exoduz Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 chapter 1: parole couroscaunt: 3:00 am the ebony skies of the couroscaunt night beckoned the ragged, moustached prisoner as he was led to the jedi courts. "as you know alaman, there are only 2 punishments amongst the jedi knights: exile without the force, and imprisonment. 15 years ago you murdered a young jedi named juhani. she was a war hero. she fought alongside revan when he ventured to stop malak. you creully murdered her. however, you gave the names of several sith bases, so we shall give you parole. with an offer. if you agree to be our assailant, then you shall be free. if not, you have another 50 years." "yes. i will take you up on the offer." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 is english your first language? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tysyacha Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Um....I'm not quite sure what to think, but I am puzzled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 err.......yes..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkonium Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 1. Even my fics are longer than this. 2. Look things up for correct spelling. 3. Grammar is important. 4. Coherency helps too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holty1-5 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Ok i too have posted fics myself but mine i try to limit the spelling mistakes to a minium. Here are my suggestions. 1)Make it Longer. thats not a chapter thats a sentence 2) Spelling... the greatest threat to my stories. You must ask your self why you made so many mistakes. were you typing to fast? were you distracted were you writing this story while trying to watch the last series of Lost which they say would anwser things yet so far only created more questions which made you soo angry you made soo many mistakes *Need Air* So good try re-read it and may be send it to some one else so they can point out mistakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 yea.......this is pretty much a lost cause.................but check out my best work-RC-the defects it's way better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holty1-5 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I would just like to point this out as i find it funny In a section called Coruscant Entertainment Centre you spelt Coruscant like this couroscaunt lol If you need help spelling star wars stuff look at wookiepedia they have a complete list of planets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Hey exoduz, let me make a suggestion to you. I think that your trying to work on to many fan fics at a time. Why not get one going really good, and then start working on another. That way more time, thought, and effort will be put in to your story which can do nothing but make it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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