Story time!

[Mike Windu]

So, I know there's a forum dedicated to creative writing, but that's usually fanfics and stuff. Plus, this is relatively short.

 

Short story, from a prompt about creating an "absent character." Comments/critique would be lovely. But reading would be more lovely. haha. ps yes I'm aware the story is a bit depressing.

 

 

 

"To Whom It May Concern"

 

 

 

05/04/

 

 

Dear Sarah,

 

How are you? We haven’t spoken in a while. I hope you are well. And I don’t mean that as some sort of formal greeting. I really hope you are well. I’m sorry for what happened between us. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Hell, it wasn’t how it was supposed to begin, either. But I have faith that God will put things right. As for me, I’m beginning to adjust, I guess. There’s times of day when I think I might be going mad, but I suppose it is the repetitiveness of what I have to do inside this place. I’ll keep writing to you, I promise. They don’t give me much time to write, but I’ll try to send one off as often as I can. In the meantime though, here’s our favorite song to keep you company.

 

 

“I am thinking it’s a sign,

that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images,

and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned..”

 

Your Love Always,

 

 

 

07/21

 

Dear Sarah,

 

As always I hope you’re well and enjoying yourself. As for me, I’m just strutting along.. This place isn’t so bad once you get used to it. I still have some sort of freedom, in the perverted sense of the world. Hell, it might even be a bit comforting once you get past the stigma. I mean, I found the library the other day. They let you check out as many books as you want. There’s other stuff here, too. It’s like a training facility or something. Weight rooms, performance rooms, etc. At any rate, I picked up some Shakespeare like you always wanted me to. This guy named Tim showed me where it was. He’s a pretty decent kid. Strawberry blonde, like you; even has your eyes. He’s about the only friend I’ve made while here. I know I’m not prone to making friendships, so there’s that. Anyway, I got a copy of Hamlet. It’s falling apart: the binding’s blown to hell and the damn pages keep flying out like they’re little yellow parrots trying to escape me. At any rate, I’ll let you know what I think of the thing. Write back soon.

 

“And I have to speculate that God himself

Did make us into corresponding shapes like

Puzzle pieces from the clay…”

 

Your Love Always,

 

 

 

1/4

Dear Sarah,

 

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock Clock. Haha, I thought that’d amuse you. Happy New Year. I wonder what you’re doing right now. It’s funny, how little time has passed. Feels like forever. I’ve forgotten when I got in or even when I’ll get out. I wish I could hear your voice again. I kept forgetting to tell you earlier on, but the reason I can write to you is because of Tim. You remember, the blonde guy that gave me Hamlet? I swear he looks a hell of a lot like you. I even took out that old photo from Venice and compared you two. His face is a bit more plump, you’ll be happy to know. Anyway, he gave me a gorgeous little teal fountain pen. Writes like a charm. I’ll fill you in more about him later. Happy New Year again, and keep in touch.

 

“True, it may seem like a stretch, but

Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled

Head when you're away when I am missing you to death…”

 

 

Your Love Always,

 

 

 

 

9?/?

 

Dear Sarah,

 

I never knew how much I’d miss everything. I never really got to experience it until now, I guess. Remember when everyone shipped off for college or whatever to start their new lives? I stayed. Something Tim and I have in common with you, I guess. We have no ambition. To be honest, I don’t know why you love me. I know it’s been hard for both of us, but I see it as God testing our dedication. I know we’ll come through. At any rate, I have to cut this short for now. Oh, I forgot, I haven’t started Hamlet yet, but I swear I’ll tell you what I thought of it when I get done. In the meantime, here’s our favorite song again. I listened to it again for the first time in years cause of a certain someone. I swear, I’m not falling in love with the guy or anything. Take care.

 

“When you are out there on the road for

Several weeks of shows and when you scan

The radio, I hope this song will guide you home…”

 

 

Your Love Always,

 

 

 

Dear Sarah,

 

I miss you so much. The day-by-day-by-day monotony that seems to seep through the walls of this little patch of nothing is frustrating. However, the higher ups have deemed it right for me to be on some sort of meds. Hell if I know what they are, but at least they’re making it a little easier to be in here. I think I’m losing my mind, though. The ivory of it all, the off-white, just drives me mad. It’s nothing but off-white. Off-white, everything off-center and not right. Hah, I’m rambling, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I hope you’re having fun out there. I hope this actually gets to you.

 

“They will see us waving from such great

Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say…”

 

 

Your Love Always,

 

 

 

Dear Sarah,

 

I don’t have much time to write tonight, but I’m getting worried about you. I haven’t heard from you in what seems like an eternity. I know you’re busy, but we used to talk so much. I’m sure everything’s fine and you’re just finding time to write, but write back soon. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything’s the same when you’re not here to keep me company with your words.

 

“But everything looks perfect from far away,

'come down now,' but we'll stay…”

 

 

Your Love Always,

 

 

 

Dear Sarah,

 

I don’t really know if I believe in you anymore. I mean, I suppose I do since I keep writing to you, but our conversations are increasingly one sided. I guess you trust me enough to make my own diversions, but I wish I could know what was going on outside. Let me know that you’re safe, at least. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s the meds. I can’t get my mind off of you. My mind is a terrible place to be…I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore. I guess I just stopped caring. I don’t even know if it scares me that I say that. I know you’re out there waiting for me, you just have to be. I will come back to you as soon as this is over. It has to be over soon, I’ve been in here an eternity. Here’s hoping you write back soon.

 

“I tried my best to leave this all on your

Machine but the persistent beat it sounded

Thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly. you will hear

The shrillest highs and lowest lows with

The windows down when this is guiding you home.”

 

 

Your Love,

 

 

 

To Whom It May Concern:

 

I still don’t know if I’m losing my mind. I used to spend months thinking about how to get out of here. I thought about how to transcend this place and get back to you. I can’t, though. I guess I never could. My actions in this forsaken place don’t echo. There’s no echo. I could never figure out why until now. I figured it out though: There is no God. Or if there is, then he’s chosen to forget us. Who are we to forget though? Who am I to forget? To remember? I can’t even choose to be a loser, some f*ckup on the streets begging for a dime. I can’t choose to exist. I guess it was why I was holding on to you so tightly. It’s hard to understand how much of my life has been determined by you. I could never figure out why that was, either. Is it love? Or just the idea of existing. I think that you’ve become an idea to me. So for that, I’m sorry. I’m just lost in this finality.

 

“Everything looks perfect from far away..”

 

--------------

 

“Hah. Another nut’s cracked. Room 201. Let’s go. Cleaning duty again.

“201’s usually calm. What the hell happened?”

“Stabbed himself with his pen. Spilled about a gallon of blood all over the letter he was writing, the stupid git. He requested that he could keep a pen in his room and Tim didn‘t see anything wrong with it. God D*mned prat. Here‘s the room.”

“Yeah, Tim was the only one that gave a damn about that kid. I’ve seen them talk, it was almost like they were friends.

“Hah, yeah, great friends. So great Tim left last year. Who’re those letters to? Kid’s been in this hole most his life.”

“Check the records. Looks like some girl named Sarah.”

“All right, give me a second.”

“This kid’s a f***ing idiot. He had everything he wanted. Hell, he was better off than anyone in here. Tim never visited any of the others this often. Much less talk to them. Tim even brought music sometimes. I’ve been in this dump five years and nobody’s brought me s*** to listen to, or my own pen to write with. You find the girl yet? What do we do with the letters?”

“Trash ‘em. There is no Sarah.”

[DarthAve]

...That's really beautiful, but sad. I love it, really. It's a great short story, and I have nothing but positive thoughts of it. ~thumbs up~

[MrWally]

Hey, that was really good.

 

Keep up the good work, Mike.

 

Out of curiosity, where'd you get the idea?

[TiE23]

I don't know why but that story didn't really strike me. It felt like an average Silence of the Lambs-type spooky for the sake of being spooky short story. The motives were quite obvious and I could see the twist from a mile away. And the final part felt rather fake. I've seen the 'too tough to care about death, I've seen it so many times for some unexplained reason' cliche far too many times.

[Mike Windu]

seen the 'too tough to care about death, I've seen it so many times for some unexplained reason' cliche far too many times.

 

But.. that's not it at all. :S

 

MrWally: When I started the story I wanted it to be about a man who gradually loses faith in God, but I thought it was too weird for someone to be writing letters to God... so I made Sarah a form of God... and then I had to think about how he was actually writing to her, and I thought of Tim, and then I gradually changed it so that Sarah was a perversion of Tim.

 

Looking back I probably could have made the letters longer, or provided more detail to demonstrate the psychological aspects that I really wanted to convey (echoing a person into an entirely separate entity) but I rushed. *shrugs* Deadline beat by 10 minutes.

 

Thanks Ave.

 

edit - p.s. thanks to you 3 for reading. haha. 75 views and 3 replies is a horrible ratio XD

[Lady Jedi]

I liked it. To me it had the same feeling of typical dim short stories. And I mean that in a good way. Somewhat mysterious, not too complicated or surprising, and with most of the details really left to one's imagination.

 

All in all, good job. You definitely have some creative talent. If you continue to develop it, I think that you could find some improvement in your composition, and maybe find new ways to branch out from the ordinary.

[TiE23]

I just think that the last part with the other guys talking could be cleaned up, the guys sound like two punks. Yeah, one is supposed to sound gruff, but I don't really get that message. Feels strained.

 

But now that I think about it, I don't like these sorts of stories in the first place. I blame South Park for using this situation a bunch of times (South Park movie with the dying resistance leader and the episode where Kyle gets a hemorrhoid) but I think the whole "God doesn't exist, he's abandoned me" sounds hypocritical.

 

But really, I can't nail down the words on this, so don't take my post that seriously.