Diego Varen Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Good.Maybe a neutral one,lol. Maybe when I have the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alternate Ending (An Unchosen Path) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Malus slowly walked towards his wounded Master and circled around him. Malus ignited his Lightsaber and prepared to deliever the final attack. Without expecting it, Kyle pushed Malus away from him. Malus fell backwards onto several chairs. Kyle weakly got up and grabbed his Lightsaber. “The Sith won’t win today Jaden!” He shouted confidently. Malus got up. “You’ve always been arrogant Kyle!” Malus shouted. “It doesn’t matter, until I’ve killed you.” Malus told him. Before either Malus or Kyle could attack again, Luke entered the room, killing several Imperial Guards behind him. RedHawke had followed him. “Well isn’t this nice?” Kyle asked, “A reunion.” “Be quiet Kyle!” Malus shouted, “Prepare to die!” Malus ran towards Kyle attacking him. Luke joined with Kyle to help him. RedHawke stayed and watched them fight. This was entertainment. Lights of blue, green and red Lightsabers blurred about all over the room. The heat of the Lightsabers bounced back onto their faces, causing them to sweat. Malus pushed Kyle backwards and fought Luke. Luke was much stronger than Kyle. He seemed more relaxed. Malus eventually stabbed at Luke’s leg, causing him to fall over. “RedHawke!” Malus shouted, “Do your worst!” RedHawke prepared to shoot large bolts of Lightning at them. Meanwhile in the Jedi Temple, Luke and Kyle were screaming out in pain. RedHawke’s power was strong, strong enough to kill anybody in five minutes. “Jaden! Help!” Kyle shouted. Malus looked at both Kyle, Luke and RedHawke. He didn’t know what to do. Could he return to the Light Side? Could he destroy the Sith forever? Malus once again looked at Kyle, Luke and RedHawke. Malus ran towards RedHawke, but his Lightsaber was blasted out of his hand. Malus raised his hands and shot his own bolts of Lightning at RedHawke. Malus would use the rest of his power to save both Kyle and Luke. Kyle and Luke watched in shock as Malus tried to resist the Lightning. Malus pushed himself harder to try to kill RedHawke. Malus’ power increased, but it wasn’t enough to kill RedHawke. Kyle got up and threw his Lightsaber at RedHawke. It was stuck in RedHawke’s chest. He yelled in pain and Malus used the last of his power to kill RedHawke. RedHawke collapsed onto the floor. Dead. Malus looked at Kyle and Luke. Was Malus reedeemed? “I shall no longer walk the path of the dark side.” Jaden told them. Kyle and Luke were pleased at the news, until Jaden added. “However, I won’t walk the path of the light side either.” “What?” Kyle asked. “It is too much for me to bear,” Jaden told him, “Light side, dark side. Whatever path I walk will cause harm to those around me. I must be alone.” Luke looked sad, but agreed with Jaden. “If this is what you want Jaden, then we shall not stop you.” Luke said. “Thank you Master Skywalker,” Jaden said, “And Kyle, you will see me again. I promise you.” Jaden grabbed his Lightsaber and left the Jedi Temple. Outside, he found an X-Wing and left Coruscant. Where would Jaden go now? He needed somewhere to think. To think for a long time. He finally decided to go to the Unknown Regions and think about all that had happened. He had no idea what he was doing at the moment. The time in the Unknown Regions should help. Jaden decided that he would spend at least two years there. The Force was with them today. There was peace in the Galaxy. The Force truly did have it’s ways. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The End --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Nice to see all the endings. The only issues I had were both small and technical--since lightsabers cauterize as they cut, there would be no blood all over the place when Kyle was beheaded in the DS version of the ending. That would only happen with something like a regular sword. And in the neutral ending, Malus has just created a huge mess, but they let him go. Wouldn't they bring him to justice for all the stuff he'd done when DS? I wondered how Farra was redeemed, too. The final battle you used more description, which I liked seeing--I could visualize the scene better. You wrote a lot for this fic--cool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 You wrote a lot for this fic--cool! Thanks Jae, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo is going good too. Anyway, I may correct that blood thing, but I tried to make it gruesome. The neutral ending where Jaden got let off, I suppose once Jaden returned, Luke and Kyle would trial him. The Jedi Academy is less strict than it was in the days of the Old Republic. I thought different endings would be good. I got that inspiration from the Revenge of the Sith (PS2 version) game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 i like killing obi 1 in rots game i like ds better btw connor, please do not double post in other peoples threads, while I understand it is allowable in your own fanfic thread, no more ok? Thanks. -RH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted June 17, 2006 Author Share Posted June 17, 2006 i like killing obi 1 in rots game i like ds better btw Personally, I prefer LS, but for Jedi Academy, the DS ending, could have a better Sequel than the LS. On KOTOR and TSL, I usually play LS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Wow. And i thought my chapters were long. It's interesting to see different endings to the story, but what I don't generally like is using the existing characters as the main characters of a story.This story had to be done in that way, that I understand, but sometimes it seemed like you forced KoTOR characters (like Kreia's ghost) and locations to appear in this story, when they weren't really necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Wow. And i thought my chapters were long. It's interesting to see different endings to the story, but what I don't generally like is using the existing characters as the main characters of a story.This story had to be done in that way, that I understand, but sometimes it seemed like you forced KoTOR characters (like Kreia's ghost) and locations to appear in this story, when they weren't really necessary. To be honest, my Chapters aren't that long either, but I like to do them at least two pages. Maybe I just felt like adding KOTOR Characters into the story (The beginning) for Jaden's descent to the Dark Side. Besides that was only one KOTOR Character and a mention of a certain Character. Anyway thanks for the review igyman and I hope to read your Fanfic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba da Butt Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Pottsie, I just finished reading this, and it was really addictive. I couldnt stop reading it after the first few chapters. Great fic! Oh, and by the way, I think I liked the nuetral ending the best, it left open more possibilities at the end. Now I need to go read your other fic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 Pottsie, I just finished reading this, and it was really addictive. I couldnt stop reading it after the first few chapters. Great fic! Oh, and by the way, I think I liked the nuetral ending the best, it left open more possibilities at the end. Now I need to go read your other fic. Wow, none of my Fics have ever been called addictive before. Thanks. Feel free to vote at the Entertainment Center Awards 2006. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted August 14, 2006 Author Share Posted August 14, 2006 The RP for my very first Fic has begun casting. Feel free to join by clicking the picture below (Thanks ForceFightWMe12). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 Sorry if I'm resurrecting my old Thread. Today, I posted The Sith Lord in another Forum, known as Serebii.Net Forums (Which is a Pokémon Forum, though I don't like it as much as Star Wars). I've posted it there and nobody likes it (Deja Vu with Sabretooth's Jaden Korr Fic at Fanfiction.Net). The (Closed) Thread can be located here. This experience just proves why the people at LucasForums are much more friendlier then at Serebii (It's popular too and I don't know why). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Could be, but as you said yourself, it isn't a Star Wars forum, so maybe the people that visit it simply aren't into Star Wars. Edit: OK, scratch everything I just said. I just took a look at the link you provided and you are absolutely right. If they don't like it fine, but there's no reason to, pardon my expression, spit all over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 Could be, but as you said yourself, it isn't a Star Wars forum, so maybe the people that visit it simply aren't into Star Wars. Oh I agree, it's just that if they didn't like Star Wars, then they shouldn't read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Nah, you're absolutely right, read the edit I put in my previous post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 Nah, you're absolutely right, read the edit I put in my previous post. I have. Thanks for the support, igyman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 well of course this place is better its awsome this place rocks plus i don't really like pokemon so ***them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 There are ways to critique, and there are ways not to critique. I disagree with the style of critique that is offered on that particular forum. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. However, that's their choice. It's also a Pokemon site and not SW--so I don't expect them to feel the same way about it as people here might. What I'd like to see all of us do when offering a critique is to be honest but also be respectful. All of us have areas where we can improve on. We're being dishonest with ourselves if we can't admit that. All of us have strengths in our fics, too. However, saying 'this is great!' or 'it sucks!' doesn't help much, because it doesn't address the specific good or bad things. What parts were great? What was specifically wrong that made something bad? If you point out things to improve, also point out some things that went well. We want to keep the good stuff and change the bad stuff. Now, we should move back on topic. No more forum-bashing, please, even if we don't agree with how they run things. If someone has a specific problem, they should take it up with the moderators (or probably in Pottsie's specific case, an admin) at that particular site rather than here. We can't do anything here about it and so let's move on to discussing this particular fic. Pottsie, consider reading your fic out loud--I think you'll catch some of the grammar issues that way. I miss some of mine, especially repeat words, if I don't read it out loud. Feel free to revise your chapters here--I'm revising mine because some things definitely needed to be cleared up and cleaned up. You're not locked in on the chapter once you post it. I do like how evil Malus is--keep that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 3, 2006 Author Share Posted September 3, 2006 Thanks Jae, that really helps. Although, like you said, people should explain why the said the things they said. I know it isn't a Star Wars site, but it did say Non-Pokémon Fics, so anything goes. I haven't really bothered with any Admins, because the Member that flamed my Fic does it with most Fics (Simon Cowell anyone?) and she doesn't get into trouble (At least not that I know of). Thanks for everyone's support and I'm just glad that the Members/Mods here are helpful and friendly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 I was on the Serebii Forums today and I noticed that it's being hacked. Anyway, going Off-Topic, if I did a new Special Edition of this Fic with a different storyline, etc, would anyone read it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 where is it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 where is it I'm currently writing it. I'll try to get it up as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niner_777 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Sure, I'd love to read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Sure, I'd love to read it. Thanks Niner. Now that I feel, I've improved on my skills, I think that since this version was quite bad, I think I'll do a new version. Expect it soon. I was thinking of a new Title, but if not, I'll just use The Sith Lord Special Edition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anakin34 Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 that was so so cool i actually cried dude cant wait to c another thread of yours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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