Sponsor a Starving Baseball Player Here

[Boba Rhett]

Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are living at, just below, or in most cases, far above the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough, they could be deprived of their life-giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming strike situation. But you can help!

 

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

 

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball player it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a baseball player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

 

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to add that home gym, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a trip to Rio.

 

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

 

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

 

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

 

Your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

 

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

 

I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is checked below:

 

[ ] Infielder

[ ] Outfielder

[ ] Starting Pitcher

[ ] Ace Pitcher

[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)

[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher rate. Call for info.)

 

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the player for the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with my very own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

 

Name: _______________________

Telephone Number:

_____________________________________________

Account Number: _______________________

Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express

[ ] Discover

Signature: _______________________

 

Please include info for alternate card in case the primary has a limit and will not cover the cost.

 

Mail completed form to MLB Players Union or call 1-900-SCREW-THE-FANS now to enroll by phone ($10 per minute).

 

***Contributions are not tax-deductible

[Rogue Nine]

Alex Rodriguez is my fifth cousin. Does that count for anything?

 

[Clefo]

What about players that are, you know, actually starving? Pete Incavilgna and Bill Buckner come in mind..

 

Oh and my Grandma's uncle was Walter Johnson, is that coo?

[WolfmanNCSU]

I have seen a simular joke to this, but it was about sponsoring a starving CEO. Another just case, I am sure.

[Zygomaticus]

I'm doing Alex Rodriguez. *Prints out form and fills in info, slaps on a 37c stamp and drops it in speed post*

 

w00t

[Darth Homer]

we should send this to ESPN or something...

[Tie Guy]

Well, too bad, they didn't strike. I really thought they were going to too. Oh well, pretty funny Rhett. I've seen things like this before.

[Admiral Odin]

I was really hopping that they would. I mean come on 5 million isn't enough.

[idiot00001]

LOL, that was funny. Most Major Leage Baseball players are extremely overpaid.

[Clefo]

Originally posted by idiot00001

LOL, that was funny. Most Major Leage Baseball players are extremely overpaid.

 

No REALLY?

 

I don't think you can blame the players as much for high as hell salaries, blame the owners for GIVING them those salaries, seriously, who wouldn't want to make 4 mil a year for playing a silly game?

 

Like, who would pay 10 million for Sterling Hitch****? Oh yeah, The Yankees...

[Darth Groovy]

*Runs out of room laughing*

 

*Dies on the doorstep*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit- Corner's report found victim to have died by a combination of excessive laughter and overacting.