, and then launch into your story. Very unique start you've got though, I like the way you've introduced Revan to Jedihood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 I would have to agree. I like the idea with the poetry bit to it but I do feel that you could flush it out more. Most people can only imagine what Revan was like as a little one. However his is your story. You need to be the one that tells us what she looked like. This seems like it would be a good fic but I need to be able to read more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Not bad for a first attempt, Darth. That was good. It was talking about the Revan before she went to DS, right? Good...Keep up good work. BTW, welcome to LF and have a nice time here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Good, but I recommend you work on your grammar and other such things, you made some minor errors and over punctuated many sentences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 I merged 'Untitled part 1 of 16 part story' with this thread since the first posts of each are identical except for a final sentence. Welcome to the forums, Darth Stephanie. Feel free to contact me if you ever need a name change on a thread and I'll be happy to do it for you. I let all the new writers know about The Resource Centre--people have posted some very helpful threads on writing, EU information, etc. Looking forward to seeing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Another short, but good chapter. Next time please try to replace number with words. Like, replace "2" with "two". That's better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empress Padme Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 looking forward to more .Revan as a kid ,few have touched on that if any. Good read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferc Kast Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 Very interesting introduction; I look forward to seeing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.