Redwing Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 I disagree with alot of it actually for example...the Neimodians do not look Asian I copy/pasted that (obviously---yes Lynk it probably was ) which you all would have realized if you had clicked on the title (which is a link to the site) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genota Posted July 13, 2002 Share Posted July 13, 2002 Originally posted by Redwing STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT FADE IN: INT. SPACESHIP LIAM NEESON It is vitally important we enter trade negotiations with the federation. EWAN MCGREGOR I agree. This one planet and how it trades with other planets is certainly an important enough topic to be the entire plot of a Star Wars film. INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK EVIL ALIEN Werr. What wirr we do now? My evil, obviousry Asian race must prevair. I wirr not face de Jedi. Send de droid. INT. SPACESHIP - BACK TO THE JEDI A droid enters. LIAM NEESON I sense a disturbance in the force. EWAN MCGREGOR Well, shit. Suddenly, numerous pieces of CGI enter and begin attacking the Jedi. The Jedi use the high concentration of midichlorians in their bodies to use the force to destroy the CGI. They run outside. EXT. NABOO They run until they smack into some more CGI. JAR JAR Who might you be? LIAM NEESON (staring in the general direction of Jar Jar, but not really staring at him) I am a Jedi. There are bad things coming. Take me to your homeland. JAR JAR I see. That is quite interesting. I will guide you to the land from which I have come. Suddenly, GEORGE LUCAS realizes the Jar Jar toys aren't selling well enough. JAR JAR (contUd) Oh! Meesa sorry! Meesa ment to saysa: Weesa can go back to Jamaica mon, okeyday? EWAN MCGREGOR (staring at something right above Jar Jar) Good. Do you have a hotel room for me and Liam? We have..uh..Jedi business to attend to. JAR JAR Weesa can smokesa some ganja, mon. AUDIENCE Die. Die, Jar Jar. Nobody likes you. INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK The queen appears over some kind of thing which appears to be better in technology than the kinds of things in the original trilogy. NATALIE PORTMAN I am the queen. You've gone too far this time. I will tell the senate and you will be in a lot of trouble. EVIL ALIEN I'm so sorry, Amidala. NATALIE PORTMAN No, no, I'm Padme now. EVIL ALIEN I thought when in the makeup, you were the queen. NATALIE PORTMAN No, I'm whoever is playing the queen at the time. The voice changes don't help you figure this out. EVIL ALIEN Stop trying to confoose me! Droids, capture the queen.. or Padme.. er.. just capture everyone! LIAM and EWAN and, ****, JAR JAR too take NATALIE PORTMAN and other members of her staff onto a ship and they escape. They go to Tatooine. INT. TATOOINE - SOME SHOP WHERE JAKE LLOYD IS HELD SLAVE JAKE LLOYD Hi there! Golly I'm cute. NATALIE PORTMAN You certainly are, little boy. JAKE LLOYD I'm the only one disturbed by the fact that I'm gonna bone you in episode two? LIAM NEESON Jake, I need you to have a pod race so I can get the parts I need and free you. JAKE'S MOM No, I won't allow him to pod race. He'll get hurt. (pause) Ok, I will. Nevermind. Good luck. They pod race. It looks really COOL. GEORGE LUCAS (attempting subtlety) Oh! Look! There's a video game of this scene... uh.. buy it! Hey, I had to sacrifice a part of my grand vision for these movies to include a part that could be turned into a game, so buy it or I'll do it even more in episode 2. JAKE wins! He has to leave his mother, which will become very important in the next movie. He also has to leave his protocol droid, THREEPIO. AUDIENCE He built C-3PO? Why wasn't this ever mentioned in the original trilogy? GEORGE LUCAS Because I just made it up. Speaking of stuff I'm just making up, how do you like the midichlorian bull**** I pulled out of my ass? They all get into their ship and go to Coruscant. INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI COUNCIL LIAM NEESON I want to train this boy. YODA Nope. Sorry. Too old the boy is. Clouded his future seems. Vague my worries are. LIAM NEESON Well, he is the chosen one. He will bring balance to the force. I'm training him. SAMUEL L. JACKSON Yoda told you no, mutha****a. What the **** is wrong with you, bitchass? I'll ****in' kill you! I'm gonna be a ****in bad ass in the next two ****in movies, you know. My toy has a ****in lightsaber. LIAM NEESON I'm going to go over your head and train him myself, then. So there. He exits. INT. GALACTIC SENATE MEETING IAN MCDIARMID Damn I'm evil. Suddenly, we see E.T! This does not make the film HYPER- CUTESEY like Return of the Jedi, but CLEVER. EXT. NABOO NATALIE PORTMAN I am either the queen or Padme now. Regardless, your cheesy-looking race of annoying, unrealistic characters need to ally with our badly acting race of creatures so we can capture this one guy. BOSS NASS One guy? The climax of this film revolves entirely around us capturing one, pretty insignificant guy? Doesn't that make this whole thing kinda pointless? NATALIE PORTMAN No more pointless than the fact that this entire film revolves around taxes on trade and the cutting off of one, pathetic little planet half-filled with annoying creatures. They go after the bad guy or whatever. Who cares? Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight sequence. Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black face paint, and has horns. He is EVIL. Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one insignificant guy and we really don't care. Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and we really don't care except we want the Gungans to die. Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space- battle, which is mostly over by the time he arrives. We care a little bit. INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle which has had a lot of effort put into the choreography and is thousands of times better than any other lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film. AUDIENCE Whoa! This is really cool! Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid battles going on at the time. Eventually, we return to the good one. DARTH MAUL (menacing as hell) Grrr. Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising, especially to those of us who bought the film score which has a song whose title gives away the ending. He then kicks EWAN into a shaft. EWAN grabs onto something on the side and holds on for dear life. EWAN MCGREGOR Well, you certainly are an experienced fighter and there is little question you could kick pretty much anyone's ass. DARTH MAUL (contUd) Muahahahaha. Slowly, EWAN uses the force to grab LIAM'S lightsaber, jump up out of the shaft, over MAUL, press the button on the saber, and slice MAUL in half while MAUL stands there like an idiot and does nothing at all. He dies. EXT. SPACE JAKE LLOYD Whoaaaaa! I'm in space! Now this is pod racing! Yipee! Uh oh! Man, I'm so cute. JAKE goes into a hangar, where the main reactor for the ship is kept. He accidentally blows it to ****. JAKE LLOYD (contUd) Uh oh! I better leave! Let's leave Artoo! They exit quickly. The ship explodes, which stops all the droids and just makes everything great, because it's always enjoyable when a serious conflict is resolved with a slapstick accident. EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive. A huge party ensues. AUDIENCE Wow! Watching this party and all this celebration has convinced me that the tiny, pathetic problem that has been taken care of is actually really significant! Hooray! Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the mindless celebration and kiddie cartoon bull****, what actually happened was the future-emperor has actually manipulated everything, come into great power, and that one tiny problem has actually been resolved, but thousands more have been created. GEORGE LUCAS Three years, suckers. I'd make them come out sooner, but I work very hard on my films, as I am an independent filmmaker due to my disgust with Hollywood's commercialism. Now go buy some Star Wars toys! END haw haw haw haw!!!! man, red, you're damn funny! i loved that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wraith 8 Posted July 15, 2002 Author Share Posted July 15, 2002 did you realy have to quote the whole thing? isnt this page long enough already Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genota Posted July 16, 2002 Share Posted July 16, 2002 sorry:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S1DC Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 while we are on the subject of bad SW movies... EPISODE 2 SUCKED. BAD. Anakin acted like he had a stick up his ass the entire time Yoda fought, sure, but only for like 10 seconds. Anakin fought, sure, but he lost his friggen arm, and that happend in the first ten seconds. Mace Windu fought... one dude, and simply chopped his head off. wow. the jedi fought in a giant battle! what giant battle? the giant battle advertised as a giant battle that is really just the rescue of that girl with half her clothes gone (only good part in movie) which ends not with the jedi whooping up, but THE FRIGGEN CLONES SHOWING UP LIKE SOME DUP-O-MATIC CALVARY No one bothers to listen to dooku. dooku is smart, and i would be on his side if i had the choice. Why the **** did they get rid of jengo... the only promising guy in the movie next to mace. And the scot clones that he works for. (heh eh) AND THEN THERES THE- *giant crowd of drunken trailer park guys wearing jar-jar binks t-shirts led by George Lucas attacks S1DC* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 u must die now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 A) You wanted Anakin to act angelic the entire time? The kid's gonna become Darth Vader for crying out loud! 10 second fight scenes? They sure as heck were longer than that...specially Yoda's...Obi-Wan's was a little short, Anakin's was longer but got "cut off"...but Yoda's was nice and long (note: the Force battle counts ) You missed all the Mace vs droid fight scenes in the arena? Did you miss the giant battle that happened after the clones came? You know that Dooku was playing everybody for a fool, don't you? ...don't you? Why did they get rid of Jango? C'mon, how many people's deaths can you fit into Episode III? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 Originally posted by S1DC AND THEN THERES THE- *giant crowd of drunken trailer park guys wearing jar-jar binks t-shirts led by George Lucas attacks S1DC* *checks to see if any of her family members are in that crowd* I think i see cousin Delmer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wraith 8 Posted July 17, 2002 Author Share Posted July 17, 2002 uhmm.. i loved ep2.... I LOVED IT BIG TIME! i mean.. coruscant ROCKED... it was so beautiful... i cant see anything wrong with ep2 other than it told to little to connect with the original trilogy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S1DC Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 we have all seen yoda use the force before. screw the force. i want lasers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharaFett Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 well i personally thought tpm was a splendid movie. i could handle jake lloyde's bad acting just like i handled mark hammil's. it was definitely the most complex of the star wars movies, plot-wise. this should be expected, of course, since it's the "first" movie of the trilogy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 Originally posted by Wraith 8 uhmm.. i loved ep2.... I LOVED IT BIG TIME! i mean.. coruscant ROCKED... it was so beautiful... i cant see anything wrong with ep2 other than it told to little to connect with the original trilogy. You're just mad cuz they didn't have Tarkin like you told everybody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 I've only seen TPM once and have yet to see AoTC. So i can't give a valid opinion. But thats never stopped me before!! ^^;;; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 I didn't think AotC was the best movie ever...but it wasn't bad like S1 made out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wraith 8 Posted July 19, 2002 Author Share Posted July 19, 2002 Originally posted by Redwing You're just mad cuz they didn't have Tarkin like you told everybody yeah.. well.. he needs to be in it dammit.. or else it doesnt make sence why he is the boss of vader in ep 4.. and why vader is the boss of every other big admiral later on.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted July 20, 2002 Share Posted July 20, 2002 Lol, he wasn't the boss of Vader...Vader was there to keep a eye on him for Palpatine. In fact, Vader went over his head to launch his own TIE fighters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Vader got milk? *passes out from lack of sleep and stress* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 no! join the insomniac club! we even got a club song! "I wanna rock n roll all night, and party everyday!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Originally posted by Lynk Former no! join the insomniac club! we even got a club song! "I wanna rock n roll all night, and party everyday!" LOL!! *is awake...seeing double...but awake* I also have to pee so bad my back teeth are floating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 ...hmm i remember the AIM convo u had u were just like this... i seem to recall the words "the yellow rivers of releif" being used by u at one stage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Originally posted by Lynk Former ...hmm i remember the AIM convo u had u were just like this... i seem to recall the words "the yellow rivers of releif" being used by u at one stage Ah yes, they have flowed once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 ....that's strange... i heard something that sounded like a rushing waterfall... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Originally posted by Lynk Former ....that's strange... i heard something that sounded like a rushing waterfall... Niagara Falls baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Damn... that's of biblical proportions happenin there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LQ. Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Originally posted by Lynk Former Damn... that's of biblical proportions happenin there! Uh...I like pie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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