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Cmdr. Cracken

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I wish I was a shepard. But I'd only shepard three-legged sheep so they couldn't run away. That'd be fun. Then I could point and laugh when they lose balance and roll down the hill. And I would always be on a hill. And I would kick any lions, or tigers, or bears (I'll kill anyone who says, 'Oh, my!'). Then I would watch as a bunch of cows jump on the lion and they'd have a little big smackdown and start hitting each other with house cats. And they'd use snakes as whips, but then the king moose would take offense cause he'd think that the snakes were meeses. Then they'd start a huge war against cows and start eating them and they'd use the lions as concubines. The sheep wouldn't be able to run away so they'd get confused and spontainiously combust, destroying the meeses in the process. Then I'd retire cause I don't have anything to shepard anymore.

 

And I'd live happily ever after

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Oh the year was seventeen seventy eight

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

A letter of marque came from the King

To the scummiest vessel I've ever seen

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

Oh Elcid Barrett cried the town,

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

For twenty brave men, all fishermen, who

Would make for him the Antelope's crew,

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

The Antelope sloop was a sickening sight.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

She'd a list to port and her sails in rags,

And a cook in the scuppers with staggers and jags.

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

On the King's birthday we put to sea.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

We were ninety-one days to Montego bay,

Pumping like madmen all the way.

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

On the ninety-sixth day we sailed again.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

When a bloody great Yankee hove in sight

With our cracked four-pounders we made to fight

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

The Yankee lay low down with gold.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

She was broad and fat and loose in stays,

But to catch her took the Antelope two whole days

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

Then at length we stood two cables away.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

Our cracked four-pounders made an awful din,

But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in.

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

The Antelope shook and pitched on her side.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs,

And the maintruck carried off both me legs.

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

 

So here I lay in my twenty-third year.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!

It's been six years since we sailed away,

And I just made Halifax yesterday.

God Damn them all! I was told

We'd cruise the seas for American gold

We'd fire no guns, shed no tears

Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier

The last of Barrett's privateers.

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