[FIC] A General's Grief

[Ztalker]

This is my first Fanfic...i hope you don't hate it too hard ^^

I've written about 1/3 of the story, and will post the first parts now. If you don't like it, i won't start writing the remaining bits

 

English isn't my native speech, so it should be full of gramatical mistakes...

 

STARWARS: A GENERAL'S GRIEF

Prologue

A small figure walks through the Dune sea. A hood hides his head from sight, as he approaches a little hut. He opens the door, and while he goes inside, he lowers his hood. An short brown-greyish coupe is shown, and a moustache as well. Obi-Wan Kenobi is finally home.

Obi-Wan is up early the next morning. He’s going for a stroll in Mos Eisley. Right when he’s about to walk out the door, two speeder bikes stop at his house. They are Imperial.

‘Hey! Old chap! Can you tell us where to find the ‘Lars’ family?’ One of the troopers asks. Obi-Wan turns around, facing the troopers. ‘Sorry. Never heard of that name. But let me a grab a map from my hut, I’ll be right back.’ He walks in his hovel again, and comes out with a map. He walks upon the front trooper, and right when the holographic model unfolds, he strikes. The troopers falls down, sabered in half. Before the other one can run of, Obi-Wan slashes the speeder bike, and it explodes. ‘You won’t find him, Anakin, not as long I’m alive.’

[Ztalker]

The Crash

As the sun sets above the Dune Sea, Obi-Wan wakes up. He dresses himself, and makes a simple meal. As he reads an old datapad, someone knocks on the door. The old man walk opens it, and the face of a young black-haired man is staring at him, with fear in his eyes. ‘Sir..sir! I…i..Luke and I couldn’t help it! Bigs couldn’t control it anymore! Please help!’ Obi-Wan’s face turns father-like as he speaks. ‘Lead me there, boy, but have some drink first! Looks like you have been walking for hours!’

As they walk to the canyon, the boy begins to talk. ‘Are you…the hermit called Ben?’

Obi-Wan laughs and replies: ‘I’m no hermit, I just like my privacy very much. But I’m Ben Kenobi, yes.’ The boy smiles and says: ‘Well. I’m Wedge Antilles. Me, Luke and Bigs were racing through the Krayt Cannyon, when suddenly Bigs crashed. Luke is with him now. He told me to get you here.’ Obi-Wan’s face turns a bit pale. Would they tell him….no they wouldn’t….that wasn’t the agreement. ‘WEDGE!! Quik!’ Suddenly, the voice of a very young boy echo’s through the landscape. Obi-Wan runs to the sound, and finds the two kids, on lying in the arms of the other. ‘He..he’s unconscious since the crash, Ben! Please help!’ Obi-Wan kneels next to the unconscious child, and touches the younglings face, while mumbling old rites. Suddenly, the child wakes up. ‘Luke..Wegde? Where am I?’ As Obi-Wan steps back, the two other boys embrace their friend. ‘It’s getting dark kids. And there are only two Desert Skifs left. One of you has to go with me, unless the stomach of a Krayt dragon is a better sleeping spot in your opinion.’ Obi-Wan concludes. The three boys look at each other. Their parents warned them for the old hermit, and his strange behaviour. ‘I will stay then. The crash was my fault anyway.’ Luke says. The other two boys promise to come and get him in the morning, as the fly away.

[Vladimir-Vlada]

Interesting. Keep it up.

[JediMaster12]

I'll have to agree. A nice way of putting Obi-wan's solitude into perspective.

[Diego Varen]

I suppose this is set before ANH. I like it so far.

[Ztalker]

Thanks guys! I really appreciate it

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Duel

The two walk back to the hovel, as the it is getting darker by the minute. When they finally enter the last canyon, they are completely surrounded by Darkness. ‘Stay here, Luke…I’ll be coming back to get you.’ Says Obi-Wan, as he walks into the Darkness. He sensed something, and it wasn’t a wampa. Years of isolation trained his skills, as he tries to hear where the feeling comes from. Right as he enter the lowest point from the canyon, a bright red light emits from the darkness. ‘Die Jedi!’ Obi-Wan draws his lightsaber, and blocks the incoming enemy. As he fends of a second blow, he thrusts his saber near the left arm of the enemy, thus forcing his enemy in an uncanny dodge. In the following split-second, Obi-Wan throws his opponent onto the ground, and kicks the saber out of the enemy’s hand. ‘Who are you? His opponent doesn’t say anything. ‘SPEAK SITH!’ The enemy is shocked as he says: ‘I..i…know who you are, General Kenobi…General Tarkin wants you dead!’

Obi-Wan destroys the enemy’s lightsaber by smashing it on the rocks as he speaks.

‘Then tell him I don’t have the locations of Zonema Sekot! Leave Sith!’

The surprised Sith stands up, as he replies: ‘Your mercy makes you weak Jedi..’

Obi-Wan turns around one last time as he replies: ‘Don’t make me show you how weak I am.’

The Sith runs away, as Obi-Wan walks out the canyon again.

From a distance, Luke could only see the flickering lights, and hear the weak echo’s of the people speaking. Obi-Wan was gone for more then an Half-hour now. After a minute or 10, the lights began to flicker. Luke is worried about the old man. ‘Did the lights harm him?’ He asks himself. After another 10 minutes, Ben walks up to Luke again. ‘Let’s get to my hut. We have a lot to discuss.’

[Vladimir-Vlada]

This is interesting. Go ahead.

[Diego Varen]

Great duel between Obi-Wan and the Sith. I like it. Although you may want to make your Chapters longer. Keep posting.

[JediMaster12]

Yeah that duel was great. You have an interesting way of capturing what could ave happened after Ep III. Keep posting.

[Ztalker]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll start making the episodes larger

Another relatively small episode. Sorry, but i have already written a large part of the story

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Questions

‘Mister…what where those flickering lights? Who did you talk with?’ Since they entered the hut, Luke is asking questions. ‘He’s just like his father. Curious as hell.’ Obi-Wan thinks. He looks at the boy, who looks very much like his former apprentice. ‘Do you know who I am? Did your uncle tell you anything?’ Luke looks at Obi-Wan’s eyes. His uncle and aunt told him some stories about Old Ben, but most of them seemed strange. ‘I heard you fought in the war.’ Obi-Wan looks upon the child. ‘Did your uncle tell what rank I had?’ -‘They said you where some kind of General before you went here and went…insane.’ –‘Do you believe I am insane?’ –‘No sir…I don’t believe what they are saying.’ – ‘Why not? Most of the time, people are right you know.’ – ‘I don’t know. It’s like I know you. Sorry I can’t be more precise mister.’ Obi-Wan nods his head. ‘So he kept his word. He didn’t tell about his father.’ Obi-Wan thinks. ‘Could you tell me more about my father?’ Obi-Wan didn’t expect that question. ‘What did…what did your uncle tell you?’ –‘He told me my father was a normal Space Navigator on a freighter. And died because of the Imperials.’ –‘Then there is nothing left to tell.’ The boy looks disappointed, as he asks: ‘What do you know about the resistance? Wegde and Bigs are talking about it all the time. They say they want to join them if they are grown up.’ Obi-Wan looks into Luke’s eyes. ‘I have met them once. I know they exist, but nothing more…well look at the time. It might be a good idea to take a nap now.’ Obi-Wan changes the subject. ‘Your friends will be here early, to save your from ‘Crazy Ben, aye?’

Luke smiles, as he enters the other sleeping room, and leaves Obi-Wan behind.

‘He’s just like his old man. To damn curious.’ Obi-Wan thinks as he falls asleep on the couch.

[Diego Varen]

I like this Chapter.

[JediMaster12]

Good chapter but if I remember correctly from the films, Luke says something like, "My father didn't fight in the wars, he was a navigator on a spice freighter." Just an FYI. Still looks good. Keep posting.

[Ztalker]

You are correct...i didn't remember it, so i guessed. Because of formatting, i lost A New Hope ><

For the rest, i tried to use the facts from the movie and expanded universe.

In 'Rogue Planet' , a novel by Greg Bear, Anakin and Obi-Wan actually find Zonema Sekot, and Tarkin is there too. (Working for the Trade Federation). It also describes that Tarkin uses bodyguards to protect himself.

 

You'll see more little facts from the movies in this fanfic

 

PS: Fixed the job-mistake

[Jae Onasi]

Your command of English is quite good. I found the hardest thing to learn in a language is a. idioms and b. the subjunctive, and English has plenty of idiomatic speech. I'm enjoying your characterization of Obi-wan and I look forward to more stories.

[Ztalker]

Yeah..the idioms are a quit difficult yes. I just have the luck Holland is speaking/using English more and more.

 

Another chapter!

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Data

Obi-Wan was right. Right at dawn, he sees a speeder approaching his hut. He determines it is the ship of the Lars family. He walks into the guest room, and finds a sleeping Luke. As he’s reaching out with his hand, he reaches out to the Force. He can feel the potential…the Skywalker ability. His hand touches the sleeping shoulder, and the boy wakes up. ‘Did you sleep well?’ –‘Quit good. I don’t know what it is about this room, but I feel save here.’

–‘Your uncle and aunt are here. Time to return to the civilised world’ The boy smiles as he jumps up. They both walk into the main-room, and a few minutes later Owen Lars knocks on the door. Right after Obi-Wan opens the door, Luke runs into his aunts arms. ‘Thanks.’

-You know that isn’t necessary Owen. You know I had to do this.’ –‘I didn’t tell him any…’

The young boy stares at the two men. ‘You did a good job Owen. You held your word, and I will keep on holding mine. You will never see a…youknow..again.’ While he tabs a metal tube on his belt. Owen nods, and walks back to the speeder. Luke then walks up to Obi-Wan again. ‘Thanks mister Kenobi!’ –‘No problem. You can come here anytime you want.’

–‘Thanks..Ben.’ Ashe runs back to the speeder.

Obi-Wan walks back into his hut, and he pulls an old box from beneath a couch. He opens it, and it’s filled with datapads. As he searches through, he finds the one he is searching for.

 

Datapad Entry:

Brought the child to the Organa’s I have. Raised good, she will be. Promised Bail has, to not tell her. Left my log at the Organa’s I have. Reading it no-one else could then.

Obi-Wan. Hoping I do, you did the same. Hidden, this secret must be.

Train the young one I will. On Dagobah I am.

May the Force be with you.

-Yoda-

 

Obi-Wan remembers the way he obtained it. It was brought to him by a Wookie, but he can’t remember it’s name. ‘Something with many C’s and A’s…doesn’t matter.’

He then searches through the box again, and find the right datapad again.

 

Datapad Entry:

Anankin and I have infiltrated Sekot, and we are selected for buying a ship. The procedure will commence tomorrow. So far, we haven’t seen anything strange, except for the one in charge here. There is something strange about this man I can’t understand.

 

Still no sign of Vergere. We have asked a bit around, and Anakin has asked Jabitha to ask her father about it. It seems all will go as planned. There are still no signs of Trade Federation activity.

 

-Obi-Wan-

 

He remembers the legendary planet. He also remembers what the Sith said. General Tarking was still in charge there, and did not give up his Zonema-Sekot dream of an organic fleet.

Maybe it was time to settle this once and for all. He puts on his robe, and makes his way for Mos Eisley.

[Diego Varen]

Great Chapter, although a lot more spelling mistakes.

 

Obi-Wan remembers the way he obtained it. It was brought to him by a Wookie, but he can’t remember it’s name. ‘Something with many C’s and A’s…doesn’t matter.’

 

Was that Chewbacca? Or his Father Attichitcuk?

[Ztalker]

Sorry for the spelling mistakes. I just don't speak/write English very well.

 

It's Chewbacca by the way. He was captured and enslaved. I imagine Chewbacca traveling across the universe doing jobs for his master. This way, he could easily bring a message from Yoda (He's the last person that saw him) to Obi-Wan.

[JediMaster12]

That makes sense. I like how you brought the events of the Clone wars, etc together. This is an interesting and good fanfic. Just a suggestion: One your fanfic, do you type it out on a word doc like Microsoft Word? If you do, use the spell check. It could help with grammer and spelling and you can see the correct spelling. It's not perfect but it helps. I know because at times I write the wierdest of words and the spell check catches it and I see what I did wrong.

Your command of English like Jae said is good. I have no trouble following your flow of ideas

 

Still keep posting and I look forward to more.

[Ztalker]

I'm using MS word atm, i'll use thr check more frequently from now on.

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Launch

As he walks into the gambling town, he searches for the ship that helped him all these years ago. He walks trough small alleys, into the more violent side of town, and finds the hangar. He puts in the key card, and the pressure door opens. His Jedi Starfighter blinks in the light of the burning sun. He gets in, and asks for the launch-codes. As he mentions the code, the flight leader shouts: ‘Launch the TIES!! Republic vessel spotted!’ Obi-Wan hears the shunts fire, as he activates his engines. A small smile curls up his face. ‘This is why I hate flying..’ The famous vessel flies into the air above Mos Eisley. On his radar, he sees the Ties approaching his own vessel. ‘Let’s see how your brothers do..’ Obi-Wan thinks. After all, the TIE fighters originate from the Jedi Starfighter, and Obi-Wan feels Anakin had something to do with it. After all, he loved his ship. Especially after the battle of Mullinist. The design of the vessel was brilliant after all, and turned even better after the introduction of the Twin Ion Engine vessel. His ship is outdated, but has one major advantage: A Jedi is piloting it. As he sets for the sky, his followers begin shooting. He then rolles over to the left, and flies right into the formation from beneath, forcing it to break. He then shoots the one of the three followers down, while the other two are regrouping, he loops right after them, and fires his front lasers. The fight is over before it began.

He then set for space, and punches in the coordinates for Alderaan. He rememberes the older model had to use an ring-motor to do Hyperspace travel. ‘Thank god they removed that model.’ He remembers his fight with Jango Fett, which he couldn’t escape because of the ring. ‘You got to love the seismic charges.’ He says with a grim voice.

While in hyperspace, he rereads some of his datapads. ‘So we have a Grand Moff that’s after my arse, a Sith assassin that likes to see me in more then one piece and the Imperial Air force that wants to see me down….just like the old days!’ A cynical smile comes up his face.

[Diego Varen]

Another great Chapter. I didn't think that Obi-Wan would leave Tatooine, until he trained Luke the Force.

[Ztalker]

I do not think so. As seen in the movies, he quikly leaves for Tatooine. But when Luke enters his hut some time later ( for building his green saber) he finds al sorts of jedi Holocrons. I think Obi-Wan went to collect some, before the Emperor would destroy them.

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Ticket

‘Unidentified vessel, please enter your id code!’ –‘Don’t you people recognise and old friend anymore?’ –‘G-g-general Kenobi! Welcome! We first didn’t recognise your ship id!’ –‘no problem, I know it’s pretty old.’ –‘Landing pad B-5 is free. You could land your vessel there, General.’ After landing the vessel, Obi-Wan walks into the Main hall of the launch-bay. After putting up his hood, he walks to the reception desk. Behind it sits an Imperial officer, obviously a mere recruit. ‘Please move along citizen. We don’t have all day.’ –‘I would like a ticket for the Organa-palace. I have a…’ –‘GET HIM!!’ A squad stormtroopers enter the main hall from the main doors. The lieutenant waves his Flechette at Obi-Wan, who replies with a leap onto a video screen. The Troopers are mislead for a second. –‘Shoot the Jedi!’ Orders the lieutenant. In a fraction of a second, the video screen is shattered to peaces, and Obi-Wan leaps into the stormtrooper squad. While activating his lightsaber, he pushes the lieutenant away. With one mighty slash the squad is killed. The lieutenant then stands up, but doesn’t get the chance to fire his E-10. Obi-Wan already pulls it out of his hand. ‘Who ordered you to do this?’ Obi-Wan tries to see through the shocked man. ‘I..i…Left-hand Vassel executed the order…master jedi.’ –‘Good boy, here have a cookie.’ And with tremendous force the young lieutenant is knocked out by Obi-Wans fist. ‘I was only buying a ticket! Sheesh!’

The young officer behind the desk is looking at Obi-Wan. ‘I didn’t choose to join the Imperials, master Jedi. I won’t betray you.’ Obi-Wan smiles. ‘It’s good to see there are still sane people in the galaxy.’ The young lieutenant smiles to now. ‘I still want my ticket you know….’

[Diego Varen]

Another good Chapter. Keep them coming.

[Ztalker]

This is the first of the episodes that are somewhat longer, like you guys suggested.

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Contact

‘Bail...I was attacked by stormtroopers when I arrived. What is happening here? I though the Imperials agreed with your treaty?’ Obi-Wan says as he and Bail walk into the main hall of the palace. ‘They did. But you know them. They can’t be trusted. Order 66 is still in effect you know. Especially now the found old Paslado.’ That was true. A few months before, an old jedi knight was found on Alderaan. The Imperials immediately executed order 66 again.

‘It’s sad. We were the galaxy’s protectors. And what are we now? We are being chased and hounded to death.’ –‘How is Yoda doing by the way?’ Bail changes the subject. ‘He has arrived, and as far as I know, he now lives in total exile. He said something about the Dark Side clouding him or something, the last time we met.’ –‘I can imagine he can’t live wi….Oh! Leia! I didn’t know you were awake.’ The child stares at the visitor with her eyes wide open. ‘Who is the man, father?’ Bail pads Obi-Wan on the shoulder as he says: ‘This is General Kenobi dear, the man I told you about.’ The girls eyes spare even wider. ‘D-d-did you fight in the Clone Wars?’ Obi-Wan smiles. ‘Yes I have little girl. Your father and I know each other that way.’ –‘Come on Leia, I believe you had some homework to do? Those sums aren’t making themselves.’ Leia walks up the stairs, as Obi-Wan and Bail walk through the wooden door and enter the meeting room. ‘Why are you exactly here, Ben?’ –‘I have found evidence that the Imperials are attempting to find Zonema Sekot again.’ –‘How do you know that?’ –‘There is only one person in the current Imperial Forces that was there when I wad too: General Tarkin.’ –‘Are you saying he’s trying this on his own, without the support of the Empire?’ –‘Yes. I have encountered a Sith Assassin. His personal guard, to be exact.’ –‘So why did you come here?’ –‘I can’t stop him alone. If he gets his hands on that fleet, he could easily destroy the Empire now that they fight in the Outer Rim.’ –‘Won’t he use it to strengthen the Empire?’ –‘I know him. He won’t. The Emperor promoted every single officer in his staff, except for Tarkin. I think the Emperor knows he can’t be trusted. He’s a Sith Lord after all. They see through people.’ –‘And don’t forget about his pet, Lord Vader.’ Obi-Wan sighs. ‘That too, yes.’ Bail looks Obi-Wan straight in the face. ‘You want contact with the Rebellion, don’t you?’ -‘Unless flying my fighter through the Imperial Blockade seems a better idea to you.’ -‘That seems quit suicidal to me, Ben. I will contact them you are coming. Maybe they even lend you a Z-95.’ Obi-Wan nods as he watches Bail walk to one of the plants in the room. Suddenly, Bail touches the plant with some kind of device, and he starts talking. ‘Heh, I didn’t expect you to be a tree-hugger, Bail.’ Says Obi-Wan when the conversation with the plant is finished. Bail looks at Obi-Wan as he says: ‘Sleep now. I will bring you to the contact point tomorrow early.’ The tired Jedi walks to the bed, and right when he falls asleep, he thinks of the Republic as he knew it before the great scourge.

‘How could we have been so blind.’ The old master falls asleep.

[Diego Varen]

Good Chapter as always. It's better longer by the way.

[Jae Onasi]

The spell-checker does a pretty good job of finding mistakes, but can still miss some things. It determines if the word's spelled correctly but doesn't detect if the word is actually being used correctly in a particular sentence, such as substituting later for latter or vice versa. Both are spelled correctly, but you can't say "I'll be back latter." So, the spell-checker works better if we also double check things.

 

Ztalker, some of us native English speakers don't know all the idioms, so don't feel bad.

I'll be interested to see what Obi-Wan's going to do next in the Rebellion. I'm sure it's going to be just as exciting. Keep writing!