MrWally Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 So, basically, my Creative Writing teacher is having us write an Ode or Anti-ode. I chose to do mine on Sarah Palin, but due to time constraints, I had to throw it together pretty quickly, but I like it, and I'm also thinking of submitting it to the school Literary Magazine. I think some of you may like it, and I know there are quite a few talented writers here, so I was wondering if anyone had advice for the rhyming/rhythm. Clearly, I had to take a few personal liberties with the writing, and I don't want to offend anyone, it's just for laughs. How To Shoot Wolves From A Helicopter: An Ode to Sarah Palin By [MrWally] I turn on the T.V. to see Sarah Palin She appears on the screen with Biden, debatin’. “May I call you Joe?” she asks him, enquirin’ Then stands at the podium, awkwardly smilin’ Gwen clears her throat and asks the first question Palin gulps and starts frantically sweatin’. For she knows that the viewers are clearly expectin’ Her to cry, faint, or run outta the buildin’. Asked the first question, it’s clear that she’s thinkin’ Economy? Bailout? What is that she’s askin’? “Well Gwen, you know? I’m John’s Maverick Alaskan Who does as a Maverick and looks at the country’s condition” Gwen stares at her idly, cautiously speculatin’ How a woman like this, could get the nomination. “Governor, you didn’t really answer that question. . .” And then the audience erupts, wildly laughin’ The debate continues, and it’s clear Palin’s cravin’ Something she knows, or has fact sheets explainin’ What is this? An answer ‘bout health care from Biden! She is lost in the moment, without notes for answerin’ “Health Care? What’s that? Tax Cuts are what I’m sayin’! Obama’s not nice, he’ll raise them, no playin’!” “Governor, please, speak on health care initiation?” It was clear Gwen was tired of all this ignorin’ “Well Gwen, I’m a Maverick, I might not follow tradition My Maverick-y answers might not be what you’re expectin’ But I want them to know what I’ll do for the nation! And also, too. . . The Great Ronald Reagan. . . She then smiled at the camera, and winked! Cause that’s Sarah Palin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Well, I'm going to ignore political differences for the sake of critical analysis of poetry. Make sure to check your syllables. For example: "Gwen clears her throat and asks the first question/Palin gulps and inevitably starts frantically sweatin’." The word "inevitably" has 5 syllables, and isn't really needed in the line. The first line I quoted has 10 syllables, and the next line has 15 (or 16), so if you cut out that one word, you get a much better rhythm. In my opinion, your first section had the best rhythm; and if you count the syllables you'll notice they just about line up (12/12/11/12). Meter is unfortunately overlooked in a lot of modern poetry, but it really does improve the flow of a poem. Of course, that doesn't mean all the syllables should be the same on every line like my examples, it just helps to have some structure, especially one that works best for you. As for rhymes, you had some really good ones mixed in with some ok ones. Some of them seemed to only go together because they ended with "n'". Kind of like a form of alliteration, which is also good, but if you're going for rhymes, you might want to double check some of them. Askin'/Alaskin was the best, and things like expectin'/Reagan were a little iffy. Overall, it's pretty good, even though I don't exactly agree with the content. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWally Posted October 10, 2008 Author Share Posted October 10, 2008 I should probably note that the assignment is being presented to the class, so while I saw that some words didn't match up conventionally, I have full liberty to pronounce them the way i want to help with the flow or rhyme, but yes, I would still like it to be as natural as possible. Like, when reading to myself, I always kind of shot through "inevitably," but now i think I will remove it all together. Also the “Governor, please, speak on health care initiation?//It was clear Gwen was tired of all this ignorin’ " and "Who does as a Maverick and looks at the nation’s condition” lines always bothered me. Did they seem distracting to anyone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dath Maximus Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 THAT SUCKED!!! ok it didnt really suck...but i had the urge to yell that at you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 THAT SUCKED!!! ok it didnt really suck...but i had the urge to yell that at you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWally Posted October 11, 2008 Author Share Posted October 11, 2008 I've tweaked the rhythm on a few lines based on what IG said and I went to one of the English teachers for some suggestions. I then performed for the class. About 3/4ths of the room was laughing the whole way through while the other fourth kind of gave me the death stare. That was essentially the response I was expecting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 I've tweaked the rhythm on a few lines based on what IG said and I went to one of the English teachers for some suggestions. I then performed for the class. About 3/4ths of the room was laughing the whole way through while the other fourth kind of gave me the death stare. That was essentially the response I was expecting. My classes are usually split roughly down the middle politically. Is your class 3/4 democratic, or was there an extra 4th of good-natured republicans laughing along with the democrats? Also, what state is this in? I'm in a red state, but Houston is probably a bit more balanced politically than the rest of the state is from what I've observed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWally Posted October 11, 2008 Author Share Posted October 11, 2008 My classes are usually split roughly down the middle politically. Is your class 3/4 democratic, or was there an extra 4th of good-natured republicans laughing along with the democrats? Also, what state is this in? I'm in a red state, but Houston is probably a bit more balanced politically than the rest of the state is from what I've observed. I live in Illinois, so its obvious that a large portion of the population supports Obama. Not only that, but I live quite close to Chicago, so you have even more Obama-supporters. I'd say that some of my classes only have a handful of McCain supporters, if that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PR-0927 Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 I live in Illinois, so its obvious that a large portion of the population supports Obama. Not only that, but I live quite close to Chicago, so you have even more Obama-supporters. I'd say that some of my classes only have a handful of McCain supporters, if that. Wow, kind of surprising. I'd assume virtually all of your class would have loved it, not just three-fourths. I live in Ohio, and am from a city called Kent (yes, the Kent State massacre thing, I know), and the town is overwhelmingly liberal - in any class we might have two or three people tops who are Republicans. At OSU it's different. I'd say something like a 55% Democratic or 60% Democratic support, and the remainder Republican. Don't mean to turn this political, just had to express some surprise. I'd help with the poem, but I suck at poetry. As for content - I love it! - PR-0927 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWally Posted October 11, 2008 Author Share Posted October 11, 2008 I guess being in the Suburbs makes it a bit different. If you go into the inner city you'll have to search for a while before finding a Republican, but out here there's still a bunch. I should add, however, that most of the McCain supporters are fairly quiet, as if they are afraid to speak up. I don't blame them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inyri Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 I live in Illinois, so its obvious that a large portion of the population supports Obama. Not only that, but I live quite close to Chicago, so you have even more Obama-supporters. I'd say that some of my classes only have a handful of McCain supporters, if that.What school are you at, just out of curiosity? Awesome poem, by the way. Made me laugh when you posted it the other day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PR-0927 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I guess being in the Suburbs makes it a bit different. If you go into the inner city you'll have to search for a while before finding a Republican, but out here there's still a bunch. I should add, however, that most of the McCain supporters are fairly quiet, as if they are afraid to speak up. I don't blame them. Kent is a suburban college town however - I guess it's the college town part that turned it blue. Actually, the overwhelming majority of public college towns are rather liberal, so that makes sense. - PR-0927 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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