Sivy Posted August 22, 2002 Author Posted August 22, 2002 A husband and wife go to an art gallery. they walk up the first painting which is a picture of eve in the garden of eden. eve is naked apart from three fig leaves. The wife, not impressed decides to go the next painting. She turns round to see her husband still standing by the first painting. 'what are you waiting for?' she asks. 'Autumn' he replies
Boba Rhett Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 Quote Originally posted by whitedragon if the universe is forever and it keeps expanding what is it expanding into Itself.
whitedragon Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 Quote Originally posted by Boba Rhett Itself.
Kit fisto JK Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb??? 501 1 to hold theblight bulb 500 to turn the house:D
Boba Rhett Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 I'm serious about the universe thing! How many impressionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish.
zworqy Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 Here's some unusual (i hope) "lightbulb" jokes: How many jugglers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but you need at least 3 lightbulbs. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but you need a ****load of lightbulbs!
Kit fisto JK Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 Quote Originally posted by zworqy Here's some unusual (i hope) "lightbulb" jokes: How many jugglers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but you need at least 3 lightbulbs. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but you need a ****load of lightbulbs! rrriiiiigggggggghhhhhhtttttttttt:confused:
Sivy Posted August 22, 2002 Author Posted August 22, 2002 Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody
Sivy Posted August 22, 2002 Author Posted August 22, 2002 Why does Tigger smell? You would too if you played with Pooh all day
whitedragon Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 why is this winney the sh!t stuff so popular heard that on a comic strip
Kit fisto JK Posted August 22, 2002 Posted August 22, 2002 Quote Originally posted by SivyB Why does Tigger smell? You would too if you played with Pooh all day LOL good one
Divine Spirit Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 mof funnisest jkoes has go t to be the one i thought utp the other night.its a bit old now....it would avbe been better a d fwew months ago, it goes: what do people in afganistan do when they see a plane flying overhead? they die
Divine Spirit Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 thought of anotherjoke, why is the taliban always cold? there arnet any doors in caves!
Kit fisto JK Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 Quote Originally posted by Divine Spirit thought of anotherjoke, why is the taliban always cold? there arnet any doors in caves! um ok whatever 2 guys walk into a bar the third guy ducks:D
Divine Spirit Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 Quote Originally posted by Kit fisto JK um ok whatever 2 guys walk into a bar the third guy ducks:D lol thats fkc in great i goota use that some time at a part-aye or soemin
Sivy Posted August 23, 2002 Author Posted August 23, 2002 This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired. He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000. from non-payers, however he was greedy and hid the money for himself. It didn't take long for the mafia bosses to catch on, so they sent a couple of thugs and an interpreter to find the collector. They found him, took him to an abandoned warehouse and the two thugs told the interpreter to ask the collector, “where's da money?” The interpreter signed to the collector and the collecter signed back, “I don't know what you're talking about.” The interpreter told them what he had said and one of the thugs pulled out a 38 revolver and stuck it in the collector's ear. He told the interpreter to ask the collector about the money again. The interpreter asked. The collector signed back, “It's in a tree stump in Central Park 50 yards east of the main fountain!” The interpreter tells the thugs, “He said he still doesn't know what your talking about and you don't have the guts to pull that trigger!”
Sivy Posted August 23, 2002 Author Posted August 23, 2002 One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want to live anymore. So she went to the doctor and asked, ''What's the best way to kill yourself?'' The doctor told her, ''Well, shooting yourself in the heart is a fast method.'' She asked him, ''Where's the heart located?'' The doctor said, ''It's three fingers below the nipple.'' Later on, the police and paramedics arrive at her house. When the paramedic asks what happened, one officer says, ''We found her on the floor with a gunshot wound to the knee.''
whitedragon Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 Quote Originally posted by SivyB One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want to live anymore. So she went to the doctor and asked, ''What's the best way to kill yourself?'' The doctor told her, ''Well, shooting yourself in the heart is a fast method.'' She asked him, ''Where's the heart located?'' The doctor said, ''It's three fingers below the nipple.'' Later on, the police and paramedics arrive at her house. When the paramedic asks what happened, one officer says, ''We found her on the floor with a gunshot wound to the knee.'' LOL good one
Weapon X Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 Quote Originally posted by Divine Spirit mof funnisest jkoes has go t to be the one i thought utp the other night.its a bit old now....it would avbe been better a d fwew months ago, it goes: what do people in afganistan do when they see a plane flying overhead? they die that was great, brought a tear to my eye
Gummo.nz Posted August 23, 2002 Posted August 23, 2002 How do you spot a computer technition fixing a flat tyre? He's the one changing each wheel one at a time to see which one is flat. How do you spot a Micro$oft technition trying to fix an overheated engine? He's the one changing each wheel one at a time to see which one is flat. Want an example of a contridiction in terms? Micro$oft Works.
Sivy Posted August 23, 2002 Author Posted August 23, 2002 Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, One was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked "Has anyone got a friggin' match?" A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, ''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away.
Lunatic Jedi Posted August 24, 2002 Posted August 24, 2002 Did you hear about the redneck who passed away? He left a huge estate to his wife, but she can't touch it until she's 14.
whitedragon Posted August 24, 2002 Posted August 24, 2002 Quote Originally posted by Lunatic Jedi Did you hear about the redneck who passed away? He left a huge estate to his wife, but she can't touch it until she's 14. ooooooooooooooooo
Darth Knight Posted August 24, 2002 Posted August 24, 2002 there are some good jokes here, i am not a good joke teller, os i will keep that to you
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