MennoniteHobbit Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Originally posted by Tyrion That part, actually. But there's no point in doing it now, since it can only hurt Rp right now, and I really don't think he deserves that. Well if you're talking about wanting him to stop him in believing in God, that is totally his choice. Anyways it doesn't matter. God bless you RP. And this thread is too serious for even ME to crack down on Lord Seraphs UNBELIEVABLE typing Now THIS is funny. But that doesn't change my mood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Windu Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 My dear God... RP: I wish I had gotten to know you better, you are such a great guy and don't let anyone else tell you different. I read through your story and it deeply touched me, my mouth was open through the entire thing... May God's grace be with you in your darkest days. "There is neither happiness nor misfortune in this world, there is merely the comparison between one state and another, nothing more. Only someone who has suffered the deepest misfortune is capable of experiencing the heights of felicity.... until the day when God deigns to unveil the future to mainkind, all human wisdom is contained in these two words: 'wait' and 'hope'." I will be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts RP. Godspeed. I Like how you see death as freedom, for Death isn't the end at all, it's just the beginning. I agree, and if death becomes of you, I hope that your death will be as sweet and voluptuous as sleep in a lover's arms, and you have not an ounce of pain. "The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass...and then you see it. White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise." You're a good man RP. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTeddyPaul Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Don't know what to say. Sorry? Good luck? I hope you don't waste anything? I have never known what to say to a person who is dying. I realize you aren't on the bed waiting for Last Rites or anything but it is just always hard to come to the realization that we are all on the clock. I found what made your writing more inspisirng was the music. It really caught the tone of what you were trying to portray. Karsec Le'Treg? I realize you said you were about 8 when you started seeing this guy but I had a had time grasping Huckleberry Hound and Popeye at that age. "I eventually got into Public School" - ? Were your parents against you going to public school? I was always told to minister to my friends at school. I knew that only about 3% were Christians in the broadest terms and I never could really go into our beliefs. Some main reasons were I was an ignorant little kid who knew he was going to Hell if he didn't believe in Jesus and nothing more than the rudimentary things they teach you on Sunday. I also went to a Christian private school for my HS so that wasn't a factor. If you got people to listen to you bravo because I never could. "At the age of seven or eight, I began to develop four minor symptoms of four different syndromes. I developed A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and tourette." Sucks to be you is the only thing that came to mind. Bipolar doesn't usually take hold until around 15+. Very odd of you to have it so early. Going from your writing it doesn't really sound like you had bipolar. Your social life sounded fine. You are/were depressed but it isn't hard to see why. The schizphrenia probably takes into account for your hallucinations. What I would have done is trying to touch them. If you touch a hallucination your mind will register that nothing is really there because there is no physical feeling. "I was calling God a liar! I always thought that if God wanted me healed, He could and He would heal me. However, if for some reason it was His will for me to have the syndromes, then I would not be healed. God said that I would be healed, thinking otherwise would be calling him a liar." It might just be me but the part that I don't get is in the last sentence: God said that I would be healed. He did? Did you forget to put that in somewhere or I am not understanding or not read something? "I repented and asked for forgiveness, and then told God that I would be healed that very night" Again it might just be me but telling God that you would be healed that night? What would have happened if nothing happened? Telling God that something is going to happen is never a good idea. Also you said you were repenting. What did you repent? From my reading it seems to me that you willed yourself to stop these mental disorders in some manner. "I would think so fast, always thinking, always problem solving, and never sleeping." Now that sounds like bipolar. Those are manic signs right there. I can also relate to this problem. Why do you think I am up at 3:30 AM right now? Bipolar is a horrible disease and you can never truly get rid of it. You can grow with it and adapt but so far there is no cure. You then go on into a little depth about your visionary power. I agree with Csksaber on this one about how you try to make yourself into something beyond normal. Whether it be special, or unique, or even unearthly I do not know but the point I got was that you had this power but couldn't do anything with it. Also your visions seemed to focus on you only. You don't say you got premonitions about people drowning in the river nearby or anything like that. You said YOUR friends blah. Some things can be affected by your own self even if it is subconcious (the friendships part). I remember a great scam I heard of once was when people went to this mystic to find out their fortune she would say that they would come into some money in the near future. They would then leave and the mystic would have one of her flunkies tail them and leave a wallet full of money (not a lot but enough to make them believe her) and they would go back to her believing that she could tell the future. She directly made things happen where you could have possibly inderectly made things happen to suit your dreams. About the computer thing that is just intuition and possibly superiour skills. Just ask ZBomber and the thrashings I used to give him. I could train people to be better but at the same time there is also a knack that cannot be passed on. Like in hockey they say they cannot teach speed. You can teach puck possession, shooting accuracy, but some things are just with you. Again you go into some more detail about being an messenger of mercy by saving peoples lives. I do think you are trying to get something across. This is where you lose some credibility with me: "Some people are great in strength, while some in intelligence. I, however, have a different type of personality. My senses are somewhat heightened and greater than normal, somehow. I walk into a room and I can tell if electronics are on and where they are. If I hear music, I can sit down and immediatly play it out on the piano. I, however, cannot read music. A lot of people come to me for advice because I have unordinary widsom in a lot of matters, and I know how to handle many situations for others. I have very good night vision, and I am very agile, but also decent in strength. Probably due to me working for UPS for awhile. All in all, I am sensitive in things most people arn't even aware of." You make yourself into some sort of holy man right here. You have the sixth sense. Your are above average in all regards. You can play music on the piano without knowing how to read. I can sometimes here when electronics are on too. The only reason for that is though that I have excellent hearing and I can hear the hum of power or fans in them. Also if you have pets they can some times tip you off a little. Unordinary wisdom? Okay. Good night vision? Agile? Above average strength due to working at UPS. I pray that you are joking with the UPS thing. I laughed when I first read it but you also made it sound like you were serious. Again you tell how super human you are. The bi thing can be many things. I belive I was born straight because no one taught me to feel sexually attracted to a gender. This makes me believe that it is genetics that drives attraction. From a biblical point of view and depending on what form of Christianity you practice you are in some deep stuff. Homosexuality of any kind is one of the worst things that the Church, in broad terms of The Church, believes in. Your experience at the early age does not go into detail so I cannot tell if the other person was the same age as your or not. If you were molested that could be a major factor in your mental state. From a biblical point of view I would have to say that as long as you do not give into temptation that you are fine. Although thinking about something is bad there are no physical actions to back it up and since we are human we are allowed some leway. You could also look at it that it is another genetic thing. An interesting dilemma that we might soon face is giving the parents the ability to alter their kids genetic material if there was a good chance their kid was gay to make them straight. That last sentence isn't properly made but I am getting tired. Also people of importance in the Bible have done worse. David actually slept with the naked nextdoor chick and did the whole affair thing and muder thing. Also that one guy with his two daughters and the whole impregnation thingy. "I would hurt myself to heal others" Ummmm what? Majorly confused on that one. One of my favorite sayings is: A friend stabs from the front. "I lived a life of such loneliness and depression" This is again where I get confused. You say that you were cured of your past illnesses but this is bipolar. You get mood swings which can last forever. Stoic can be a term used to people like in the lower ends. You also said you had friends who could count on you and have said nothing bad about your family so why are you lonely? If it is because you feel isolated due to your conditions that you should have joined some support groups which are offered. If it is for other reasons that I do not believe you have truly made peace with God in your own way. You keep speaking about spirituality but when you have to rely on it you don't. Not ending you life because of what others may think or act in the future is one of the worst reasons not to. This is when you have to start to be selfish. Also if you are so pained about haing unpure sexual thoughts than you should be having a fit about suicide. Suicide is probably worse than homosexuality because it is final. There is no repentance after that. I do not understand how you could be in an uproar about the bi thing and not about the suicide when it concers religion. If religion is such an important part of your life it has to encompass all not just select parts. You sort of contradict yourself about how you tried your hardest and best to find someone with the unquestioning love. You however also said earlier that you pushed people away when they were getting close. Again Jesus should fit this spot and if not then maybe your should reevaluate your religious ideals. I am not trying to start a debate or get anything started. Some of the above is because I had questions. Some I wanted answers. Some I pointed out just in case he wants to make a revision help illustrate his tale better. I hope you know I have always respected you brother and in a lot of ways I can relate. I am merely 6 months older, have minor-minor-schizophrenia, bipolar, and most of the other stuff too. We share some common undenniable characteristics with eachother. I can feel part of your pain and I do not envy you at all because I have defeated most of my demons even though I still CAN NEVER SLEEP. Look it is 4:15 AM. I have been in this thread for a very long time. I wish you the best of what can be expected. Also someone said something earlier about what would you do if you had a year to live: Watch as many hockey games in person. Watch as many movies at the theater that I could, do my will so my friends all had something special, also have personal writings for everyone involved in my life, I would go visit the Pacific on a more regular basis because I love the Ocean, spend as much time with my cats, get the hell off the computer a lot more than I do now, and finally eat as much pie as often as I could. EDIT: Wow that is really long. I forgot to say I would get ahold of some of that Levitra stuff because I have always wondered what an 18 hour chubbie felt like. Paul Zeman aka BigTeddyPaul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joetheeskimo Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 ^ Longest post I've ever seen. Rp, taking a look at your latest post - are you saying you've redeemed yourself and no longer feel like a failure? Or are you just saying it's lessened...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpTheHotrod Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 Aight...questions and answers. I'm putting answers in your quotes Originally posted by BigTeddyPaul Don't know what to say. Sorry? Good luck? I hope you don't waste anything? I have never known what to say to a person who is dying. I realize you aren't on the bed waiting for Last Rites or anything but it is just always hard to come to the realization that we are all on the clock. I found what made your writing more inspisirng was the music. It really caught the tone of what you were trying to portray. Karsec Le'Treg? I realize you said you were about 8 when you started seeing this guy but I had a had time grasping Huckleberry Hound and Popeye at that age. Not everyone is alike "I eventually got into Public School" - ? Were your parents against you going to public school? I was always told to minister to my friends at school. I knew that only about 3% were Christians in the broadest terms and I never could really go into our beliefs. Some main reasons were I was an ignorant little kid who knew he was going to Hell if he didn't believe in Jesus and nothing more than the rudimentary things they teach you on Sunday. I also went to a Christian private school for my HS so that wasn't a factor. If you got people to listen to you bravo because I never could. We moved all the time, so I was never able to be in public school much "At the age of seven or eight, I began to develop four minor symptoms of four different syndromes. I developed A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and tourette." Sucks to be you is the only thing that came to mind. Bipolar doesn't usually take hold until around 15+. Very odd of you to have it so early. Going from your writing it doesn't really sound like you had bipolar. Your social life sounded fine. You are/were depressed but it isn't hard to see why. The schizphrenia probably takes into account for your hallucinations. What I would have done is trying to touch them. If you touch a hallucination your mind will register that nothing is really there because there is no physical feeling. I said symptoms and started to develop "I was calling God a liar! I always thought that if God wanted me healed, He could and He would heal me. However, if for some reason it was His will for me to have the syndromes, then I would not be healed. God said that I would be healed, thinking otherwise would be calling him a liar." It might just be me but the part that I don't get is in the last sentence: God said that I would be healed. He did? Did you forget to put that in somewhere or I am not understanding or not read something? Read your Bible, then you'll get it. "I repented and asked for forgiveness, and then told God that I would be healed that very night" Again it might just be me but telling God that you would be healed that night? What would have happened if nothing happened? Telling God that something is going to happen is never a good idea. Also you said you were repenting. What did you repent? From my reading it seems to me that you willed yourself to stop these mental disorders in some manner. Something did happen. That's all that matters. I told God that something would happen. It's called faith. Since when is faith illegal in the Bible? I repented because I believed that it was God's will for me to have the problems. "I would think so fast, always thinking, always problem solving, and never sleeping." Now that sounds like bipolar. Those are manic signs right there. I can also relate to this problem. Why do you think I am up at 3:30 AM right now? Bipolar is a horrible disease and you can never truly get rid of it. You can grow with it and adapt but so far there is no cure. Talk to the doctors, I was cured. You then go on into a little depth about your visionary power. I agree with Csksaber on this one about how you try to make yourself into something beyond normal. Whether it be special, or unique, or even unearthly I do not know but the point I got was that you had this power but couldn't do anything with it. Also your visions seemed to focus on you only. You don't say you got premonitions about people drowning in the river nearby or anything like that. You said YOUR friends blah. Some things can be affected by your own self even if it is subconcious (the friendships part). I remember a great scam I heard of once was when people went to this mystic to find out their fortune she would say that they would come into some money in the near future. They would then leave and the mystic would have one of her flunkies tail them and leave a wallet full of money (not a lot but enough to make them believe her) and they would go back to her believing that she could tell the future. She directly made things happen where you could have possibly inderectly made things happen to suit your dreams. As I said, my mind puts things together for a POSSIBLE future. Just logic. Why on earth would my mind be worrying about people I don't even know exist? However, I have had "visions" before...and that hasn't always been with those I knew. About the computer thing that is just intuition and possibly superiour skills. Just ask ZBomber and the thrashings I used to give him. I could train people to be better but at the same time there is also a knack that cannot be passed on. Like in hockey they say they cannot teach speed. You can teach puck possession, shooting accuracy, but some things are just with you. I entirely agree. I know their next move just based on psychology and how they think. Again you go into some more detail about being an messenger of mercy by saving peoples lives. I do think you are trying to get something across. Messenger of mercy? I'm just being there for others. Why is this wrong? This is where you lose some credibility with me: "Some people are great in strength, while some in intelligence. I, however, have a different type of personality. My senses are somewhat heightened and greater than normal, somehow. I walk into a room and I can tell if electronics are on and where they are. If I hear music, I can sit down and immediatly play it out on the piano. I, however, cannot read music. A lot of people come to me for advice because I have unordinary widsom in a lot of matters, and I know how to handle many situations for others. I have very good night vision, and I am very agile, but also decent in strength. Probably due to me working for UPS for awhile. All in all, I am sensitive in things most people arn't even aware of." You make yourself into some sort of holy man right here. You have the sixth sense. Your are above average in all regards. You can play music on the piano without knowing how to read. I can sometimes here when electronics are on too. The only reason for that is though that I have excellent hearing and I can hear the hum of power or fans in them. Also if you have pets they can some times tip you off a little. Unordinary wisdom? Okay. Good night vision? Agile? Above average strength due to working at UPS. I pray that you are joking with the UPS thing. I laughed when I first read it but you also made it sound like you were serious. Again you tell how super human you are. If I was bragging, you all would have known a long time before this. As for my personal self, that is all true. My senses are a lot higher than normal. I mentioned UPS because normally there is a balance. The weak nerds that are super smart....or the beef-headed football players....and everyone in between. I'm on a different scale. Instead of just smarts vs strength, I have high senses and whatnot. Those with that are normally weak, but I'm not...and probably because of working at UPS causing a regular "workout". The bi thing can be many things. I belive I was born straight because no one taught me to feel sexually attracted to a gender. This makes me believe that it is genetics that drives attraction. From a biblical point of view and depending on what form of Christianity you practice you are in some deep stuff. Homosexuality of any kind is one of the worst things that the Church, in broad terms of The Church, believes in. Your experience at the early age does not go into detail so I cannot tell if the other person was the same age as your or not. If you were molested that could be a major factor in your mental state. From a biblical point of view I would have to say that as long as you do not give into temptation that you are fine. Although thinking about something is bad there are no physical actions to back it up and since we are human we are allowed some leway. You could also look at it that it is another genetic thing. An interesting dilemma that we might soon face is giving the parents the ability to alter their kids genetic material if there was a good chance their kid was gay to make them straight. That last sentence isn't properly made but I am getting tired. Also people of importance in the Bible have done worse. David actually slept with the naked nextdoor chick and did the whole affair thing and muder thing. Also that one guy with his two daughters and the whole impregnation thingy. We were the same age "I would hurt myself to heal others" Ummmm what? Majorly confused on that one. I made sacrifices just to make sure others made it okay One of my favorite sayings is: A friend stabs from the front. "I lived a life of such loneliness and depression" This is again where I get confused. You say that you were cured of your past illnesses but this is bipolar. You get mood swings which can last forever. Stoic can be a term used to people like in the lower ends. You also said you had friends who could count on you and have said nothing bad about your family so why are you lonely? If it is because you feel isolated due to your conditions that you should have joined some support groups which are offered. If it is for other reasons that I do not believe you have truly made peace with God in your own way. You keep speaking about spirituality but when you have to rely on it you don't. Loneliness has nothing to do with bi-polar. If you move all the time and are not allowed to hang with ANYONE because of your parents....you get lonely and depressed Not ending you life because of what others may think or act in the future is one of the worst reasons not to. This is when you have to start to be selfish. Also if you are so pained about haing unpure sexual thoughts than you should be having a fit about suicide. Suicide is probably worse than homosexuality because it is final. There is no repentance after that. I do not understand how you could be in an uproar about the bi thing and not about the suicide when it concers religion. If religion is such an important part of your life it has to encompass all not just select parts. Two reasons I won't kill myself. One I mentioned, the other I did not. Reason 2 is....I hate to stand in front of a ticked off God asking me why I checked out early. *shudder* You sort of contradict yourself about how you tried your hardest and best to find someone with the unquestioning love. You however also said earlier that you pushed people away when they were getting close. Again Jesus should fit this spot and if not then maybe your should reevaluate your religious ideals. I pushed people away because of WANTING to be close. I didn't push them away myself. I did things that wanted THEM to leave....I was too dependant on them. I am not trying to start a debate or get anything started. Some of the above is because I had questions. Some I wanted answers. Some I pointed out just in case he wants to make a revision help illustrate his tale better. I hope you know I have always respected you brother and in a lot of ways I can relate. I am merely 6 months older, have minor-minor-schizophrenia, bipolar, and most of the other stuff too. We share some common undenniable characteristics with eachother. I can feel part of your pain and I do not envy you at all because I have defeated most of my demons even though I still CAN NEVER SLEEP. Look it is 4:15 AM. I have been in this thread for a very long time. I wish you the best of what can be expected. Also someone said something earlier about what would you do if you had a year to live: Watch as many hockey games in person. Watch as many movies at the theater that I could, do my will so my friends all had something special, also have personal writings for everyone involved in my life, I would go visit the Pacific on a more regular basis because I love the Ocean, spend as much time with my cats, get the hell off the computer a lot more than I do now, and finally eat as much pie as often as I could. EDIT: Wow that is really long. I forgot to say I would get ahold of some of that Levitra stuff because I have always wondered what an 18 hour chubbie felt like. Paul Zeman aka BigTeddyPaul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 I kind of hesistated to post on this thread (not sure what to say)So this is pretty simple: I'll miss you when/if you're gone. I like the music BTW. Max Payne right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Dravis Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Originally posted by Crazy_dog no.3 I like the music BTW. Max Payne right? Yes, what is that music from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpTheHotrod Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 It was originally based off of man payne 1, a piano song. I was working on a newer version of it...but then they released max payne 2 with an updated song....so I just decided to go with that instead of my own. so.... max payne 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kusanavi Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 I'm in the same situation as Crazy_dog, I don't know what to say either but we'll all miss you when/if you're gone . Yes, the music is Max Payne 2's Theme Song, you can download it from their main site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTeddyPaul Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Instead of copying all that I will just write your responses. "Read your Bible, then you will get it" I have read my Bible many times over. I have even read some Apocrypha a couple times over just in case we were supposed to read some of that. Jesus and other have healed the body but the Bible only promises spiritual healing through Christ because this body is ultimately moot. "Something did happen. That's all that matters. I told God that something would happen. It's called faith. Since when is faith illegal in the Bible? I repented because I believed that it was God's will for me to have the problems." I believe my question was what would have happened if it didn't? Would the Devil finally have won you over? It is not a good thing to challenge God because His plan and yours don't always match up. Was it God's will for you to have problems? Is it because of Sin that you have problems or God? God might have allowed it but was it part of his plan? Those are more questions that I always pose to people who believe everything is God's will. I sometimes feel that it isn't necessarrily God's will but merely that he allowed it for the failiure of the First Christ. I have been told the story about the recently converted biker man with tatoos all over and a life full of sin. His new pastor asks him to pray for the congregation and he goes up and says, "Thank you for this F day God. Without your blessings we would all be Satan's B." There is always artistic lisense but I hope you get the idea. Now the question comes in a few ways: Is cussing a sin? If it is a sin was the man still sinning even though he didn't know he was sinning? Same could be said for you. Were you sinning because you blamed God that you thought his will was not to allow you to be healed but weren't aware of this sin if it is even considered sin? Lonliness can have a lot to do with bipolar. Most people with bipolar have a horrible social life. They are more withdrawn from society and also do not trust others as much as a normal person. I know there are some forms of Christianity and even other religions who believe in ending your life as the ultimate sin which sometimes cannot be absolved. The thinking is that you are messing with what God has in store. One of the hardest things I have had to endure is the death of my cousin who is actually your age. We were both 17 and in the same grade and out of about 500 family members who came to see eachother regularly (my grandmother was the eldest of 15 kids so I have a big family) we grew together the most. When she wasa 17 she found out she had leukemia sp? and found out she had 6 months to leave. To her credit she still went to school and acted out her life as if she was not sick for as long as she could. The only thing that was really different was I would go and visist her for the weekends. BTP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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