Random thoughts brought to you by Bowling for Soup

[BongoBob]

The other day I stumble across my Bowling for Soup-Drunk Enough to dance cd. It made me think about how they should be coming out with a new album soon. So I went to their website, and found random thoughts from the lead singer Jaret. Here's a few...mind you these are only the ones that made me spit my frosted flakes onto my moniter...

 

I think if puppies weren’t so damn cute, that the reptile industry would be

booming. – Jaret

 

 

If I was 6 ft. 7inches tall, and couldn’t slam-dunk a basketball, I would be

considered retarded; and I could totally accept that. – Jaret

 

Is it me, or is it perfectly ok that Madonna’s music starts to suck more as

she gets older and hotter. – Jaret

 

 

I have said it before, and I will stand by this until I die…Even Pizza that

sucks is pretty freakin good!!!!- Jaret

 

Does anyone else wonder how fast food restaurants manage to taste the same

no matter where they are…I mean if you order a Big Mac in the UK, it tastes

like a Big Mac…Man that is weird…They can’t recreate a Milky way, but they

can make the **** out of America’s favorite fries…And by the way…Are we a

little concerned that after 20 years of eating these freakin Mcnuggets, they

all of a sudden make NEW and Improved Mcnuggets…I am worried…Very worried…A

Big Mac Does sound good though….Doesn’t it…If they ever improve the Big Mac,

lets all demand our money back from all of the crappy Big Macs we had to eat

before they got it right - Jaret

 

I think people that don’t like hot dogs are obviously very troubled and should

not be allowed to eat mustard on anything – Jaret

 

I wish I could have met the guy who coined the WORD "fart." I’ll bet he had a

few more up his sleeve. You know he had a few that were even better. – Jaret

 

If I was a cat, and someone threw me off the roof to see if I would land on my

feet, I would flip twice and land on my back. Just to piss them off. – Jaret

 

When people misspell my name, it doesn’t really make me mad. But if I had the

chance I would pee in their milk shake. Not because I meant to, because I don’t

know how to make a milk shake. – Jaret

 

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but they will watch you play ball with

yourself for hours while you are trying. – Jaret

 

I wish I had started playing the guitar instead of football when I was a kid.

Maybe then I would be a better player and I would still have both testicles.

– Jaret

 

 

The whole idea of trading beads for a look at a girl’s breast is somewhat

intriguing. It seems like both the flasher and the one being flashed get the

short end of the stick. If both went into a strip club, the guy couldsee boobs

for free and the girl could walk with like $700 a night instead of 75 strings

of beads that will hang from a coat rack and remind her that she should never

drink vodka again. - Jaret

 

 

I think ice cream was doing just fine before someone started putting candy and

cookies into it. Now it is like the crack cocaine of dessert food. I am so

addicted and I blame Ben and Jerry. Those sons-a-bitches. PHISH FOOD is

delicious. - Jaret

 

My parents don’t remember the same things about my childhood that I do.

Usually when they say, "remember this," or "remember that," I always say "no."

Then I say, "remember how mad you guys got when I peed in the chimney and

pierced my ear on the same day?" And they say "no." I wonder if I was raised

by imposters while my actual parents vacationed in the tropics. Maybe my folks

stopped in for a day or two every once in a while; just to make sure the

imposters were doing a good job. They really had me and my brother fooled. I

wonder what the imposters are doing in retirement. I really miss them. – Jaret

 

Nothing makes me happier than seeing guys that used to beat the crap out of me

when I was in school sweeping up beer bottles after one of our shows. "When you

finish with that, there is some puke in the dressing room that has chunks of

celery in it. You may need a mop for that." I love my job. – Jaret

 

 

By the time I was big enough to fight back against my older brother, he was old

enough to be arrested for assault if he hit me. Torn, I took my beating like a

man. But, I stopped letting him fart in my face when I was 13. – Jaret

 

I don’t’ see anything wrong with going out with a girl because her mom is

attractive. But, if her Dad kicks your ass, don’t blame me. – Jaret

 

 

Is it me or did TV used to really suck. And why is it that I didn’t think Mary

Tyler Moore was hot when I was a kid; and now when I see her on TV its better

than porn. – Jaret

 

 

You know, no one is born a menace to society. That **** takes work. – Jaret

 

Whoever had the idea to milk cows was probably some pervert. I mean, what was

his motivation. "Those calves may be onto something. Martha, hold Bessie still.

I’m gonna give it a try." That’s just bad. I’m glad milk comes in bottles now.

That’s a long way to bend down, and I’ll bet it stinks under a cow. – Jaret

 

Is the guy who shot John Lennon still alive? Let’s go cut that guys balls off.

– Jaret

 

There was this kid I knew when I was growing up. He could turn his eyelids

inside out, fart on demand, burp most of the alphabet, and he once dented a

locker with his forehead. I wonder if he ever found an outlet for his many

talents. He was good. – Jaret

 

The stupidest things I ever did in my life: Once my brother took the blame for

dropping a jar of jam onto a cake my mother had made for a party, when, after

all, it was me that ruined the cake. My mom was pretty bent out of shape, but

I thought my brother to be such a hero. 10 minutes later, my brother pissed me

off and to get even with him, I went and admitted that I had ruined my mothers

prized dessert. It took me a few days to realize what a dumb ass I was, but I

eventually figured it out and swore to always blame everything on someone else,

whenever I get the chance. – Jaret

 

DO you think that the late Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead is still is

grateful that he is dead, or do you think he sold out?

 

Man, I’ll bet Santa Clause gets sick of cookies…I hope that dude is not Lactose

intolerant…I always set out a Philly Cheese Steak and a beer…Fat guys gotta

have their energy…Last time he came to my house, he ended up past out on the

couch watching re runs of Everybody Loves Raymond…Half the kids in my hometown

didn’t get presents until the next day, and I think he may have been a bit hung

over, because I hear he waited in the sleigh and let the elves take the ****

down the chimney…And one of my friends swears he saw him puking down someone’s

attic vent - Jaret

 

I hate being on an airplane and going through a lot of turbulence…I have started

dealing with it by pretending I am on a boat, at the lake…Sometimes I even look

back and give the water skier the finger…If the flight attendants were in bikinis,

and the cabin smelled like sun tan lotion, I would be tempted to pee over the

star board side of this puppy while its moving. – Jaret

 

Once I was walking under a tree and it dropped an apple on my head…I was sure the

mothereffer did it on purpose, so I kicked the tree and broke my big toe…I was

afraid of word getting out that I had my ass kicked by an apple tree, so I

chopped it down and set it on fire…I am not sure, but I think my reputation

spread among the others in the tree community, because I have yet to be hit in

the head by falling fruit since – Jaret

 

You know that Mr. T guy…what the hell is his freakin problem – Jaret

 

Why do I run the air conditioner in my car in the winter? Because I can – Jaret

 

Here's the 1st page on the actual site.

 

Clicky

 

[Astrotoy7]

I understand why I've never heard of that band............. 'Jaret' seems to be a freakin idiot.............. If I wanted to be exposed to crap comedy, I'd put on Friends.....

 

and for that, Bongo, I present to you this gift :

 

enjoy

 

mtfbwya

[BongoBob]

The scary thing is, I know that obscure referance.

 

"We couldn't get the smile off his face"

 

GOLD

 

And it's not stupid humor, it's random humor. Try reading it next time you're really tired. That's why I put RANDOM HUMOR in the title. Sorry you didn't like it.

 

"LATRINE!"

 

[Pie™]

 

you just gotta love bands with humour

I was looking through The Sisters Of Mercy's official homepage (which one of the members has set up btw), and was laughing my ass off at some of the stuff there

Dear Doctor

 

From the FAQ;

Where do you most like to play?

 

Adam: "Somewhere warm and sexy where the venue is big enough to provide a sense of occasion but small enough to allow audience interaction (my bed for example), not too much daft makeup & costumes in the front 5 rows, 3/4 of the way through a tour, where there's a great dancing club nearby (as opposed to dance club), and one is escorted round a beautiful city until dawn by beautiful native women who know all the funky places. Could be anywhere from Chicago to Rome to a small Greek Island (hasn't happened yet...) to a South American peninsula to Helsinki (only kidding). I like connecting with people and being close to nature.

 

[Astrotoy7]

Originally posted by BongoBob

The scary thing is, I know that obscure referance.

 

"We couldn't get the smile off his face"

 

GOLD

 

 

yeah, I got the Top Secret dvd recently Im trying to find as many excuses to post that pic as I can (its already in 2 other threads, including stormies bday thread )

[IG-64]

Originally posted by Astrotoy7

I understand why I've never heard of that band............. 'Jaret' seems to be a freakin idiot.............. If I wanted to be exposed to crap comedy, I'd put on Friends.....

 

and for that, Bongo, I present to you this gift :

 

enjoy

 

mtfbwya

 

Is that Andy Griffith?

[•-BLaCKouT-•]

Bowling for Soup are the boys!

 

I saw 'em a few weeks ago at Oxford Zodiac. It was the best damn gig I've been to since... the last time I saw 'em there

 

And "Drunk Enough..." is still heavily played on my walkman. Jaret said the other week that they're touring the UK again in October, so I think a new album should be out by then.

 

All praise The Soup!!

 

B.

[jebbers]

you want some random thots from me? well too bad your getting them...

-Do monkies and other animals have the little fuzzies in their toes?

-How can something be both 'New and Improved'?

-Why is it called a driveway when you park in it? Or a parkway when you drive on it?

-What makes a fart smell?

-If a cow and a pig mated would it be called a Picow and would it go "Moink"?

-Why do mice fancy cheese?

 

Beware i have more and mostlyl ikely post them.....

[Kain]

Bowling For Soup is so *buzzes tounge*.

 

Bastards...

 

Thats my 2 cents! BYE!!

 

*leaves thread*

[BongoBob]

Originally posted by •-BLaCKouT-•

Bowling for Soup are the boys!

 

I saw 'em a few weeks ago at Oxford Zodiac. It was the best damn gig I've been to since... the last time I saw 'em there

 

And "Drunk Enough..." is still heavily played on my walkman. Jaret said the other week that they're touring the UK again in October, so I think a new album should be out by then.

 

All praise The Soup!!

 

B.

 

I've never been to any of their shows, but now I have a few friends close by my house who will go with me to see them. I've seen in ads for them at the Huntridge here in vegas twice, and the cost was about 10 dollars. But no-one would go with me.

 

And by the way, B, checkout their homepage.

 

Clicky

 

 

I can't wait.

[Darth Rythe]

Originally posted by Astrotoy7

I understand why I've never heard of that band............. 'Jaret' seems to be a freakin idiot.............. If I wanted to be exposed to crap comedy, I'd put on Friends.....

 

and for that, Bongo, I present to you this gift :

 

enjoy

 

mtfbwya

 

 

Amen:D

 

I've never heard of the guy.