[FIC] My first attempt (Be Gentle)

[JediAthos]

Edit: I can't believe it's been three years since I wrote this, but I have edited and rewritten several portions of this story and have begun posting what will be it's final form -JA

 

There is no emotion; there is peace

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge

There is no passion; there is serenity

there is no death; there is the Force.

The words rolled softly through Alaura's consciousness as she sat cross legged on the stone floor of her chamber. As she meditated on these words that defined her life she felt very much centered within herself. Alaura had been at the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV since Master Skywalker first began accepting students. Shortly after she completed her training he had asked her to remain at the academy as an instructor. Currently, she taught basic lightsaber technique to new students.

 

Instructor was not Alaura's only function the the academy. She also served as an emissary and a scout of sorts for the Jedi Council. She investigated anything the Council deemed necessary including any significant disturbances in the Force as well as recruiting new students for training. She was the eyes and ears for the Council to all the happenings in the Republic. Now as she began coming out of her morning meditation she felt the presence the preceded the arrival of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. Alaura rose as Master Skywalker walked through the open door of her chamber.

 

"Good morning Master Bedel."

 

"To you as well Master," Alaura replied smiling at the elder Jedi.

 

"To what to I owe this vist?"

 

"Tell me Alaura, how is your current class progressing?"

 

"Very well Master, they are quick studies. Young Kira Fen is particularly adept, she will be a fine swordsman."

 

"I'm glad to hear that. I came to tell you that I would like Master Katarn to take over for you beginning today. The Council wishes to speak with you."

 

As you wish Master, when am I to appear?"

 

"In an hour's time. In the Council Chamber."

 

"As you say Master, I'll be there."

 

The Jedi Master nodded his approval and left Alaura alone in her chamber. After he had gone Alaura contemplated what the Council could possibly want that they would excuse here from her teaching. They normally did not give her assignments until she was between classes. She pulled her black cloak from its place on the wall and put it on. She had several things to accomplish before her meeting with the Council.

[Raven_Onasi]

Your very good. were is the rest of it? I can't wait to see it. keep up the good work.

[JediAthos]

Thank you, the rest is on paper, and on the way. I'm kind of editing on the fly, and I don't have it sectioned into chapters so I wanted to get some reaction before I posted more.

[Raven_Onasi]

I love it, I total understand that editing on the fly. . .thats the story of my career.

 

Anyway. . .

 

can you read my, and tell me what you think. it isn't finished but you can be as brutally honest as you want to be.

 

Like I said, keep up the good work.

[JediAthos]

*Author's Note: I have taken some creative liscense with several charcters from the EU. I hope this doesn't upset anyone too much, but I welcome and constructive criticism.*

 

 

 

 

The Jedi Council chamber at the Yavin IV academy was set up in one of the many empty spaces of the ancient Massassi temple which housed the facility. It was from this very temple, in fact, that the Rebel Alliance had launched their attack against the first Death Star. It was their first major victory over the Empire, and the battle that had established Luke Skywalker as a hero.

 

As Alaura entered the chamber the Council was already assembled. Master Skywalker, Mara Jade, and Kyle Katarn were present and respresented holographically from Coruscant were Leia Organa Solo, Kyp Durron, Corran Horn, and the historian Tionne. It was Master Skywalker who addressed her first.

 

"Alaura, we have called you here because we have and assignment that requires your immediate attention."

 

"What is it that you would have me do Master?"

 

The Council has felt a significant disturbance in the Force. I will let Mara explain further."

 

Mara Jade rose from her spot and punched a few commands into a computer terminal. The computer responded by displaying the image of a planet that Alaura recognized as Dantooine.

 

"As you know Alaura, this is Dantooine. For decades it has been home to farming colonies. At one time, Dantooine also housed a Jedi Enclave. It was destroyed during the Jedi Civil War. At some point the enclave was rebuilt and destroyed again by Darth Vader during the Great Jedi Purge. Recently, coupled with the disturbance we've felt in the Force, reports have come from Dantooine of strange happenings. Farmers have gone missing without a trace. Dantooine's governor has requested the Republic send assistance, and Chancellor Solo has asked the Jedi for help."

 

The Council is sending you to Dantooine Alaura," Luke said speaking again,

"Meet with the governor there, and determine the nature of the problems on the planet."

 

"I understand Master. May I use the Dawn's Glory for this assignment?"

 

"Yes, you may take your ship and May the Force be with you."

 

Alaura turned and departed the council chamber, her black robe trailing behind her.

 

Back inside the council chamber, the Jedi Masters were still assembled and were discussing what Alaura's trip to Dantooine might hold.

 

"There have been many powerful Jedi to pass through the old enclave on Dantooine," Tionne stated "The ruins may still be in touch with the Force and their spirits may roam there. Perhaps we should have given her more insight.”

 

"Can she handle it Luke?" asked Leia

 

"I feel we were right in sending Master Bedel," he replied "She will pass whatever trials are set before her."

 

"I hope you're right."

 

***

 

Several hours later, Alaura had a bright smile painted on her face as she entered the Academy hangar and gazed upon her ship sitting in its customary spot. The Dawn's Glory was similar in both type and build to Han Solo's infamous Millennium Falcon. She was a light freighter that Alaura had acquired some years prior to coming to the academy, but she was slightly smaller than General Solo's ship. Like the Falcon, however, the Glory had been heavily modified from its original Corellian design. With her modified engines the Glory could match the Falcon in speed and was perhaps even slightly more nimble. The ship also boasted military grade defensive shields as well as two quad turbolasers mounted on either side.

 

Alaura was particularly proud of the fact that she had installed several of the modifications herself. Several of the Jedi Masters had questioned Alaura about the necessity of such equipment, but Master Skywalker had quickly come to her defense citing the dangers which existed in the missions she was asked to undertake. Alaura suspected that she perhaps reminded her master of his old friend General Solo, or perhaps a younger version of himself.

 

As she approached her beloved ship Alaura noticed someone standing at the bottom of the loading ramp. As she moved closer she recognized the figure immediately, it was Kyle Katarn.

 

"Master Katarn, I didn't expect to find you here, what can I do for you?"

 

"Look kid, just call me Kyle, you know I don't like that Master stuff, " he responded gruffly then his tone softened, "Look Alaura, you're one of the best students and instructors we've seen come through here. We, I, wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

 

"I will be cautious Kyle, I always am."

 

"It's more than that Alaura. Something about this mission they've given you isn't right. I can't explain it, call it a hunch, so I have something for you."

 

For the first time since their conversation started Alaura noticed Master Katarn was holding something in his hands. To Alaura it looked like some sort of jumpsuit, but she wasn't sure.

 

"What is it?"

 

"It's a combat suit. It has been reinforced, and is made of fiber mesh. Your robe will fit over it easily and it will protect you a hell of a lot better than your tunic."

 

"There's something you're not telling me."

 

"You're good kid, I got this from Mara, with Luke's blessing. She said it saved her more than once."

 

Alaura had heard more than one tale of Mara Jade's exploits before she joined the Jedi, and after as well.

 

"Thank you Kyle, I appreciate your concern."

 

She accepted the gift from the elder Jedi and tucked it under one arm.

 

"Just come back in one piece kid."

 

With that parting comment, Kyle left her and Alaura walked up the loading ramp of her ship. Onboard, she found the Glory's astromech droid R2-D5 hard at work. D5, as Alaura usually called him, stayed with the ship when it was docked in the hangar. The little droid beeped and bleeped a greeting at Alaura as she entered the ship.

 

"Hello to you too D5. Is the ship ready to go?"

 

D5 whirred and beeped an affirmative answer.

 

"Good, we'll be departing shortly."

 

The droid bleeped again this time with a question.

 

"To Dantooine D5."

 

He whirred again and then went about his business teding to the Glory's systems. Alaura settled herself in to the cockpit and began her preflight checklist.

[Diego Varen]

Both Chapters are good. Nobody cares about using EU Characters, everyone always uses them. Even me.

[The_Catto]

Very good, an enjoyable read, i little editing would make it better. Just some Puncuation and stuff as i said, very good

Keep it up!

[JediAthos]

Thank you. I'm aware of the punctuation...difficulties...it's one of my weaknesses as a writer

[The_Catto]

yeah, ive got the same mistake most of the time, when im writing The Second Coming Of Evil, i have to go over it like 5 - 6 times before i fix all the spelling and stuff lol ...

[JediAthos]

A major part of my problem is that my story isn't on my computer. I'm typing from what I've handwritten in a notebook.

[The_Catto]

What you should do is, type it all up in MWord first then do grammer and spell checks, then Correct what should be corrected, it helps tremendously

[JediAthos]

thanks for the suggestion, I may do that for the next installment

[Diego Varen]

Good Chapter.

[JediAthos]

I was thinking maybe it was too short...opinions?

[The_Catto]

Good Chapter

[JediKnight707]

I like it. With some tinkering, it would be better--I don't mean that it's bad--in that it would look better. When I wrote my first fic, I had the same problem that you have (punctuation). You'll get better the more you write. I'll keep checking on this one

[JediAthos]

Thanks, 707, I understand what you mean. I think that I'm perhaps my harshest critic. I'm just happy to see that someone likes it It's encouragement to keep going

[Diego Varen]

Good Chapter, though this was the shortest. Perhaps you could make all three Chapters one large Chapter.

[JediAthos]

The Jedi Enclave on Dantooine was a mere shadow of its former self. Once, it had seen many students traverse its hallowed halls. Many of these students went on to be great Jedi with names like Bastila Shan, Vrook, Vandar, Revan, and Malak. It was there where the one known as The Exile had realized her true purpose, and where she helped to rebuild the Jedi Order from its own ashes.

 

Now it sat lifeless, a forgotten relic of the past. Its upper level was crumbled and broken, and its lower level hidden from the ages by overgrown plant life. It was an empty shell, empty except for her. She called the devastated halls her home, and the stood watch over her treasure. The small animals and the few machines that still clung to life were here friends, and the ghosts of the place her enemies. The spirits called to her, and plagued her dreams. Despite them though, she stayed, for this place was her home.

 

***

 

"Yavin Four control this Dawn's Glory requesting departure clearance"

 

"Dawn's Glory, you are clear to depart at your leisure. May the Force Be With You Master Bedel."

 

With that reply from the the academy's control center Alaura activated the repulsor lifts on the Glory and spun the ship on her axis. She engaged the main drive and pushed the ship out of the hangar rushing toward the space above Yavin IV. As the ship entered orbit Alaura programmed the hyperspace route to Dantooine into the Glory's nav computer.

 

The Glory's hyperdrive responded by beginning its ignition sequence and rocketing the ship into hyperspace. The trip to Dantooine from Yavin IV would take several hours, and Alaura left the autopilot in command and retired to the ship's common area and sank into a deep meditation.

 

Alaura drifted back to consciousness only when she felt the Glory's hyperdrive disengage. She returned to the cockpit and recognized the lush topography of Dantooine looming ahead of her. As she settled back into the pilot's chair for her approach to the planet the ship's proximity alarm went off. Quickly she checked the sensors and saw there were two ships closing fast on her position. The computer identified them as Republic X-Wing fighters, and then the ship's comm system announced an incoming transmission.

 

"Unidentified freighter, this is Commander Aris of the Galactic Republic,

Please state your destination."

 

Alaura was quick to reply to the commander's challenge.

 

"Commander, this is Master Alaura Bedel from the Jedi Academy. I am bound for Dantooine's surface and the Khoonda Spaceport. I am transmitting my I.D. signature now."

 

"I.D. signature received and confirmed. You may proceed Master Bedel May the Force be with you."

 

Having passed the commander's brief inspection Alaura pushed the throttle forward and the Glory raced forward closing the distance to Dantooine. As she drew closer she contacted the Khoonda Spaceport and received her docking clearance and bay assingment.

 

Dantooine, Alaura knew from her mission briefing, was primarily an agricultural planet. There was an abundance of farms and farming colonies. Thousands of years ago, almost all the settlements had bordered around the Jedi Enclave which offered protection and sanctuary for the colonists. The Khoonda Spaceport had been born from one such settlement. It had developed over the years into one of Dantooine's only urban centers and the seat of the planet's current government. Alaura only hoped she would be able to conduct her investigation without too much distraction. She knew there were still remnants of the Empire operating in this area of the galaxy which explained the Republic fleet in orbit though she didn't expect any Imperial interference.

 

Alaura easily guided the Glory into her assigned docking bay, and as she did she could clearly sense the disturbance in the Force the Council had told her about. She contemplated for a moment as to its source before stepping back into the common room and slipping into the black combat suit that Kyle Katarn had given her. It fit her quite well, and she never realized how close in body type she was to Mara Jade. She admired it only for a moment and scolded herself for for even that brief moment of vanity. She pulled her robe back on and drew the hood up before lowering the Glory's boarding ramp.

 

Walking down the ramp Alaura approached what appeared to be two uniformed security officers. They weren't Republic troops so Alaura assumed them to be of Dantooine's own militia force. Both were about the same height, but one of them was clearly in charge. He was several years senior with graying hair and looked to her as if he had seen many battles. Alaura surmised he was most likely a veteran of the Galactic Civil War. He addressed her as she approached.

 

"I am Captain Kam Roen Chief of Security for the Khoonda Spaceport, you are from the Jedi Academy?"

 

Alaura bowed slightly as she replied,

 

"I am Master Alaura Bedel. The Jedi Council has sent me on behalf of the Republic."

 

"Governor Adare has been anxiously awaiting your arrival Master Jedi. She has directed us to escort you to the capital building immediately, we have a speeder waiting."

 

"Very good Captain, I shall follow you."

 

The speeder trip to the governing seat of Dantooine was uneventful. Khoonda was small as far as spaceports went, but nonetheless there was plenty of activity. Storefronts advertised their wares, and the market area was full of Republic troops on shore leave spending their hard earned credits.

 

The capital building itself was larger than most of the others in the government district. Banners bearing both the Republic and planetary seals flew side by side and lined the walkway that ran up to the doors. Alaura followed the two security officers as they made their way to the entrance. Once inside they led her down a long corridor which was decorated with items from Dantooine's past. Alaura noted in particular a holo of the Jedi Enclave with a plaque describing how the Jedi were instrumental in protecting Khoonda from a mercenary attack shortly after the Jedi Civil War. The walk ended in front of an ornately decorated door which no doubt led to the governor's office.

 

"The governor is expecting you Master Jedi."

 

"Thank you Captain."

 

Alaura stepped past the two men and the door slid open before her. The office she entered did not reflect at all the door that led to it. It was very modest and furnished only sparsely with a small couch, a desk, and several chairs. Behind the desk sat a middle-aged human woman. Her black hair showed only hints of greay, and her facial features appeared only slightly weathered by the stress of her job. She looked up from her work as Alaura entered. Alaura lowered the hood of her robe as she approached the desk.

 

"Welcome to Khoonda and to Dantooine young Master Jedi. I'm Governor Alia Adare."

 

"I am Master Alaura Bedel. I come on behalf of the Jedi Council and ChancellorLeia Organa.”

 

"I am pleased that the Republic has responded so quickly to my request for aid."

 

"The Republic and the Jedi Council are concerned about what has been happening here. The Council has felt a significant disturbance in the Force they believe to be centered on Dantooine."

 

"I will admit that I do not know much about such things, but what I do know is that several weeks ago one of the farmers on the outskirts of the city vanished, and then a few days ago a second man disappeared. My security forces can find no trace of either man and even Admiral Onasi's troops could not help. In addition to that there have been strange noises heard in the vicinity of the ruins of the Enclave."

 

"Strange sounds? Such as?"

 

"Moans, screams, bangs. Sometimes loud, other times quiet and distant. Some even believe the ruins are haunted if you believe in such things."

 

"There is no death, there is only the Force Governor. I will investigate the ruins, uncover the mystery there and look into the disappearance of your citizens. I do however, require transportation if you have it."

 

"Of course. I will order Captain Roen to provide a speeder for your use."

 

"Thank you. I would depart as soon as possible."

 

"You may pick up the speeder from security headquarters. The captain will take you there."

 

"Thank you again governor. I will report my findings soon."

 

"The Jedi have never failed Khoonda Master Bedel. I would expect no less from you."

 

"I will do my best to honor those who came before me."

 

Alaura bowed and exited the governor's office and found Captain Roen waiting for her outside.

 

"The Governor has directed me to escort you to HQ and to provide you with a speeder. I cannot however, accompany you on your investigation."

 

"It is best I go alone anyway Captain. I sense what I find may only be dealt with by a Jedi."

 

The captain turned without another word and began to lead the way back to the speeder. During the transit to the security building Alaura thought again about what she felt as she landed. It was much more than a mere disturbance in the Force. To her it had almost felt like the winds of a storm. It was stronger than anything she had ever felt from any Force Sensitive being she had ever encountered. It was almost like a wild, untamed well of Force potential that would have overwhelmed her were she not a Jedi Master herself. Alaura knew she had to determine the source of the phenomenon, if such power could be made to serve the dark side, the consequences could be devastating to the entire galaxy. Her thoughts were interrupted as the speeder began to slow to a stop. Alaura could see they had entered what appeared to be a vehicle garage.

 

"There are four speeders here which you may choose from Master Jedi. This one is due for maintenance and must be returned to the garage."

 

"Thank you Captain. May the Force Be With You."

 

"I fear you my need it more than I."

 

"I hope you're wrong Captain."

 

Alaura exited the speeder and began examining the others in the garage. As she watched the captain leave she found it odd to find a Force Sensitive serving as a soldier. The security chief was older and surely had to know of his potential. Though he was not the source of the disturbance she felt, she made a note to ask him of it at another time.

 

Alaura selected the speeder from the ones remaining which appeared to be in the best repair. She powered it up, eased it out of its berth, and pushed the throttled ahead. The speeder responded and carried her into the city streets.

[Diego Varen]

Good Chapter JediAthos. Have you decided a Title for this Fanfic yet?

[JediAthos]

I have a couple working titles, and I'm working to make sure they're not being used by someone else. So, hopefully soon!

[Jae Onasi]

I like the overall story, and I think you have a good start.

I like it when your character interacts with other characters and you tell things with dialogue instead of narration. Not that it's boring by any means, but the times when you have Alaura talking with other people, she seems to come to life more for me.

 

I like the spellchecker on MS Word, but the grammar checker stinks, especially if you have a lot of dialogue lines that are technically fragments (but are OK to use in fiction writing). I end up ignoring the grammar checker more in my fic than I do accept the changes.

[JediAthos]

Thanks Jae! I know I'm bad on the spelling...I was rereading my update from yesterday and caught more errors than I would have liked to have found. It means a lot that people are enjoying this..I've never really submitted anything I've written for public viewing before so I was a bit nervous as to what kind of feedback I'd get.

[Jae Onasi]

Thanks Jae! I know I'm bad on the spelling...I was rereading my update from yesterday and caught more errors than I would have liked to have found. It means a lot that people are enjoying this..I've never really submitted anything I've written for public viewing before so I was a bit nervous as to what kind of feedback I'd get.

 

I know exactly how you feel....

 

I catch some errors (and repetitive word use in particular--a problem for me) when I read the chapter out loud to my son. I don't know if reading it out loud slows down my reading speed or if it's actually hearing it out loud that lets me catch those things, but it helps me, anyway.

The spelling's not much of an issue--all of us misspell or more often mistype. The spellchecker catches my typos very nicely.

[JediAthos]

Bareth felt it, a ripple in the Force that he almost missed due to the overwhelming power coming from the ruins of the Jedi Enclave. That ripple could only mean one thing; there was a Jedi on Dantooine. From what he could discern, the Jedi was a powerful one but he was certain that no mere Jedi could best him in combat. The power of the dark side flowed through him and he knew it was superior to anything a Jedi could summon.

 

He decided he would allow the Jedi to discover whatever the ruined enclave kept secret. Then he would destroy him and take whatever it was to his master. Finding the source of the power, and killing a Jedi would surely earn him a most generous reward.

 

***

 

As Alaura brought the speeder to a stop she could feel the wave in the Force even more. The Jedi Enclave was certainly the cause of what the Council felt. As she looked over the destroyed structure Alaura couldn’t imagine how any being could be living there. She knew from the archive records she examined that there was a sublevel that was most likely still intact and that was where she would begin her investigation.

 

Alaura approached the courtyard she saw her first obstacle. A pack of Kath Hounds had taken up residence in the area outside where records indicated the entrance to the sublevel was. She evaluated her options and chose to attempt to calm the animals, allowing her to pass, rather than slaughtering them. Alaura closed her eyes and stretched out with the Force. She focused on the largest of the animals, no doubt the pack leader: I mean you no harm…I will not disturb your pack.

 

Alaura felt a wave of peace wash over the great animal. Satisfied that she had indeed soothed the beast she opened her eyes and saw the pack resting peacefully. She moved forward and passed among the hounds without as much as a growl coming from them. She approached the sublevel entrance and saw that it had been covered with dense growth. It was impossible to tell if the mechanisms necessary to open the door even functioned. Focusing on the Force once more the Jedi Master extended her hand out toward the door. Slowly the growth began to give way and the door opened for perhaps the first time in at least sixty years, maybe longer.

 

Alaura stepped through the opening and walked down the ramp that led to the interior of the sublevel. At its foot was an interior door that was free from growth and which whooshed open at her approach. She found it almost amazing that technology that old still operated, but considered that the source of the disturbance in the Force could also be responsible for the functionality of the door.

 

As she stepped inside the Enclave Alaura could feel the full power of the wave in the Force. Whatever the source was, it was incredibly powerful. She also noted that some of the emergency lighting was still functioning, but otherwise the Enclave was dark. Alaura knew she could use this to her advantage especially if whatever was down her didn’t want to be found.

 

Alaura began moving through the halls of the place. She explored the first few rooms and found nothing but dust and dirt. As she explored deeper, she could feel the essence of the place. It had not lost its connection to the Force or the Jedi that once occupied its halls. Many of them had indeed been powerful for the ruins to remain such a focus of the Force. Alaura moved through room after room of the deserted halls. She could still feel the source of the disturbance, but whatever it was, it was well hidden. She also sensed something else….something on the exterior of her perception, but she put it aside as she focused even more on her search.

 

Finally, Alaura stopped in front of a sealed door. She could feel the Force emanating from the other side and thought that perhaps her search had ended. She examined the door and its lock. It was an older lock to be sure, and Alaura knew that her meager slicing skills would do no good. She reached inside her robe, found one of the two lightsabers hanging on her belt, drew the weapon, and ignited it. She stepped back slightly from the door and thrust the familiar purple blade into the steel. The glowing weapon cut through the locking mechanism easily and in a matter of seconds Alaura had the door sliding open. She was nowhere near prepared for what was hiding on the other side.

 

***

 

Jade wasn't sure how she knew, but there was another person in her home. She could feel the intruder, and knew that they were searching. She didn’t know what they were searching for; she only knew that she could not let them find her secret. She would have to stop them and force the intruder to leave by whatever means necessary.