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The John Keane Song


Yufster

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Alright, you guys remember the Bill Gates song, yeah?

 

Right, I need another song, and FAST. Here's the story.

 

See, it's hard to find a place to start. Alright, here goes. I moved schools this year, and I've been finding out all sorts of things about this new place I'm in. Anyway, there are two very goodlooking and popular male teachers here. One is Mr Keane, the other is Mr Cahill.

 

Now, Mr Cahill is into his 30's, and used to be the hottest teacher around. All the parents loved him, all the female students loved him, and all the teachers loved him. Everybody had a crush on this guy, so the legend goes.

 

Then, last year... the year before I started at this new place... a new young teacher came along. He was younger, funnier, better looking and soon unintentionally took over Mr Cahill's place as Favourite Teacher.

 

So the legend goes that Mr Cahill became incredibly jealous of Mr Keane. I'm not even joking. Openly jealous.

 

Still, I'm fond of them both. They're both awesome teachers that you can tell pretty much anything. They have a brilliant sense of humour too.

 

Here's the thing. For a joke, to prove to me (the new girl) how jealous Mr Cahill is, Kate told him we were writing a song about Mr Keane for the Annual Talent Show.

 

"I don't care," Mr Cahill snapped.

 

"We're thinking of putting you in a couple of verses, too." Kate added.

 

"Well, no. And here's why. I don't like playing Second Fiddle to Mr Keane." and with that, he stomped off.

 

Of course, we know what we must do.

 

We must write a song about Mr Keane for the Talent Show, just to bug Mr Cahill.

 

This is where you guys come in.

 

I'm thinkin' of a similar tune to the Bill Gates song... it is only, after all, a joke, so it needn't be awesome. Well, it does, but anyway. Now you guys, and ESPECIALLY Alia, are the BEST at coming up with lyrics, so...

 

We asked him a couple of questions so you have some info to go on. Don't get freaked out by some of these questions; schools in Ireland are a lot more laid back than American schools.

 

Mr Keane is 24 year old a teacher of Geography and English. He wears boxer shorts to bed on weekdays. He likes tall girls with brown eyes and dark hair, and girls that let him 'be his own man'. He is sporty and coaches the school Hurling (Irish National Sport) teams. He drives a blue Seat Leon, which is a Volkswagon I believe. He is very goodlooking and has become quite an attention seeker. He thinks that everybody loves him enough to let him skip the queue in the school canteen, which is actually true. He isn't jealous of Mr Cahill, but he is slightly wary of him because Mr Cahill is a lot taller than him. Mr Keane is about 5''9, with light blue eyes, and is a new teacher just out of college. He is still a little overwhelmed by the amount of female attention he gets. He's also a very funny and well-liked teacher and knows every student by their name and stops to have conversations with them in the hallways and whatnot. You get the idea.

 

He wears boxer shorts that say 'good tackle' on the front. He also pesters students to give him sweets the whole time, and he hates confiscating phones off people.

 

He hates Blaas, which are the County Speciality Food of Waterford. I also hate Blaas. They are gritty and dusty bread rolls and they sound stupid.

 

 

 

Mr Cahill is 32 year old teacher of Business Studies. He's tall and some would say good looking, although I don't see it. He takes himself very seriously, but sometimes it's hard to tell whether he's joking and just managing to keep a very straight face. He wears boxer shorts to bed on the weekends, and he likes girls with personality and a sense of humour, but he was probably only saying that so we like him better.

 

He flirts with every teacher and student and parent. I don't even think he's aware he's doing it. He IS hilarious. He's also insanely jealous of Mr Keane because he feels like all the girls prefer him. Which is true.

 

He claims he is jealous only of one person in the world, because that person 'has another person that he wants'.

 

Also, this song can include Nikola Testis because I think that's hilarious, and also Crotch Maltesers.

 

And if it turns out to be awesome, I'll take in my laptop and record the entire show and upload it for you in all its glory.

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Um, there's that law in Ireland too... the thing is, over here, everybody is pretty laid back. I mean, it's regarded as a tiny bit cheeky for me to ask Mr Keane what he wears to bed, but that's all. And Teachers can make innuendos and whatnot in class as long as it's in a funny way. It's a lot more relaxed and laid back than the other schooling methods in various other countries and, contrary to popular belief, it does not lead to Teachers and Students leaping into bed with each other. It just makes school more fun.

 

That said, loads of girls do have a crush on him and probably would leap into bed with him. But that's besides the point, because he wouldn't do that. He still loves all the attention he gets, though. And we make fun of the whole situation.

 

I have actually been to schools before that have been stricter on things like this. I don't like that. I prefer the friendly, joking, personal atmosphere that exists around my current school, than I did around my last school, where the teachers were a lot less personal with the students.

 

The important thing is that you guys think of awesome lyrics, full of innuendos and stuff. Because I'm totally braindead right now.

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Originally posted by Yufster

Um, there's that law in Ireland too...

 

...so it was ireland... strange, why do it connect you with scotland? *shrug* my mind's messed up...

 

Originally posted by Yufster

And Teachers can make innuendos and whatnot in class as long as it's in a funny way.

 

interesting, that's not really possible in germany...

 

Originally posted by Yufster

The important thing is that you guys think of awesome lyrics, full of innuendos and stuff. Because I'm totally braindead right now. [/b]

 

...i would like to help, but alas i'm always braindead in that direction... i could write a programming-language related poem of some sort, but i doubt that would help you...

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Originally posted by Alien426

Not in yours, but mine.

 

:confused:

 

...

 

maybe my/your city/town is just different...

 

*shrug* whatever...

 

...

 

 

i tried thinking out a limerick, but it sux...:

 

Mr. Keane is a good teacher

well, he's not so much of a preacher

the students he love'

they love his great "dove"

but he sucks pretty bad; like a leecher...

 

as you can see, it doesn't even make sense (especially the last line)...

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See, I'm thinking that... because in Ireland, there are two different main study regions in Geography... Physical and Human Regions....

 

So we could say we are studying Mr Keane's Physical Regions... As he is a Geography Teacher.

 

Some other innuendos? Hmmm. He's also an English Teacher.

 

It was hilarious. The other day, we asked if he wanted a preview of the song we were writing for him. He said yes, so we cracked out the guitar in the middle of the school hall and me and Kate started singing, "because you'reeeee gorgeous! I'd do anything for you!" (Which, to people who don't know, is a once-popular hit from Blackbird). Anyway, he blushed completely red and laughed, and Mr Cahill pretended he hadn't heard a thing, but later on he told us that we had to use an ORIGINAL song, not any of these rubbish recycled pop songs...

 

Funny...

 

(PS another example of funny, laid-back Irish schools for ya :p )

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Alright, here's something to go on.

 

There was a teacher

A good professor

A sense of humour

And quite a mover

 

There was another

He didn’t wanna

Play second fiddle

To Mr Keane

 

He wears his boxers to bed

I know cuz that’s what he said

He’s keen to teach us about

Physical Regions

 

Was that an innuendo?

I honestly wouldn’t know

I think I’ve lost the will

To carry on with this song

 

 

Put up your handies (He says this a lot in class)

You bunch of clowns

Throw that sweet in the bin, why don’t you

Put THAT in your song? (He actually said this to me)

 

Oh legend has told it

Terry’s jealous of John Terry being Mr Cahill

John Drives a Blue Seat Leon John being Mr Keane

It’s a volkswagon

 

Ooo ooo, ect ect

 

He likes tall girls with brown eyes

He can tell when you lie

He still hasn’t mentioned

Any Physical Regions

 

It’s just a matter of time

Before I make him mine

This song is kind of creepy

But all in good humour

 

 

Those are very quick, crap lyrics for:

 

http://www.geocities.com/yufster/-ppp.mid

 

That basic tune.

 

Now fix it!

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you should just do a cover of Carly Simon's 'You're so Vain'.

 

or a rap...

 

Mr Keane is no *beep* Mr Bean, more a *beep* young martin sheen.

He likes his *beep* woman tall & lean, on others *beep* he's not so keen.

He would never be seen at the scene with a *beep* has-been.

More likely a sexy *beep* teen queen named Jean

that would make mean *beep* Mr Cahill even more *beep* green.

 

mr keane grabbed a hold of me tightly

squeezed like a bear and f**ked me lightly

Will he ever stop? Yo - I don't know

turn off the lights and It’s glows

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal...

er...

*does the running man*

 

 

or not... whatever

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i'm much too lazy to read the whole thread and i'm much too lazy to write 9289034103418 lyric lines, but i'd do something like that (okay - i admit: i'm too lazy to write something new):

 

Once upon a time

mr keane and mr cahill were riding through prairie

Nothing left to eat

Expect blaas and meat

At night

 

uh...forget it...i'm only stealing and modifying from myself and i'm too lazy to write lyrics now.

 

but wtf is the bill gates song? :bdroid2:

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