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Cantina 14: Holiday special! (hijacked, haha deac! :D)


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(( :joy:


I think it'll be funnier in this style, when a new person 'posts' be depicts a new scene :)))


*The scene opens with a stage with the curtians closed and no running lights on. The theatre's house lights are on and in the seating comes the sound of the rambunctious chatter and small talk of those in attendence.


Suddenly the band's percussioners sound a single loud tone as the lights in the house dim, and the attendence quietens as the show beings...


From the darken stage a figure steps in from the left, a spotlight suddenly shines upon him as he addresses the audience...*


Irvine: "Ladies and G..." *coughs, takes a deep breath and speaks more vibrantly* "Ladies and Giant wilderbeasts,... StillTryingToFigureOutHowYouGotInHere ...With out further ado, The Cantina Holiday Special shall commence."


*The curtian opens and half the lights turn on showing only half the stage, showing two actors being suspended on strings fly in the air holding plastic lightsabers, depicting themselves in an intence battle...*


Irvine "As the story continues, the great battle of two giants of emence power duel to the death with such great power to make this an epic great battle and..."


The audience "GET ON WITH IT!"


Irvine "Oh right, right! Anywho we bring our story right as the Dark Warrior strikes down the Warrior of Chaos"


*The second half of the stage lights up and showing a figure who is standing outside of a cantina, an 'inch' of snow on the ground.*


Irvine "As the Warrior of Chaos gets struck down..."


*Suddenly one of the figures takes the other's, and 'pretends' to be impaled on the plastic lightsaber,...*


Irvine "Deac Starkiller gets ran over by a reindeer..."


*..the actor now depicted as Deac gets mown by an stampede of reindeer. With the actor on the ground writhing in pain, a few seconds later a final raindeer tramples over the poor actor.


The curtains close showing the end of the first scene and the audence applauds as Irvine takes a bow and exits stage left.*

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Narrator: But then, in true Deac Starkiller style...


*Deac gets up*


Deac: Pah! I've been lightsabered, beheaded, eaten by a monstrous extra dimensional behemoth and still survived! Nothing can kill me!


Audience: Why'd we have to suffer Scar's crap excuse for a holiday special?


Deac: No-one posts regularly enough anymore!

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Narrator: As we join our Hero, <Censored> Deacon, he has just logged online to discover


Deac: Hey! My tradition has been highjacked!


*Syrnl appears on screen*


Syrnl: Yes! I've possessed Scar and am using him to destroy your tired thread once and for all


Deac: Over my protestating body!


Syrnl: That's the idea! Go for it, ninjas!


*Several Ninjas burst through Deac's door*

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Deac: That certainly was random. Now, we have to once again journey to america, defeat Scar/Syrnl


*Deac's phone rings*


Deac: Yes?


Lokpihet: I may be dead, but we always come back for these! I've decided to help my father destroy the Cantina so that I may come back yet again!


Deac: And use yet more tired plot devices!


Lokpihet: Hey, the cantina's dying anyway!


Deac: That doesn't mean you have the right to defile it's corpse!

*Puts down phone*

Let's roll!

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*Scar looks at Deac.*


Scar *for the time being whom has control* "Well now, aint this a strange turn of events! Well you know what I got to do now?"


*Looks at blank stares*


Scar "I got to perform my Master Pigeon Style!!"


*Scar begins to 'koo' like a bird and jerks his head in random directions...*


((I really do that btw))

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*Meanwhile, 500 years into the future...*




Syrnl Smith: Pah! Curse that internet rpg for being blown so out of proportion that it became a series of bestseller novels, videogames and films that defined a generation, uniting the world in peace and harmony and causing my geeky parents to name me after one of the characters! Which is why, I, Syrnl Smith, will travel back in time, destroy and destroy Deac so that the Cantina can never exist and thereby surrender the future to our rightful Overlords of Reality Television!

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Grampa Irvine Johnathon Doe *sitting in an easy chair* "Hear hear! We can let the pirates go forth with the pludering of the worthless antique collections! The arsonists with their childhood obsessions of 'playing with matches'. And the wolverines can sodomise the corpses! It'll be a grad ol day!!" *twitches and then frowns* "I made poopy."

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Narrator "As quickly as the curious character steps to peak in, he darts out. Suddenly and not to mention ironically the character gets pulled..." *motions with force pull* "...back into the scene!"


*WJ gets flown into a stage prop*

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  • 1 month later...

[This horribly needs finishing]


*Syrnl Smith appears in the Year 2016, as Cantina: The Movie is about to be released. All the posters have taken to the red carpet for the premier, and a cybernetically enhanced Joan Rivers extols their virtues. Then, as Deac is about to make the pre-showing speech, Syrnl appears*


Syrnl: Deac! I've come from the future to destroy the monstrosity that is this thread!


Deac: You mean holiday special 4? Go ahead. It sucked.


Syrnl: No! The cantina itself!

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Deac: Somehow I knew you'd come back...but how


*An ageing future Deac appears*


Future Deac: I believe I can answer that! The first time this all happened, everyone but me was destroyed by Syrnl Smith's menaical plans. It was horrible. Admiral ended up on "Time Team." Battledog became MP for Basingstoke Scar was first to be voted off "Survivor". Redwing..oh, it's too horrible....won Big Brother 75...this is but a taste of the terrible Syrnl will unleash!


Syrnl: Yes! And how are you going to stop me?


Future Deac: You forgot that something else useful was invented in the future...


*A flash of light and future Redwing appears*


Redwing: Other time machines. *Whacks Syrnl over the head*

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*The audience cheers*


Present Deac: And now...our presentation. *Attemps to sing "God Gave Rock and Roll to you" by Kiss but substituting the words "RPGS for Rock and Roll.* Fails.


Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday from and to the Cantina respectively!

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*WJ stands up from somewhere in the audience and yells*


WJ (yelling): The word is deaf, but whatever!


*jumps up on stage*


WJ: Fortunately, I really can actually sing, so...


*opens mouth to sing, but stops, eyeing Scar and his flashlight*


WJ: On second thought...


*jumps back into the crowd and vanishes*

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