battle111 Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Star wars Knights of the old Republic chapter 2 Rescue over Naboo In a darkest haur the planet Naboo was attacked by the ruttles sith Lord Vitiate the great queen of Naboo contacked the Republic for help but the Republic dispatched two jedi knights Master Bindo and the great jedi knight Bastila to negociate peace with the sith emperor by leting go Naboo but the nagociations very short the jedi arrived at the sith blocade then a protocol droid ascorted the two jedi to the waiting room the ruttles sith emeperor did't sensed that the nagociators were jedi so the emperor ordered his sith troopers and the dark jedi aprentices to elimanate the two jedi Bastila has sensed a disturbens in the force Jolee too then jedi went to find out what's happening here so then the sith troopers cornered the jedi but they quickly killed all troopers then Jolee realaised that the nagociations were very short after killing all guards to jedi quickly maided to the hangar but they were lored in to a trap there were tree dark jedi masters waiting for them but then Jolee disaited to hold those sith until Bastila gets in to the shuttle Jolee runed in to the ship after they took of the Emperor ordered to fire on the ship the jedi almost went in to the hyperspace but they vere fired upon the almost nearly vere nearly destroyed but they chrased on Naboo. Mean wyle the great jedi knight exile went to the Dantooine system to find a holocron abaut Revan when he was a jedi the holocron was rumored to be found in the ruins of the jedi enclave he arrived on the planet and went to find first administrator Adary for clearens to enter the jedi enclave but when he arrived fauned that khoonda bulding was attacked by some Bounty hunters but exile knowed that the baunty hunter Azgul he killed him so the Exile went to find out first what happend when he tooked of mean wyle on the planet Naboo the two jedi crased safely on the planet Jolee tryed to contack the republic but no such luck bastila told him that we must find the queen now but Jolee got a transmission from carth he asked how things are going with the mission but jolee sed to him that the Republic must sent a fleet to rescue Naboo. Bindo sed that the nagociations were short and the emperor ordered his troops to eliminate him and bastila. Carth agreed by sending help and sed to Jolee that he must find the queen first before the republic arrives to aid him........... to bee continued. this is now my second story l hope everyone will like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battle111 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Ops again l did't add some details well l will add some more details to my third story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorge Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Ops again l did't add some details well l will add some more details to my third story Use the edit button, and revise the story before you post it (unless you did). This is just a tip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battle111 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Thank's for the tip Scorge next time l will remeber that l need use the edit button hehe l always forget that l need to use the edit button first before l post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duster Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 This is better than the first one.In here i feel Episode 1 from the trilogy.The only bad thing is that you missed to add the "." sighns but overal i like it alot.It's very interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battle111 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Well the next one will feel like in the clone wars but defrant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Aš nežinau, kaip gerai, ar vertimas yra čia, aš naudoju vertėjas, pridedamas prie tinklalapį, pavadintą partija, kuri turi funkciją kaip jo dalis siūlomų įrankių juostoje. Aš einu, kad galėtumėte tai tiesiogiai į mano kitą peržiūrą vietoje, todėl jūs bent jau galimybę suprasti savo kritiką, aš nematau reali problema su savo darbo už tai, kad jūs, atrodo, kad kai kurie, bet ne suvokti daug anglų kalba. Aš siūlyčiau, kad jūs paprašykite kitų rašytojų beta skaitytojas siūlų, sklandžiai. Tai nėra kritika savo kalbos įgūdžius, be šios programos aš net ne bandyti rašyti sakinį Lett. Aš norėčiau pasiūlyti padaryti tai už jus, tačiau jei aš beta skaityti ir ją ištaisyti, aš nesu pasiruošęs jį peržiūrėti vėliau Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battle111 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 Aš nežinau, kaip gerai, ar vertimas yra čia, aš naudoju vertėjas, pridedamas prie tinklalapį, pavadintą partija, kuri turi funkciją kaip jo dalis siūlomų įrankių juostoje. Aš einu, kad galėtumėte tai tiesiogiai į mano kitą peržiūrą vietoje, todėl jūs bent jau galimybę suprasti savo kritiką, aš nematau reali problema su savo darbo už tai, kad jūs, atrodo, kad kai kurie, bet ne suvokti daug anglų kalba. Aš siūlyčiau, kad jūs paprašykite kitų rašytojų beta skaitytojas siūlų, sklandžiai. Tai nėra kritika savo kalbos įgūdžius, be šios programos aš net ne bandyti rašyti sakinį Lett. Aš norėčiau pasiūlyti padaryti tai už jus, tačiau jei aš beta skaityti ir ją ištaisyti, aš nesu pasiruošęs jį peržiūrėti vėliau Well sometimes l get nervous by writing a story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Well sometimes l get nervous by writing a story Understood As i commented years ago, I wrote what I still think was the worst story in the world when I was eleven. However to help you improve, I would have to start with using a spell checker, go on from there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battle111 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 Understood As i commented years ago, I wrote what I still think was the worst story in the world when I was eleven. However to help you improve, I would have to start with using a spell checker, go on from there Hey thank's machievelli and when l began wroting a second story abaut the knights of the old republic l will try to be more improved:thmbup1: and again thank's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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