HIGH ON PIE 14 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Wow, BFA... Kreia's dialogue was so perfect for her that I could hear it in my head. Hooray for the darkside! I agree, it ended on a the perfect note. I was about to go nominate you for best short fic, but then I realized you finished in 2009. Oh, well...next year I suppose. Until then, I guess this will have to do. ~HOP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks CQ, and HoP. Thats means a WHOLE lot. Really Anyways. I want to see what you all think of this before I put it into a finished thread. What should be different, is there anything I need to elaborate on? Is there not enough detail? Structure? What? I really like this story and want to be the best it can be before I re-post. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endorenna Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 (chokes on tea) What!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I MISSED THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!! I loved it! Kreia's dialogue was exquisite! And I like cliche'! But...but...but...there's not gonna be any more?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! To quote someone... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAvatar80 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 *inhales and finishes Endorenna's no* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great story BFA. Great story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emalin Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I just read all of this today. Very, very, VERY good!!! :D I absolutely love your Exile, all the way down to his name. ("Jonas" = awesome) As for the story itself, my favorite part had to be the first. All that delicious darkness! I loved Jonas' and Visas' interaction in the second part; very sweet. In the final part, however, Kreia's dialogue struck me as being too light-hearted for that scene. It hit a note of humor when I'm not sure it was intended. A comment on grammar: in dialogue, when you have just a single line all by its onesies, with no tags or anything... i.e.: "And you were unlike any student of mine," Always end the sentence with a period, not a comma. Commas should be used only when the sentence is followed by a tag, such as "Kreia said." All in all, excellent work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Thanks people for all your comments. Yes, that was the end of this story. No more to be continued on from it I'm glad you all liked it however @Em: Cheers for that. I wasn't sure about that. Grammer seems to be my achille's heel I'll go back to that conversation and see in making it a tad more somber. It wasn't meant to be humorous somewhat, more ironic, but yeah. Thanks for pointing that out. And, lol, I'm so glad you like dit. I LOVE writing DS fics, lol. Makes it more interesting than LS ones I think. Anyways. Thanks again! :D:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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