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help help, i am being supressed


K_Kinnison

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Some riddles for you all.

 

To get a Elephant into a subway, you need to take the S out of "Sub", and the F out of "way"

 

What driver doesn't have a license?

 

now for some puns:

 

Why do statues and paintings of George Washington always show him standing? Because he would never lie

 

What kind of can never needs a can opener? A pelican

 

I challange someone who can out pun me, in volume and quality

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Did you hear about the guy whose girlfriend liked scuba diving?

 

She liked to get tanked.

 

She was under a lot of pressure.

 

They are trying to work things out but I'm not holding my breath.

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There was once this lawyer who liked hunting but wasn't yet as experienced as he should be. One year he decided to get himself the best hunting guide there was, and after looking around, he found this Czech man who was the best, hired his services and the next week they were off hunting in Alaska.

 

The hunter and his guide came across two large grizzly bears all of a sudden, a male and a female. Without warning, the male bear gobbled up the guide whole. The lawyer could hear the guide crying for help from inside the bear and so he ran off to find help. After a short while, he returned with a Ranger, pointed at the male bear and said "he's in there!" The Ranger immediately shot the female bear.

 

The lawyer, stunned, asked "why did you do that? I said he was in the other one!"

 

The Ranger replied, "Do you honestly expect me to believe a lawyer when he says the Czech's in the male?"

 

 

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What happens when you don't pay your Excorcist?

 

you get re-possessed.

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ike got it :laughing:

 

well, scuba puns? sure

 

she smelled so good, he wanted to breather

at the underwater alphabet factory, she made Bub's L's

instead of throwing his girlfriend, he flipper

(and one more to beat) the underwater bar was a dive

 

bear puns:

If he has a maw, have you sean his paw?

what do you get when you cross bill the cat, with kathy lee's son? Cody, ack!

 

tune in tommarrow where i try to beat Ike

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True story from my Journalism class... We were talking about different pronunciations of words, and the Canadian/British pronuciation of Lieutenant as Leftenant.

 

Vanessa: But there's no 'f' in Lieutenant... ?

Mr. Campbell: Well, then find him!

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