K_Kinnison Posted January 22, 2003 Share Posted January 22, 2003 The theory of the Orange Construction Barrels: Over the years I have noticed that where ever there is road construction there are orange barrels, warning signs, blinking lights, and construction crews. Everyone sees this as the construction crew repairing the road that has developed problems, and once the construction is finished the construction paraphernalia disappears. This is a bald-faced lie. The Construction Barrel (Viaae fabricatio barrelus) is one of several species of highly modified and specialized plants which have adapted to be able to grow in the most extreme of conditions - out of the roadways of our country. This lie has been perpetuated by local and national civil authorities for years and years, because they knew that if they told us the real reason for the crews, more people would steal them. The barrels and similar plants are only known to grow on or near roadways. The uses for these plants are numerous but highly classified by the government. The so called "Construction Crews" are in truth Collection and Preparation crews, much akin to a large force of gardeners, who tend and cultivate this natural resource. Although no one knows how this plant came to America, it is believed that the plants are highly adaptive and stem from an earlier species that simply grew across dirt roads and formed road blocks shaped like a sandwich board. One can tell that the seeds of the construction plants are nearing the point of germination when the road surface becomes rough and uneven. Potholes may begin to form. It is at this point the collection crews may begin to take notice and start setting up signs as a distraction. The Barrels (and other species) may begin to sprout at this time. One can easily locate the seedlings of the Viaae genus because of their readily distinguishable orange color and cone shape. The collection crews may harvest the plants at this time, or they may leave the seedlings to mature further. The seedlings have a variable maturation period - some may take several months (even years) to reach full germination, others may appear and fully mature seemingly overnight! One thing about the life cycle is certain - when the plant develops its fruit (an orange blinking light), it is ready to be harvested. At this point, the collection crews and preparation crews go into action, harvesting the crop and reworking the strata from which they sprouted. Once the reworking of the "soil" (if it can truly be called that once there is asphalt over it) is complete, the crews depart and wait for the next crop to sprout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba The Hunt Posted January 22, 2003 Share Posted January 22, 2003 You couldn't have been drunk and wrote all that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GUNNER Posted January 22, 2003 Share Posted January 22, 2003 Let me be the first to say...Huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyan Farlander Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 *Throws holy water on K_K* The power of Christ compels you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edlib Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 This is your brain on drugs... What are they,.. and where can I get some? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tierce Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 good drugs... Really, really, good drugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Dude, my friend's a pharmacist. Tell me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 It's not a Barrel, it's a CONE!!! A CONE DAMMIT !!! CONE !!! Look again: CONE !!! I own two of them by the way, they were "collected" in London, England. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Jem, those are traffic cones. These are construction barrels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 I HAVE NEVER SEEN THOSE IN MY USELESS LIFE !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 They look like simple plastic barrels begging for you to plow through them at speed. however, they are comically filled with cement and could destroy a tank. And nowhere on Earth owns more of them than the state of Pennsylvania. Awful roads+awful climate=roadwork all the time. in summer 1996 or 1997, fully 50% all roads in the state were being worked on. Up north of here is a place where they store them in the winter. I shall be going past it on friday and will attempt to photograph it for our non-american friends. There are at least 50 million of them there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GUNNER Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Out here they just throw a bag of sand in them to keep them from blowing over. Cement is a little harsh.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 I'd say about quarter of them have actual cement in them. I'm not sure why they decided to fill them with cement. It makes them unstackable. A lot of them are filled with something and most of the county owned ones are just kinda sitting there and do blow away. The state hordes barrels and fills them with zany cement or bolts to them to the road. The bolted ones are extremely rare and I've only seen them once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacky_Baccy Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 ROFL - nicely done, K_K Posted by Jem It's not a Barrel, it's a CONE!!! A CONE DAMMIT !!! CONE !!! Look again: CONE !!! Good man I own two of them by the way, they were "collected" in London, England. How the hell did you get them all the way back to Canada??! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 I can get those exact same cones at my town's DMV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba The Hunt Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Originally posted by Jem I HAVE NEVER SEEN THOSE IN MY USELESS LIFE !!! Me neither. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyan Farlander Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 That's because you guys don't live in the great USA. So free yourselves of your crappy nations and come to America - the land of the free and the home of the orange construction barrels! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Originally posted by Wacky_Baccy How the hell did you get them all the way back to Canada??! Actually the two cones I own have done quite some travelling. It all started when I lived in London about 12 or 13 years ago (man I just realized it's been that long!). My big sister had "acquired" one and it was pretty cool. Then one day we were walking together in some street, she said something and then swiftly "acquired" one for me. Anyways finally I own two of them and they have been with me from England to Gabon (Somewhere in Africa), passing by Canada then through Poland and Finally in Senegal (Africa again) were I left them behind coming back over here. And they were always safely transported by moving companies I miss them now, I'll ask my parents to bring them for me whenever they come back. Last time I used them was to put them in front of my friend's drums so we would look cool while jamming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba The Hunt Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Originally posted by Keyan Farlander That's because you guys don't live in the great USA. So free yourselves of your crappy nations and come to America - the land of the free and the home of the orange construction barrels! With your chance of survival, you do know yellow stone park has a supervolcano underneath it dont you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted January 24, 2003 Share Posted January 24, 2003 You guys are forgetting the even more rare Highway Pillar! They're about the thickness of a baseball, hollow, and have a base of weighted rubber... I aquired 12 one night, and later used them to completly block of a city street from both ends... We looked for a detour sign too, but no such luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted January 24, 2003 Share Posted January 24, 2003 Originally posted by Jabba The Hunt With your chance of survival, you do know yellow stone park has a supervolcano underneath it dont you? Not only do we know that, do you realize that America is so huge that if Yellowstone went off as powerful as Krakatoa, it wouldn't affect most of the US for days and then it would only make for prettier sunsets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba The Hunt Posted January 24, 2003 Share Posted January 24, 2003 and the odd nuclear winter, but whats that to the great and all powerfull US of A aswell as destroying the bread basket of the world... but don't worry everyone President George Bush Jr is in control, everything will be ok. only jk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flying Beastie Posted January 25, 2003 Share Posted January 25, 2003 Originally posted by Keyan Farlander That's because you guys don't live in the great USA. We have something similar in Canada, except that our subspecies are black with orange stripes (as opposed to orange with white stripes, as in Niner's picture). Can't honestly attest to what they're filled with, but I can attest that some large herbivore appears to be eating them; the "construction" area around Ottawa U (over towards Laurier Bridge) is littered with the empty rinds, which appear to have been slit in a relatively straight line by a single large claw. Thus far, we have received no eyewitness accounts of whatever creature or creatures are responsible for this, though speculation describes a sort of boreal equivalent to the Congo region's Mkele Membe. More updates as they become available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted January 25, 2003 Share Posted January 25, 2003 They're having that concert at the residence parking area right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted January 25, 2003 Share Posted January 25, 2003 Originally posted by Jabba The Hunt nuclear winter I was unaware volcanism could split the atom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.