Artisa Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Blast from the past anyone? Was looking through some old emails and getting a good laugh! _____ _____ _ _ ___ ___ ___ ___ / ___/ / ___| | | | | / |/ | / |/ | | |___ | | | | | | / /| /| | / /| /| | \___ \ | | | | | | / / |__/ | | / / |__/ | | ___| | | |___ | |_| | / / | | / / | | /_____/ \_____| \_____/ /_/ |_| /_/ |_| |\/| /¯\ |¯ /¯\ ¯/ | |\| |¯ N E W Y E A R | | |¯| | | |¯| /_ | | | |¯ S P E C I A L ¯ ¯ ###################################################################### The Official Newsletter for The Monkey Island SCUMM Bar - http://www.scummbar.com. "The newsletter for snobs" Est. 2004 Issue 5, January 2005. Special new year edition! We take a look back at 2004 and make crazy predictions for the future! ###################################################################### ----------------------- THE MONTH IN BRIEF (December) ----------------------- Too lazy to read The SCUMM Bar on a regular basis? Then grab these bite-size titbits of the most important news this month: SCUMM BAR FAN MUSIC Two live-recorded mp3s that sound really rather nice. http://www.scummbar.com/index.php?newssniffer=readcomment&news=786 DESERT ISLAND DISC Emily Morganti was stranded on a house-boat with nowt but a laptop, a half-eaten corn-dog and a copy of the Secret of Monkey Island. Read her diary of the account here - http://www.adventuregamers.com/article/id,459 MONKEY ISLAND: THE PLAY OF THE GAME OF THE MOVIE OF THE RIDE Just in case you missed it first time, here's more information on a play production of Monkey Island - http://www.scummbar.com/index.php?newssniffer=readcomment&news=791 RON GILBERT IN SUPRISE CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAY Gilbert set up a competition where he gave out ten copies of Grossman's book, and Gabez forgot to enter. Blast. RON GILBERT STARS IN HIS OWN GAME As a special Christmas treat this year, The SCUMM Bar released Ron Gilbert's Christmas Challenge. If you're still feeling festive you can find out more here http://www.fangames.co.uk/V6/games/index.php?game=30 NIGHTLIGHT REOPENS The bitch is back. Visit to find information on Lucas-fan radio shows: http://nightlight.grimfandango.net ----------------------- MAILBAG ----------------------- QUITE FUNNY E-mail: I just got the Scumm newsletter today. Quite funny. It gave me the idea to draw this comic. Out of all the punch-lines, I thought this was the funniest. (Link: http://www.scummbar.com/temp/onme.gif) - NoMan Answer: That's the best thing ever! You've just won my e-mail of the month. What do you win? A RESTRAINING ORDER! Hahahahaha. Seriously though, you rock. --- HO HO HO E-mail: Merry Christmas you crazy man! (Your comic was cool by the way. Too cool to mention in one of our updates) - Sir Paco Vink Answer: We love you too ;-* --- BONJOUR BONJOUR BONJOUR E-mail: I understood all that french stuff. Answer: That's nice. ----------------------- HOT TOPIC OF THE MONTH ----------------------- This month's HOT TOPIC is "Would you shag Elaine/Guybrush?" All HOT TOPIC answers will get published here, and the best one may even win a prize!* Last month's HOT TOPIC was "What happens when you die?", and the response(s) are listed below: "They sell all your cool stuff and plant your ass in a box to rot with all the other boxed up dead freakazoids. Oh yeah I dance on your grave and we throw a cool ass party with everyone who ever hated you. Then we dig you up and have a rousing game of "Weekend at Bernies" then we leave your carcass flaming on an old man's porch like a bag of dog doo." - Josh Yerby ----------------------- SPAM MAIL TOPICS OF THE MONTH ----------------------- "YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS WON THE LOTTERY" - That bitch. "Do you love Penny Stox?" - No? "FROM DESMOND TAYLOR" - My favourite spam mailer "The magic of Chinese folk art - paper cutting!" - Those Chinese folk artists are so advanced! They can even cut paper these days! "Hlf prce Wndows 98" - Half-price? For a 6 year old peice of ****? What a rip-off! "Happy Holidays Latisha!" - I think this is a spam mails version of a wrong number "Just for you View porn everyday and make money with your own site" - So what's your job now? - Oh, I watch porn. It's just for me and I somehow make money from my own site. ----------------------- NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS ----------------------- * Post comments on The SCUMM Bar more often. It's like a ****ing graveyard there some days! * Say that thing to that person. You know what I mean. * Write an article and send it to us. You may even win a prize!!11 * Be nicer to people you like and nastier to people you don't. * Kiss and make up with LucasArts. What were we fighting about again? * Take a gamble and go seeking a life of quiet contemplation and tranquilety by living as a hermit on a desert island. * Buy a really long extension cable and put your pc outside. Or get a laptop. * Do something really Rock and Roll like throw your telly out of your window or insult a Goth. Just don't apoligise for it. * Keep a new years resolution. ----------------------- NEW YEARS PREDICTIONS ----------------------- * Remi will get the leading role in the musical "Annie". * LucasArts will produce more Star Wars games. Which might not be entirely a bad thing. Don't play it if you don't like it. ; * Gabez will get his pen out again and write some more articles. Suggestions, anyone? * World Of MI will post so many fanfic updates that they'll in fact turn into a fan fic. Only joking Paco! * The SCUMM Bar will close again. * The SCUMM Bar will return again. * Benny will front-end himself into ScummVM and become a ghost in the machine. Literally. * MILegend will be turned into a site about "amazing weekends". * Ron Gilbert will mysteriously stop updating his blog, leading to everyone thinking that he's dead. When he comes back again we'll probably have all forgotten about him. * Jake will turn Mojo into a self-concious entity. It may take over the world. * Tim Schafer will spawn a second head over night. And wings. * LucasArts will reannounce Sam & Max 2 but then cancel it again a day before the new release date for a cruel joke. * Natty will finally twig on to the fact that I've been making fun of her in these newsletters. * Gabez will co-star in some freskish film. http://www.knowitallvideo.com/showvideo.jsp?i=1104426314785 * Blaze will finally be fired from The SCUMM Bar. Gabez will give her his infamous "has-been" speech. * Dominic Armato will admit that he keeps your brain hooked up to a super-computer, and that none of your life is actually real. Sorry, but you must have guessed by now. * Harison Ford will break his back when he tries to get out of his chair moments before shooting Indiana Jones IV: My Life in the Old Folks Home ----------------------- 2004 SUM-UP ----------------------- Gabez takes a look at 2004 and remembers the best parts - and the worst parts. Enjoy! Of course, because I'm only one person this list will hardly take into account everything that's happened in 2004. Thus it won't be definitive, it'll be just my opinion based on what I've seen. Send it on your own opinions to gabrielschenk@gmail.com and I'll publish them here. Best TV Show: Peep Show (http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/p/peepshow_999030919.shtml) Best film: Probably House of Flying Daggers Best book: Anything by Philip Pullman Best game: I haven't played much this year, but I heard Half-life 2 is good. The only game I really got into this year was Warcraft III, though, so I'll pick that. The internet: Best web-site: Why, The SCUMM Bar of course. ; Best blog: Remi1000.com ;-* Grumpygamer.com comes a close second Best moment: When the anti-LEC movement was in full swing. That was a bit of fun. Hall of shame: Worst peice of MI fan-art: http://hrm.xirr.com/hrm046.jpg Most awkward moment: when PC Zone called Remi a "fan-boy". Oops! Remember, send it on your own sum-ups to gabrielschenk@gmail.com! And no time wasters. I'm too busy. To see Remi's list, point your browser here - http://remi1000.com/index.php?todo=readcomments&comment=303 ----------------------- CHRISTMAS POETRY COMPETITION ----------------------- Unfortunately we didn't have *any* entries for our Christmas poetry competition. This is a real shame as the prize was going to be a evening at Pizza Hut with Ron Gilbert. Oh well, I guess Ronzo will be dining alone tonight. :~ ----------------------- SCUMM COMIC ----------------------- See the latest SCUMM comic, given exclusively to newsletter subscribers, here! http://www.scummbar.com/images/comic/comic-5.jpg This month's comic features the biggest in-joke ever as the punch-line. Only a handful of people will get it. No change there, then! ----------------------- RON GILBERT QUOTE OF THE MONTH ----------------------- "*sigh* If I win the lottery, I'll buy the rights to Monkey Island and make Monkey Island 5, which I will call Monkey Island 3a: The Secret Revealed or your Money Back." - in response to the legions of confused fans who wondered why he had posted a picture of a lottery ticket with the title "Monkey Island 5". One deranged person speculated that Ron "spelt out Monkey Island with his numbers. 1, 10, 13, 20, 40 .11 Nope", whilst another was convinced that the numbers were somehow the release date for Monkey Island 5. So mark the 1st of October 13204011 in your diaries guys! Sorry Ron, it seems that your huge intelect is beyond the means of the average fan to comprehend. Just as well actually, or we'd have sorted out the Secret ages ago... Oh wait, we did! ----------------------- UNSUBSCRIBE ----------------------- To unsubsribe, simply e-mail gabrielschenk@gmail.com with the subject "I'm a little **** who doesn't want to get your wonderful newsletter anymore" using the e-mail address you want to unsubscribe with. Sigh, those were the days! Does Gabez still do this stuff? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinkie Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Someone had some free time back in the day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabez Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 It didn't take long to write, and it went out to a fairly large audience so it was worth doing (that particular one went out to 100 people, including one of the writers on a popular UK PC Games magazine). The news in brief could have been a good section, like a protoplasmic version of Twitter, if I had made the summaries easy to understand. Instead I tried to make them funny. Some jokes landed, but most did not. I quite like the idea of Ron Gilbert eating alone at Pizza Hut because nobody won the competition. The comic is quite funny but you have to know that the quotation was stolen from the World of Monkey Island's secret admin forum, and I didn't bother to explain that. I think I liked the idea of injokes too much. The rest is very self-indulgent wank, but I was a seventeen-year-old trying to work out how to write! Ten years later and I'm still learning. Glad you liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udvarnoky Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Woah! Gabez and I are the same age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artisa Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 I was a seventeen-year-old Woah! Gabez and I are the same age. Holy **** me too! What are the odds? Btw I would never have DREAMED that newsletter was sent out by a teenager the same age as me at the time - in my head it was written by a guy at least ten years older than me (Mind. Blown.) so kudos to you and your writing skills! Glad you liked it. That I did! I've got a few more issues in the recesses of my email if anyone's interested *sifts through mailbox* (Then again, Gabez probably has them too ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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