Murphy's Laws of Combat

[Commander 598]

Murphy's Laws of Combat - Complete List

 

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Automatic weapons --aren't.

Suppressive fire -- won't.

Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

There is always a way.

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

Teamwork is essential. It gives them someone else to shoot at

No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.

The easy way is always mined.

Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.

Body count math: two guerillas plus one portable plus two pigs equal 37 enemy KIA.

Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.

Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.

Tracers work both ways.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

Professionals are predictable; it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: (a) when you're ready for them and (b) when you're not ready for them.

Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at.

If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.

The important things are always simple.

The simple things are always hard.

The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3.

If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

Murphy was a grunt.

[Commander 598]

10 Ways you can tell your pilot is on drugs

 

10. All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares.

9. In between "May I" and "have your attention" there's a 45 minute pause.

8. He's constantly yelling, "Take that, Red Baron!"

7. Shuttle from New York to Boston includes stopover in Columbia.

6. His co-pilot: Robert Downey Jr.

5. For the last hour, he's been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy.

4. Keeps coming on the P.A. to point out clouds that look like his old high school teachers.

3. His wings are pinned to his bare chest.

2. When you fly over international dateline, he yells, "Dude! We're, like, time traveling!"

1. When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop.

 

 

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The Greatest Lies in Aviation

 

Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.

I have no interest in flying for the airlines.

I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.

All that turbulence spoiled my landing.

I only need glasses for reading.

I broke out right at minimums.

The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.

Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.

If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.

I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in an F-16.

We shipped the part yesterday.

I'd love to have a woman WSO.

All you have to do is follow the book.

This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.

We in the military aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.

Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.

I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.

No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.

Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?

Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.

We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.

It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?

I thought YOU took care of that.

I've got the field in sight.

Of course I know where we are.

I'm SURE the gear was down.

 

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The Top 15 Advertising Slogans for Delta Air Lines:

 

Delta: We're Amtrak with wings.

Join our frequent near-miss program.

Ask about our out-of-court settlements.

Noisy engines? We'll turn 'em off!

Complimentary champagne in free-fall.

Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.

The kids will love our inflatable slides.

You think it's so easy, get your own damn plane!

Delta: Our pilots are terminally ill and have nothing to lose.

Delta: We might be landing on your street!

Delta: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.

Bring a bathing suit.

So that's what these buttons do!

Delta: A real man lands where he wants to.

Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.

[Jem]

here are a few extra rules:

 

_When someone in your group remarks "It's quiet, too quiet" something (bad) is about to happen.

 

_Always stay behind (about 4 metres) and follow the exact same steps of a fellow War Buddy to insure you will not step on a mine or other kind of trap. If the War Buddy steps on a mine, proceed in following another War Buddy.

 

_Don't enter an unknow area first, let in the War Buddy and wait and see what happens, then you can decide if it wise pr not to go in. (for example if you hear him screaming a horrible and agonizing death do not go in.)

 

_Always use wisely your War Buddies, they help you live longer.

 

_Avoid regrouping in and using one of 'em soldier transports in enemy zone, they are favoured targets for enemy soldiers equiped with RPG. This I learned in OFP.

 

_In any kind of vehicule (air, sea, ground) always stay near the closest exit during the whole trip.

 

_Finally before you run to go join the Army be sure to watch out for those "Join the Army" proganda commercials and listen very well if they are actually saying "Join the Army TODAY!" OR "Join the Army TO-DIE!". This is especially hard to distinguish when it is the British army speaking.

[Admiral Odin]

do forget.

 

When the pin is pulled Mr. Gernade is no longer our friend.

[Commander 598]

The 25 Commandments of Operational Security

 

(also known as "The SAS Guide to OPSEC")

 

I. Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.

 

II. Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.

 

III. Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.

 

IV. Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies' eyes are upon thee.

 

V. Thou shalt cover thy tall antenna, for fly swatters groweth not in yon wood.

 

VI. Thou shalt use a red lens on thy flashlight, or it shall appear as a star in the East.

 

VII. Thou shalt cover the glass on thy vehicle, for the glare telleth thine enemy thy location.

 

VIII. Thou shalt blend with thy surroundings, for trees groweth not in yon desert.

 

IX. Thou shalt cover the tracks of thy vehicle, for they draweth pretty pictures.

 

X. Thou shalt cover thy face, hands, and helmet, for thine enemies maketh war not on bushes.

 

XI. Thou shalt not drape thy net on thy tent, for it looketh like tent draped in net.

 

XII. Thou shalt hide the wires of thy cammo, for they pointeth to thee.

 

XIII. Thou shalt practice the art of dispersion, or one round will finish you all.

 

XIV. Thou shalt pick up thy trash and litter, for they exposeth thy presence.

 

XV. Thou shalt conceal the noise of thy generator, for thine enemies are listening.

[Flying Beastie]

When expecting booby traps, send the boob in first.

--Megatron's first rule of leadership.

[4Adam30]

Cripes, I remember seeing those posted before back in the day. Back when I was a newbie. and that was a good 2 years ago.

[Admiral Odin]

um. I assume you have a new name, or else you have posted twice in two years.

 

also history repeats itself.

[Rogue Nine]

Ooh. 'Tis a confused n00b.

[Redwing]

Originally posted by 4Adam30

Cripes, I remember seeing those posted before back in the day. Back when I was a newbie. and that was a good 2 years ago.

 

Umm..don't you mean two hours ago?

 

^_^

[Cmdr. Cracken]

...methinks this is an oldbie in disguise.... enlighten us, did you have a previous name before?

[Admiral Odin]

I always new this place can mess people up in the heads, but this time it happened extermly fast.

[Kyle d'Tana]

hmm, good rulez! I remember them.-...

[Admiral Odin]

The newbie never did give us an alternate identity.

[Commander 598]

Never even postsed anymore...

[4Adam30]

I am an oldie in disguise, much like a Transformer, only not as cool (where's my laser cannon?!) the reason I hadn't replied was because I was on sever planes trying to get from Germany back to the States. As for my previous name, does anyone remember a guy called Rune Haako?

[Redwing]

Yes.

 

Barely.

[Tierce]

I do

Welcome back

[4Adam30]

Thank you, overly-enthusiastic people.

[Zargon]

of course I do Rune, how is life in teh armed forces?

[Flying Beastie]

RUIN!!!

 

"You're back!"

"Somebody said you were dead!"

[Nitro]

How's my favorite comrade in arms?

[Jem]

I remember.

Welcome back.

[Commander 598]

"Who are you?"

 

I would have never known unless you had said that...

[BattleDog]

Rule 1. The scout gets shot.

 

Rule 2. Don't be within 100m of the mines!

 

Rule 3. The SA80 STILL doesn't work.

 

Rule 4. The SLR WILL blow his leg off, and his arse.

 

Rule 5. The SA80 will make a nice neat whole.

 

Rule 6. They don't make the SLR beacause it's reliable, powerfull and relativly light.

 

Rule 7. They STILL don't put in the reserve parachute.

 

Rule 8. Paras are scum.

 

Rule 9. Marines are scum.

 

Rule 10. There's a reason infantry get payed more.

 

Rule 11. DON'T EAT THE BISUET BROWNS!