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The LaFeTRIX


ondrahosek

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*IVI3GAD3TH and JM Qui-Gon Jinn take me away and push me violently into their car. leXX sees this in the rear-view mirror of her cool motorbike. She swears under her lips and goes away*

*Scene in an interrogation room*

*I am sitting in a gloomy, green-white painted room, with a table and two chairs on each side.*

*IVI3GAD3TH and JM Qui-Gon Jinn stand both on my side as security, if I had the will to run away.*

*I find myself face-to-face with Padanime, the most evil agent of the world.*

*Padanime unfurls her binder with infos about me, which is really long, and I think she was spying on me.*

Padanime: As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr Hošek. It seems that you have been living two lives. In one life, you are Ondøej Hošek, student of a respectble school. You have a social security number, you pay your taxes and you help your landlady carry out her garbage.

Padanime: The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the nickname "ondrahosek" and are guilty of virtually every Thread Crime we have a law for. One of those lives has a future. And one of them does not.

Padanime: I am going to be as forecoming as I can, Mr Hošek. You're here, because we need your help. We know that you have been contacted by a certain individual. A man who calls hiself "Darklighter". Whatever you think about this man, like that his avatar is cool and so on is irrelevant. He is concidered by many authorities to be the dangerous man half-dead. My colleagues believe that I'm wasting my time with you. But I think that just looking at your cool hair makes me feel like :evanpiel:. We're gonna wipe this slate clean, give you a fresh start. All we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice. No, it's not Osama Bin Laden.

me: Seems like a cool deal. But I have a better one. How about that I give you the finger *I point at Padanime with a nice finger*, and you give me my phone call.

Padanime: But tell me, Mr Hošek, how good is a phone call, if you're unable to speak?

*my mouth starts to grow shut.*

me: Hoo zdoobi hahahime! Hoo shuh mah mauth ah puh ah buhg ihnto meeh!

*Direct translation: You stupid Padanime! You shut my mouth and put a bug into me!*

Padanime: How right you are, Mr Hošek.

*The agents throw me on my back and plant some bad thingy into me - looks like a green shrimp - yuck! - while I scream with agony...*

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Originally posted by Boba Rhett

*throws a fork into Zdawg's head thus ubruptly ending his dance of joy*

 

 

:cool:

 

:ball:

omg... i dyed by a fork... but I'M TEH SPWEN BOAY!

 

*looks around*

Yes... that was idiot speak a.k.a ZDawgish... not to be confused with leet :p

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Thanks, Pad... It will take me some time, though. I entertained myself and haven't worked on it for some time now... I will tomorrow... After school... School sucks...

Well, thanks for the praise of my story once more!

I'm on CET, it's 8:30PM here, so I say good night...

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*I scream and wake up in my bed. It was only a dream. OR WAS IT? I test my mouth. I can feel the hole. Good. It's raining outside. I fall down on the bed. Then the phone starts ringing. I pick it up. It's Darky on the other side.*

Darky: This line is tapped, so I must be brief. They got to you first, but they've underestimated how important you are. If they knew what I know, you would have already been banned.

me: What the heck are you talking about? What the Bloody Mary is happening to me? Are you trying to edit my User Info?

Darky: You are the Five, ondrahosek. You may have spent the last few years looking for me, but I have spent my entire life, looking for you. Now, do you still want to meet?

me: Yes.

Darky: Then go to the Adams Street Bridge

*I am standing under the bridge, when a car comes - a nice Lincoln. leXX opens the door and tells me to get in. I listen to her, get in, and the car starts to move. Without knowing what the heck, Quotation points a .33 revolver in my face.*

me: Is that a new way how to point at passengers?

leXX: It's necessary, ondrahosek. For our protection.

me: From what?

leXX: From you.

Quotation: Get off your shirt! *She looks at Hekx Noxu* Stop the car.

*The car stops*

Quotation: Listen to me, coppertop. We don't have time for 20 questions, as the forum only allows you to post every 90 seconds. Right now, there's only one rule: Our way, or the highway.

me: Fine.

*I step out of the car*

me: Heck! I better WILL go with you! Because it's raining cats 'n' dogs outta here.

*I get back into the car, Hekx Noxu starts it and off we go.*

leXX: Hekx, lights!

*leXX takes out a weird-looking machine.*

leXX: Lie back, take off your shirt.

me: OK, but I won't take off everything, OK?

*I put my shirt down.*

me: What is that machine?

leXX: You're bugged.

*leXX starts turning the machine and I can feel it's sucking something out of my navel. Then I see it's this stupid little shrimp thingy that was put in by Padanime.*

me: I hate this Padanime!

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*The car parks at a high house. The whole crew and me go up the long staircase.*

*I walk to the door where leXX is standing.*

leXX: This is it. NO, not $*it! It! Lemme give you a piece of advice. Be honest. He loves to play the smart-ass.

*She opens the door. Darky turns around. He smiles.*

Darky: At last. Welcome, ondrahosek. You are now part of the 1337. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Darklighter.

me: It's an honor to meet you. So, where are the pills?

Darky: What kinda pills?

me: The pills Morpheus gave to Neo in the Matrix?

Darky: There are no pills. The only thing you have to do is click on one of those buttons:

  • You click the Yoda's Swamp button. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
  • You click Log Out. You stay in Wonderland, and I will tell you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

me: Isn't there any WTF button? If not, I take the Log Out one. Because I am a nosy little object.

*I click the button*

me: What the Lord of the Rings is happening with me?

Darky: It's a combined protein piece of cow milk, compressed into a pill by using essential GeForce 4 Ti microprocessors.

me: Would you ming bringing me a toilet bowl? :barf: Too late...

*Darky takes the phone.*

Darky: gorganfloss? Please clean up the mess made by user #72309.

gorganfloss: OK, Darky!

*The mass gets invisible*

me: The heck? Is that contained in the LaFeTRIX too?

Darky: We don't have time for 20 questions, as the forum only allows you to post every 90 seconds. Come, and I will show you. The button you clicked is a part of a PHP program. It disrupts everything.

me: What the heck does that mean?

gorganfloss: It means buckle your seat belt ondrahosek, 'cause LF is going bye-bye.

Darky: Press the button.

*I faint*

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*I wake up in a large hall containing many baths and no windows. I look around. The bath constained some slimy stuff. A robot came and pulled all the cords out of me. Cords? Until now, I still do not understand what they were for.*

*Then the bottom of the bath opened. I felt like being flushed down into a toilet. I ended in some water in the lower parts of the hall. My eyes did not work correctly. My muscles were punctured too. I tried to somehow hold myself on water level. A crane came. It picked me up and pulled me the long way up into an unknown place. I fainted again.*

*I woke up days later. I wanted to know what is happening.*

me: What's happening to me?

Darky: Your muscles have atrophied. We're rebuilding them.

me: Er...why do my eyes hurt?

Darky: You've never used them before. Lay still and sleep, ondrahosek. The answers are coming.

*I notice the rag put over my parts under the navel*

me: Uh... Darky? Thanks for the rag!

Darky (smiling): Welcome to the real world :)!

*I smile too and doze off.*

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