[NSW Poetry] Blessings of the Written Word

[Aristotélēsticus]

@ JediMaster: thanks for your feedback

@ Emalin: nice work, try to make it longer. however, this is just an openion.

[Darth InSidious]

@JM12 & Emalin: I didn't misspell 'millennium'.

 

I misspelled 'millennia'. Fixed now

[JediMaster12]

Fine fine DI. You who thinks that you are incapable of error.

 

Emalin: That was a nice poem that you wrote. It gives a feeling of contentment now that the day's work is done.

[Aristotélēsticus]

this is one of my earliest poems:

 

 

"For you"

 

All tears, smiles, joy and sorrow

That dwelled inside my very soul

And the strangest deeds that morrow

From me, and things I can't control

 

And the food I ate this very mourning

In order to survive my hollow day

(I) dare not to blink when dust is storming

Afraid to lose you along the way

 

The night, the dreams, and all of the names

The dark spots beneath my tired eyes too

My heart that burns in blazing flames

My blood and veins are all for you

[JediMaster12]

Very touching. It reminds me of that song Everything I Do, I do it For you. Yeah yeah you can laugh a bit. Anyway my point is that you captured the heart where one is willing to do anything for the one they love. I like it a lot. You put me to shame.

[Aristotélēsticus]

thanks for your precious feedback. I'm just a humble and a bad writer so there is no reason to be ashamed about

[Rabish Bini]

There's been quite a few good poems since i've been away. Keep it up guys.

 

End of time (ooh, spooky)

NOTE: I am not predicting the apocalypse or thinking it's near, I was just watching Buffy the Vampire slayer, so it popped into my head.

 

As it draws near

All people weep

All the land

Demon's will reap

 

The one will come

To our dismay

And he shall herald

The end of days

 

There is but one

Pure and true

Jesus Christ

Who'll help us through

 

The sky'll be red

Like human blood

Bodies piling up

Like a man-made flood

 

So let the ones

Who are pure

And the others

Let them be cured

-Matt G 8/2/07

 

Please don't hate me, like I said I don't think apocalypse is near, I was watching Buffy, got a problem with it? Mail it to someone who cares.

And yes I am Christian.

[The_Catto]

Lol, i like that one Akuma. Very descripting and disturbing ... it's cool! atm, im pretty damn bored so i'll give it a go at making one up right on the spot.

 

- Untitled -

 

The sea has spread

The land has fled

Away from the dreaded sky

 

The feeling is gone

Has it took, anyone?

As both of my eyes go dry

 

Washing away

As it goes astray

Cannot really lie

 

Being in a thought

For however long it has wrought

Cannot really decide

 

As the time fly's by

Each hour the wing sighs

The earth, shall wither, and die

 

Not a masterpiece, as i have just written it on the spot. All up, i started at 10:17pm, now it is 10:21pm. Yes i know, i could have just wrote how many minutes it took me, but meh ... ........

 

.................. 4mins (aaaahhh...)

[Rabish Bini]

Thanks for the comments. And I like your poem, maybe a title for it could be Wasteland, unless I mis-interpreted it...

[Aristotélēsticus]

its been a long time since i've posted something. however, i've decided to share this with you, tell me your ideas honestly...

 

 

"Crimson Tears"

 

And the lake of tears, taint with blood

And the nights they dreamed, gone with flood

And the wind hear it from the doves

And the sky is crying from above

 

And the rain that washes his cheerless face

And the body that lies on the grace

And the love he feels was just a lie

And the heart that beats has lived to die

 

He remember his love, her brown-light hair

Her beautiful eyes, her heart that cares

Her angelic voice, from the silence it comes

Whispering his name, drawing near and then runs

Feels the touch of her hand, shivers all down his spine

See her magical face, fulfilling his aching mind

 

"Do I love her or do I want to love?"

Ask him self, and the sky above

"Why to meet her I always fear?

Why I cry this crimson tears?"

 

Is this a dream of shadows drowning sea?

Of you laughing while I bleed

With lakes full of tears

Craving my obsolete grave

There is a fear when I see the angles dreams

Where as god told us they do not feel

And a moon with the bleak in the sky

And a flaring sun can't tell you why

Is this the light or it's just a steam

Of the love that might disappear...

[Rabish Bini]

Woah. That's pretty good, well done.

I'll add a new poem when I come up with a good idea for one.

And can I call you THA for short?

[Aristotélēsticus]

thanks, i'm glad you liked it. and about the nickname, sure you can, i'm kinda get used to this since all the names i've chosen were long ones

[The_Catto]

Seen it has been a while since a last posted something, I figured i will post ...... something ... Anyways ... here it is:

 

Sometimes

 

Sometimes the world may be on your shoulders;

Sometimes you may think there's nothing left.

Sometimes there are things that will bring you down,

And sometimes there are things that will make you just want to;

Stand up and leave it all behind.

 

The fire dies from the depths below,

The suns shine dims from the path in front,

But after it all, you will know,

That nothing will ever be easy, yet you won't be alone.

 

Sometimes you search for the things that you want,

But most of the time, the thing's what you need,

Are usually right under your very sight,

And they have been there, all along.

 

Do not run and hide like you sometimes may do,

Take a stand and look toward a new dawn.

A New Day follows a Dark Night, after all.

 

So sometimes the world may bring you down,

The waters shall run dry,

And the winds sigh's will die,

But take a deep breath, look around you,

And sometimes you will see, that the oppotune moment

Has been here all along.

[Sabretooth]

Well, I think it's time to show off my own poem I wrote a few days ago on my blog. It's an apocalyptic piece, that I believe most of you won't get.

Draconian Sunrise

 

“Sleeping in the shade of a hundred deaths,

I’ve cheated Reaper and a million fates.”

When does thy brain open, if at all?

“When my maker gets me, then I’m gone!”

 

So long he slept, do you think he’ll wake?

Burning villages and their vengeful wraiths.

On this last day, his dark sabbath,

His enemies near and vengeance sworn.

 

Five minutes left, then the disc will rise.

Five to go for Satan’s surprise.

Checkmate and the white king won.

But in the end, they all left the board.

 

Demons tear the roof, the killer is gone.

Gone are the chickens and the slaughtered fawn.

Gone are the days of love and war.

Gone are your minds, but I am reborn!

 

 

Let me know what you guys think.

[The_Catto]

I liked that one Sabertooth, but however, you are right (for me anyway) . . . I don't get it, lol. But it was well written.

 

Here's just another one of mine. I still feel that it needs some polishing and a title would not go amiss either lol.

 

- Never Again -

 

Every step you take

Is just another mistake

Every breath you make

I'll be there to watch when,

Untill eventually you will break

 

You stare into the eyes of your own hatred

Hold onto the grasp, for what you make it

Letting go of hope

Trying to cope

With the seeming never-ending ....

 

You see now

The strength in your hands

Break the chains

That bind you to these lands

Set free ... Into the air above

 

Going down that road

Never been before

Your own hell, below

Never going anywhere, for

 

Pushing everyone away

Wanting to never stay

Realising your all alone

No-one to fend off,

Circling round and round

Till you break down

... And fade away

 

You see now

The strength in your hands

Break the chains

That bind you to these lands

 

Going down that road ...

Your own hell, below

 

Take that hand

What you reach above

Pulls you up

Gives you cover

Releases you, and finally

You can see daylight

 

Never again, will you be alone

For now you know

Where you come from

What you mean, and what to do

Find the truth inside your self

 

Finding control...

 

So, what did you think?

[JediMaster12]

Very nice everyone. I see that people have been busy. Well I know it's been awhile since I posted one of my drabbles I call a poem. Here is a new one that I just finished re-writing into my copybook.

 

The Return

 

A Voice calls to me

A Whisper from darkened Shadows

Lurking from within my dreams

My mind but an open window

 

It calls from land afar

Calling from across the stars

Filled with Voices of long ago

An ache fills my heart so

 

It calls to bring me back

Yet I feel afraid

Away from the place I'm at

My mind fills with dread

 

But it calls in soothing tones

A Voice I had once known

It calls to me where I left

That part which was bereft

 

I follow towards the gentle sound

My heart pounding, my feet on the ground

I look and approach the bolted Door

My fear returns and fills the Core

 

I open the imposing Gate

My fears to soon abate

I cross the chasm, leap the Divide

To see me on the other side

[Pavlos]

It is so nice to see a miniature literary community growing up on these forums .

 

If I could recommend one book to all of you here, it would be An Introduction to English Poetry by James Fenton.

 

If I could recommend one poet to you to increase your knowledge of how metre and other poetic techniques can be used successfully - and can add gravitas and meaning to your works - it would be Aflred, Lord Tennyson.

 

I just thought I'd pop in and recommend those two to you all. The true beauty of English poetry is that the techniques and technicalities are so flexible - the genius is in the flexibility. And that's what makes English a wonderful language to write in. The 'rules' are there to be broken but to break them successfully I think you have to know them in the first place .

 

Edit: I'm not too good at explaining the genius of the capacity for variation in things like the Iambic Pentameter. Read Fenton, he'll explain better than I ever could .

[Point Man]

Pavlos, thank you for your post. I should have come forward a long time ago with my similar thoughts. The people here are showing great energy and creativity, but it is undisciplined. What people need is to study more about the structure of poetry. You would not attempt to play basketball without learning the fundamentals of how to dribble, pass, and shoot. Why would you write poetry without understanding what makes a poem?

 

JM 12, you capture great images. Your use of language is inspiring. Unfortunately, many of your poems are only close to using a form. It is distracting to see lines that come close to the same rhythm, but do not match. I noticed quite a few almost-rhymes, as well. Those really call attention to themselves. If you put some more effort into maintaining your meter and rhyme, you can write some outstanding poems.

 

Mr BFA, you have a gift for developing a sense of melancholy without resorting to melodrama, but I get lost when I see a line with 16 syllables followed by one with four. If you decided on a form, it would make it easier to follow.

 

Sabretooth, I loved the imagery and the tone of Draconian Sunrise. It seems that you unintentionally came close to the alliterative accentual style of Anglo-Saxon poetry (think Beowulf). If you followed that form (with your own modifications), you could make it incredibly powerful.

 

To me the artistry in poetry comes from balancing the tension between the form and the meaning and images the poet wishes to convey. I know that in this age, there is a decreased emphasis on poetic form, but I hate to see people taking the easy way out. If you want to write great literature, you have to work hard. Everyone, please understand that I applaud your efforts. It's just that it saddens me to see a lack of understanding of poetics keeping your work from being its best.

[Sabretooth]

Here's one that I believe to be my best work so far(and I know that I'm no poet! )

 

The Descent

 

Follow me down this path, angel.

Or lead the way if you choose.

Help me in these dark stairs.

Help me before I lose

It all, and fall.

 

Save me like you did in life.

Save me only to kill me again.

Kill me because I killed you.

Tit for tat, and life is so fair,

But it isn’t, and it isn’t.

 

Descend with me into this Hell.

Like you did when I thought of you, alone.

Don’t bring me back to reality.

For in life, I could only hear you moan,

In pain, so faint.

 

Come with me, my angel and enlighten my dreams.

Come with me into this realm of sinners.

Shun me not as you earlier did,

For fear, hatred and a long blood shower,

For a new love, for a bleeding dove.

 

Save me as I am lashed this pain.

Save me from what you felt before.

How will I know your choice?

By the million blades, or the endless gore?

I had a choice, but had no voice.

 

I shiver alone, with no body by my side.

I see you dancing for me in the dark night,

But for you perhaps, my absence has only brought,

You into a greater and brighter light,

But I, still cry.

 

It is a lamentation of a abusing psychopath as he descends to hell.

[1jrJedismom]

But you are a Poet. I like it.

 

Here is one of my own.

 

WELLARD

 

Desperation seeks an end

Wandering aimlessly in a desert of dispair

Abandoned in a wasteland of what was pieces

of a family scattered

Only empty space remains, a void,

Sucking the battered soul into a vortex of spinning futility

Screams of rage echo in anguish

Ripping through the mind leaving

Only bloody footprings to

Mark the passing of a mutilated soul.

I was there, remember me

 

A mother's tears mark the steps of passing wails of razed dreams suspended in time.

[DeadYorick]

1Jr that was a pretty good Poem. Reminds me of book I read a month ago.

[1jrJedismom]

It is one I wrote after a friend commit suiside. I had started it in a different direction, But this one is what came out.

 

Thanks