Light_Jigi Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 STAR WARS:KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC 3: THE BIRTH OF THE PROMISED ONE 1000 Yers ago before the birth of the empire there whas a boy who whas an ordenery soldier triing to protect the Jedi Order in Corusant. His drem whas to become the best soldier ever who protected the Jedi. -All troops report to the meating chamber!!!! Sed the cheff of the army.Nobody cnowd what hapend and guest what will be next. - Lisen up everybody!!!!! The sith started to build a space station what is just like ''STAR FORCH''. Do not panic we dont think there be any luck to them to build it hahaha.But we must be carful. I send jou all to tatooin planet where they are. -Cheff there be any jadi essisting us? -Jas general Exile will be with jou.Ok move out soldiers!!!! -Jas ser!!!!! At the same time in Jedi counsul chamber. -Master Joda whe whas whating for jou. Ok now thet everybody is here whe shud to discuse of the vision we all saw.The vision of the promised one. To be continue.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titanius Anglesmith Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 1. Fan-fics go in the CEC 2. If you want to write a fan-fic, try to use correct English 3. Try to include more information on the characters, time-line, surroundings, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathan7 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Yoda wouldn't be alive 1,000 years before the Empire as he was only 900 years old when he died. Also I want conclusions to TSL, the True Sith and what happened to Revan; that doesnt get explained by K3 being 3,000 years afterwards. Finally there is only one 'Promised/Chosen' one = Anakin. Bah Humbug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildboar Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 2. If you want to write a fan-fic, try to use correct English my first impression was that the author was writing it in jar jar style english... thus... i think that if that is true... since it is fiction, then it is ok that they have done that... other then the fact that thinking about jar jar makes me cringe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Star Wars - Knights of the Old Republic III - The Birth of the Promised One One thousand years ago, before the birth of the Galactic Empire, there whas a boy who was an ordinary soldier trying to protect the Jedi Order on Coruscant. His dream was to become the best soldier ever who protected the Jedi. "All troops report to the meeting chamber!" The chief of the army shouted. Nobody could hear what happened and guessed what will be next. The chief continued to shout. "Lisen up everybody! The Sith started to build a space station what is just like the "Star Forge''. Do not panic we don't think there be any luck to them to build it. But we must be careful. I'm sending you all to the planet of Tatooine where they are located." "Chief are there any Jedi assisting us?" A soldier asked. "The general, the Jedi Exile will be with you. Ok move out soldiers!" The chief told them. "Yes sir!" The soldiers shouted. At the same time in Jedi council chamber. "Master Yoda was wating for you. Okay now that everybody is here we should discuss the vision we all saw. The vision of the promised one." A Jedi told them. To be continued.... Okay, that took me five minutes to correct and quite frankly, if it is an idea for KOTOR III, I wouldn't reccomend it. Yoda isn't alive yet and the storyline of a second Star Forge is terrible. Feel free to post it in the CEC if you want and I'll comment, but I [am generally rude so don't mind me]. Mod note: Please restrain your urges to be unpleasant to other members. Not everyone visiting these forums have English as their native language. ~M I'm sorry about that. I do realise that English isn't some member's native language, but I thought Light_Jigi needed some assistance with his writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoiuyWired Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 <SNAP!> -All troops report to the meating chamber!!!! Sed the cheff of the army.Nobody cnowd what hapend and guest what will be next. <SNAP!> It would be better if troops don't meat in the "meating chamber" cause an army smelling like beef is less than appealing, unless their standard equipment includes "rack of lamb armor" "rocky mountain oyster launcher" ... Please post your fan-fic (if you can even call it that) in CEC. Please at least try to spellcheck your work, word processor can do that for you. Just cause the characters like to speak like a bunch of jarjar family reunion doesn't mean the narration should be. Oh the format, its confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOD Radu Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Give the ~snipped~ ooops the guy a break! We are not all geniuses like you other people. That's a rude term when it's used that way. Don't use that term like that here. Thanks, Jae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Give the ~snipped~ ooops the guy a break! We are not all geniuses like you other people. We all realise that and sometimes, ideas aren't always liked, like this one, but some people may like it. I'd also like to say that Light_Jigi has taken up some of his/her time to write this and that is good, but for me and some others here, we might not find the idea good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOD Radu Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Lets face it we can not do with a promised one that story is over used. Revan must come back. He must, I miss him so so much! Revan was the most powerful force sensytive ever, no promised one wannabe(Anakin) or any other fellow can take his place. I know, I know my english suck too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Wow. The level of love in this thread is underwhelming. If you all wish to critique Light_Jigi's work, I highly recommend you all review The Padawan's Guide to Providing Good Critiques and learn the difference between negative criticism and a constructive critique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerrod_Tor Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I actually like the idea of a meat chamber. In fact, if I ever win the lottery, I'm going to have a meat chamber built - with a bacon annex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathan7 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Wow. The level of love in this thread is underwhelming. If you all wish to critique Light_Jigi's work, I highly recommend you all review The Padawan's Guide to Providing Good Critiques and learn the difference between negative criticism and a constructive critique. Aye, but it is in the wrong forum for fan-fics and I personally have pointed out what I think was wrong before hand with this being KotOR 3. Lets face it we can not do with a promised one that story is over used. Revan must come back. He must, I miss him so so much! Revan was the most powerful force sensytive ever, no promised one wannabe(Anakin) or any other fellow can take his place. Your having a laugh... Anakin had the highest midi-chlorian count ever! Darth Sidious was canonically the most powerful Sith Lord ever... and thats G-Canon. Yoda would defeat Revan in a fight as well. And considering Luke is an uber force-god he would definatly have beaten Revan, as Luke must of had a midichlorian count similar to Anakin. Revan was quality and certainly in the top 10 force users in SW history, but all of the afformentioned above are superior to Revan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOD Radu Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Oh boy you heard me but you didn't understand, you think in a war you only need talent, no...you allso need a LOT of experience, Revan had a LOT of it, plus i didn't no one count the midi-chlorian "****" of Revan. No my young padawan Revan RULZZZ, and thats it!!! Man, he conquered a galaxie almost single-handed, shut up he ROCKs. In the end he must have become so powerful that he decidet to leave the galaxie that he conquered, to find something more challanging, the soul of the real Sith Empire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathan7 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Oh boy you heard me but you didn't understand, you think in a war you only need talent, no...you allso need a LOT of experience, Revan had a LOT of it, plus i didn't no one count the midi-chlorian "****" of Revan. No my young padawan Revan RULZZZ, and thats it!!! Man, he conquered a galaxie almost single-handed, shut up he ROCKs. In the end he must have become so powerful that he decidet to leave the galaxie that he conquered, to find something more challanging, the soul of the real Sith Empire. Much as I would really love to get engaged in yet another debate on this subject its off-topic and your bordering on flaming so I am going to leave it. As a word of advice don't tell someone to 'shut up' in a forum people will differ in opinion that is the nature of debate. Just a reminder to everyone (not just jonathan7 since I know he knows this already), if you have a problem with someone's post, please use the 'report post' feature (the little yellow dot under the avatar) and report the post that way--we'll be able to get the reports a lot faster than we can find something in the middle of a thread. Please leave the moderating to the moderators. Thanks, Jae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daft Adidas Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Hmm ok I'm saying maybe english is not your first language? Well maybe if you work on the spelling/grammer mistakes it could be pretty good. That's just IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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