HK-42 Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Chapter 6: The Dealings Von fell through the air before he managed to grab on to a small ledge attached to the temple spire. He looked up to see Vader standing far above him, watching. Von summoned the force, as much as he could that was around him. Then he jumped. He jumped higher than Master Yoda ever had. He flew past Vader and threw his lightsaber at him. Vader caught the saber with the force and pulled it in to him. Von gulped, it didn’t look like he had much of a chance of living this battle. But suddenly Vader twitched dropping his saber. Von pulled it back to him and jumped again in the air landing back in the council room. He sighed in relief. Then he turned back facing Vader. “Padme…” Vader moaned. Then he collapsed. Yoda met Obi-Wan’s eye. “Wonder I do, what happened.” “It seems, Vader felt his children’s force presence.” Obi-Wan told the old master. “Strange this is, hidden they are. Have to be close they would be.” Von interrupted. “Maybe they…left the hiding spot,” “I agree with Von, they must have disobeyed us.” Ki-Adi-Mundi agreed. “Enough of this for now, we have the council to deal with, many have died.” Plo Koon told them. “Yes,” Master Yoda agreed. “Only 4 members left there are.” “I have some Ideas,” Obi-Wan said. 2 hours later Obi-Wan entered the room with jedi he had gathered for the candidates of the council. Yoda inspected them carefully. They were Kai Hudorra, Cin Drallig, Quinlan Vos, Voolvif Monn, Tholme, Roan Shryne, Fy-Tor-Ana, and Garen Muln. All Jedi Masters who had been important to the Clone Wars. “Interesting Candidates brought us you have, Master Kenobi.” Yoda commented. “Very interesting indeed,” Master Koon said eying Vos. “Master Kenobi, dismiss them you may for us to decide.” Obi-Wan bowed and turned to them. “I know, I know, I heard them,” Quinlan Vos said turning before Obi-Wan could say anything. The others followed him out. “Well?” Obi-Wan asked the council. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Very short and seemed to be written in about five minutes. Still good Chapter though as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Really it took about an hour to finish it because i had to find good jedi for the council. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 My Next planed short fic will be about Quinlan Vos, who is my favorite Jedi/Close Sith, character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Really it took about an hour to finish it because i had to find good jedi for the council. Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It was just a bit short for me, but I sometimes prefer short Chapters to long ones. Looking foward to the next Shortie too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 It wasn't rude to me, i'm about to work on the shortie now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Bad news. I on't be able to type for a while but i'll write the chapters and you'll get a lot at one time. sorry. But our computer broke down...im writing this on my friends computer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Well, good chapter, but i didn't get if Vader died or just got defeated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Vader collasped and did a force trick where he reappeared away from the temple. The jedi think he is dead and joined the force. The way he did the trick will be shown later. Anyway: My computer's fixed. But i got loads of homework and still increasing it is. So chaps will come slowly. Chapter 7: Council “The members you picked are acceptable except one,” Plo Koon told Obi-Wan. “One,” Obi-Wan asked. “Quinlan Vos, picked him why did you?” Yoda asked him. “He has been fighting the dark side too much, putting him on the council might sift him to our side for good,” Obi-Wan explained. “Hmm,” Yoda said hesitating. “Summon him you may.” Obi-Wan nodded and turned to Von. Von nodded, “As you wish master,” he said before Obi-Wan could say anything. Then he turned and left the room. Von entered Master Vos’s room and looked around. Vos wasn’t there. Von looked around again suspiciously. Vos was known to take a certain datapad with him when he went offworld; if Von found it he could Master Vos. It wasn’t. He gulped and ran back to the council room. “Master Vos isn’t there?” Obi-Wan repeated. “Nope, and he took his offworld datapad with him,” Von confirmed. “Unusual this is,” Yoda told them. Quinlan Vos stood on board the bridge of the Assault Ship with the same question still stuck in his head, why had he turned? Darth Vader stood in the old building across from the senate and the jedi temple. The area was known as “The Works.” It had played a major part in the Second Battle of Coruscant when Sidious’s secret was almost revealed. The area of the Works Vader was in was the only part not searched by Mace’s team of searchers. “Vader, What are you doing destroy the jedi find a way to bring me back,” The Voice was around Vader. It was a voice Vader didn’t recognize. “What who are you? How could you be talking to me?” Vader said out loud. “I am Darth Plagueis, master of Darth Sidious. I have learned to talk through the Neither World of the Force.” “What do you want with me?” Vader asked. “I want you to hurry up and slaughter the jedi,” Plagueis sneered. “First my new apprentice needs to be ready, and then I need my son and daughter to become old enough.” “Do you think your wife will allow Luke and Leia join the sith? I mean think, she’s running from you.” “That our there name? Interesting, and yes the will become Sith I will make sure of it.” Vader told him. “Will you train them or Vos?” Plagueis asked. “I have told you enough of my plan, be gone do not talk to me again.” Plagueis felt Vader uncertainly of his last question. “I will go but I will return,” Plagueis said leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Another good Chapter, but a few spelling/grammar errors. Other than that, it is fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Another good chapter, but I'm got confused...Well, nothing indicates Darth Plagueis is dead or what...Other than that, it's fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 well if it is in the nietherworld he has to be dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KotO[REvan] Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 “Unusual this is,” Yoda told them. Quinlan Vos stood on board the bridge of the Assault Ship with the same question still stuck in his head, why had he turned?[/Quote] In between the two of those sections, there should be a * * * centered, to indicate that it's two different sections of the story. “Vader, What are you doing destroy the Jedi, find a way to bring me back,” The Voice was around Vader. It was a voice Vader didn’t recognize. “What, who are you? How could you be talking to me?” Vader said out loud. “I am Darth Plagueis, master of Darth Sidious. I have learned to talk through the Neather World of the Force.” “What do you want with me?” Vader asked. “I want you to hurry up and slaughter the Jedi,” Plagueis sneered. “First my new apprentice needs to be ready, and then I need my son and daughter to become old enough.” “Do you think your wife will allow Luke and Leia join the Sith? I mean think, she’s running from you.” “That's their names? Interesting, and yes they will become Sith, I will make sure of it.” Vader told him. “Will you train them or Vos?” Plagueis asked. “I have told you enough of my plan, be gone do not talk to me again.” Plagueis felt Vader uncertainly of his last question. “I will go but I will return,” Plagueis said leaving. I've made corrections in your fiction, read through your quote and watch out for the letters/words in bold. They are either fixed of spelling or grammar. It seems that you've rushed this short, which isn't always the best thing to do. In my cases, I would always rough draft it, double check, and then have someone beta for a third check. And of course there probably are going to be 1 or 2 mistakes left, but not that much to notice. I was also very confused on the different names of Vos and Von, I kind of got lossed at some places. But otherwise than that, and the spelling/grammar errors, it was good. Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I agree with Evan, there where some spelling or grammar errors, but it was good. Also, Evan, how 'bout Those are their names instead of That's there names? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KotO[REvan] Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I agree with Evan, there where some spelling or grammar errors, but it was good. Also, Evan, how 'bout Those are their names instead of That's there names? Well that could work as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted February 24, 2007 Author Share Posted February 24, 2007 Epilogue Obi-Wan was still confused about the disappearance Quinlan Vos. He sighed, Quinlan always had strange ideas, and it was probably nothing. Obi-Wan walked into his quarters and sat down on his small cot. Then he noticed his message receiver was blinking. Obi-Wan reached up and pushed a button that allowed the message to be replayed. He stared in surprise at the person who appeared. It was Owen. The ship was flying toward the jedi temple just as Obi-Wan arrived. He had visited his brother Owen before but that had been back when they were both around 17, a lot had changed since then. On the hologram Owen had looked just like Obi-Wan, which was not a surprise considering they were twins. What surprised Obi-Wan was that Owen had gotten married, not only that had a child. Had Owen had not have been with there Grandfather at the time Obi-Wan was taken to the temple both of them would have become jedi. Obi-Wan was still lost in thought when the ship landed. Yoda had been in the jedi library seeking information to see if the horrible battle of Order 66 had ever been foreseen for hours. Now shockingly he found it had. On the mission to Haruun Kal, Mace Windu had seen a vision of a place which at first he thought has the temple, but denied it because of the smell of fire. Mace had never mentioned it to him. His datapad also stated that another part of the vision he had seen Coruscant being attacked and bombarded by ships of impossible design. Yoda shut down his console in Confusion. What did this mean? He would have to find out. The End Note: A sequel is being planned. Sorry for the sudden ending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I guess. Keep up with it Saruman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Nice ending and it surprised me that it was so short. I was hoping that it would be a long Fic with no sequels, etc, but I don't mind. Keep it up Saruman and take your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Really nice. Just wondering, have you seen ep. 3 rots? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I'm guessing Saruman has seen ROTS, otherwise I doubt that he would have written this Fic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I'm guessing Saruman has seen ROTS, otherwise I doubt that he would have written this Fic. True, very true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 LOL. Yes ive seen ROTS, see this is a AU which changes what happens in SW. In this case Order 66 fails. Thx for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 LOL. Yes ive seen ROTS, see this is a AU which changes what happens in SW. In this case Order 66 fails. Thx for reading. Cool. Hey see my starting fic Its called "star wars fic" Inventive, no? Edit: by the way how many postes do you need to get past "rookie"? Edit#2: btw heres the link to my fic http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=176854 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 Whens your next story going to come out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davinq Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 You can edit a third time, you know. But about the fic... Sudden ending? Eh? Sequel please. And make it snappy. This stuff was pretty good. Oh, and in the last paragraph, Confused doesn't need to be capitalized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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