[fic] Shrouded in Darkness: Yuthura Ban's Tale

[Darth_Yuthura]

My fight with Atris left me with significant internal bleeding which required another major surgery. I was out for another full day. This time, I woke up in the presence of Alfred. Considering what I tried to do, I was almost expecting to be in a cell or something... that was a pleasant surprise.

 

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to have any visitors.”

 

He smiled and leaned over my bed. “They made an exception.” He gently embraced me and then chuckled. “You really took on a Council member?”

 

I wasn’t in the mood to laugh. “Yes. Atris.”

 

He sighed, knowing that I made the first overt act. “What did she do to provoke you?”

 

“Ever consider that I provoked her?”

 

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He knew that it wasn’t the first time such a thing happened to me. He didn’t even bother to ask whether or not I had a different story. Although I would have told him the truth, it would have been nice to hear him just ask ‘who started it.’

 

I shook my head. “She was taunting me about how I would never be a Jedi. She said that without Revan, I was a small, weak, pathetic failed Sith.” I looked away. “I tried resisting... I tried to shut her out... but she just kept telling me that I was nothing. She eventually said that I was only here because I was too scared to die as I should have... and that only Revan was keeping me alive.” I blinked rapidly to not shed any tears. “When she said that, I didn't care what happened. I just wanted to kill her.”

 

“Do you still feel that?”

 

I nodded my head. “She wanted me to attack her. I was stupid and did exactly what she wanted.” I had been sitting up, but let myself fall back onto the pillow.

 

Alfred put his hand behind my head to gesture me to sit back up. When I was, I saw what looked like relief on his face. “I didn’t know that Atris was taunting you. If she had, then this whole thing might be disregarded by the Council.”

 

I gave a forced smile and shook my head. “Not this time, Alfred. They made it clear that if I strayed, even a little, then I would no longer be a part of the Order. Attacking a Council member in anger is a bit... too extreme for that.”

 

“No, no, no. There are times when a master could be allowed to provoke or subject an apprentice to the darkside, but this only can be done under strict circumstances. If Atris were to claim that she were training you by pushing your emotions to their limits, then she can’t deny her part in what happened then.”

 

“Atris claimed she was only training me?! She’s a damned liar!”

 

He stopped me from screaming on by giving me some assurance. “If she claimed that you assaulted her, then she would have to admit that she tried seducing you to the darkside without cause or reason.” He smiled in great relief. “This incident can’t be used against you unless Atris is willing to sacrifice her seat on the Council. Trust me... she would never do such a thing.”

 

I refused to smile. I’ve been on the rocks ever since I returned from the Sith. The last thing I needed was another special dispensation. I got out of bed, clad in a patient dress, and looked out my window. Alfred didn’t say anything else... he just stared at the endless horizon of skyscrapers alongside me. Then he started grinning at me for no reason at all.

 

“Would you please stop that? I’m not exactly proud of what I just did.”

 

“This happened because Atris provoked you. I don’t want you to feel as though you’ve failed.” He wanted to ask another question, but hesitated to say it. “What did she say that hurt you so greatly?”

 

I crossed my arms and kept facing the window as I repeated some of the things Atris said. “She called me a whore, a usurper, and that if I failed as a Sith, I had no chance to be a Jedi. And she said that without Revan to protect me, I should have died long ago.”

 

He gave me an odd expression that I couldn’t identify. “That was meant to provoke you. I’m proud that you held up to her as long as you did. She had no right to say such things.”

 

I turned to him so I could admit the truth. “What hurt me was that the things she said were true. Despite what I may choose to believe, she was right. While I was with the Sith, I never achieved power of my own... I always took advantage of those around me.” I sat on the bed, facing him. “I came to use my body as a weapon. Master Uthar believed that such determination deserved a place at his side. He expected that I would learn to use new tactics, but I kept... demeaning myself for nothing. He was right to have me replaced.”

 

Alfred leaned to get in front of me. “If this is painful to talk about, you don’t have to.”

 

I gently shook my head and gave him a grim expression. “What if she’s right? What if I am too weak? I’ve never felt so... exposed as when she was telling me of all that I was.” I covered my face with my hands.

 

“Yuthura, listen to me...” He gently pulled my hands away. “You’re not weak. You’ve just been through a lot. I could not imagine one like Atris, Vrook, or even Vandar who could’ve endured what you had and still remain true to the lightside. That is a greatness that no one can argue. Do you at least believe in that?”

 

I slowly nodded my head in utter agreement... I knew that he was right. We embraced for a long moment. He was careful not to press upon my ribs and make me have a third surgery.

 

“I won’t be at your hearing tomorrow. Please tell them what you told me and you should be fine. Promise me that.”

 

“I would like nothing more than to shove this little lesson down Atris’ throat. How can you even ask?” That gave us both some much-needed laughter. After that, I changed the subject. “Alfred, there is something in my quarters that I’d like you to get if you would.”

 

“Of course; what?”

 

“A backpack laying under my bed. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find.”

 

He nodded. “Anything else?”

 

“Just the bag, thank-you.”

 

He nodded again and went for it. While he was gone, I changed out of my garb and put my new cloths on, but couldn’t find my lightsaber. I suppose they didn’t trust me with it anymore. When Alfred came back with the bag, he looked at me in disappointment. “Please tell me you aren’t foolish enough to try and escape again.”

 

“I’m not leaving. I just don’t like the patient garb.”

 

He didn't hand me my bag. He looked at me as if angry and I didn’t like where this was going to go. “Yuthura... there's something I else I wanted to say. When I asked you to get back to the infirmary, you sidetracked me. I was offended by that. You have enough conflicts with other Jedi as it is and I hope that you’ve learned something from this experience.”

 

I gestured towards my rib cage. “This wasn’t a result of anything that I did... well... Atris was the one who provoked me into fighting. If she hadn’t...”

 

He interrupted. “If you had done as I asked, she couldn’t summon you because you were on medical leave! And she couldn’t have come in here if you didn’t allow it... I’m sure you wouldn’t have at that. Because you altered medical records, it lead up to what caused the fight.” He paused a moment to let it sink in. “You could have been killed. But now, you've got to defend yourself against two extreme violations in only a few days.”

 

I understood. That latest injury of mine was self inflicted to a certain degree. I was embarrassed at my actions and understood that I acted like a child by my brash behavior. “You’re right... again. I suppose that I acted instead of thinking. I didn't consider your feelings on the matter, either. I’m sorry. This won't happen again.”

 

He handed me my backpack. “Please do as you’re told... at least until this is over.”

 

I was left alone with several hours before I would have normally gone to bed. Although I knew it was a mistake, I opened a bottle of Corellian ale that was in the backpack and didn’t bother with a glass.

 

 

-------

 

 

I was not born into slavery. I remembered a period of about five years when I was part of a family. Although I was treated exactly as a twi'lek girl would have, I was at least my own person and not bound by a slaving collar. My father had recognized that I was very intelligent at a young age and encouraged me to educate myself.

 

I vividly remembered the day when I had lost my natural family... or rather when I was sold by my father. He wanted me to educate myself so that he could get more money from selling me off as a 'skilled' slave. That was the first time in my life when I was truly betrayed. I remembered that I loved my natural father and thought he loved me, but he clearly loved money more.

 

Although I was designated a 'skilled' slave, I did not adapt well to training in a trade skill. My father had cheated the guy he sold me to and I was the one he took it out on. It wasn’t torture, but being slapped in the face and yelled at because I couldn’t be ‘that dumb’ was hurtful. It was a miserable time realizing that my father never really loved me. On top of that, I was pushed every moment of every day to learn trade skills that were beyond my abilities.

 

In the time that I had to myself, I found that I had a gift for dancing. It was what the other girls did for recreation and I really liked doing it more than developing my mind. I didn’t remember how it happened, but my first owner realized I had a gift. Even for a twi’lek, I was an impressive display for almost every dance style I came across. I was soon given to another teacher and trained in the various arts of dancing. I didn't know it at the time, but I was setting myself up for the worst life any twi'lek woman could have lived.

 

My skills in dance were so magnificent that it attracted the most wealthy buyers in the galaxy... the Hutts. When my training was completed almost six months later, I was bought and presented to Omeesh at ‘a premium price.’ At first, I was glad to be recognized for my talents, but I soon came to realize that I was not bought simply to dance, but to amuse the Hutt as well. That almost always involved pain and humiliation. From that first night I danced and beyond, I knew I had been damned.

 

-----

 

I woke up, panting in terror of Sleheyron again. That last nightmare was the worst I've had since I returned to the Jedi. I hated and wanted them to stop!

 

It was five in the morning and I was expected before the Council in three hours. I was given a pass by the medical staff to attend the meeting, but to return afterwards. Although I was not supposed to leave the medical ward, I was perfectly capable of performing basic tasks, such as walking, so they allowed me to go before the Council for that one occasion.

 

When I finally stood before them, Atris wasn’t there when I had to give my side of the story. She was likely questioned before me and I wondered what she had revealed or neglected to mention, but I was going to have a hard time facing her testimony. Odds were that everything which came out of her mouth was the truth, but only to a point. A lie that consisted of half the truth was truly the darkest.

 

Master Vandar began the meeting. “Yuthura Ban, we have been told a very disturbing story by Master Atris in regards to the events of two days ago. We would like to hear what you have to say about the incident.”

 

I replied. “I’d like to know what you’ve already been told. It’s very likely that everything Master Atris told you is true.”

 

Vrook asked in a non-aggressive tone, “She claims that you committed the first overt act. Is this true.”

 

“Yes.”

 

They looked at me with with disappointment, but little surprise. Vandar continued, “Please tell us of the events that lead to this fight. Atris claimed that you were actively hostile towards her while she was going over your conduct on Kuril.”

 

“Masters, Atris was provoking me into attacking her. She said many things with the intent of angering me. Much of it had little to do with that mission.”

 

Master Vandar objected. “I find that difficult to believe. Atris is a member of the Council. Petty acts such as that are not in our character.”

 

I was about to object to what he said, but Vrook beat me to it. “Being a Council member in itself is not a defense.”

 

Kavar stood up. “Ban made the first aggressive act. Why she did it is irrelevant.”

 

Master Vash stood up for me. “I disagree. If Atris did provoke Yuthura, then the fault in this matter would go to Atris.”

 

“Attacking another in anger is punishable by exile. Ban knew this before she acted.” Kavar said.

 

Vrook continued. “Atris defends herself by claiming that she was testing Yuthura as a master would an apprentice. If that were true, then she would be held responsible for whatever consequences came from that. However, she also claims that Yuthura assaulted her. If she were testing Yuthura in some way, then she should have known that she would be attacked.” He stood up. “I don’t believe that Yuthura should be held responsible for the fight. She may have made the first strike, but Atris was the cause.”

 

Kavar looked at Vrook with as much surprise as I. “Master Vrook... she attacked another Jedi in anger and with the intent to kill. This can’t just be ignored.”

 

“I’m not saying it should be. But Atris must be held accountable for her actions.”

 

Vash stood up to speak again. “I agree. If Atris deliberately provoked Yuthura into attacking her... that was a despicable act for a master. If this were just an exercise... then no fault would go to the padawan for the acts of the master. I don’t believe there should not be any punishment given for this incident.”

 

The Masters nodded. Vandar gave the verdict. “Yuthura, we cannot emphasize the severity of what you have done. However, due to the outstanding circumstances, you will not be held accountable for your part in this incident.”

 

I sighed in great relief. I had no temptation to smile because I knew I should not have been forgiven for it. “What will happen of Atris?”

 

Vrook answered. “We will deal with her. You need not concern yourself with this matter anymore.” He paused for a moment. “One other thing: do not allow yourself to think that it is alright to attack someone, even if they are provoking you. We are excusing your actions only because Atris created the situation that lead to this fight. Had this occurred under almost any other circumstances, you would not be given another chance.” Then he stood up, pulled out my lightsaber from his coat, and presented it to me.

 

When I took it from his hand, I gave a very quiet thank-you for defending me just then.

 

He gave me a small smile which seemed to silently say ‘don’t mention it.’ I was quite surprised that he had defended me after I committed such an act in anger. I almost expected him to yell ‘bloody murder.’ His words left me feeling much better than before. I was surprised just how much it meant to hear him not trying to judge me like he always had.

 

After he took his seat and I was left standing in the center of the room, I expected to be dismissed, but had forgotten about the incident with the nurse and my promotion to Jedi Knight.

 

Vandar continued. “There’s still another matter that has to be attended to. Yuthura, your actions on Kuril were more than worthy for a promotion to the rank of Jedi Knight. However, the incident in the medical facility almost killed Denise Rowe. We would like to hear what you have to say about that.”

 

I sighed heavily. “I already told Master Vash what had happened. It was just an instinctive act; there’s little more I can add.”

 

“This puts us in a difficult situation, Yuthura. We had intended for that mission to be your trial of skill, but you had surpassed what we expected so significantly that we agreed to give you a battlefield promotion directly to the rank. But these... instincts are a risk both to yourself and those around you. In addition... you’ve done acts of defiance since then. And this incident with Atris...”

 

I sighed in great frustration. “If you’re going to deny me, just say so.”

 

Master Kavar spoke up. “Please understand that we recognize what you’ve done on Kuril. You acted as a Jedi when it truly mattered, but you still have a habit of disrespecting authority. And these two incidents that put yourself and others in jeopardy... I’m sorry, but you’re not ready for the responsibilities of that rank.”

 

I leaned my head back in disappointment and then made a decision that would have changed my life forever. I’ve never really given it much thought before, but there was a means that could have given me the peace I’ve struggled to find all my life. I made eye contact with the Council again. “Masters... If I were to ask it of you... would you have the means to suppress certain memories?”

 

Master Vash answered. “We do have the means, yes, but rarely do we exercise it. Tampering with memories, even short-term memories could have significant consequences.”

 

“And it is only done as a last resort. Once a memory has been repressed, it’s almost impossible to recover.” Zhar stated.

 

“Yuthura, the events of the last several days have been traumatic for you, but you can’t just erase every unpleasant experience you face. We often grow more from our mistakes than our successes. I would not participate in this even if you asked it of me.“ Vandar said.

 

I shook my head. “I don’t mean the memories of the last few days. I mean from WAY back; before I joined the Order.”

 

They stared at me as if I asked them to kill me. From a certain point of view, that was what I requested. Zhar was the first to reply to the request. “That is no small thing you just mentioned. Wiping recent experiences is difficult enough, but erasing memories from over a decade ago would change you completely. It literally suicide to lose something as important as your childhood experiences.”

 

I scoffed. “My childhood experiences? Yeah, all the torture, humiliation, and sorrow are really worth keeping.”

 

Master Kavar replied “Memories are like a foundation upon which new experiences rest. Losing even a small piece of your past would have a drastic impact on who you are now. We would only erase an experience if it proved so drastic that it changed you. I would not contemplate erasing memories from so far back as what you’re asking.”

 

“Even if I asked it, you would refuse?”

 

Vrook spoke up. “If we were to do as you request, you would die. Those memories are a part of who you are and destroying them would essentially be the same as if you were struck by a lightsaber.”

 

I frowned at the hypocrisy of that statement. Although it was almost comforting to hear Vrook give his concern for me, I couldn’t stand what he and the others did in the past. “Is that why you did it to Revan?”

 

“We won’t go down that path. Our rational was done under extreme circumstances. This would hardly qualify as extreme.” Master Vandar explained.

 

I protested. “If I can’t control my emotions, I’m a threat to everyone around me. I’ve tried to control my anger all my life, but I could never be free of it. I just want to forget Sleheyron once and for all.”

 

Vrook spoke up. “No. I would not participate in something like this simply because you’re disgruntled with the way things have turned out.”

 

“I’m not simply ‘disgruntled!’ You don’t know what it was like to be a slave to Omeesh the hutt. He took great joy in hurting his slaves, breaking them, and then discarding them once they have. Do you know what it’s like to watch everyone you ever cared about suffer and die while you were spared?” I shook my head. “And by ‘spared,’ I mean being one of his favorites. Favorite slaves were only spared the torture that caused permanent damage, but only because he valued them more alive than dead. I don’t want to remember all those times that my body had been abused. I don’t want to hear that Hutt’s voice in my mind anymore.” Tears came to my eyes. “I just want some peace... some serenity... I can’t do it when my memories continue to plague my peace of mind.” I held my hands like a beggar. “Would you please consider this?”

 

The Masters looked at each other and quietly discussed what they to do among themselves. Eventually, Vandar gave me an answer. “You have put us in a difficult position, Yuthura. Given what you have suffered through, I could understand the reason for your request. Given the current circumstances, we will do as you request, but only to a limited extent. We won’t wipe away all the memories at once, but do it gradually over a matter of months so you can adapt more easily.”

 

Zhar continued. “We see little choice but to grant your request. In one week, we will start this. Until then, we strongly encourage you to find another solution.”

 

“Why can’t you do it now? I already know that I don’t want the memories from Sleheyron. If I were free of them, I could finally find peace and you wouldn’t have to deal with me and my anger anymore. It’s beneficial to everyone.”

 

Vandar shook his head. “Yuthura, you’re so young. When you’re young you think that the answers to life are simple. There is more sacrifice in this than you realize. We will give you a week to reconsider this. If we see there is a valid reason not to proceed, we will deny your request.” He crossed his arms. “I will not participate in something like this unless I’m convinced that there is no other way.”

 

------

 

“How’d it go?” Alfred asked.

 

“Still a padawan.”

 

He looked down in disappointment. “I’m sorry to hear that. At least you’re still in the Order.”

 

I nodded. “Master...”

 

“Alfred.” he wanted me to call him as I had so many years ago.

 

I smiled. “Alfred... when I was being intimidated by Atris, I’ve never felt so... exposed.”

 

“Exposed?”

 

“She seemed to know exactly how to hurt me and she made me feel as though I truly were... nothing.”

 

He shook his head. “You know that’s not so. I have almost no respect for one like Atris. You shouldn’t concern yourself with what she said to you.”

 

“But what she said was true. I can’t find peace or serenity no matter what I do. I always have those feelings that I took from Sleheyron and they disrupt any peace I ever find.”

 

“What happened in the medical ward wasn’t your fault.” He said.

 

“Then who’s fault was it?”

 

That left him less at ease than before. “You said it was instinctual. That means it was beyond your control.”

 

“But they were spawned through Omeesh’s sadistic and needlessly brutal cruelty.” Alfred looked at me and knew what I was about to say. I stared directly into his eyes. “I spoke to the Council about suppressing those memories.”

 

He was afraid to ask, “What did they say?”

 

“I thought they’d jump at the chance to solve my problems and theirs.”

 

He frowned at me. “Yuthura, suppressing any memories, especially early ones, would have a significant impact on a person. I’m glad that they refused.”

 

“No, they agreed to do it.”

 

“What? When?”

 

“A week.”

 

I saw tears behind his eyes, but he blinked them back. “Do you know what that means to you? You know that when it’s done, you would wake up a completely different person?”

 

I slowly nodded. “I’m sorry. I know it’s the easy way out, but I don’t want to remember that horrible place anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of falling to the darkside all the time. My anger and hate are ever present and never yielding.”

 

“You can control them. I’ve never met one as strong as you.”

 

Tears gushed out of my eyes as I said what seemed to define everything that I felt of myself. “I’m tired of being strong.” He embraced me with all the strength he had. I screamed in agony, “Ribs!”

 

He backed away, seemingly more hurt than I. “Damn it! I’m sorry.” He turned away and tried to hide what he was feeling, but I knew that he felt a great loss. He turned back with tears in his eyes. “You can’t seriously want this! I thought that you were finding peace here.”

 

“I thought so as well, but after that incident in the medical ward and Atris... I’m just too dangerous.”

 

He shook his head gently. “You’ve made some mistakes... that doesn’t mean that you should be euthanized.”

 

“I’m not killing myself. I’m just...”

 

“If you lose your memories from Sleheyron... you will die. We are the sum or our experiences. What would happen if a fraction of your life suddenly were gone? You would still be alive, but...” He looked away for a moment. “Does Revan know about this?”

 

“No. And I want you to keep it that way.”

 

“Why? Don’t you think that he has a right to know?”

 

“It’s my life and I don’t want those memories. I don’t want to have to struggle every moment of every day to restrain my emotions.” I grabbed Alfred’s shoulders. “It’s hard.”

 

A long, silent moment went by as I saw Alfred struggling to accept that he has to let go again. When I chose to leave the Jedi, he refused to let me throw my life away. This time, I somehow knew he would allow me to do what I thought was right... even if it was the last thing he wanted... even if he believed I was making a mistake. It was my mistake to make.

 

 

 

------Original Message------

 

 

This isn't a mind wipe. It's so that Yuthura would not remember Sleheyron. Her memories after that would not be affected... however, the loss of such critical memories would drastically change her. It would be like ECT or something more significant.

[Rev7]

Well, a certain memory would be wiped away.

 

I certainly hope that Yuthura makes a wise decision.

[Marius Fett]

Another outstanding chapter.

 

I hope Yuthura manages to find peace, with or without her memories.

[JediAthos]

I really am enjoying the tale you're weaving here Yuthura. I think that you did pretty well with the action sequence, but I have noticed some spelling errors here and there: riffle instead of rifle etc...If you're not already I would recommend running spell check on everything. It's a fatal flaw of mine as a writer

 

As for the chapter you were concerned about detracting from the story...perhaps a little. On the other hand though it did show an interesting side of Yuthura in that she seemed to stay her emotions and tried to convey the lessons she was learning about herself to her attacker.

[Darth_Yuthura]

Here it is! This is what I believe to be the golden moment when Yuthura comes to understand the value of herself. Although she is yet to find peace, she has learned to take value in the memories she had always hated. I want responses to this of all chapters! Thanks!

 

-----

 

 

The next day, I was cleared to return to my quarters by the medical personnel. Before I departed, I went to see the nurse I almost killed. Her injuries were still healing, so I could see my handiwork and apologize for it.

 

I was very nervous at the thought of showing my face to Dr. Rowe. I knew that she must have feared me and I didn’t want to torment her, but I needed to explain what happened and try to give something back for what I did. Eventually, I was in the doorway of her room. “Dr. Rowe?”

 

She smiled at me. “Have you come to finish the job?”

 

“What?”

 

“It was a joke.”

 

I wasn’t in a laughing mood and walked to her bedside. She was laying on a very ridged surface that must have been set to allow her back to heal properly. “I almost killed you. I would have imagined the last thing you’d do is make a joke.”

 

“You’re not the first one to do that.”

 

I gave her a look of surprise. “I’m not?”

 

“Sometimes, we have to put Jedi under when they suffered extreme injuries. I thought the painkillers you were given would have been enough. I understand that you didn’t do it intentionally.”

 

I shook my head. “It shouldn’t have happened. Being in that room... it brought back terrible memories that caused me to react. I’m not going to allow that to happen again.”

 

“It was something beyond your control. Although it’d be better if you didn’t, but don’t dwell on what happened. Just remember so that you could prevent it in the future.”

 

“The problem is that remembering is what caused me to react.” I looked down. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. If there is anything that I can do for you, please ask.”

 

She nodded. “You’d find I’m a person who collects on her debts. Just be aware of that.”

 

“Again, I’m sorry.” I gave her a small bow and exited the room.

 

As I went to my quarters, I was very hurt that Dr. Rowe was a very ‘Jedi-like’ person. Part of me wanted her to hate me for what I had done. She didn’t deserve to be thrown around like that and I didn’t deserve understanding or forgiveness from her. I only hope that she has me repay my debt before long. I don’t want it on my conscience.

 

*********

 

Before Alfred had to begin his classes, he came to my quarters for an attempt to persuade me to change my mind about the memory wipe. When I wouldn’t, he said that he couldn’t afford to be with me until after it had been done. I found it strange that he wouldn’t stand by me when I needed him most.

 

“If you undergo the procedure, you will wake up a completely different person from who you are now.”

 

“I would remember everything that has happened since Sleheyron. I would still remember when you rescued me and how you trained me... all those memories would be intact.”

 

“But what about you?”

 

“I’m sorry Alfred. I tried to cope with my past, but haven’t succeeded. Having those memories is painful... I just want to be free of them. Do you think that I haven’t tried hard enough?”

 

He looked at me, knowing that I was right. “You’ve struggled with it all your life.”

 

“I don’t want to struggle with my past anymore. I don’t want to be angry anymore... I want to find peace and this will do it.”

 

“But at what cost?!”

 

I sighed and turned my back on him. When I was ready to speak again, I asked “How do you think I feel about it?”

 

He remained silent for a very long moment. Tears formed in his eyes. “When you turned away from the Sith, that was the happiest day of my life. I was so proud of you for what you had done... I just didn’t think it would end this way.”

 

“How else could it end?”

 

He gestured ‘I don’t know.’ “You are the one to make the choice. You do what you must and I’ll accept it.”

 

“Please believe me when I say that I don’t want to hurt you, but I just want some serenity... no one traumatized by Omeesh could.” I put my hands on his shoulders. “Don’t think that you’ve failed me... you made my life better than I ever thought possible. I just have never been able to accept what has happened and move on. Is that so unreasonable?”

 

I saw that he was in great pain. I wished he would have been happy or at the very least indifferent to my choice. “The galaxy is a strange place. I have you back after so many years only to lose you again.”

 

“You’ll never lose me again... you may find that it would be better for both of us if you saw me find peace for once. I won’t forget you or anything after you rescued me. Everything of you will always remain up here...” I pointed to my forehead. “...and in here.” I placed my hand over my heart.

 

He gave me an uncomfortable smile. “If this changes the person you are, I want you to know how very proud I am of you. You surprised me that you kept going when anyone else would have given up. I was never happier than when I learned you were accepted back into the Order. This is just...”

 

The door chime interrupted that very tender moment. I hated hearing it, but I had to send whoever it was on their way. I jumped to my feet and answered it, but when the door slid open, I was caught completely by surprise to see Trevelyan smiling at me as if he hadn’t seen a woman in years. I hadn’t thought of him for some time, but I remembered that he was expected to arrive from his latest mission that day. “It’s good to see you again... Jedi knight?”

 

He hadn’t been informed of the events of the last few days. This was very awkward for me because I simply wasn’t ready to explain everything that had happened. And I most certainly didn’t want him to know about what I was intending to do a week from now. I feared that he would try and convince me to reconsider... I knew he would succeed.

 

“Trevelyan? You were supposed to return today...” I couldn’t say another word.

 

He saw Alfred behind me and grinned. “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?”

 

“No. Please come in.” Alfred answered.

 

Trevelyan kept displaying that dumb smile as he stepped into my quarters. All I wanted was for him to be somewhere else because I was too emotional to hide anything from him. When he noticed my shock and sudden fear, he just said one word: “What?!”

 

I remained silent.

 

“Master Kolchak?” Trevelyan asked instead.

 

Alfred remained silent for a moment, but he stepped in front of me. “I’m sorry, Yuthura, but he deserves to know.”

 

“Don’t! Please...” I pleaded.

 

He turned to Trevelyan. “She had requested to have some of her distant memories wiped by the Council.”

 

“What? Why?!” I asked me.

 

“When she was in the infirmary, she had attacked a nurse that was treating her. Then two days ago, she got into a fight with Master Atris.”

 

“That doesn’t mean you should have your mind wiped. That’s like suicide.” Trevelyan said to me.

 

“I wouldn’t have all my memories erased... just the ones from Sleheyron. They are what have been plaguing me my whole life. I just want to get rid of them.”

 

Trevelyan got directly in front of me. “I thought everything was going well. What you did on Kuril seemed to prove that. Why are you doing this?”

 

“I’m a danger to those around me. I almost killed an innocent who was trying to help because of an instinct that had developed because of my anger... anger brought upon by Omeesh. Atris had made me realize that I will never find peace as long as I can’t control my emotions. I have to do this.”

 

“You don’t ‘have’ to do anything. Is this something that you ‘want’ to do?”

 

I paused for a moment and knew I couldn’t tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to try to talk me out of it... I just wanted to forget Omeesh. “Yes.”

 

Suddenly, this man who has always been strong to me changed into an emotional cripple. He embraced me with great sadness. “Please don’t tell me that all you‘ve struggled for was for nothing. Please don’t do this.”

 

“I have no choice. I’m not...”

 

“You always have a choice! I can’t...” He dropped his head in despair then faced Alfred. “Master Kolchak... could we speak for a moment in private?”

 

“I’m already late for a class. I need to depart anyway.” He stared at me for a long moment before turning to leave. I think he was silently requesting that I didn’t go through with it again.

 

Trevelyan was still holding me in his arms. I could see great fear and pain in his expression... fear for me. “Yuthura... please don’t do this. I don’t want to lose you.” He pleaded.

 

“You wouldn’t. I’d still have all my memories of you, Alfred, and everything that matters. Omeesh, Sleheyron... they don’t.”

 

Tears came to his eyes. “You wouldn’t be the same person! Those memories from Sleheyron are a part of who you are. And I...” He stepped back and tried to collect his thoughts. He sat down in a chair and rested his head upon his hands for a long moment before looking back to me. “You are precious to me. I thought that I would be content to just let you find peace on your own... that we couldn’t be together.” He dried his tears. “I’ve never been able to accept what the Jedi taught about avoiding emotional attachments.” He stood up and held me by the shoulders. “You are important to me. I only stopped being Darth Revan because that identity had been erased from my mind.”

 

“What are you trying to tell me?”

 

He let me go and paced around as he tried to come up with the right words. “You are a remarkable person. There’s a greatness within you that had endured despite everything.” He sighed when he realized how hollow those words were compared to what he truly wanted to say. Then he held me close as he spoke what was in his heart. “Yuthura... I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

 

I have longed so much to hear those words. Few have ever placed so much value upon my life. To hear one as great as Trevelyan say he care so deeply for me... it was a wonderful thing. I loved him as well, but hadn’t seriously believed he could feel the same way for me. “I... have suspected, but I thought you were in love with Bastila.”

 

“We share a force bond. I think that she fell in love with Revan and I thought with me as well, but we both came to realize that...” He sighed in frustration as he tried to explain an emotion that a Jedi shouldn’t feel. “It was never more than simple infatuation. We both came to accept that it was best to distance ourselves from one another.”

 

“That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is... why me? People like you and me don’t fall in love... not with each other anyway.”

 

“I had come to understand that you were a Jedi... we were both Jedi. As much as I wanted to tell you, I knew that I wanted to see you find peace more. I tried to keep my feelings hidden, but I know I didn’t do it very well. I thought you would have known.”

 

“You did give away signals, but I didn’t think they were genuine. I couldn’t imagine that one such as you would have had any interest in me.”

 

He laughed as if hearing such nonsense. “Why would you think that?”

 

“You’re the former Dark Lord of the Sith. You have become a great Jedi... a champion of the force. You have a destiny that I can’t be a part of. I’m just a broken-down Sith trying to live in a world where I would never belong.”

 

“You’re stronger than you realize.” He put his head within centimeters of mine. “What if I asked you to be a part of my destiny?”

 

I pulled myself away from him and stepped back. “I can’t.”

 

He dropped his arms in frustration. “Please don’t say you can’t! You have a choice. Do you really want to go through with a memory wipe? Don’t consider what anyone else says you should do.” He held my fist tight in his grip. “Do YOU want this?”

 

I stared deep into his eyes as I knew that I wanted to be rid of the memories. As much as I cared for him, I wanted to be free of my past more. “Yes.”

 

More tears came poured from his eyes as he let go of my hand and sat back into the chair as if he had just been wounded very deeply. He forced out words to try and assure himself that he was doing the right thing. “You are your own person. If there is no other way, you do what think is right.”

 

I got on my knee in front of him and I wanted to know what it was that he wanted to save. Why did he place so much value on my life? There had to be a reason. “Trevelyan... why do you love me?”

 

“When I first knew you, I thought you were just a cold, hate-filled Sith, but as I came to learn of your past, I saw that you were different. Although it was difficult to understand, I saw what seemed to be a selfless passion within you.” He smiled at me as if he were looking at the greatest thing in the galaxy. “It was like looking into the heart of a true Jedi... an unconquerable light. I wanted to preserve that light.” He moved his head within centimeters of mine and held me behind the neck. “If you go through with this... I fear that light will be lost.”

We embraced each other as if there was nothing else which mattered. He painfully said, “You are precious to me and I ask that you not go through with this. If not for yourself, then for me.”

 

Those words were both excruciating and blissful. I couldn’t do anything to hurt him. That’s exactly what would have happened if I freed myself of my memories. I loved him and Alfred more than my own life and I knew that I had to keep fighting. It’s what they would have wanted and I had to honor their wishes... each had given me my life and asked nothing else in return. Somehow, the thought of losing those memories seemed as if to taint both their sacrifices. I would have rather lived the person I was than die as anyone else... a strange saying.

 

After a long, tender moment of holding on to me, I was reminded of that time on Korriban when he asked the question: ‘Are you sure there’s no other way?’ I’ve regretted my answer ever since and was confronted by the same question again, only this time, I knew the answer. “There’s always another way. Whatever it is... I’ll find it.”

[Rev7]

That was a very moving chapter Darth_Yuthura! I think that you captured the moment very well. I am glad that Yuthura is going to seek alternative way to try to forget this memory of hers. I am sure that it was a very hard thing to deal with. I now KNOW that it was a very hard thing to deal with. By wanting this memory wipe, it shows that these memories of Omeesh have been very tramatic, and VERY hard to deal with.

 

I like how you added, "You have a choice." I think that is very true in all situations. The hard thing is, making the right choice.

 

Great job Darth_Yuthura! Keep up the magnificent work, because you have a talent.

[Darth_Yuthura]

I'd like to know what readers think to Revan professing his love for Yuthura. Although I tried to make it evident in early chapters, I tried to leave the door open to allow me to have it or remove it later in the story.

 

I do take into account how the other jedi will react to this as well as a believable development in their relationship in later chapters. Yuthura and Revan would both grow as it progresses and this story will not turn into a romance from now on(although there will be the elements in the future). This is planned out.

 

I think that Revan and Yuthura are an excellent match. Both have been with the darkside and are trying to return to the light. They both respect each other to the extent that an emotional bond would form. Each have memory trouble (Revan has a life of false memories while Yuthura is pained by hers). I also think that love was another reason why she followed Revan from the sith. Just want to know what others think of this. Appreciate the feedbacks.

[Rev7]

Well, I wasn't that surprised that Revan pronounced his love to Yuthura because I think that he had already made it known that he loves her, in earlier chapters.

 

You could really tell that Revan broke down in that situation. He has had this same "operation" done on him, and I am pretty sure that he doesn't remember what makes him, well him. Yeah, he remembers tid-bits here and there, but nothing real significant. Yet of course...

 

I too think that Yuthura & Revan are a pretty good match. They have both walked down a dark path, and have been redeemed. It seems like Yuthura has a little bit of a hard time accpeting a compliment though. She is humble, in a sense. That might have been the reason that she turned her back against the Sith. Deep down inside, she loved this man...

[JediAthos]

I'm in agreement with the comments above. I thought you did an excellent job with a very emotional moment.

 

Revan and Yuthura are indeed a good match. As has already been said, they've both been through some of the same things so it would make sense that they would be drawn to each other in some way.

[Darth_Yuthura]

Trevelyan and I had made our feelings for the other perfectly clear. Although we shared no force bond, we both knew what the other desired following that ‘perfect’ moment. Neither one of us seemed to hold back or consider the consequences... we just yielded to our animal instincts.

 

When it was over, I pulled the blanket off and laid on my back so Trevelyan could enjoy the view... I had little in the way of modesty. Omeesh frequently left his slaves out for display... often allowing his servants and guards to do with them as they pleased. Gamorians were the worst, but they at least rarely took to other species.

 

Trevelyan was covered from the waist down, so he was a bit hesitant to watch me spread myself across the bed. “What are you doing?”

 

“I thought you might just like to leave little to the imagination. I’m sure you’ve wondered how far down these tattoos go.”

 

After a brief moment, his eyes went from my breasts solely to my face. “You don’t have to... display yourself if you don’t want to.”

 

I smiled at the consideration. “It’s alright. I’m used to it. I would do it for one who mattered for a change.”

 

He sat up and hovered over me. He placed his hands over the tattoos around my ankles and followed the interweaving to my shins... across my thighs... over my hip... around my breasts. His gentle touch across my body was a wonderful feeling that I have never had with any other. When he reached my neck, he took a look at the necklace.

 

“Master Alfred gave it to me shortly after I was accepted by the jedi. It was more than a slave could ever have and it was enough for me.”

 

“I’m glad that you two are together again.”

 

“I wonder why he never approached me. I had to go to him.”

 

He gave me a serious look. “I asked it. When you returned, I thought it would be best that you were allowed to chose when and how to deal with your past. We both agreed it was best to let you make the first move.”

 

I shrugged my shoulders. “That must have been difficult. I should not have avoided him for so long.”

 

When he brought his head over mine, he said in a flattering tone, “You are wicked.”

 

“I know. This was most unwise, but I appreciate that you did it.”

 

He looked at me as if insulted. “The way I recall it, you were the one throwing herself at me.”

 

I grabbed the back of his head and forced another kiss upon him. When I let go, I told him of what I loved about him. “You were like everything I always wanted to be. A strong, selfless hero of justice. When I tried to use you against Uthar, I found that you were too great to be controlled. I didn’t want to ruin one like you.”

He rolled alongside and I sat up. “When I challenged you, I expected to die by your hand. I knew you would not have savored my death like Omeesh or Uthar. When you spared me... you were the first person in a long time who made me feel that my life was worth something... that I was not nothing. You gave me my life and I wanted to give it back to you... by becoming the best jedi that I could.” I paused for a moment. “I wanted to live by your example because you were more important to me than my own life.”

 

After a moment of staring at my breasts, he brought his eyes back to my face. “You may not realize it, but your memories of the sith and Sleheyron have made you a better jedi than I. I want to help you through whatever you encounter. I thought that my feelings for you were just respect, but I came to see that they were something more.” He sighed and looked away. “I shouldn’t have told you. We are jedi and love should be avoided by both light and dark side. Should I have just kept my mouth shut?”

 

I smiled and shook my head. “I’m glad you did. I had been afraid to admit it, myself, but I know I don’t have to hide it anymore.” I hovered over his head. “I also didn’t like the intermingled signals you were giving me. You either make yourself clear or you don’t give anything away”

 

“You know that it would mean many emotional hardships? I don’t have the experience of most jedi... I’m just gifted with great power. I don’t want to risk pulling you off the path of the jedi... I just don’t think it’s wrong to value another...”

 

I covered his mouth with my finger. “Trevelyan... do you really want to keep talking?”

 

He gently pulled my hand away. “This is a significant issue that we will have to deal with. It’s likely that the Council will learn about this one way or another.”

 

I nodded and laid on my side. “Well I don’t want to hide in your shadow forever, but they may have to accept this.”

 

“I’d prefer that we didn’t have to hide anything.”

 

“It’s not my fault that you fell in love with a sith. I at least had an excuse.” We both chuckled at the irony of the situation.

 

“Hey... even you said that the sith prohibit...” Trevelyan was interrupted by the door chime.

 

This was the worst time for a guest, but I had to answer the door. “Just give me a minute!” Trevelyan and I jumped to our feet and rushed to dress ourselves. This was a frightening moment to rush and avoid getting caught in the act. The doorbell kept chiming and it irritated me because they knew I was there, but continued ringing it. “I’ll be right there!”

 

Trevelyan had gotten his robe on much faster than I could get my cloths on, so he was fully dressed while I still had to get my blouse on. He made a quiet comment that I should have kept the robe. I looked at him as if to say ‘shut up.’ When I was finally clothed, I ran to open the door.

 

“What you hell is wrong with you! Both of you!” Bastila shouted before the door was even open.

 

“Bastila! What are you...?” I said in fright.

 

“Revan! You stupid fool! Did you think I wouldn’t know about this? Of all places... why here?”

 

Trevelyan got between me and her. “You already know the answer. Why ask the question?”

 

She wasn’t amused. “I told you that she is dangerous. You deliberately went against reason and emotionally entangled yourself with one as unstable as her. There is more at stake than the feelings of one fallen sith.”

 

“You don’t have the right to speak of her like that! Don’t...”

 

“I’m not speaking of her! I’m speaking of you! Do you think you know better than every other jedi? I warned you about bonding with her. It strengthens her, but it weakens you... you are far more important to the galaxy.” She yelled.

 

Trevelyan crossed his arms. “No... this is about us. You and I both agreed that it was best to separate ourselves and weaken the bond we share. This has nothing to do with Yuthura.”

 

“You flatter yourself! You think that you know what’s best for the Order. Your arrogance makes you dangerous because you reflects upon her and all who follow you. If you act, others will follow... you can’t allow this one sith to ruin you.”

 

I was about to protest, but Trevelyan defended me at every turn. “She is a jedi. You will address her as such!”

 

Bastila looked around Trevelyan to face me. “I suppose under the tattoos and the uncontrollable rage, then yes. She is a model jedi for everyone to follow.” She said sarcastically.

 

I pulled his to face me. “Trevelyan... would you please tell me what’s going on.”

 

“Bastila had been turned to the sith shortly before the end of the civil war. She has been having trouble with the darkside ever since.”

 

Bastila looked at me. “Do you know that when he was trying to turn me back to the jedi, he said he loved me?” She sighed in great disgust. “Through our bond, I knew that you secretly despised me. I followed you anyway because I had the strength to see beyond my personal feelings and know what was right.”

She gave a pained chuckle. “The council believed that I was weak to turn to the sith within a week... after being subjected to the most Godforsaken torture Malak could muster. They think that our bond made it easy for me to turn back to the light...” She got in Trevelyan’s face. “I had to fight Revan’s contempt as well.”

Then she tried to stare me down. “Now, the Council has its eyes fixed on you and show me contempt because of how easily you reverted back to the lightside. They seem to have forgotten that my battle meditation saved the war. Now the their center of attention is focused on you.”

 

I shrugged my shoulders. “Me?”

 

She gave me a false smile. “It defies reason, I know, but the Council has taken an interest in making you into a jedi. They may even regard you as significant to the survival of the Order as Revan.”

 

“What?! You have a very sick kind of humor!”

 

Trevelyan got between us. “Hold on... how did you come to all this? What’s going on?”

 

She looked at Revan with great contempt, but the anger within her seemed to have calmed. “Something significant is happening among the Council in regards to her. I don’t know what, but it could erupt into something worse than the sith. All I know is that it involves both of you.” She stared directly into Trevelyan’s eyes. “Revan, for the sake of the Order, you must sever your emotional ties to her. You cannot afford to weaken yourself in such a way by bonding with Ban.” She faced me. “If you love him, then I hope that you can see reason in staying away from him as well. There is too much at stake if you both are emotionally attached to each other.”

 

I got in front of Trevelyan. “Are we supposed to just believe her? All she’s given is a vague description of a bunch of superstitions.”

 

He shook his head. “I believe her... at least she is convinced of what she says.” He looked to Bastila. “Is there anything else you can tell me?”

 

“I’ve overheard conversations by Council members and I’m convinced that they are very interested in how she develops her force abilities. I only have speculation, but no real proof. When I spoke about Ban with the Council, they were very careful about what they said to me.”

 

Trevelyan looked back to me. “Do you know anything about this... anything that might explain what’s going on?”

 

I shook my head. “I wasn’t aware there was anything wrong until she showed up. How could I possibly be considered as significant as you?”

 

“Is there anything you can think of that is out of place or potentially... wait... maybe they were planning to do something else for that mind wipe.” He inquired.

 

I nodded. “That might be it. I’m the only one who volunteered for it in years, but what could they possibly do with me?”

 

Bastila faced me. “You’re having a mind wipe? When did this happen?”

 

“I went before the Council two days ago and requested they wipe some of my earliest memories. They were doing it in five days, but I’ve already decided not to undergo it.”

 

Bastila shook her head in disagreement. “That can’t be it. This issue has been debated even before she were accepted back into the Order.”

 

Trevelyan went up to her. “Thank-you for telling me this. I know it must not have been what...”

 

“I’m not doing this for you... we are past that. I hope that this matter will make you see reason and forget about her.” She turned to leave. “One other thing... if you MUST surrender to your urges... please do it where I don’t have to be a part of it. Just the thought makes me shudder.”

 

She directed that last comment at me. She surly would find it repugnant to feel my presence through Trevelyan. I haven’t formed a force bond with another, so I wouldn’t know what it’s like to feel another without knowing the cause.

 

When Bastila departed, Trevelyan went into the hall with her and told me to stay behind. I was very embarrassed at the whole situation and angry that we were caught. I know that what we did was wrong and had its risks, but I was angry that she was the first to know. Now she had an edge over us... I didn’t want to be at her mercy.

 

After a few minutes, Trevelyan returned and I could see he was humiliated. “Bastila said she won’t lie, but wouldn’t volunteer anything about... us.”

 

“It was a mistake.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

For a moment, we stared at each other with great uncertainty. I asked the most logical question: “Now what?”

 

“I think it would be in our best interest to find out what the Council knows. We should discover why they would have a particular interest in your abilities. They likely won’t answer anything directly, but we should try to get them to talk.”

 

“Like what? ‘I resign from the order?’ See where that goes?” I said jokingly.

 

“Something along those lines.”

 

I stared at him for several more seconds as I didn’t know if I wanted to ask the question. “What do you think about what Bastila said? Should we try and act like none of this happened and stay away from each other?”

 

“What’s been done is done. I suppose that it might have been better if Bastila had told you what she knew before I gave everything away.”

 

“And miss all the fun?” I laughed, but wasn’t accompanied by him. “You have a way with words... I was looking forward to forgetting those early years, but now that I see how much they mean to you... and Alfred... I won’t give up on either of you.”

 

He struggled to ask, “Are you sure this is what you wish to do? You will keep all your memories?”

 

“You were begging me to change my mind. Now that I have, you are still not satisfied?”

 

“I just want to be sure you are doing it for yourself... not me.”

 

“I am doing it for you, but that is what I want. You and Alfred have invested so much of yourselves for me that I would not taint all that you both have done.” I made a confused gesture. “And I suppose I would be afraid of what I might lose. If worse comes to worse, I can always have it done later... it can’t be reversed.”

 

He smiled as he heard me say that I wouldn’t give up.

 

I held him from behind the neck. “What you said really mattered to me and I’m glad you did. How do we go from here?”

 

He thought for a long moment. “Do you think Alfred would know anything about this?”

 

“He would be a good place to start.”

 

He looked at the clock. “I have a meeting with the Council within the hour. I’ll see if there is anything I get from them.”

 

“One other thing: if Bastila means what she says, maybe it would be best if we communicated through a comlink.”

 

He smiled at how foolish my suggestion was. “Given what we just did, I don’t think we need to worry about that. We can speak normally and it won’t make much difference to me.”

 

“Very well. Let’s find out what we can and return here at... 16:00 hours. Is that alright?”

 

“I... had intended to throw together a surprise celebration for you, Juhani, and... who was the other one?”

 

“Nevski.”

 

“Nevski. However, with Juhani away on an assignment and this...”

 

“I understand. Maybe another time?”

 

He stepped out the door, but turned back to silently say something to me. I don’t know what, but I appreciated the sentiment.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Two very emotional chapters. I'm glad that Yuthura is holding off on the memory wipe, at least for now. Haha...and Basty catching Revan and Yuthura that is priceless! Well as Mission said "Get a room." in the game well Revan certainly got a room.

 

As Rev said the whole Revan Yuthura thing it was made pretty clear to me in earlier chapters. I like how emotional Revan got about the memory wipe, I guess thats a sensitive spot with him for obvious reasons. I think they are a great match. I remember playing the game and wishing I could dump Bastila for Yuthura. Anyways two very fine additions to the work! As always I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

 

~HOP

[Darth_Yuthura]

I've realized that I haven't been using many characters outside of Alfred and Revan on a routine basis. Although I don't have it in the story, Yuthura does share more time with Mission, Zalbar, Nevski, Juhani, and Carth than is indicated in the story. It's just that the same activities done repeatedly gets dull.

 

Yuthura and Juhani still have not shared their life stories with the other. Trevelyan has not shared what they told him, but encouraged that they try to open up to others. In the meantime, Yuthura is about to learn why she has attracted so much attention from the Council. If readers believe there are story elements still in limbo, such as Atris, please tell me so and I'll know to deal with them.

 

I know that Yuthura was only a very minor character in the SW universe, but I think she has a much more tragic life and more dramatic redemption than Darth Vader. While Luke just kept saying 'there's still good in you,' Revan asked 'Has anything changed?' I intend to have Yuthura find peace before the end, so don't be concerned with a terrible conclusion. I don't have the heart to ruin one so perfect... Thanks to everyone for the feedback!

[Rev7]

Another marvelous chapter. It had a lot of emotion. I am also gald that Yuthura is holding off on the memory wipe for now. To me, that is a good thing.

 

Keep up the outstanding work Darth_Yuthura!

[Darth_Yuthura]

After Trevelyan departed, I felt that I needed to speak with Alfred as soon as possible. He had been teaching a class on the inner workings of alien computer systems at the time and I thought I might render him some assistance. The faster he could get the job done, the sooner I could talk to him about the events that have transpired.

 

When I walked into the classroom, he had been giving a lecture on some computer programing issues. “As you can see from the diagnostic, module 1 and 3 are inverse of one another.” He caught sight of me in the back of the room. “Yuthura?”

 

All the students turned their eyes upon me. I saw fear in some of the younger ones... I should have gotten rid of my tattoos. “Please... don’t let me interrupt. Continue.”

 

Of course I threw off the lecture, but he didn’t want to continue. “I would like you to run programs... 6 and 7 then tell my how to make them work with a Republic computer. If you have any problems, just ask.” He put down his data pad and came to the back of the room.

 

I gave him a very heartfelt smile and then embraced him to show how much I appreciated him.

 

He looked into my eyes and saw something that wasn’t there before. “I take it that you spoke to Revan.”

 

When I released him, I just kept smiling. “I think I’ll keep myself exactly as I am for a while. Those memories from Sleheyron... they will always be a part of who I am.”

 

“If there’s anything I can do to make it easier for you...”

 

I raised my hand. “You’ve done more than I deserve. It’s up to me to do the rest.” I turned my head to see that there were prying eyes staring at us and I stepped back to avoid embarrassing my former master.

 

“I should get back to my class. I’ll come by your quarters later tonight.”

 

“Could you use an assistant? The faster you’re done with them, the sooner we can talk.”

 

He gestured for me to help one of the students. “Everyone... this is Yuthura. She’s a former padawan of mine and she’s offered to render assistance. If you have any trouble, talk to her.”

 

-----

 

With me, Alfred got an hour’s worth of work done in half the time. One of his students was that padawan who asked me to become his master, Ross Senegal. He asked me to help even when he didn’t need it and I indulged him for a few minutes. Then I made it clear that if he wasn’t bright enough to figure out issues such as what he presented me with, no one would give him a second thought as an apprentice. He seemed to understand what I really meant and went back to do the work I knew he could finish on his own. Although I felt flattered to have at least one student who looked up to me, there was little point in pretending to teach him.

 

After his class was ended early, Alfred spoke to me about that padawan without me bringing up the subject. “Did you know that Ross Senegal looks up to you?”

 

“He had asked if I would take him as an apprentice.”

 

He laughed at how amusing it must have seemed. “I used to think he just had a crush on you, but he really seems to admire you.”

 

“Why?” I asked.

 

“I wouldn’t know. Have you considered asking him?”

 

I sighed in great frustration. “What difference does it make? I can’t accept a padawan.”

 

“Yet.”

 

I sighed in concurrence. “Yet. But even if I could, I wouldn’t make a good instructor.” I raised my hand to keep him from interrupting. “One day, maybe. But by the time I’d consider myself ready to be a master... it’s a long way off.”

 

He stared at me for several seconds while he admired the wisdom I acquired. “I’m glad to hear what you said about your memories.”

 

I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing’s changed. I still have to face the consequences of my past. I just thought that a mind wipe was easier than the alternatives. Now that I think of it... erasing a part of my life? Even for years that I would like to forget, it makes me take pause. It makes me wonder ”

 

He was very saddened to hear that. “I think what you’re doing is very brave. I wish to help you through this if you’ll let me.”

 

I smiled at the offer. “I may like to take you up on that.” I gestured him to sit down at one of the work tables. “Alfred... do you believe me to be a... special Jedi? Do I stand out from others?”

 

“I think so, but I assume that’s not what you asked of me.”

 

I thought about the right way to word the question. “Jedi like Revan and Bastila stand out from the majority because they are extraordinary. Do I... have anything that makes me stand out like them?”

 

“If you want the truth, I would say no. You do have an extraordinary resilience to the dark side, but I don’t know if that would make you stand out like Bastila’s battle meditation.” He shrugged his shoulders. “It might. Why do you ask?”

 

“She told me that the Council has taken an extraordinary interest in my Force abilities. She claims that I may be as significant to the survival of the Order as Revan.”

 

“Did she explain how? Why?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“Well... as much as I’d like to think so, you shouldn’t put much faith in that. I think you are destined for great things, but I wouldn’t say that you are that important. Have you asked the Council about it?”

 

“Yes, but they gave me nothing. Bastila seems convinced that what she told me was true. I’m asking if you could confirm that.”

 

“Yuthura, unless you have something more to rely on than what Bastila said, I wouldn’t put much faith in a search. I think you’re just interested in hearing what you want rather than what’s really there.”

 

I gently nodded. “It’s just that... Bastila sounded so convinced. Trevelyan said he believed what she said... I could sense her resentment for me.” I scoffed at how ridiculous I must have sounded. “I’m sorry. I know I sound paranoid, but I would really would appreciate it if you could verify if there is any validity to what Bastila told me.”

 

He looked at me for several seconds to determine my sincerity. “Possibly. I have a friend who is not with the Order anymore. He is not bound by the rules and might be able to confirm or deny what you say. I’ll send him a message and see if he knows anything.”

 

I smiled with great joy. “Thank-you.”

 

“This might provide nothing, so don’t get your hopes up.”

 

-----

 

I invited Trevelyan and Alfred to my quarters that night to hear what they’ve discovered. Before I went back, I informed Master Kavar that I was not going through with the memory wipe. He said he would tell the rest of the Council to save time, but he still tried to talk me out of it.

 

“Are you sure about this? There is no weakness in suppressing painful memories if they disrupt your ability to find peace.” Kavar stated.

 

I nodded in complete confidence. “Losing them would be worse. I’ll just have to learn to overcome them.”

 

He gave me a nod. “I hope you get through this without falling back to the darkside. After that incident with Atris... I’m worried about your future.”

 

“What will become of Atris, anyway?” I asked.

 

“You need not concern yourself with Atris. You just concentrate on...”

 

“You’re letting her go... aren’t you?” I interrupted.

 

He waited for a long moment before defending her. “You did strike first and could very well have been exiled for that, but you weren’t.”

 

“She provoked me! The Council itself said that she was responsible for that fight. She tried to seduce me to the dark side and you just...! Will you at least remove her from the Council?” I asked.

 

Kavar just stared at me as if to say ‘I’m sorry.’

 

I stood out of my chair in great anger. “You’re unbelievable! She goes against everything that a Jedi stands for and you just...!” I couldn’t say it... I just stormed out of Kavar’s office. If I had stayed, I would have acted very irrationally, so I removed the temptation to strike him.

 

As I pranced through the hallways, Kavar began following me. Likely To ensure that I didn’t go ballistic, but he was only making it more likely to happen. “Yuthura, it doesn’t matter to you what happens to Atris. You are still...”

 

I turned around and shouted in his face. “I already attacked one master... don’t make me attack another!”

 

That didn’t seem to stop him; he grabbed one of my wrists and dragged me along with him. “Let’s do just that. Come with me.”

 

Although he had my wrist in a tight grip, I was very capable of slipping away from it. “Just leave me alone!”

 

He grabbed me by the shoulder and continued dragging me away. “Not until you vent your anger. I’m not letting you go when you’re on the brink of lashing out again. You’ll do it in a more proper location.”

 

“What happened to that ‘be at peace’ crap you always spout off about?” I asked.

 

He grabbed both my wrists and brought me to face him directly in the eye. “Why don’t we? You and I: fight with lightsabers? If you have an urge to fight, then I’ll give you that... but not here. Now will you restrain yourself and come with me, or will I have to drag you away?”

 

Before I could give an answer, he released me and turned around to continue on his way to the nearest training room in the Temple. It wasn’t wise to turn one’s back on a Sith, or a former one at least; but Kavar did it to undermine my pride. I didn’t know if it worked or not, as I wasn’t really angry at him, specifically; but I did as he commanded and followed.

 

He didn’t look back at any point along the way, but Kavar lead me to the nearest dueling room where various students were already practicing with training sabers. The room was massive and there were four circles painted on the floor to segregate each pair from interfering with the others. It wasn’t the only duel room in the temple or the best one for training, but it sufficed for one-on-one matches.

 

Near the entrance was a table with various training sabers specially marked as such. Next to it was a rack for the ‘live’ sabers to be kept. In order to ensure the safety of those who practiced with training sabers, a sensor was built in to detect lethal sabers. It was installed to prevent someone from ‘accidentally’ being killed by a real lightsaber. Real weapons could be reduced to a minimal setting for such exercises, but a practice saber could not exceed a certain power setting without the emitter burning out.

 

Kavar placed both his lightsabers on the rack on the wall and took a single practice saber from the table. He gestured to the table. “Here are the rules: no Force attacks, no restrictions on weapons or saber techniques.”

 

I couldn’t help but assume that Kavar just wanted to put me in my place. I knew I was no match for him and didn’t want to humiliate myself. “I don’t want to fight.”

 

He took my lightsaber from my belt and held it in front of me. “I didn’t ask you if you wanted to or not. You can walk out of here if you like, but I’m not giving this back unless I’m satisfied that you’re not going to use it again in anger.” He slipped the weapon into one of his pockets and moved passed the sensor without triggering it. “If you want it, grab a weapon and take it.”

 

I couldn’t believe what this guy was trying to do. Of course, there were countless times Jedi did the most unorthodox things to make a point. I supposed that Kavar just wanted me to try and beat him so he could show his superiority. Of course he really didn’t know me at all. I knew exactly what he expected me to do, which was to grab a saber and go at him like I did with Atris. Only I wasn’t really angry at him; just annoyed.

 

As he walked over to one of the empty duel circles, I just grabbed one of the practice sabers and played along with his little game. I suppose that I also wanted to know how I well I could stand up to a ‘Famed Jedi Guardian,’ like Kavar. If I could hold my own, maybe that could have earned me some respect.

 

When he and I were in position to start, he ignited the blue blade of his practice saber and I ended up with a yellow blade... the Jedi didn’t exactly put much concern on the color of the crystals of practice sabers. He stood ready with his weapon and I suddenly wondered why he took only one. Kavar usually fought with two, so he didn’t intend to go all out against me. “Don’t you usually fight with a shoto?” I asked, ‘shoto’ referring to a shorter variant of lightsaber often used in the offhand.

 

He waved about as he answered, “I only take on a second lightsaber when a situation demands it... which unfortunately is most of the time. I often don’t get the chance to use a single hilt simply because I’m often faced with overwhelming numbers.”

 

“Why would that matter? If you’re capable of taking on a dozen, then why not just use two lightsabers against a single opponent anyway?”

 

He deactivated the saber and folded his arms as if to give a lecture. “That is the kind of thinking that lead to the Mandalorian Wars. Modern warfare isn’t about overwhelming power; it’s precision. Strategic design resulting in minimal collateral damage. We frown upon saber staffs and other such weapons because they are only made to kill more efficiently, while traditional single-hilts were designed for defensive purposes.”

 

“Gee, I was just asking. I don’t really care if you choose to take an advantage or not.” I replied.

 

He activated his practice saber. “Well you’d do well not to let your guard down. I’m not going to go easy on you. Defend yourself!”

 

He came at me with a hard overhead slash, followed by a lateral swing, which forced me to jump out of the way. Kavar only stopped because I had been forced out of the circle and gestured me to start again. One of the rules of these exercises was to stay within the confines of the circle. Although we were taught to run if we had the means to avoid a fight altogether, we also had to be prepared to stand our ground in unfavorable conditions.

 

As I stepped back into the circle, I just realized how hypocritical his last statement was and thought it was necessary to give him a lesson. I reactivated the blade and gestured to him. “Ah, yes. In the hand of a Jedi, this is a tool; but in the hand of a Sith, it’s a weapon. Is that what you’re saying?” I came at him with a broad swing, which he easily deflected.

 

Instead of returning another blow, he paused the fight took a step back. “By all means, no. You have more than proven yourself since then; I wasn’t implying anything.” He came at me with a far less intense flurry of strikes, each of which I easily blocked.

 

At the next pause in the duel, I stared at the hilt in my hand to emphasize my point. “You misunderstand. This is NOT a tool; it’s a weapon. That’s all it ever can be. No matter how it is used, it would either inflict death, destruction, or fear. The very idea that the Jedi, who proclaim to be peace-loving, would use a weapon to symbolize themselves... isn’t there something wrong with that?”

 

Kavar looked back to observe the other students as they trained in the arts of fighting. I didn’t expect that he hadn’t ever thought of it before, but he watched as the padawans conditioned themselves to fight. “Not everyone sees such wisdom. If they did, the Galaxy would be a much more peaceful place. We serve to ensure that unalienable rights are not deprived of the innocent, but because there are so few of us, we can’t afford to fight every threat that emerges; it’s simply impossible. That is why we emphasize peace more than anything. Any conflict that we are called upon only comes when peace was not an option; most of the time because victims are unable to defend themselves. It is because of our strength that can force a dominant power to submit to a peaceful resolution before a conflict escalates.” He deactivated practice saber and reached into his back pocket to retrieve the lightsaber he had taken from me a moment ago. When he had it in his hand, Kavar held it before me. “Peace is going to be much harder to achieve because the Order has been severely weakened, but that’s also why we must work that much harder to make it work. Do not think that a galaxy can’t be saved through words; but when that fails, we must take up arms in order to protect the innocent. That is why we don’t wield blasters; the lightsaber is by far more effective to defend than it is to kill.”

 

I stared at my saber a long while, wondering why he was giving it back, but eventually took it. “What is all this about? Weren’t you the one urging for a fight?”

 

He started walking to the entrance. “I was trying to get you to take out your anger on me, but you haven’t been very forthcoming. There’s no point in trying to incite you when you’ve already calmed yourself.”

 

“Hey! You dragged me down here... and now you’re just... going on to something else for no reason?” I shouted.

 

He turned about, almost disappointed. Then he came at me again without warning, starting with an underhand sweep. I defended myself with the standard saber, but Kavar didn’t seem to notice. He came at me with a flurry of slashes, so fast that I activated the practice saber in my opposite hand to defend myself.

 

I had been so outraged at him that I didn’t even consider that I was defending myself with a lethal weapon while he still only had a training saber. When there came a break in the fighting, I figured that he simply wanted to provoke me like Atris had and I decided to stop the fight by unleashing a Force repulse. After he was thrown back, I deactivated both my weapons, threw the training saber on the floor, and clipped my personal saber on my belt.

 

“I told you; no Force attacks!”

 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but I have no inclination of playing along!” I turned my back to him and walked away. Before I could get out of the chamber, he grabbed my arm again to stop me. “Let me go, you jerk!”

 

He forced me around to face him. “You have some serious anger issues. I’m trying to get you to take it out in battle, yet you actively refuse to let yourself go.”

 

“Is that why you’re trying to provoke me? One of the first lessons of battle is to never attack in anger. If you’re trying to make me go berserk, you’re not going to succeed.” I twisted myself hard enough to yank my arm away from his grasp.

 

“Then why are you so angry right now? You seem ready to lash out at the most minute provocation.”

 

“Yeah, I’m angry at you!”

 

“I can see that. I’m asking you why.”

 

“Because you won’t leave me alone!” I shouted. “Just go away!”

 

---------

 

I had been so frustrated at Kavar that I rushed out of the chamber as fast as I possibly could, turning randomly at every juncture to ensure I would lose him. I wanted so much to attack him, but knew that I stood no chance in a lightsaber fight. Unlike Atris, I figured that Kavar had been more interested in teaching me a lesson than anything else.

 

I’m sure that he wanted me to attack in anger, lose, and then get a lecture on how he beat me because he remained calm and I got enraged. He clearly didn’t anticipate that I would refuse to fight. I wasn’t foolish enough to get violent when it wasn’t necessary against a foe I knew I couldn’t beat. Of course, I really couldn’t claim that when there were lot’s of times I didn’t follow my own wisdom.

 

Despite all that I claimed, Kavar was right when he said that I needed to vent my anger. It was originally because the Council forgiving Atris that I was angry. By that time, it was Kavar. I might have lashed at him, but I didn’t want to do it in public. The training facilities seemed the best place.

 

There was one simulator that allowed for a variety of obstacles to be sent against the user. Ledges, flash mines, droids, remotes, and turrets could be placed to provide the most lifelike training possible... aside from actual battle. In addition to that, there were several bulkheads that retracted from the floor to simulate confined hallways and randomly placed rooms. Most of it is automated and configured by the user’s command.

 

I got to the simulation terminal and loaded one of Kavar’s configurations. This would have been a challenge for most jedi, but I felt like I could take on the galaxy... maybe I was just wanted to destroy things. When the simulator was set, I was ready.

 

-----

 

For nearly ten minutes, I went through battle droids almost as quickly as they could be dispatched. I found that the best technique was to destroy them one droid at a time and throwing the debris at anything that moved. Although I would have normally thrown my lightsaber at the turrets, there were too many blaster shots that I couldn’t dodge them all while unarmed. I found that Force lightning was the best means to take out the stationary targets while I deflected the droids’ fire back to their source.

 

Once the turrets were destroyed, I threw my lightsaber at droids and just kept myself in motion guiding the blade of light as it carved through the machines. I even managed to defend myself from blaster shots with the saber while it was in midair. I almost marveled at how good I had become to do that only with the Force.

 

When a new set of droids were dispatched to attack me, I threw my saber again and jumped over the formation while the saber kept its course, taking out a fourth of them in a few seconds. When I landed and my saber back in my hand, a volley of flash grenades were coming towards me, but I threw them all back with a Force wave.

 

Of course, flash grenades didn’t harm droids, so I unleashed a burst of Force lightning. The grenades in the air almost all exploded at the same instant when the electricity triggered their detonators. When I prepared to engage the next wave, I realized that I was just trashing droids and it wasn’t helping anymore. “End simulation!” I shouted.

 

When the command was given, all the live droids disengaged their weapons and withdrew from the simulator chamber. Another wave of droids entered as well, these armed to clean up the remains of the battle droids that were just destroyed.

 

As they collected the junk that laid on the floor, I actually stayed to watch as certain units extracted undamaged components from the twisted piles of scorched metal to be reused while everything else was collected to be melted down and recycled again. Although a very efficient process, it was expensive to replace dozens of droids at a time.

 

I hadn’t been aware of it, but Alfred was watching me fight for some time. “I would have offered to help, but you seemed like you could handle everything.”

 

“Alfred?” I had been embarrassed and couldn’t get another word out.

 

“It’s all right. It’s better to deal with your anger here than out there.” He walked up to me, expecting an explanation. “What happened?”

 

“I destroyed about fifty droids.”

 

He looked at the debris, still laying around. “Really? Thanks for the insight.” He crossed his arms and turned towards me. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

 

After a long pause, I said what happened. “I was told that Atris was not going to suffer any consequences for what she had done.”

 

He gave me a surprised expression. “That’s it? That’s what made you so angry?”

 

“Why would it not?” I asked.

 

“Because it doesn’t matter to you.”

 

“She acted in a way that was unfit for a Council Member, let alone a jedi. I can’t believe you would think it doesn’t matter.”

 

He rubbed my shoulders to comfort me. “What happens to Atris does not impact you unless you let it.”

 

“She doesn’t deserve to escape punishment!”

 

“So does that also apply to you? Are you saying you shouldn’t have been forgiven as Atris was?”

 

That kept me silent for a moment, but I tried to defend what I did. “That’s different.”

 

“How?”

 

“She’s a Council member and a jedi that has been fully trained. She is supposed to set a proper example and she hasn’t.”

 

“But it still boils down to a simple question... does it affect you?”

 

“Yes! How am I and everyone else expected to follow the Council if they don’t expect more from themselves than they do for the ones they lead?!”

 

“Yuthura... this is a matter that doesn’t affect you. Please just let it go.” He graciously requested.

 

I almost pleaded. “But this is wrong!”

 

He looked at me sympathetically and nodded. “I know, but I ask that you please let it go. There is nothing we can do to change it... just let it go.”

 

I was very hurt to hear him speak like that. How could he possibly be asking me to do something like that? “If you know it’s wrong, then why do you go along with it? How could you ask me to go along with it?”

 

“Because the cost would be too high. You’re still part of the Order and that’s enough for me. Your place in the order is worth more than Atris losing hers, do you understand?”

 

I refused to look at him, but nodded. “It’s still wrong.”

[Rev7]

Another very nice chapter. I did notice several spelling mistakes though. For example, you put "Bastila Shem", and spelled padawan wrong.

 

Other than that, I think that this was a pretty good attachment. I like the action scenes, and I think that you described the simulator scene very well.

[Darth_Yuthura]

Alfred escorted me back to my quarters and helped me to relax from that outburst of anger I was dealing with. It gave me great discord to know Atris escaped punishment. I wanted to object to her forgiveness even if it made things worse for me, but now I have to consider how Alfred and Trevelyan would be hurt by my actions. I almost feel like I’m hostage to their feelings. That seemed rather ironic.

 

When Trevelyan came to my quarters, we were already discussing that friend of Alfred’s.

 

“Trevelyan, please come in.” I offered him a chair. “Alfred... Alex Trevelyan.”

 

“We’re already aquatinted.”

 

“Of course. Since I was welcomed back?” I asked.

 

“Since they were forced to accept you.” Alfred stated.

 

I sat everyone down at the table and spoke to Trevelyan first. “Well... I suppose that the Council didn’t say much to you?”

 

He shook his head. “They just said you had a strong spirit, but otherwise... nothing peculiar.”

 

I sighed from exhaustion. “This is ridiculous. Even if there were some great secret in which to find, it really doesn’t matter. Even if we knew what the problem is... we can’t fix it.” I got up from the table and started pacing.

 

Trevelyan stared at me with concern, but Alfred informed him about Atris. Then he got behind and comforted me. “Are you going to be all right?”

 

“It’s going to weigh heavily on my mind for some time. I just can’t believe they would do such a thing.”

 

“I know it’s easy for me to say, but you should not let this hurt you. As long as the Council needs me, they won’t be able to touch you.”

 

I turned around. “I don’t want to be in your shadow forever. I want to get to a point where they respect me enough to treat me like they would one of their own.” I raised my hand to silence him. “Now I’m starting to wonder... if I want to stay in the Order anymore.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Trevelyan... Revan is often blamed for the civil war... he wasn’t.” I pointed in the direction of the Council Chamber. “It was because of them that all of it came about. They think they know better than everyone else and act accordingly.”

 

“Calm down.” Trevelyan said.

 

“The last time I left the order, it was because I believed they were apathetic. Now I’m starting to see something worse emerging... they are so convinced of their own superiority... it’s beyond arrogance.”

 

Trevelyan held me in his arms. “Please don’t look to issues you can’t control. Right now, all that matters is what’s within your influence. All that matters is that you find peace. Once that happens, then you can look to greater things. In the meantime, I want you to not let this bother you.”

 

“I suppose I have to help myself before I can help another.” I returned to my seat across from Alfred.

 

Alfred looked at me with a degree of concern. “Are you aware that you never asked if I made any progress?”

 

That caused me to lift my head. “Did you?”

 

“My friend says that he has information that the Council is keeping from you. He says he’s willing to share it in exchange for assistance from you.”

 

Just as my heart seemed to glow, it sunk at the request. “What kind of assistance?”

 

“My friend requires the help of another Jedi in order to complete an investigation.”

 

“Why is he anomalous? Is there anything else?”

 

“He would prefer not to reveal his identity until you agree to help him. That would require meeting him on Nar Shadaa.”

 

“Nar Shadaa?”

 

He nodded. “My friend has been investigating the activities of a syndicate based on Nar Shadaa. He believes that... a slave would be able to infiltrate the organization most easily.”

 

My heart sunk at what I was hearing. “So... he wants me to masquerade as a slave?”

 

Alfred nodded with a grim expression.

 

Trevelyan looked at me with great concern and then faced Alfred. “We should find someone else. It doesn’t have to be Yuthura.”

 

I said sarcastically, “Great idea! Bastila would make a wonderful choice. I’m sure she’d jump at the opportunity to help me out.”

 

“I’m serious. There are others who I think could do it.” Trevelyan stated.

 

Alfred continued to explain the task. “There would be more to it than being aesthetically pleasing. Yuthura is a trained dancer and she’s one of the best. The closer to the crime boss, the better the chances are of succeeding. And she has the skills that would be required to hack into the syndicate’s computer. She is the most logical choice for the task.”

 

Both of them stared at me as if I were about to enter the jaws of hell... that may have been true for me. As much as I hated the plan, I wanted to know what Alfred’s friend knew. “When does he want this done?”

 

“There is no deadline, but he would prefer sooner than later.” Alfred said.

 

After a suspended moment of silence, Trevelyan put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, “You don’t have to do this.”

 

“I need to. I knew there would come a time when I had to confront this. I also want to know what the Council is hiding from me.”

 

Trevelyan got in front of me. “It would mean being able to restrain your anger against anything that you witness. Do you really think you could do it?”

 

“If I had to, yes.” I said with utter confidence.

 

“So if you were to watch a fellow twi’lek getting beaten by a shock whip, you wouldn’t react?”

 

“No.”

 

“If she were weeping and begging to be forgiven for an act she didn’t commit?”

 

“Stop it.” I requested.

 

“Revan, what are you...?” He raised his hand keep Alfred silent.

 

“And if her master doesn’t give mercy, would you let her be thrown into an arena to be fed to a rancor... and you wouldn’t react?”

 

“Shut up!”

 

They both stared at me and I realized that Trevelyan was trying to provoke me like Atris had. This wasn’t to hurt me, but to make me understand that he was right. I could not restrain myself if I saw some of the horrors of slavery again. If I couldn’t restrain my emotions, then I would fail.

 

After a long pause, Trevelyan spoke in a very sympathetic tone. “I was just describing what you might encounter. If you were watching something like that... could you honestly say that you would not react?”

 

After a brief moment of denial, I was hunched over in my seat sobbing very loudly and painfully. There was no way for me to deny that I couldn’t succeed. I had hoped that I had established some self-control, but I was too weak and I knew it.

 

Trevelyan pulled me up and held me in his arms again. There were no more words spoken... none were needed.

 

-----

 

After a suspended period of emotional turmoil, I reestablished control of myself. It just surprised me how easily I could lose control and how difficult it was to confront what tormented me greater than anything I’ve ever known. Having Alfred with me again was very much like it was a decade ago.

 

“I thought that I had gotten through all that. When I was a Sith, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I just hate slavery and all it is. Every time I would watch another slave getting flogged... all I wanted was to end it. On Sleheyron, I didn’t have the means to stop such acts. Now that I do... I haven’t learned to keep myself from acting.”

 

“I’m sorry about what I did, but it was important for you to realize that...”

 

I raised my hand. “...that I wasn’t able. I know.”

 

Trevelyan faced Alfred. “Is there any other way to convince your friend to share what he knows?”

 

“If he had the data that he required, then yes. However, because Yuthura is his best hope for retrieving it, he won’t say anything.”

 

“Then let’s find another way in. How much can your friend provide us with the layout of the facility?”

 

I stood up. “Don’t do anything stupid. If I can’t do it, then I’ll just forget the whole thing.” I walked to the door and gestured them to leave.

 

“Don’t you want to know what the Council knows?”

 

“This is too much on my mind. I appreciate what you two had done, but in the meantime... I don’t want to deal with another issue. Let’s just get some sleep and deal with this another time.”

[Rev7]

^

One thing though, do you mean Zez Kae Ell? Or is it a different person that we are talking about?

 

Good job though. I am glad that Yuthura is kinda facing her fears, and her memories at the same time. Perhaps, it will ease the hurt. Great job though!

[Marius Fett]

Another great chapter. But Hutt has two t's, not one.

[Darth_Yuthura]

When I was as ready as I could be, both physically and emotionally, Zez Kai Ell took me to Fasa’s palace. It was several kilometers away and we took a tram to reach it. The way back looked simple enough, but the consequences of getting lost were high. I ensured that I would remember the way back. He had changed into some moderately elegant clothing and I was clad only in my dancer garb to make it appear that he was a wealthy master escorting a slave to be sold. It was very unpleasant to be looked upon by everyone else with such pity, but that was how I had to appear.

 

When we were in front of Fasa’s palace, Zez Kai Ell asked me one last time if I were ready. I didn’t say anything... I just gave him a look filled with scorn. He understood that I silently said that I hated him for what he wanted me to do. Before we entered the main doors, I realized that I still wore Alfred’s necklace. I didn’t want to risk losing it, so I gave it to Zez Kai Ell. “This is important. Don’t even think of losing it.”

 

After he put it in his pocket, he held my hands to give me some much needed assurance. “Alfred is very proud of what you’re doing. This is a brave thing and I regret asking it of you. When you’re back, one way or another, I will tell you everything you want to know. I promise.”

 

I nodded and followed him in.

 

We encountered an attendant at the main entrance. Zez Kai Ell began the negotiation. “I was informed that Great Fasa is looking for a new dancer.”

 

“No, he’s not exactly looking for another...” he glanced at me and I caught his attention. “...but Great Fasa is always interested in new talent.” He stood up to take a more thorough look at me. Of course, the definition of ‘look’ included pinching my cheek, evaluating my facial attributes, had me open my mouth so he could check my teeth. “How old? Is she well-behaved?”

 

“25 standard years. And she is totally obedient.” Zez Kai Ell answered for me.

 

“And why are you selling her?”

 

“She was given to me as payment for a debt. I have no need for a dancer and I would prefer the credits.”

 

The attendant moved his eyes from my face down to the rest of my body. Without any regard for my feelings, he unstrapped the top piece to the outfit, revealing my breasts. I tried not to react, but it was humiliating to be naked from the waist up in front of Zez Kai Ell and several other eyes that happened to be in the chamber with us. If things couldn’t have been worse, he didn’t just want a glimmer; he clutched them and then my lekku within his grip. It was to evaluate me, but I knew that he did it more for his own sick pleasure. They were sensitive, but I fought hard not to go into tears. It wasn’t the pain so much as being reminded that my body no longer belonged to me. I just closed my eyes and tried to put my mind somewhere else, but it wasn’t so easy to do when I had a guy with my lekku clutched in his grip.

 

When he was done, the guy handed me the top piece of my outfit. “Yes... she’ll do very nicely, but I would like to see her dance before I bring her before Fasa.”

 

Zez Kae Ell gestured me to dance. “Please show him your skills.”

 

After I got my top back on, I started a routine and after only twenty seconds, he had been impressed. “Great Faso would love to have this one! She’s even better than his last dancer. Please follow me and I’ll take you to him right away.”

 

-----

 

When I was brought before the hutt, it didn’t take long for him to make an offer. My dancing was still a bit rusty, so I backed it up with some of my Jedi power... not enough to be overtly recognized, but just on the brink of possible to perform without the Force. There simply was no way a hutt would have rejected such talent.

 

“Magnificent! I’ve never seen one with such beauty, finesse, and grace as this one.” The Hutt looked to Zez Kai Ell. “How much do you want for her?” Fasa said in the Hutt language.

 

“4000 and not a credit less.” Zez Kae Ell demanded.

 

“Done! Irav... pay him and then send him on his way.” Fasa said to the servant.

 

Zez Kai Ell and I took one last look at each other before he left me on my own. Although it was already too late for me to back out, it was uncomfortable to watch him as he walked out of sight. I felt as though I had been left alone in the jaws of hell.

 

Fasa looked back to me. “What is your name?”

 

“Yuthura... Master” I hated using that word, but I had to in order to succeed.

 

“Welcome to my service, Yuthura. Please dance for me.”

 

“I am yours to command, Master.” I pleasantly said, but it was an utter lie. I only did as he commanded because it was my choice. It was just as easy for me to refuse and leave, but that wasn’t what I wanted.

 

-----

 

I did as I was told and danced with all the grace and poise I had when I danced for Omeesh and more. Fasa greatly appreciated my talent and laughed with that horrible sound which Omeesh used to have. Despite everything, I found that the experience was easier than I had feared. I still had to keep my wits about me, but I felt that I had gotten over the worst part of the experience.

 

Next to Fasa was his personal attendant, which Zez Kai Ell called ‘the body slave.’ She was a human woman with tan skin and dark hair. She was very beautiful, but had a look in her eyes that seemed to resent me the more he enjoyed my performance. I would not have been surprised if she feared me stealing Fasa’s heart from her.

 

If it were up to me, she could have it. I saw the computer terminal which Zez Kai Ell spoke of and I could tell that it was linked to some very sensitive data that he wouldn’t have wanted a spy such as I to get access to. I just had to find a way to get access to that terminal without the prying eyes of the guards on me. While Fasa slept, the room would have been empty of all but him and his body slave... me. Once I took her place, the only thing between me and the terminal was a sleeping hutt.

 

For about twenty minutes, I danced for Fasa and his laughter died down to the slow breathing of sleep. When he started snoring, the body slave gave a hand signal to everyone in the room. One of the other twi’lek slaves that had been in the room escorted me out.

 

She had orange skin and a very cheerful look about her. In twi’lek, she addressed me. “I need you to come with me. It’s been a long time since the master has enjoyed a performance such as that. You are a wonderful dancer.”

 

My twi’lek was not fluent, but I was understandable. “Thanks. What happens now?”

 

“I need to get a collar for you and I’ll show you to our quarters.”

 

“So we don’t get separate rooms?”

 

“Only the Master’s personal servant has her own room. The rest of us are strictly confined to the slave quarters unless the master commands us otherwise. Our shock collars don’t restrict us to our quarters, but the Master says that if we are caught without an escort, we’d be punished. If you leave the confines of the palace, or go into a restricted area, your collar will administer a painful shock. I would suggest you stay where you know that it is safe, otherwise ask if you are not sure.”

 

“Is a collar really necessary?” I asked.

 

She looked at me as though it were too obvious to ask. “Yes. We all must wear a collar, even our first.”

 

“First?”

 

“Fasa’s personal servant. She is entitled to many privileges that we are not. I think you have a good shot at taking the title... if you want it.”

 

“What would I have to do?”

 

“It involves making yourself recognized among the others. Your dancing was a great start, but it often involves getting... closer to the master. That’s why I don’t seek it.”

 

Sounded simple enough... disgusting, but within my abilities. “Who is the first, now?”

 

“Her name is Kasi. She’s been here for many years, but became first only a few months ago. She has worked hard to become first and is very sensitive about newcomers such as you, especially those that try to gain Fasa’s favor.”

 

She took me to a supply room where a variety of different items were kept for short and long term storage... including slaving collars. She picked up one and handled it like she’s done it a hundred times. “This one looks about right for your neck. Hold still and I’ll set it for you.”

 

The sight of the damn thing scared me beyond reason. Those collars had a portable power cell that activated if the wearer moved out of a specified area, which eliminated the need for a chain. But it was not that which startled me. At the back of the device was a small explosive that detonated if the collar were improperly removed... or to execute the wearer. If that collar were around my neck... I would literally have been trapped. I had no means to remove it without killing myself once it was around my neck.

 

Before that could happen, I used a mind trick on her. “I don’t need a collar.”

 

It worked. “Oh, I guess that you really don’t need one.” She hung it back up and turned around. I couldn’t believe it, but I came across a sight I never saw on Sleheyron... her back was free of imperfections that came from torture. “You don’t have any scars from a shock whip on your back.”

 

She gave a very confident smile. “The master never gives torture unless we truly deserve it. If we did something by accident, he would understand that, but if we defied his orders, we would be disciplined, but not hurt. Only if we did something really terrible... then he would use pain for punishment.” She gave me a sympathetic expression. “I saw the scars on your back. I assure you that Master Fasa will never do again if you behave yourself.”

 

I remember those days when slaves had nothing more than each other. This was like reliving one of the few moments that I treasured in Sleheyron. I smiled at hearing that she had it better than me. I wasn’t even trying, but I made a friend. “What’s your name?”

 

“Attia”

 

I extended my hand and we shook. “Yuthura.”

 

“Welcome to Master Fasa’s service, Yuthura. I’ll show you to our quarters.”

 

-----

 

This palace seemed like a paradise compared to Sleheyron. I almost found the existence livable, but it was not enough to simply get by... I had to gain Fasa’s favor so I could be promoted to first as soon as possible. It may have been a bearable experience, but I hated not being my own person. I hated having to wait in the slave quarters until Fasa summoned me.

 

The slave quarters were quite spacious, but having eight other people around made me feel claustrophobic. There were six other females aside from me and two male slaves all sharing the same space. The slave quarters really were not so much our living space as it was a public area for Fasa’s guests to enjoy themselves... at our expense.

 

I didn’t have much time to get acquainted with the other slaves, as a Weequay was waiting for me within the chamber. At first I thought... I guess I didn’t know what I originally thought... but it seemed I was expected to do more than just dancing. Attia said that on top of our normal duties, we were expected to be ‘good company’ to guests.

 

I would have used the mind trick to get rid of him, but there were so many witnesses around that I couldn’t risk it. And it seemed that he was not interested in anything too intrusive. I could stand rubbing his shoulders, sweet talking to him, and being a pleasant companion for a while. He really loved my dancing and asked if I could do a private dance for him; it was then that I drew the line. With the mind trick, I sent him on his way.

 

Once he was gone, I realized that getting access to the computer terminal in the throne room may have been much easier than I had expected. If the Hutt were asleep, all I had to do was sneak in and do it without Kasi noticing. It just might have been doable...

 

The throne room was heavily guarded from the outside, as I expected, so I found an alternate route through the air ducts. Squeezing through seemed easy enough, but the collection of dust and filth that had built up over the decades was horrible. Webs, insect carcasses, and all the other grime was disgusting; but I managed to get into the chamber. I found myself in a nearly perfect position to gain access to the terminal without attracting attention. The Hutt continued to sleep, but I could not see Kasi within the room.

 

As much as I disliked leaving a potential problem out in the open, I could not afford to waste the opportunity I had right there. The computer normally would have been encrypted, but I had a rare chance to log in and do what I came for. I might have been able to decrypt the codes on my own, but when I saw the control panel providing unbuffered access to all of the sensitive data that was supposed to be encrypted; I went for it without any concern for who else might have been in the room with us.

 

What I expected to take hours had been done in only a matter of minutes. From what I could determine there were two levels of secrecy within the Exchange communication networks, one that was shared among the major crime lords and another for their local activities. Fasa had a network of spies and operatives whose activities were not of any importance to any of the other lords, which seemed like the best method to create a link by which I could have info downloaded without arousing suspicion.

 

In the time I had, I generated a new data link to an operative that didn’t exist. All that I had to do was conceal it among the rest of the activity and it would never be discovered. After that was established, all I had to do was program the console to shut down the next time anyone logged on and it would wipe away any record of my activity.

 

Before I was ready to jump back into the air vent, something drew my attention and I realized that someone was approaching me. I knew that I didn’t have the time to hide my activity before I was spotted, so I reset the computer; but it was too late for me to avoid being caught.

 

I jumped away from the console just before Fasa’s body slave moved out from behind behind a pillar and gazed upon me. “I thought I heard something! How did you get in here?”

 

“I’m allowed in here.” I commanded of her with the mind trick.

 

Her mind was strong enough to repel my order. “No you’re not. The guards don’t allow other slaves in here when the Master’s asleep Where’s your collar?” She pulled a comlink out of her pocket. “Get in here, now.”

 

Before I could respond, the chamber doors opened and the guards outside came through. The situation didn’t seem bad enough that I refrained from using the Force to fight back. If they knew I were a Jedi, they would have known that I was on a mission. Then what I just did would have been for nothing, so I allowed them to take me.

 

All the commotion generated by the guards and the commands by the body slave woke the Hutt from his nap. He clearly had been upset by the disturbance and shouted at Kasi for what she did.

 

“Forgive me, Master, but I found this one sneaking around. I don’t know how she got in.” She directed her attention to the guards. “No one says they let her in.”

 

The Hutt gaze upon me, but didn’t seem angered or suspicious. “You’re supposed to stay in the slave quarters unless summoned by me. What were you doing in here and how did you get past the guards?”

 

I hesitated to answer, but came up with a clever lie. “I... didn’t know what you wanted of me, Master. I was in here this whole time. I was waiting for you to wake up... I didn’t know what you wanted of me, forgive me for not asking.”

 

Kasi didn’t believe me. “I thought I saw you escorted out. You weren’t here this whole time.”

 

“I’m sorry, but I did not know what you wanted of me, Master. I didn’t wish to disturb you. I just didn’t know where I was supposed to go.” I lied.

 

“Is that why you don’t have a collar? Attia was supposed to see that you learned the rules here. Did she not speak to you?”

 

I gently shook my head.

 

Kasi knew I was lying. “I saw her. I saw Attia speak to this one after you were asleep, Master. Ask Attia herself and she’ll tell you.”

 

The Hutt looked at me again. “Attia’s supposed to have fitted her with a collar as well. I don’t think so. I’d be more inclined to believe that this one simply wasn’t informed of the rules and just acted in ignorance. As for Attia... bring her before me.”

 

“Master....” Kasi began before being interrupted.

 

“She is deserving of punishment, one way or another. I just want to know whether she neglected her duties, or if she forgot to fit her with a collar.”

 

Kasi began again. “This is the one I think you should be concerned about. She’s lied to you already.”

 

“I’ll decide that for myself, thank-you. I just want to see whether Attia has something else to say. She did not fit Yuthura with a collar; that is undeniable.”

 

When Attia entered the chamber, she had been interrogated about me. I’ll just say that she answered the truth and it did not satisfy the Hutt. The more she did, the more severe her punishment became. “That’s enough! If you had simply told me the truth, I might have handed out a light punishment, but because you’ve continued to brush off you responsibilities... I take this very seriously.” He looked to a Gamorian guard. “Take her to receive ten shock lashes.”

 

She did not deserve that! This had nothing to do with her, but she would have received punishment for something I was responsible for. As she fell to the floor begging, I saw her back again... clean of imperfections and I couldn’t bear to see the scars that a whip would leave behind. It would have been just as though I had given them to her... and the thought sickened me.

 

I stepped forward. “Master... I should be the one who is punished. I was the one not wearing a collar. I should have known better.”

 

Attia brought her head up and looked at me as though I were a godsend... not knowing I was the one who caused all that.

 

“It was Attia’s duty to break in new slaves and give them collars. She knew what was required of her and didn’t follow through.” Fasa responded.

 

The guard picked her up off the floor and she cried in fear. I couldn’t help her with the Force, so I got on my knees. “Master please give me the punishment instead. I knew I should have had on a collar, but I didn’t do anything about it.”

 

This was very strange of me to ask for punishment. That’s what Omeesh tried to do to his slaves... break them and make them ask for more punishment. Only this was done to keep another from being harmed. I couldn’t live with the guilt, but I could stand the pain of a whip more easily.

 

“Wait!” Fasa commanded. He gestured me to come up to him and quietly whispered in my ear. “I respect what you’re doing, but I have to maintain order and she knew...”

 

I protested further. “She didn’t do anything! Please give me the punishment instead.”

 

He seemed to like that I was willing to serve another before I served myself. “I would reward such... loyalty, but because I have to maintain the rules...” He pulled back. “Let Attia go. Yuthura will take the punishment instead.”

 

Attia started crying for me and gestured her gratitude for what I did. Although her gratitude was manufactured by me, it was warming to know I made her feel valued. I was the one escorted by the Gamorian out of the room and I put up no resistance. Although I was grateful that Attia wouldn’t suffer, I was not fond of what was ahead for me.

 

-----

 

The Gamorian hauled me to a room that didn’t have the semblance of a torture chamber, but there was a line hanging from the ceiling where a victim’s hands would be tied to administer shock whips. I saw no blood or indication that it was done often. Maybe Fasa was a more decent master to his servants after all. Maybe I could stand leaving the other slaves behind. In Nar Shadaa, they would have had it much worse than living as Fasa’s servants.

 

My hands were bound to the line and secured so I wouldn’t fall to the floor. A sudden fear came over me that I would instinctively use the Force to avoid being hurt. I knew that I couldn’t allow that to happen right there, so I put myself in another moment where I was at peace.

 

I suddenly felt the the Gamorian pull off my top, exposing my breasts like in the medical ward. That was so my clothing wouldn’t be damaged by the whip, but it increased the pressure upon me even further.

 

A few seconds later, I felt the first painful lash tear through the flesh on my back. It was every bit as painful as I remembered. I used a Force technique that reduced the pain, but it still hurt. My screams were much more exaggerated than the pain I actually felt, but not by much.

 

When the tenth lash had hit, I suddenly felt a huge sense of relief. I didn’t react as I feared. That relief turned to despair when the Gamorian placed a slaving collar around my neck and secured it. That brought about a very sickening feeling in my stomach. With the explosive in the back of the collar, I trapped. For the first time since I was on Sleheyron, I was truly trapped.

 

When the Gamorian released my hands, I fell to the floor, then was given a moment to get my top back on before being escorted to the throne room. At that time, I found myself on the verge of panic. The thought of being trapped had become so hard pressed upon me more then than any other moment of my life. I had no idea how to escape that horrible place. I was trapped and I had no idea whether or not I could escape alive.

 

-----Original post--------

 

Oh come on! Hutt, Zez Kae Ell, padawan, Shan... even jedi are not in the dictionary! If I make a simple error with misspelling a SW word, it's not something I can quickly or reliably obtain. If you are just giving a little criticism to let me know what's wrong, then I thank you and will try to avoid the same errors in the future. I would appreciate knowing where my grammar is wrong much more. I don't mean to bite the heads off people who are offering genuine corrections, but I am more interested in improving my wording and grammar than something I can just verify from a SW dictionary.

 

P.S. Yes, I know that I changed the name from being right BACK to being wrong, but that is something that I willing to live with instead of going back to change every single 'Kai' to 'Kae'

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

So Zez comes into this too huh? Interesting, wonder what he knows...

Yuthura is facing her fears which in the end should be a strengthening experiance, but something tells me that this wont go quite as planned. As stated there were minor errors but no biggie. Overall this is another praisworthy addition to the work. Great job!

 

P.S. - <=== Cow thinks so too.

 

~HOP

[Rev7]

Oh come on! Hutt, Zez Kae Ell, padawan, Shan... even jedi are not in the dictionary! If I make a simple error with misspelling a SW word, it's not something I can quickly or reliably obtain. If you are just giving a little criticism to let me know what's wrong, then I thank you and will try to avoid the same errors in the future. I would appreciate knowing where my grammar is wrong much more. I don't mean to bite the heads off people who are offering genuine corrections, but I am more interested in improving my wording and grammar than something I can just verify from a SW dictionary.

 

P.S. Those corrections are made after you bring them to me. Thanks.

Okay, I will make a mental note to point them out when I see them. Mistakes are inevitable and some words, to an extent are just cosmetic. These mistakes are really just simple typos. Don't worry too much about it because we have your back.

[Darth_Yuthura]

When I was as ready as I could, both physically and emotionally, Zez Kae Ell took me to Fasa’s palace. It was several kilometers away and we took a tram to reach it. The way back looked simple enough, but the consequences of getting lost were high. I ensured that I would remember the way back. He had changed into some moderately elegant clothing and I was clad only in my dancer garb to make it appear that he was a wealthy master escorting a slave to be sold. It was very unpleasant to be looked upon by everyone else with such pity, but that was how I had to appear.

 

When we were in front of Fasa’s palace, Zez Kae Ell asked me one last time if I was ready. I didn’t say anything... I just gave him a look filled with scorn. He understood that I was silently telling him how much I hated him for this. Before we entered the main doors, I realized that I was still wearing Alfred’s necklace. I didn’t want to risk losing it, so I gave it to Zez Kae Ell. “This is important. Don’t even think of losing it.”

 

After he put it in his pocket, he held my hands to give me some much needed assurance. “Alfred is very proud of what you’re doing. This is a brave thing and I regret asking it of you. When you’re back, one way or another, I will tell you everything you want to know. I promise.”

 

I nodded and followed him in.

 

We encountered an attendant at the main entrance. Zez Kae Ell began the negotiation. “I was informed that the Great Fasa is interested in a new dancer.”

 

“No. He’s not in search of another, but is always interested in new talent.” The attendant took a thorough look at me. “Yes... she’s very pleasant to the eyes, but I would like to see what she is capable of before I would consider showing her to Fasa.”

 

Zez Kae Ell gestured me to dance. “Please show him your skills.”

 

After I performed for only twenty seconds, he was impressed. “She’s exactly what Fasa would love to have! Please follow me and I’ll take you to him right away.”

 

-----

 

When I was brought before the hutt, it didn’t take long for him to make an offer. My dancing was still a bit rusty, so I backed it with some of my jedi power... not enough to be recognized, but just on the brink of impossible to perform without the force. There was no way a hutt would reject such talent.

 

“Magnificent! I’ve never seen one with such beauty, finesse, and grace as this one.“ The hutt looked to Zez Kae Ell. “How much do you want for her?” Fasa said in the hutt language.

 

“4000 and not a credit less.” Zez Kae Ell demanded.

 

“Done! Irav... pay him and then send him on his way.” Fasa said to a servant.

 

Zez Kae Ell and I took one last look at each other before he left me on my own. Although it was already too late for me to back out, it was uncomfortable to watch him leave. I knew that I was left alone in the jaws of hell.

 

Fasa looked back to me. “What is your name?”

 

“Yuthura... Master” I hated using that word, but I had to in order to succeed.

 

“Welcome to my service, Yuthura. Please dance for me.”

 

I bowed. “I am yours to command, Master.” I pleasantly said.

 

-----

 

I did as I was told and danced with all the grace and poise I used to have when I danced for Omeesh and more. Fasa greatly appreciated my talent and laughed with that horrible sound which Omeesh used to have. Despite everything, I found that this experience was easier than I had feared. I still had to keep my wits about me.

 

Next to Fasa was his personal attendant, which Zez Kae Ell called ‘the body slave.’ She was a human woman with tan skin and dark hair. She was very beautiful, but had a look in her eyes that seemed to resent me. I would not be surprised if she feared that I would steal Fasa’s heart from her.

 

If it were up to me, she could keep it... but I had to find a way to replace her so that I could have access to the main computer terminal without the eyes of the guards on me. While Fasa slept, the room would be empty of all but him and his body slave... me. Once I was in her place, the only thing between me and the terminal was the sleeping hutt.

 

For only twenty minutes, I danced for Fasa as his laughter died down to the slow breathing of sleep. When he started snoring, the body slave gave a hand signal to everyone in the room. One of the twi’lek slaves in the room escorted me out of the throne room.

 

She had orange skin and a very cheerful look about her. In twi’lek, she addressed me. “It’s been a long time since the master has laughed like that. You are a wonderful dancer.”

 

I couldn’t free her, so I tried not to make friends here. My twi’lek was not fluent, but I was understandable. “Thanks. What happens now?”

 

“We need to get you a collar and I’ll show you to your quarters.”

 

“My quarters?” Although ‘collar’ should have filled me with fear, having my own room surprised me more.

 

She smiled. “Yes, you have your own quarters. They are not very large, but they are enough for your privacy. You are free to walk about the palace, but there are places which are restricted. Your shock collar will only activate at the master’s command, if you leave the palace, or enter a restricted area... which are clearly marked.”

 

“Is a collar really necessary?” I asked.

 

She looked at me as though it were too obvious to ask. “Yes. We all must wear a collar, even our first.”

 

“First?”

 

“Fasa’s personal servant. She is entitled to many privileges that we are not. I think you have a good shot at taking the title... if you want it.”

 

“What would I have to do?”

 

“It involves making yourself recognized among the others. Your dancing was a great start, but it often involves getting... closer to the master. That’s why I don’t seek it.”

 

Sounded simple enough... disgusting, but within my abilities. “Who is the first, now?”

 

“Her name is Kasi. She’s been here for many years, but became first only a few months ago. She has worked hard to become first and is very sensitive about newcomers such as you, especially those that try to gain Fasa’s favor.”

 

She took me to a supply room where there were a variety of different items for short and long term storage... including slaving collars. She picked up one and handled it like she’s done this a hundred times. “Is this too large for your neck?”

 

The sight of the damn thing scared me beyond reason. These collars had a portable power cell that activated if the wearer moved out of a specified area. At the back was a small explosive that detonated if the collar was improperly removed. If that collar was around my neck... I was literally trapped. There was no means for me to remove it without killing myself.

 

Before that could happen, I used a mind trick on her. “I don’t need a collar.”

 

It worked. “You don’t need a collar.” She hung it back up and turned around. I couldn’t believe it, but I came across a sight I never saw on Sleheyron... her back was free of any imperfections from torture. “You don’t have any scars from a shock whip on your back.”

 

She gave a very confident smile. “The master never gives torture unless we are truly disobedient. If we did something by accident, he would understand that. If we went against his orders, we would be disciplined, but not hurt. Only if we harmed each other or did something terrible... then he would he use pain as punishment.” She gave me a sympathetic expression. “I saw the scars on your back. I assure you that Master Fasa will never do that unless you make him.”

 

I remember those days when slaves had nothing more than each other. This was like reliving one of the few moments that I treasured in Sleheyron. I smiled at hearing that she had it better than me. I wasn’t trying, but I made a friend. “What’s your name?”

 

“Tashi”

 

I extended my hand and we shook. “Yuthura.”

 

“Welcome to Master Fasa’s service, Yuthura. I’ll show you to your room.”

 

-----

 

This palace was like a paradise compared to Sleheyron. I almost found this existence livable, but it was not enough to simple get by... I had to gain Fasa’s favor so I could be promoted to first as soon as possible. It may have been a pleasant experience, but I hated not being my own person.

 

Some time after I was shown to my quarters, I was summoned by Fasa to the throne room. There were no clocks, so I had no idea what time of day it was. I rushed there and was bracing myself for another dance.

 

When I got right in front of the hutt, he started yelling at Tashi. “You were supposed to process Yuthura. You haven’t fitted her with a collar.”

 

She got on her knees and begged for his pardon. “I’m sorry master. I don’t know how I forgot.”

 

Fasa had a grim expression that I never saw on a hut. “Tashi, you know how serious this is.”

 

“Yes, master.” She said with great fear.

 

“Guard... administer 10 shock whips.” Fasa ordered.

 

This was not her fault! This had nothing to do with her, but she would receive punishment for something I had done. As she was on the floor begging, I saw her back again... clean of imperfections and I couldn’t bear to see the scars that a whip would leave behind. It would be just as if I gave them to her... and the thought sickened me.

 

I stepped forward. “Master... I should be the one punished. I was the one not wearing a collar.”

 

Tashi brought her head up and looked at me as if I was a godsend... not knowing I was the one who caused this.

 

“It was Tashi’s duty to fit new slaves with collars. She knew what was required of her and didn’t follow through.” Fasa responded.

 

The guard picked her off the floor and she was crying in fear. I couldn’t help her with the force, so I got on my knees. “Master please give me the punishment instead. I knew I should have had on a collar, but I didn’t do anything about it.”

 

This was very strange for me to ask for punishment. That’s what Omeesh tried to do to his slaves... break them and make them ask for more punishment. Only this was done to keep another from being harmed. I couldn’t live with the guilt, but I could stand the pain of a whip more easily.

 

“Wait!” Fasa commanded. He gestured me to come up to him and quietly whispered in my ear. “I respect what you’re doing, but I have to maintain order and she knew the consequences.”

 

I kept protesting. “She didn’t do anything! Please give me the punishment.”

 

He seemed to like that I was willing to serve another before I served myself. “I would reward such... loyalty, but because I have to maintain the rules...” He pulled back. “Let Tashi go. Yuthura will take the punishment instead.”

 

Tashi started crying for me and gesturing her gratitude for what I did. Although her gratitude was manufactured by me, it was warming to know I made her feel valued. I was escorted by a gamorian out of the room and I put up no resistance. Although I was grateful that Tashi wouldn’t suffer, I was not fond of what was ahead for me.

 

-----

 

The gamorian hauled me to a chamber that didn’t have the semblance of a torture chamber, but there was a line hanging from the ceiling where a victim’s hands would be tied to administer shock whips. I saw no blood or indication that this was done often. Maybe Fasa was a decent master after all. Maybe I could stand leaving these slaves behind. In Nar Shadaa, they would have it much worse than in here.

 

My hands were bound to the line and secured so I wouldn’t fall to the floor. A sudden fear came over me that I would instinctively use the force to avoid being hurt. I knew that I couldn’t allow that to happen now, so I put myself in another moment where I was at peace.

 

I suddenly felt the the gamorian pulling off my top and exposing my breasts like in the medical ward. This was so my clothing wouldn’t be damaged, but it increased the pressure even further.

 

A few seconds later, I felt the first painful lash tearing through the flesh on my back. It was every bit as painful as I remembered it. I used a force technique that reduced the pain, but it still hurt. My scream was much more exaggerated than the pain I felt.

 

When the tenth lash had hit, I suddenly felt a huge sense of relief. I didn’t react as I feared. That relief was gone when the gamorian placed a slaving collar around my neck and fitted it snugly, but loose enough so I could breath. This brought about a very sickening feeling in my stomach. With the explosive in the back of the collar, I was truly trapped for the first time since I was on Sleheyron.

 

When the gamorian released my hands, I fell to the floor, then was given a moment to get my top back on before being escorted to the throne room. At this time, I was starting to doubt what I was trying to do by all this masquerading. I have achieved nothing in all this.

 

When I was in front of Fasa again, he said, “I don’t usually administer pain for punishment, but a shock collar is a serious matter. I care for the safety of all of you. Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine, master. I will dance for you again whenever you command.”

 

He looked at me, confused. “You’ve just been given 10 shock whips. Are you really willing to dance now?”

 

“My old master frequently had me dance while I was hurt. He found it amusing. The truth is that I’m used to it.”

 

He looked at me with great sympathy. “Your last master was a fool to harm you in such ways. I will never do such things to you again.”

 

Before I bowed, I saw a very concerned expression from the face of Kasi. I was a definite threat to her position. “Thank-you, Master.”

 

“As much as I’d love to watch you dance again, I have other matters to attend to. I will be having guests tonight and would like to have them watch you then. For now, you may return to your quarters and rest.”

 

“Thank-you, Master.” I hated saying that word, but I had to as often as possible. I just hope I don’t start saying it genuinely.

 

Tashi asked Fasa if she could tend to my wounds and he allowed it. Slaves rarely serve slaves, so I knew I gained much favor from him. Kasi looked insulted and was getting bitter towards me.

 

-----

 

For the next two days, I kept up my performance as the best slave I could be and I knew I was making progress. There was no way that I could get access to the computer terminal unless Fasa fell asleep and I was alone with him. I had to replace the first and I had to do it soon. I was getting exhausted and didn’t know how much more I could take.

 

Kasi has occasionally threatened me, but I knew that it was in my best interest that she do so. If she hurt me, she would lose her favor with Fasa. I even tried to provoke her into hating me, but she wouldn’t act. I also learned that the first slave would likely yield a means to remove the slave collars... since she would oversee everything Fasa did. I only hope I see my time to get rid of the collar and escape.

 

On the third day, I realized that the epidermal paste covering the tattoos was starting to fade away. During a dance routine, Fasa wanted me to dance on his bed and noticed the red marks on my leg. There was no way to hide it anymore, so I played along with a cover story that the sith tattooed an innocent twi’lek slave and he bought it. He rather liked them and wanted to personally wash them off my skin.

 

It was very unpleasant to be held in the arms of the hut, but as he was cleaning me, I could tell that he was taking much more to me. Kasi was looked with great hate in her eyes and I knew that I near the end. I was putting on a good performance, but my patience was running thin and I needed to escape this place.

 

When Fasa had been cleaning me off, he handled me like a doll. Although I smiling, this was the next worst thing to rape. I was starting to think that my situation couldn’t be worse, but then he stripped off my bikini and asked me to dance with only the shock collar on.

 

I do not know how I controlled my anger, but I held up long enough for him to fall asleep. I was in so much conflict with myself that I dropped to my knees and curled into a ball. I hated myself for doing all this. I had to escape this place and I had to get out now!

 

I was not in pain, but so disgusted with myself that I just wanted to hide and die. This was more demeaning than anything I have ever done because I had power, but couldn’t use it to free myself. I desired so much for Trevelyan, but I left him behind and did all this to myself. Was this always to be my fate... that I would die a slave? It seemed that was about to happen.

 

-----

 

As I was returning to my quarters, I came to the realization that I have been going about everything wrong. Kasi, herself might be my means of escape. She would have every motive to help me if it helps her. If I were gone, she would keep her place... if she betrayed me, I could turn Fasa against her and claim she tried to kill me, or something like that. This was a dangerous thing, but I was too desperate to try anything else. I had to escape this place immediately, not any later.

 

I turned back to the throne room and it was guarded by about a dozen gamorians. It turns out that my performance in the last two days was enough to convince them that I was the new first, so they let me in with the sleeping worm and his first slave.

 

The room was dark, but I could see Fasa in a deep sleep. Sitting next to him was Kasi, almost in tears. When I came into view, she must have thought I was tormenting her. “What are you doing here? Get out. You’ll be first soon enough!” She quietly exclaimed.

 

I just came forward and told the truth. “I don’t want to be here anymore. You don’t want to lose being first. Our goals are compatible... would you hear me out?”

 

She looked at me with great anger and pointed to the entrance. “Just go, or I’ll call the guards.”

 

“I want to escape this place, but I need your help. If I’m gone, you won’t have to worry about me anymore. Could you help me?”

 

She stared at me for a moment before seeing the sincerity behind my eyes. “What do you want?”

 

“How do I get rid of this collar without causing it to explode? Do you know how to remove it?”

 

“Only the master can unlock it.” She said.

 

“How would he do it?” I asked.

 

“He has a control panel near his throne. He uses to control the settings on our collars. It might unlock them as well.”

 

I found the panel and went through the settings and options. I soon found the option to take control of the shock collars, but it requested an access code for critical functions like unlock and... execute slave. All I needed was to absorb some of Fasa’s mind and obtain the access code.

 

“Simple enough.” Then I placed my hand on the hut and drew some of his memories... a life drain was not painful, but it weakened the victim very quickly. This wouldn’t bring him out of a deep sleep.

 

Although it was not my desire to know what the hutt hand in his mind, I realized that Fasa was nothing like Omeesh. I felt that he valued having his slaves genuinely love him. Although it pained me to leave them behind, I knew it would have been better to leave them in his care. Before long, I obtained a master access code. When I punched it in, it allowed access to the settings of every shock collar. As much as I wanted to free the others, they would have wanted to stay. When I found the ID for my collar, I unlocked it safely.

 

When it was off, I gasped as though it had been strangling me since it was on. The feeling of being free of it was blissful.

 

Kasi was also glad to see it fall from my neck. “Good. Now leave here and never come back.”

 

Although I had my means of escape, I still had to gain access to the computer and only one set of prying eyes to deal with. I just needed to stun Kasi for a few minutes and I would have free reign access to the terminal. Her mind was resilient to the stasis trance, but she soon lost consciousness. “Thank-you for helping us both, but even you can’t know about this.”

 

With the access code I got from the Fasa, I logged onto the computer and programed the data link to feed live info every time Fasa used the terminal. From this terminal, there would be a link between here and the Couriscant Enclave.

 

I logged off and stood there for a moment to realize that I suffered through three days of hell to finish three minutes of work. All that mattered now was that it was done. This nightmare was almost over.

 

-----

 

Escaping the palace was easy once the shock collar was gone. I was embarrassed at how low I went to complete this task. I hated myself for yielding to that hut’s every desire and had lost much of myself by going through that hell again. Except for the shock lashes on the first day, I had been given the best treatment that a slave could want. But it was the first time in almost eight years that my body was literally possessed by another... I felt that I could not survive that again.

 

When I returned to Zez Kae Ell’s apartment, I couldn’t speak. I just entered and laid on his bed like I owned the place. Little things like manners weren’t on my mind at the time. He was very patient with me.

 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked.

 

“Not really.”

 

After a moment of watching me, he started rustling through a box and then came back to my bedside. “Here. Alfred said this was your favorite.”

 

I opened my eyes and saw him presenting me with a bottle of black ale. I didn’t understand why he had it or that he would offer it to me. I looked at him to silently refuse.

 

“It’s alright. If it makes you feel better, just go ahead.”

 

He set it on the table next to the bed and gave me a glass. I was hesitant to reach for the bottle, but I knew he wouldn’t think any less of me if I did. He obviously knew that I drowned out the galaxy with alcohol to ease my mind in times of extreme stress. Now was one such time.

 

I downed the first glass without savoring it. The second was a little slower and by the third, I drank normally. Zez Kae Ell sat across the room and just kept me in the corner of his eye. I knew he was worried about me, but he didn’t show it.

 

After about five minutes of silence, I was ready to start speaking. “I established the live data link. I don’t think anyone suspects.”

 

“That’s great news.” He said with little enthusiasm.

 

Another long moment of silence came between us. I was waiting for the alcohol to hit the bloodstream. He was just letting me do what was necessary to calm myself.

 

“Do you want me out of here soon?”

 

“You can stay as long as you want. Just do whatever you need. It’s over now and you did well.”

 

Those words had little impact on me. It wasn’t over as long as the memories remained. But I couldn’t just erase memories left and right, even if the Council would allow it. There was nothing I could do but accept what happened. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped myself into a fetal position.

 

-----

 

I had finished the entire bottle and got a very rough night. Even though I scarcely had any rest, just getting a few hours away from reality made things a little easier. I woke up to Zez Kae Ell sitting next to my bedside. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Miserable.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 

I was done with Nar Shadaa and wanted what I came for. “Alright... I did my part and I expect you to do yours. What has the Council been keeping from me?”

 

He looked at me very cautiously. “Yuthura... you are under a significant amount of stress and what I tell you may be too much. I would prefer that you...”

 

“I did what you demanded! You said you would spill the truth, so say it!” I demanded.

 

“You are very angry and hurt... the last thing you need is to hear of additional lies and injustices against you.”

 

Lies? Injustices? There was even more going on behind my back than I was lead to believe. I would not be stalled any more. “You said you would tell me after I had done as you asked. Don’t make me force it out of you.”

 

“Your experience has affected you more greatly than I feared. I ask for you to please wait until you’ve calmed down before I tell you.” He requested.

 

I grabbed him around the collar of his robe and held him against a wall. “I have just gone through the worst hell of my life! Tell me! I need to know what they’ve done!”

 

Fear was very apparent in his eyes. He was a Jedi Master and could easily stop me, but he wasn’t. He was trusting me to not allow my anger to take over... it was. Nothing else seemed to matter other than getting what I wanted, but I couldn’t through force. I relaxed my grip and let go of him.

 

After sighing in great despair, I stepped back and dropped into a chair. I was in agony from the last few days and couldn’t control my emotions anymore. “This whole thing was just a ploy... wasn’t it? To get me to do what you wanted?”

 

He shook his head. “That’s not true.” He held my shoulders in a comforting manner. “Yuthura... do whatever you must to heal from this. When Alfred believes you are ready, I’ll come to Couriscant and tell you everything you want to know. In the meantime, I’m afraid that anything I say would only hurt you further. You should return to Couriscant as soon as possible.”

 

I started weeping. “How do you think that makes me feel? The only reason I came to Nar Shadaa was for what you promised. Do you think this is supposed to make things any easier... when you break your promise as well?”

 

He looked across the room and extended his arm to a plasteel cylinder. Out of it came a saber staff that floated to his hand. He offered it to me. “I’m going to want this back. Would my lightsaber be enough collateral to assure you of my intentions?”

 

The lightsaber is a jedi’s most prized possession and for him to give it to me allowed me to smile. I took it and examined the well-crafted weapon and activated it. The blades were a magnificent violet. Then I turned my attention back to him. “I accept.”

 

He smiled back to me and then fetched my cloak, lightsaber, and necklace. “I’m sorry that I put you through this, but I will inform the Council of what you’ve done. I think that this was a very fitting final trial for you. It takes great courage to stand against one’s own fears and you should be proud of yourself.”

 

-----

 

Zez Kae Ell escorted me back to my ship and watched me get underway. Once I was at hyperspace, I removed the padawan robe he had given me the night before and got back to looking like myself again. I wished that I could have showered, but that’ll just have to wait for a while longer.

 

When I was fully dressed, I wrapped my necklace around my neck... but before I attached both ends of the chain, I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. It was very much like the way I felt when I had that collar around my neck. It seemed to make me feel strangled... trapped. Taking it off was almost relieving. I held it my hand and feared that I may never be able to wear it again.

[Rev7]

That was a very powerful chapter! You captured everything so well. Amazing job!

 

I hope that Yuthura has some closure.

[Darth_Yuthura]

Afraid not. Although it hasn't been prominently displayed in this chapter, Yuthura has suffered a devastating experience. I think that the next chapter is going to show why she was able to restrain her anger so well. It wasn't self-restraint... it was something else.

 

I realize that the story has been stagnant for quite some time, but I've got a main story arc that will begin after she recovers in the next chapter. Although I'm glad that the story has gotten many compliments, I realize that I need to keep it progressing.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Something else, hmmm,...very interesting. Oh I'm gonna be wondering what is until the next chapter comes out. I can't wait to hear Zez Kai Ell's secret. I'm looking forward to the new story arc.

 

This was a good insight to Yuthura's experiences in the slave world. That, intentionally or not took the main focus of this chapter...I quite enjoyed it. All the things that she had to do...poor Yuthura. It was quite nice but surprising to see Fasa be a kinder slave owner. Still a perverted Hutt, but much kinder than I expected. Thank you for another wonderful read!

 

~HOP