pokejedi123 Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 hi im starting this fic all over since someone destroyed the original thread THE STORY OF TIMMY MARONG BY TARVI HIRV (POKEJEDI123) 1 PART MARONGS LIFE At Republic Station 9 orbiting Alderaan, a soldier named Marong waked up because of a beeping.”Ouch.What is that beeping?” It was the Station manager. ”Hey,we need you at the Crazy Juma Cantina.””Got it,Boss”Marong said as he putted his suit on.”Dammit,its another one those patrols days.” Marong thinked when he walked to his Cosmic Speeder Bike IT 40001-TO.He drived to the Crazy Juma Cantina and as he was right,he was going to patrol.” Hey Marong,you and Mike will be patrolling,cya.””Bya,Chief.”Marong said when the chief walked out.”damn,Where Mike is”Marong thinked.”Hi,marong,well lets go.”They walkedalong the city road and the saw a criminal.”Mike,BLAST HIM!!!” Mike blasted that criminal.”Good Job,Mike,go back to the station and get the credit.Il come back later.”Mike taked the Criminal and dragged him to the speeder and flyed to the station.” End Of 1 Part Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkonium Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Well, to be honest, this really needs a lot of work. Your grammar is horrible, and the story is impossible to follow. I recommend you think over your story a bit more first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reclaimer Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Well, to be honest, this really needs a lot of work. Your grammar is horrible, and the story is impossible to follow. I recommend you think over your story a bit more first. Quoted for emphasis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Doctor Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Your format is all over the place, as well. When a new person speaks, you have to start a new paragraph. Otherwise, it's impossible to follow. As Alkonium said, your grammar is atrocious, and your spelling is off a little, too. I do have one question, and please, do not be offended: Is English your second language? It seems as this was written in another language, and then badly translated. Things like 'putted' and 'waked' are mistakes that anyone speaking English as a first language should not make. I find it hard to believe that the thread was 'destroyed'. It was most likely lost in a database error. If it was destroyed... well, I won't speculate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reclaimer Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Your format is all over the place, as well. When a new person speaks, you have to start a new paragraph. Otherwise, it's impossible to follow. As Alkonium said, your grammar is atrocious, and your spelling is off a little, too. I do have one question, and please, do not be offended: Is English your second language? It seems as this was written in another language, and then badly translated. Things like 'putted' and 'waked' are mistakes that anyone speaking English as a first language should not make. I find it hard to believe that the thread was 'destroyed'. It was most likely lost in a database error. If it was destroyed... well, I won't speculate. I think he is actually 11 years old, but still, I had better grammar and spelling then that at 11... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I think he is actually 11 years old, but still, I had better grammar and spelling then that at 11... Well, for an 11 year old whose primary language is likely Estonian (per his website profile), it's pretty good English. I didn't even begin learning a second language til I was 12 or 13. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokejedi123 Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 im re-writing the original story now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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