obi Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 Funny! I have a few to add- * "Fire me, HUH?!" *"Well ok there mr. Jackson. let's just *turns head* oh, there you are. :)" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted September 18, 2002 Author Share Posted September 18, 2002 Originally posted by obi-wan13 Funny! * "Fire me, HUH?!" lol, that's going on the list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorganfloss Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 *Hey Jim, wheres this red thingy go again? *Goddamit! He woke up again. Nurse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted September 18, 2002 Author Share Posted September 18, 2002 *bump* for groovy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 Two red necks were out in the woods hunting, then one grabed his chest, fell on the ground and his eye rolled up (heart attack) The other guy takes out his cell phone and dials 911, "I think Bubbas dead!" yelled the redneck over the phone. The operator answered,"Calm down, now listen to my instructions, now make sure hes dead." There was silence for a moment and a shot was head, then he came back on the line. "Okay, now what?" :D :D :D I love that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 That was a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorganfloss Posted September 19, 2002 Share Posted September 19, 2002 How do u confuse a blond? Put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in the corner. I love that joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obi Posted September 19, 2002 Share Posted September 19, 2002 How do you get another post count? Like this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorganfloss Posted September 19, 2002 Share Posted September 19, 2002 lol *leers at Obi* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obi Posted September 20, 2002 Share Posted September 20, 2002 Originally posted by gorganfloss *leers at Obi* heh "leer" means "to read" in spanish. *Gorganfloss reads at obi* Had to say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted September 20, 2002 Author Share Posted September 20, 2002 hey obi, why have you got an avatar of my grandpa? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obi Posted September 20, 2002 Share Posted September 20, 2002 Your Grandpa? That is me in the avatar! I have no grand children! I don't even have children of my own! wait............. there was that time I got drunk in the Shire........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dath Maximus Posted September 20, 2002 Share Posted September 20, 2002 Originally posted by obi-wan13 Your Grandpa? That is me in the avatar! I have no grand children! I don't even have children of my own! wait............. there was that time I got drunk in the Shire........... I told you spending time with the hobbits wouldnt be good, i said stay in rivendale but no Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedragon Posted September 20, 2002 Share Posted September 20, 2002 Originally posted by obi-wan13 Your Grandpa? That is me in the avatar! I have no grand children! I don't even have children of my own! wait............. there was that time I got drunk in the Shire........... "your love of the halflings weed has clearly dulled your mind" i had to say it *reads at obi* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted October 6, 2002 Author Share Posted October 6, 2002 you must be 15 or over to read the following joke Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting paint on their clothes so they decided to remove them, but agreed not to let ANYONE in until they were done and replaced their clothing. Then they heard some one knocking and one of them yelled, "Whooo is it?" ''The blind man!'' He yelled back. They decided since he was blind it would be all right. They opened the door and the man said, ''Nice boobs! Where do you want the blinds?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Warrior Posted October 6, 2002 Share Posted October 6, 2002 Two technicians working on concorde at heathrow airprt, they work methodically and take their time. While tending to the engine they notice a liquid dripping from a pipe, tech 1 :- whats that? tech 2 :- dunno tech 1 :- taste it see what it is. tech 2 :- tastes like strawberries. tech 1:- lemme taste it...... yeah it does, its lovely what ever it is! the guys carry on working tasting the liquid every so often because it tastes so good. They go home at 5pm having scheduled a repair for the following day for the leaking pipe. They go to bed in their respective houses and get a good nights sleep. In the morning tech 1 wakes up and feels stiff so rolls out of bed only to find that his arms are swept back like concordes wings. He think nothing of it and chalks it up to sleeping in a funny position. Arms still swept back he goes to wash and shave in the bathroom. As he looks in the mirror he notices that his nose has grown long and pointy much the same as concorde's. The phone rings... tech 1 cant hold the phone to his ear due to his swept back arms so he nudges the phone off the hook with his huge nose and moves his head so he can hear who is on the line. Its tech 2. tech 2:- hello you there? tech 1:- yeah man we gotta talk, has your nose grown? tech 2:- yeah, have your arms swept back too? tech 1:- yeah man wtf is going on? tech 2 :- I dunno mate but what ever you do dont fart I'm calling from New York!!! another one. Q:- What do you call an Italian man with dread locks? A:- A Pastafarian. and another Q:- How many male chauvanists does it take to change a light bulb? A:- None - she can cook in the dark! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted October 6, 2002 Author Share Posted October 6, 2002 Q. How many shrinks done it take to change a light bulb? A. How many do you think it will take? a punk gets onto a bus, he has green hair with red streaks. he sits down and then notices an old man staring at him. "you you looking at? didn't you ever do anything wild?" asked the punk "yeah, i screwed a parrot once, i was wondering whether you were my son" said the old man Q. what's the square root of 69? A. 8 something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Covenant Posted October 7, 2002 Share Posted October 7, 2002 a man in his 40's decided it was time to be castrated, so he goes to the doctor and arranges it with him a couple of weeks later the man goes into hospital and has the operation, all goes well, a few days later he's waddling down the hospital coridor and see's another man walking in a similar way so he says to the man "what did you have done?" the man replys "i was circumcised" the man then yelled out "BUGGER THATS THE WORD I WAS LOOKING FOR" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Covenant Posted October 7, 2002 Share Posted October 7, 2002 try this http://www.funnyjunk.com roflmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhantomHelix Posted October 7, 2002 Share Posted October 7, 2002 wow......strange jokes..........u guys are freakin me out *reads at all members* lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted October 8, 2002 Share Posted October 8, 2002 I know this is old but it's a lesson I really need to learn!!!!!................... A boy rode on a donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted October 8, 2002 Share Posted October 8, 2002 A woman was asked by a co-worker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" The co-worker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin? God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then he carves you a new smiling face and puts his light inside of you to shine for all the world to see." Not that funny, but just worthy enough to put up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted October 8, 2002 Share Posted October 8, 2002 A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed thedoor to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve. The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Kyle, that's the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jed Posted October 9, 2002 Share Posted October 9, 2002 Here's a good one that always makes people laugh. There was a private jet flying around the world, and inside were the leader of the US, Russia, and China. As they flew over China, the Chinese leader said, "I love my country dearly, so I'll throw a gold coin out the window on it." And as they flew over Russia, the Russian leader said, "I love my country too, so I'll throw a silver coin out the window on it." But as they flew over the US, the US leader said, "I think my country sucks." And with that, he lit a stick of dynamite and threw it out the window. Now as the leaders went home, the Chinese one saw a little girl crying on the street. "What's wrong, little girl?" asked the Chinese leader. "A gold coin came out of the sky and hit my daddy on the head, and he's in the hospital," replied the little girl. The Russian leader went home and saw a little boy crying on the street and he asked him, "What's wrong, young man?" "A silver coin came out of the sky and hit my mommy on the head, and now she's in the hospital," replied the little boy. The US leader came home and saw a little girl laughing uncontrollably on the street. "What's so funny?" he asked. "My daddy farted and blew up the house!" roared the little girl in laughter. I've always liked that joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted October 9, 2002 Share Posted October 9, 2002 OMG LOL OMG LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is a good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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