Hallucination Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 ^^^ good one. Gotta love that one chainz posted too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kenobi Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by Xenocidal Cause sex is fun so why not funny? I do not agree. Most of the mods that I've gotten from the forums were downloaded by clicking the links in the signatures of the makers to their site I agree however the 10 line signies are a bit much Let alone more Back on topic What walks on:?????????????????????????????????????????? one leg in the beginning two midway through three at the end of the journey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 @Darth Melignous Ack! a riddle!?? No fair! I call "foul"! Though I have no clue what the answer could be. I've heard the one about it being "man", walking on all fours as a baby, 2 as an adult, and 3 in "old age" (with the aid of a cane)... but yours says "1" leg in the beginning... what's the answer? Im curious.. hehe ----- got another one ----- God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it." Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left. It is really handy." "What's it called?" asked Eve. "Brains," said God. no religous conotations intended, it's a joke... ok... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleggy Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 old ron had been doing the dustbins on long lane for over 25yrs and was finally reaching retirement and because he new all the people on his round personally he decided to let them know that he would be leaving so someone new would be starting, secretly it was a ruse to let them all know when he was leaving so that they might throw him, a secret leaving party or buy him some retirement gifts, during his last week nothing happenned and on his last day he continued his rounds and got nothing for his troubles until he came to the last house where the blonde housewife invited him in and then took him upstairs and gave him the time of his life and not only that once they finished she gave him five pounds rather confused old ron asked the housewife why she had just shagged him and given him five pounds, and she told him that she had reminded her husband about old ron leaving and had asked him what they should give him as a leaving present and apparently her husband had said "**** him, give him a fiver" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleggy Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 did you here about the girl who advertised for a husband in the personal column of the local paper? she had over 200 replies saying "you can have mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29." "Nope, I'm 47." Now, she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but, thank you." While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?" He removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?" "Promise", she says. He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedHawke Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 Warning: Blonde Joke Ahead! ------------------------------------------------------ A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know... We're going at night!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 ^^^^^ :lol: bwahahahahaha :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mav Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 More Blonde jokes What did the blonde say after looking in the box of cheerios? Look donut seeds. ------------------------------------ What do you call a blonde with dyed hair? Artificial Intelligence ------------------------------------ Okay so a blonde walks into a store and asks the clerk, "Sir may I buy this TV?" and the clerk responds, "I'm sorry we don't sell TV's to blondes. So the Blonde walks across the street to the hair stylist and gets her hair dyed black. The next day she goes back to the store and asks the clerk again, "Sir may I buy this TV?" and the clerk responds, "I'm sorry we don't sell TV's to blondes. So the Blonde walks across the street to the hair stylist and gets her hair dyed red. The next day she goes back to the store and asks the clerk again, "Sir may I buy this TV?" and the clerk responds, "I'm sorry we don't sell TV's to blondes. Then the blonde says, "How did you know that I'm a blond?" The Clerk responded, "Well ma'am, because that's a microwave" ------------------------------------ Some Parapalegic (sp?) Jokes What do you call a parapalegic.... on your porch........ Matt in a hole....... Phil on a wall..... Art in the water..... Bob in some bushes...... Russel on water skis...... Skip in an envelope...... Bill and my favorite... What do you call a Lady with 1 leg? Eileen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da ----- got another one ----- God was just about done creating man... I've heard a spin-off joke based on that: God goes to Adam with a gift and tells him that he has a gift that will allow Adam to to feel the greatest pleasure of his life and reproduce his kind. He presents Adam the human penis. But God isn't finished: "There's a catch. I have given you only enough blood to use either your brain or your penis". ========================= A boy goes to his dad and asks: "Dad, is God White or is he Black?" "God is neither" "Dad. is God a man, or a Woman?" "God is neither." "Dad, is God Micheal Jackson?" ========================= A Blonde enters a bar and starts chanting "51 days!". Soon, two more blondes enter and start chanting "51 Days!". After a while, more and more blondes enter, chanting "51 days!". One enters with a simple 9-part jigsaw puzzle. The bartender, now confused, asks one blonde what everyone is doing. The blonde responds: "The box of that jigsaw puzzle said 3 Years and up, butwe finished it in just 51 days!" ========================= A man is often drunk late nights, causing his wife rather angry. She decides to scare him when he is drunk by wearing a Satan costume. As he is returning home, she jumps out and tries to scare him, telling him she is Satan. The man doesn't flinch a bit. He replies, "Satan? You know, your sister married me!" ======================== A man is furious over a chemist who has insulted his wife over the phone and is threatening to call the police. The chemist tries to stop it all quickly. "Okay, listen. I've had a very bad day. I got up in the morning and fell from bed, realised that I forgot to set my alarm yesterday. I rushed into the bathroom, slipped and hit my head on the bath, barely brushed or showered, left home without eating, for I was 3 hours late. Running out of home, I realised I left my car keys and house keys inside, making me break through a window and deal with the police to get them. My car punctured. I reached the shop with an angry crowd at the door. I cracked my head for the second time as a woman pushed me and I fell on my chair. The chair had wheels, I crashed down. The phone started to ring, I brought my head up and hit the desk. I picked up the phone, on which your wife was asking me how to use a rectal thermometer. I swear I told her." =========================== I've got more, I'll post 'em later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 cool place guys. anyway, this cowboy who came from chicago(in olden times) walked into a bar in another city. he had come on a cool looking horse. now, the locals had a habit of harassing the outsiders which the cowboy was, so while he was sipping his drink two guys went and stole his horse. when the cowboy goes out he doesnt find his horse so he goes back in, takes his gun out, flips it into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling and shouts, "alright, which one of you rustlers stole my horse?" some of the locals shift uneasily buy say nothing.the cowboy continues, "im gonna have one more drink and if my horse is not outside after i finish it im gonna do what i dun in texas and i dont wanna do what i dun in texas". true to his word, he orders another drink. the locals are really scared now, so when he walks outside, he finds the horse there. just as he was leaving, the bartender came out and asked him, "say, podner, whatjido in texas?". the cowboy replies "i had to walk home";) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Writer Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 An atheist takes a walk through the forest and is soon chased by a bear. The bear catches up with the man and prepares to feast. The poor atheist cries out "God, I'm not sure I want to believe in you, but could you at least make the bear a Christian?" The atheist thought his prayer had been answered as the bear paused, but he quickly realized his mistake. The bear stopped, folded its paws, closed its eyes, bowed its head and said "Lord, thank you for this meal." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 this hot lady goes to a doc with an undernourished baby. the doc had a habit of hitting on hot girls. when this lady came in, he first examined it and said to the lady, "he seens to be undernourished, excuse me maam" then he opened her blouse and bra and examined her things carefully.after fifteen mins he says"aha, i got it, youre not producing any milk."the lady replied, "i hope not, im the kid's maiden aunt" ============================================== give the full forms of the following:)(no offense to computer geeks) IBM: I Blame Microsoft MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Fools Teenagers ============================================== what is the biggest ant? ans: An Eleph-ant whats bigger than that? ans: A Gi-ant ============================================== this guy goes to a school every day he's extremely late one day the teacher asks him why he cant come on time the boy says that he has to say goodbye to his pets. the teacher asks him why it takes so long.he replies,"i own an ant farm" ============================================== there was a fire in a las vegas stripper dressing room where al the girls were practicing stripping.bcuz they has less time they decided to practice outside. it took 20 mins to put the fire out ant 2 hours to send the firemen away. ============================================== Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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