[poetry] Burnseyy's Poetry

[Burnseyy]

Finally, the creative trio is complete! Art, prose and poetry. Aren't you all glad?

 

That's rhetorical, don't answer...

 

Anyway, I decided to just do my own poetry thread, and put a few of my favourite poems in. Here are a couple now:

 

Nostalgic Tear

 

The frost evaporates

Into a heated hate.

The limp hand surrenders,

To a non-deserving fate.

 

Ice is piercing the hearts

Of those who discovered

The body, stiff and broken.

Of all things to be uncovered.

 

A front paged story

Causing minds to race with fear.

"What has become of society?"

Followed by one nostalgic tear.

 

fin

 

This one's about a news article I read about a dinner lady being found dead in a school freezer. It was just so disgusting and vile, I had to write something about it.

 

 

Take Me Away

 

I can hear her screaming out,

Dancing, jumping, crashing - shouts.

Music blaring, she's in tune to it's lure,

Roars erupting like stormy shores.

 

And then she falls silent,

With the clouds of night hiding the crest.

The music dies and then nothing,

As her body falls to rest.

 

I hear the pounds against the wall, hard,

With hazy pleas, her dreams shatter to shards.

The secrets - she tells them all to me,

Knowing her life more than she can see.

 

Truth is buried beneath these walls,

And the constant request bangs on:

 

When will they take me away?

 

fin

 

This one's about listening to a crazed, anger problemed neighbour through the walls. It's completely invented... or is it?

 

So yeah, two of many. Hope you enjoyed.

[Endorenna]

I take it you've read the definition of depressing?

 

Those were both very good! I like the first one better than the second.

[Burnseyy]

I take it you've read the definition of depressing?

 

Those were both very good! I like the first one better than the second.

 

 

I'm actually learning about any kind of mental disorder, being a Psychology student. It's expected.

 

Thank you. I do have happy ones lol I'll be sure to put some up!

[Darth_Yuthura]

I've not been one for poetry, but your unorthodox (at least as far as I've seen) topic for the first one was... I can't explain what I thought. What possessed you to write about someone who froze to death?

 

I can relate to what you had for the second topic. I hate neighbors who are disruptive to others. Very nice additions.

[Bee Hoon]

^Not to mention neighbours who beat the hell out of their spouses >:3

 

Nice imagery. Can't really help much though, as I'm not a poet

[Sabretooth]

Depressing is a word, but as far as art is concerned, I will say that these poems are definitely creepy in a selkf-referential manner. The topics you have selected to interpret as poetry are a little unconventional.

 

In a way, it can be said, the poems manage to carry a chill without explicitly announcing so; that is, it must be said, that they do not seem inherently horrific or scary, but carry multiple layers under the context that evoke a sense of dread.

 

The second poem, it can be seen, took more effort and I liked it better as well. It is more vague, and almost romantic; and I appreciate it. All in all, I liked it as a read.

 

It must be said, however, that I would not expect poetry of this calibre to be published, and unless you didn't mean to be too serious about it, you will have to step up your game. The composition would require more meat, and more facets to be appealing.

 

Thank you, and those are two good poems.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Wow, you got that first poem by reading a newspaper article? Once I read what it was about it made total sense.

 

I find both to be good, though I think the second is slightly better. I am not really a poet either, though I can certainly appreciate these. I can see why you wrote about the lady in the freezer - what a horrible way to die. Both do a good job of adressing the subjects while still flowing smoothly. I read them outloud.

 

They were sad true, but I actually enjoy sad poetry. You definatly have a knack for this, Burnseyy. I have written poetry just for...shall we say for $h!ts and giggles (meaning just to write it cause I feel like it, not because I'm any good - its just a saying from where I'm from )

 

Good work Burnseyy, I'm interested to see if your happy poems are as good as you sad ones.

 

~HOP

[Burnseyy]

That's what I don't like about society - anything weird or out of your comfort zone, and it's "wrong" or shouldn't be said.

Either way, thanks for the comments, compliments and time. :] Happier ones will be on their way, but I advise that if you don't wanna read something depressing, then don't read this.

:]

[Sabretooth]

That's what I don't like about society - anything weird or out of your comfort zone, and it's "wrong" or shouldn't be said.

Either way, thanks for the comments, compliments and time. :] Happier ones will be on their way, but I advise that if you don't wanna read something depressing, then don't read this.

:]

On the contrary, I believe that saying that a work is depressing is, in fact, a mighty compliment to an artist. Conveying fear or sadness, especially through poetry, is a difficult task. Especially considering the recent waves of emo and pseudo-gothic poetry, I'd say yours fared better.

[Burnseyy]

Ohh, well now I understand. I don't think my poetry's amazing - I like some, but definitely not all.

 

 

 

Place of Ghosts

 

Neon glow-

It pierces through

The cones of salt

Compressing the emerald

To a halt.

 

Silent whispers are

Haunting the streets.

Voices of the morning birds,

Are long died out and

The diner says everything but words.

 

A woman's fiery red locks

Dazzle against the lighting in battle,

Whilst her husbands nose

Points selfishly at the bartender

And their eyebrows rose.

 

Tension never grasped

Inactivity in the thickness that it did

With wisps of inexistent sounds,

Life, colour;

The novel I wrote of romance

Stands severely out of bounds.

 

This hour is the place of ghosts.

 

This one, I did for Creative Writing Enrichment in college - the teacher was completely amazed by it, but it's just like my ordinary kind of poem. I'll leave the judgement up to you. Basically, it's about a diner in 1920s America where everyone thought "god was dead" - might sound depressing, but my poem is meant to signify how people go on, living life as they would have done, before.

 

 

 

Thirteenth Day of the Second Month

 

An emptiness where there was a whole,

Erupting through hearts, ice cold.

A sign for all, to cease.

 

Rain droplets caress the relished earth,

When clouds part to celebrate her,

And a clock ticks with all but ease.

 

Emphasis is pronounced upon the date, set---

Youth has been granted an unmistakable concept.

The thirteenth day of the second month;

 

Dry eyes, silence, unfounded pleas.

 

And as the day paints itself into reality,

An absence is found amongst the woes.

An aspect of the future, written as her,

The truth of God begins to disperse…

 

And a new tomorrow is born.

 

 

fin

 

I don't want to explain this one - it's just there for show.

[Endorenna]

(shivers) Man...that first one was good!

 

Second one was really good too, but I liked the first one more.

[Sabretooth]

I liked Place of Ghosts very much, the environment and atmosphere created is delicious (no pun intended ) and induces a sense of melancholy and nostalgia. I'd almost label it as decent gothic, and considering the setting, I'd say you were very creative in describing it. I enjoyed reading it.

 

Thirteenth Day of the Second Month required some rereading, and I can't help that the track "42 49" by Sigh was playing in my head. One similarity with the previous poem would be the very good melding of atmosphere with emotion, keeping feet firmly on ground while giving airs of hope. I liked it, but I'll say that Place of Ghosts was the best so far.

 

Thanks, keep writing, I like your poetry!

[Bee Hoon]

Very evocative, and I especially liked the first two stanzas of Place of Ghosts! Good work

[Burnseyy]

Thanks all you lovely commenters. There's nothing I like more than knowing people like what I'm writing.

 

 

 

The frame around the white

Is blocking out my strife...

Or so I wish it had, once I walked.

 

My hand placed delicately

Upon her head, which is readily

Sleeping away.

 

Come now, stop smiling in that

Half-hearted way,

In that half alive state.

 

Doctor, why won't she wake?

Please, god, please... tell me why won't she speak?

 

Dreams never spoke to me

As they do to her.

As her fair skin shivers

Her heart is hurt.

Yet the lips... curve upwards.

 

Won't you jolt up and shout "April fool"?

Why would you...? It's

December.

Maybe that knock to your head confused you.

 

What ever the excuse, my darling,

Come back soon.

There are open arms, warm and true

Waiting for the returning of you.

 

But until then, I guess tears will...

 

Just

Have

To do.

 

fin

 

Yeah, I know, this one's really 'depressing' but this one is from my mums point of view. I was out of it for four days once, after I smacked my head. All very dramatic, I know. Just saying what it must've been like from my parents point of view.

 

 

Part Time Angel

I guess you could say I had one,

And I was looked after, plenty.

I had self-assurance and was full of aspiration,

But everyone's words, since, have been empty.

 

So now I'm working part time as a guardian,

Looking out for everyone but myself.

And as their smiles glow, my tears grow,

But nobody knows they're harming my health.

 

Undeniable guilt presses on weaving strands

Of concocted lies and desperate hands.

Ushering myself on to aid them all,

Will always be my greateast downfall.

 

I'll always be that saint,

Unnoticed and untouched by selfish souls.

As I carry my ball and chain through the ever expanding corridors

Of misery and shame.

 

Can any knowledgable person say I'm to blame?

 

fin

 

Right, I'll admit something. I have barely any happy poems. But what's the use in writing about emotions when you're too busy having a good time?! That's my excuse. Anywho this ones about guilt, how I feel the need to help people, but don't help myself half the time.

 

Hope you enjoyed. :]

I think I'll post two poems a day. I've gotten into that pattern now.

[Endorenna]

Two poems a day? Yes!!!!

 

As usual, those were very good! I liked the second one better, don't ask me why.

 

Keep it up!

[LordOfTheFish]

Impressive. I really liked Place of Ghosts.

 

Nostalgic Tear was good to. Thumbs up!

[The_Catto]

Sorry I have not posted Burnseyy. The past week or so has been ... tiring ... I guess you could say. Not one of my most favorite weeks of the year but oh well.

 

Now, back to topic.

 

I like what you have hear. They are, quite impressive in the way where you can express something so tragic and deep, and convey that through words and still let it loose none of its potency.

 

Thirteenth Day of the Second Month: This one reminded me of a funeral where the weather was nice enough to shine the sun down instead of rain. To me, it was - as said - at a funeral, but through the eyes of a very stoic person. Someone who realize just how sad the day is, but knowing the tomorrow will bring it something better, and that's something worth remembering.

... Now ... I may be completely off with that, and that piece may well represent something completely different, but that's what I think.

 

Part Time Angel is something that really hit home for me - as you might have already guessed it would. It was really well written and something that I re-red twice over after the first time I read it.

 

 

It seems we both have the same - head space - when it comes to poetry. I don't have that many "happy" poems, most of mine are as well more on the dark side of writing. I'm not really sure why.

 

Nice work Burnseyy, and I'm glad you've decided to post them.

I want moooooooooooooooooore! :D

[Sabretooth]

Keeping a poem routine is an idea I can agree with.

 

The Untitled Poem was the one I liked the best of all of your works, right now. It's sad and while to be truly honest, it did not break a lot of ground in sadness, reached a good depth of depression. Still, it was creative enough to suit its purposes, and so I liked it very much.

 

Part Time Angel however, I did not like as much. The language is better here, but the poem itself took some rereading and didn't have as much of an impact. So while it's a good effort, some extra cowbell could have helped the execution.

[Bee Hoon]

You bumped your head? Are you okay? When? How? Avoid any future potentially head-bumping activities! :3 That having been said, I like the untitled poem as well. Have you shown it to your mum?

[Burnseyy]

I like what you have hear. They are, quite impressive in the way where you can express something so tragic and deep, and convey that through words and still let it loose none of its potency.

 

Thirteenth Day of the Second Month: This one reminded me of a funeral where the weather was nice enough to shine the sun down instead of rain. To me, it was - as said - at a funeral, but through the eyes of a very stoic person. Someone who realize just how sad the day is, but knowing the tomorrow will bring it something better, and that's something worth remembering.

... Now ... I may be completely off with that, and that piece may well represent something completely different, but that's what I think.

 

Part Time Angel is something that really hit home for me - as you might have already guessed it would. It was really well written and something that I re-red twice over after the first time I read it.

 

It seems we both have the same - head space - when it comes to poetry. I don't have that many "happy" poems, most of mine are as well more on the dark side of writing. I'm not really sure why.

 

It had something to do with a funeral, so you weren't too far off. It's just horrible going into, really.

 

Part Time Angel, I really liked the theme, but I didn't think the poem was my best, really. The theme said a lot, and I got a lot of information in it, so it was good in that way but as a poem... it could've been better. Thank you! It does seem we're on the same wavelength when it comes to poetry. booyah.

 

You bumped your head? Are you okay? When? How? Avoid any future potentially head-bumping activities! :3 That having been said, I like the untitled poem as well. Have you shown it to your mum?

 

I was seven and I was doing a handstand, and sort of erm. Fell. lol. I also had a fit that same night. o0o0o more drama. I was fiine, but apparently I went from this really loud, outgoing person to a shy, quiet person after it haha.

 

Thank you everyone, for the critisism & compliments. they mean so much to me. :] And to all you frequent commenters (you know who you are ) thanks so much! I owe you all one.

[Burnseyy]

Double posting *le gasp*

 

 

Secret

 

I smile, tears glistening,

I smirk, knowing.

I can't help but laugh,

A moment of self doubt before I crash.

 

No one knows, and

This open isolation feels

perfect.

 

Hiding behind doors,

Under the floor,

Looking around and knowing

No one understands.

 

Past, present, future,

Hurt, hurting, to be.

My own dirty little secret

And it's mine to think;

Mine to keep;

Mine, and not theirs.

 

A whole life,

The complexity blinding all around.

Misunderstanding, too slow and

Uncompromising.

They simply will not allow.

 

I'm a simple human being,

I'm uninteresting, I'm annoying.

 

Words, they said,

Words I repeat.

Those lies are incomplete.

 

fin

 

 

This one is about... feeling insane. How lovely.

 

 

 

Frankenstein's Wife

 

He excelled in introspection,

An elite in the unsolvable arts,

Perfect, with one exception---

The ambition tore out his heart...

Or rather, mine.

 

A monstrosity at his right hand,

Woven by insanity and craft.

A distance, a break, these demands,

Brought forth an inhumane laugh.

 

This absence I was commanded,

I broke without fear,

Yet I soon comprehended,

Why he'd said to steer clear.

 

Blood, sweat and tears

Were the last words he wrote,

As his 'beautiful' creation adhered

To his misunderstood intetions,

And became a threat to hope.

 

Now, they say men are superior,

And I seldom doubted mine---

But what imbalancement must he have suffered,

To commit such a ludicrous crime?

 

fin

 

I wrote this in Creative Writing enrichment. We had to pretend to be the wife of someone from fiction/myth/life (celebrities)... and I chose Frankenstein's wife. And for all you who don't know anything about Frankenstein... Frankenstein is the MAN, who created the monster. Thank you. Anyway, unless you've read the book/seen the film based on Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, you won't get the humour (yeah right) in the first stanza.

 

There's two for today. Hope you enjoyed.

 

ps. Sorry to all who I haven't read their recent chapters. Poems are easier to write, than stories are to read, and time is difficult to come by.

[Darth_Yuthura]

How long does it take to write these? I think that I have a somewhat poetic sense that I put in my stories, but often don't have them to such scale as a real poem.

 

I didn't agree with insanity because it doesn't seem like it fits the kind of conditions that make people go insane. I think it'd be like a person not fitting in a world, so instead he tries to make the world fit to him. There are things that brush this, but it doesn't seem like what I got from poem #1.

 

Any comments?

[Burnseyy]

Well, really, it was about feeling insane, not about being insane.

And there's a lot more to the poem, than what first meets the eye. I'm vague with poems, I let the reader try to guess, but never give away ALL of the information.

 

The person in the poem seems normal... Maybe I just couldn't express it properly.

[Endorenna]

Two more wonderful poems, as usual!

 

This time...I don't think I have a favorite.

[LordOfTheFish]

Secret is beautiful. *wink*