Eets Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Red Ears A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears? "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The jerk* called back." *censored Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GB_StormTrooper Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below) How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 ROOFLE!!! Those are good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 "Did you take a bath?" > "Why, Is there one missing?" > > "Are you chewing gum?" > "No, I'm John Smith." > > "I want to buy a dress to put on around the house." > "Yes, Madam. How large is your house?" > > "I spent three years in college taking medicine." > "Are you well now?" > > "I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner." > "Who wants to eat your friends?" > > "We are having mother for dinner, darling." > "Make sure she's well done." > > "I want some rat poison." > "Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?" > > "It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other." > > "Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears." > > "May I hold your hand?" > "No, thanks, It isn't heavy." > > "When will you straighten out the house, dear?" > "Why? Is it tilted?" > > "Do these stairs take you to the second floor?" > "No, you'll have to walk" > > "Now that you're married, you should have some insurance" > "But why? My wife isn't dangerous." > > "I have changed my mind." > "Thank heaven! Does it work better now?" > > Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? > Customer: What other colors do you have? An Indian was sitting with a Pakistani and a Malaysian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden; Saudi police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tying a pillow to my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Pakistani guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 12 lashes before the whip went through again. Before the Indian fellow could say something, the sheikh turned to him and said: "As you are from a small country, and your football team and your cricketers are terrible. And my youngest and the most beautiful wife is also an Indian. So you can have two wishes" Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", the Indian replies. "My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes." "If you so desire", the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish ?" "Tie the Pakistani to my back", the Indian answered !! > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Two guys walk into a bar... You'd think the second guy would have ducked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 There are these two guys named Santa and Banta. They were best friends and were so obsessed with cricket that they would go to 60 games a year and analyze every scoreboard. They even promised each other that when one of them goes to heaven, the deceased one would come back and tell the other whether there was cricket in heaven or not. One night Santa dies in his sleep after watching a India vs Pakistan game -- India won, so at least he died a happy man. The next day Santa returns to earth to see his friend. "Hi, Banta." "Santa, is it really you?" "Hey, I told you I'd be back to tell you what's up. And, you know Banta, there's good news and bad news." "Okay. What's the good news?" "There is cricket in heaven." "Wow !!! That's really a good news. What's the bad news?" "You're opening batsman tomorrow night." ------------------------------- A guy from Pakistan and a guy from India are fighting over a lantern when a genie pops out and grants them each one wish. The Pakistani says, "I want a wall around Lahore to protect my culture. Make it about 150 feet high, so nothing can get in or out." "It is done," says the genie, turning to the other guy. "And your wish?" The guy from India smiles and says, "Fill it with water." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi_Knight Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 the wall one was a good one krkode Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 I heard one like that but it involved Bin Laden and Bush. You can imagine the joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 This joke had been modified to eliminate inherent Ethnic slurs Three men get stranded in a barren Desert. One man was of Ethnic background A, another of Ethnic Background B, and the last man was from Ethnic Background U. After going for days without food or water, the three men stumbled across a magic lamp, they rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared and said he would normally grant three wishes upon the finder of the Lamp, but seeings how there were three men he said he would grant one wish each. A didn't waste a minute and said, "I wish for water to drink for I have been so thirsty in the Desert!" and then *poof* there was a canteens full of water for the man to drink. B wasted no time either, he said, "I wish for food, for my belly has only known hunger here in the Desert!" and *poof* there were mounds of food for the man to feast on. U thought long and hard and looked at the genie and said, "I wish for a car please." and *poof* there was a small car before the man. Now A and B looked at U in amazement and asked, "Why in the world would you ask for a car in the Desert? You know that the car won't run more than an hour before it takes in too much sand and it freezes up?" and U seemed unmoved by the statements and simply said, "I asked for a car so that when it gets hot, I can roll down the window." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eets Posted January 9, 2002 Author Share Posted January 9, 2002 A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Jillie: . Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannibal Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 Eets thats my favorite joke. That makes me laugh every time I hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince_Xizor Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 3 girls walk into a bathroom with a magical mirror.....It will grant your wish if u can posses it...but make you disapeer if you cant... The first girl, a burnet asks the mirror "Can you make me pretty?" -the mirror grants her wish...- The 2nd girl, a red head asks "Can you make me more intellegent?" -Her wish is granted- The 3rd girl, a blond walks up to the mirror and says" let me think for a minute..." -the blonde girl disapeers- kekekekeke....hope you like that one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TieDefender75 Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 ok, there is this guy who walks into a store and ask the person working there" Can i eat any pudding you got?' he eats three buckets of pudding. the next day on the news it says "Top story: SPERM BANK ROBBED!" LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 3 guys are roaming around in the desert and they live there for 1 year and become great friends when they find a genie and he grants them each a wish 1st guy says "i wanna be back in california" 2nd guy says "i wanna be back in New york 3rd guy says "i am going to be lonely without them so i wish they would come back...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raVen_image Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 I don't want to offend blondes, so I'll say: How do WOMEN print a "Word" document? Answer: http://www.humboldt.edu/~gsh3/print.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince_Xizor Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 So a guy walks into a Rite aide and wants two buy penis enlargement pills...he buys to bottlle and the clerk says come back in 1 week and tell me how it works out... So a 2nd guy walks into a Rite aide and wants to buy penis enlargement pills...he buys 4 bottlle and the clerk says come back in 3 week and tell me how it works out... So a fina; guy walks into a Rite aide and wants to buy penis enlargement pills...he buys 50 bottlle and the clerk says come back in 8 week and tell me how it works out... The first guy comes back and says" yeah it got bigger" The 2nd guy comes back and says"Really big now!" And the thirs guy comes back and says"....lets just put it this way...see that lady across the street....got her!" LOL HOPE YA LIKE THIS ONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young David Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 Are funny pics alowed too? I could post more ... but hey ... then I could go on forever --- Edit: made clickable in case they don't show up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 those arent showing up maybe they r not hotlinked why dont you give us the link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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