His Name Is Robert Paulsen

[Doubleplus GC]

When the subject of Fight Club appeared in the LucasFanians Unite thread, I was reminded of this review I read, dubbed "5 Things I Hate About Fight Club" or something equally inane. Submitted here for your approval:

 

}}WARNING: CONTAINS SOME NOTABLE SPOILERS FROM FIGHT CLUB AS WELL AS SE7EN AND ALIEN3{{

 

A few weeks ago, I predicted in this space that ''Fight Club'' would be this fall's love-it-or-hate-it movie. Now that it's opened and reviewers have weighed in, I can be less discreet: I HATED IT. Don't worry -- this isn't going to be a rant against the movie's relentless, brain-pulverizing violence. You go to a movie called ''Fight Club,'' you pretty much know what to expect in that department. Nor is this going to contain any hand-wringing about copycat fight clubs (hey, if you're THAT stupid, good luck, and I hope it hurts), or a parental, Rosie O'Donnell-style diatribe about how it's our moral duty to avoid this movie. (Rosie, I love you most of the time, but before you get on that high horse, you owe every single moviegoer in the United States an apology for ''Exit to Eden.'')

 

No, there are plenty of other reasons to despise ''Fight Club.'' But for now, I think I'll limit myself to just five:

 

(1) The opportunistic way in which the movie tries to import some sociological significance to its loathsome story by pretending to be a parable about the rage and innate violence that lurks in the heart of overcivilized -- meaning ''feminized'' -- men. You've been hearing a lot about ideas like this lately -- Susan Faludi has just written a whole book about how displaced men feel now that they can't hunt or forage or kill or fill other traditionally male roles.

 

Puh-leeze: This makes for fine book contracts, media columns, and talk-show segments, but it's a paper-thin argument that relies on a belief that men are so overwhelmed by genetic memories of our apelike ancestors that any attempt to transcend it emasculates us. In ''Fight Club'' Edward Norton is shown to be a girly-man because he (A) shops at Ikea, (B) holds a job, and © isn't buff like Brad Pitt. Logical ways for him to overcome said emasculation are (A) to get punched a lot, (B) to blow stuff up, and © to become a soap salesman. Well thought out, no?

 

(2) Brad Pitt, making a speech to his fellow fight-clubbers about how America teaches us to be disappointed if we don't make millions of dollars and look like movie stars. This is tantamount to receiving a lecture on privacy from Sharon Stone, or on the importance of obeying the FDA's food-groups pyramid from John Travolta. Brad, do me a favor. Dump Jennifer Aniston, stop having your hair professionally highlighted, and give me the millions you made from this movie. Then we'll sit down in the living room of MY gigantic new home and have a nice long talk about the hollowness of the American dream.

 

(3) The way David Fincher treats women. Or, more accurately, woMAN, since Helena Bonham Carter has the only female role in the movie. Let's peruse Fincher's résumé. His contribution to the ''Alien'' films was to cut off Sigourney Weaver's hair and then kill her. His masterstroke in ''Seven'' was to cut off Gwyneth Paltrow's head and put it in a box. And in ''Fight Club,'' he turns the always game Bonham Carter into a raccoon-eyed skank who combines the worst personality traits of a philosophy grad student and a crack whore. Good going.

 

(4) The soap made from human fat. Oops -- sorry if I'm giving away one of the film's two big secrets. Then again, maybe there's something, oh, just the slightest bit unseemly in taking one of the ugliest and most horrifying aspects of the Holocaust and transforming it into an elbow-in-the-ribs punchline for a studio marketing campaign.

 

(5) The way in which the film cloaks itself as an anticapitalist manifesto. Chief villains in this regard are Ikea (again), credit card companies, and Edward Norton's character, for holding a 9-to-5 desk job. I'm always wary when Hollywood filmmakers, who are some of the most materialistic people in America and some of the least likely to know what it's like to hold a steady job, deliver ''scathing'' indictments of ordinary people who hold steady jobs in order to get the money to procure material things for themselves, like food and furniture.

 

Want to do your part to strike the blow against corporate money mongering that ''Fight Club'' advocates? It's simple: Sneak into the movie without paying. You don't think Twentieth Century Fox would mind, do you?

 

}}END BULL**** ARTICLE{{

 

My translation:

 

(1) Men (and only men!) are the ones who get disillusioned when they are raised to believe that life is simple and comfortable and pleasant as long as you make money and that success is ensured and then find that stuff is nothing but stuff and that money is, for all personal self-fulfillment purposes, worthless. And, of course, this is all bunk. So, therefore A) buy lots of furniture, B) working behind a desk your whole life shouldn't bring you down, and C) what the **** is he on about?

 

(2) This movie could only be rightfully made on a budget of zero dollars (American) and could only be acted by actors who are too ****ty to get any jobs. (okay, okay, I'm oversimplifying, and thereby emulating this dork) Pitt and Norton didn't exactly have their careers handed to them; they worked for them, and they're nowhere near as bad as the likes of John Travolta (who flaunts his money by collecting 1965 Ford Thunderbirds). And I'm sure that the message of the movie would reach a hell of a lot of people if it was produced in a basement by a college student who obviously knows more about life's disappointments than people who've spent their careers fighting for quality film roles and trying to shake off their name recognition and get some goddamn privacy.

 

(3) Fincher writes all his own films, and since they don't show women as Venuses on ****ing clamshells he is obviously a cheuvanist. And ****, Se7en, man, you force one guy to gorge himself to death at gunpoint, and another alpha male to cut pounds of his flesh off and put it on a scale with a gun barrel at his temple, but you put one woman's head in a box and you're a misogynist. Rightyo! And, for the record, Marla breaks my heart every time I see the movie.

 

(4) Soap made from human fat is a reference to the Holocaust... okay, first off I doubt that was the intention, but ****, maybe... I heart rave reviews for the South Park movie which outright says "Kyle, I'm sorry about all those times I called you a dirty Jew... you're not a Jew." It's black humor, for chrissakes! I didn't hear any complaints about the sickle cell anemia jokes being racist, so therefore you must hate black people.

 

(5) Fincher is a director, and therefore materialistic, despite the fact that he made a movie almost guaranteed to flop in the box office (which, I might add, it did) and achieve at best a cult status 4 years on. I mean, he started in the music video and commercial industry, and we all know how many millionairs that churns out. And isn't the whole argument of "I work a ****ty desk job to put food on the table and give my children a good education" dependent on the fact that you pray nightly that your little 5-year-old son never has to work the same kind of **** job but instead gets to fulfill his dream? Right, so everyone, abandon your vocation, there's honor in it!

 

So, in summation, don't watch this movie, as it will attempt to coerce you into believing that your plush green sofa won't actually make you happy.

 

}}END SPOILERS{{

 

By the way, anyone who wants the totally kickass DVD for Fight Club better buy it soon. Fox is downgrading its DVD program, which means the truly spectacular supplemental disc will no longer be included in a few months. Or you could sign the petition over at davidfincher.net, if you wanna help out.

[C Shutt]

Is that article from Salon? It sure reads like it.

[chrisakachris]

Heh, I knew Shutt would say that.

 

Nice translation, GC.

[Metallus]

Originally posted by Doubleplus GC

By the way, anyone who wants the totally kickass DVD for Fight Club better buy it soon. Fox is downgrading its DVD program, which means the truly spectacular supplemental disc will no longer be included in a few months. Or you could sign the petition over at davidfincher.net, if you wanna help out.

That's very strange. And also lame. Are they going to take the time to sort of blend the second disk into the first, or will people be stuck with one disk with 4 commentary tracks and not a lot else? Great read, by the way.

[Doubleplus GC]

Well, trying to integrate the two is sure as hell not going to save them money, so they're just going to cut out the second disc. Load of ****e, say I.

 

And no, it's not from Salon. I forget where I dredged it up, some Salon wannabe or something else equally insipid.

[Moon Roach]

Let's peruse Fincher's résumé. His contribution to the ''Alien'' films was to cut off Sigourney Weaver's hair and then kill her.

 

He's reduced Ripley's complex character to a bald, dead chick. Everybody knows that if you shave a woman's head you are ruining her market value. And he's calling Fincher a misogynist?

 

I'm with GC, Marla broke my heart too. I've always had a thing for Fincher's female characters, maybe because they have depth, a concept that has yet to become popular among contemporary f***ing audiences.

[Moon Roach]

Now I remember, I was planning on stealing that DVD. But now I'll purchase it. Not that it'll make any difference, but hey, gotta support the film.

[Scummbuddy]

*********SPOILERS***********

 

 

That movie blew my mind at the end. It really wasn't about a Fight Club. It wasn't about anti-capitalism. It was about one sick dude with a split personality and how his life was freaking out and the way he dealt with it was creating a second life. It was a great movie, in my opinion and of most of the people I have talked with at college. We even tried to let our teacher let us watch in in Psych class in High School. (just for kicks) We at least made her go watch it. Yes, I agree that it was also made for the average man. Explosions, sex, [senseless] violence, and of course vulgarity. My opinion. A great movie. The ending put it over the top of the average bar and Im not talking about the explosions, nor do I condone blowing up credit card companies headquarters. The aspect of seeing the movie through the mental person was great, especially when he was realizing what was going on. Did you see "A Beautiful Mind" or "I Am Sam". Both kind of take you through their lives and will (not giving away ending) make you think of your life. All good movies.

[mxbx]

Cemetary Man will make you think about your life. So will Barton Fink.

 

Not that I care...

 

Gosh, what a jerk I turned out to be!

[Alien426]

Read Fight Club first part of this week. Started Survivor today.

[Moon Roach]

Awesome Alien, but don't stop there. You must read Choke and Invisible Monsters when you're through.

[Doubleplus GC]

Still don't get the obsession with Choke.

[Moon Roach]

Although I haven't read Fight Club yet (yeah, I know), so far my favorite Palahniuk novel is Choke because the character reminded me very much of the seediest parts of myself. He represented the shameless pervert in all of us, but with a sense of ghetto dignity.

 

I didn't realize this before I read this book but I now believe it to be true... if you go through medical school you will never see the world the same way again. The pleasant innocence with which we view humans especially will be lost and replaced with medical jargon and a constant inspection for disease, ailment, deformities, etc. This book was one of the reasons I decided not to go into veterinary medicine.

 

I liked his best friend more and more, and at the end I was really impressed by him...besides he was an artist who did the same thing I've done (gone to strip clubs to sketch the girls, but sketch them falsely, the way that you want to see them instead of the way they actually look). I couldn't put that book down for an instant.

 

I must admit, I did steal it from a bookshop in Switzerland (seriously), but I will donate it to a poor sex addict one day and hopefully god will forgive me.

 

GC> Which is your favorite?

[Doubleplus GC]

My favorite is quites simply Survivor, for though the ending was kinda aggravating, upon reading it's explanation at The Cult (http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net) I liked it so much the better. I plan to reread it sometime soon.

 

Choke was kinda frustrating and uninteresting in the beginning, but it got gripping and unleavable towards the middle, a condition which kinda fell apart towards the end until it picked up in the last chapter or two. I like Survivor over it because for one thing I'm less of a pervert inside (I know you don't believe it and maybe I'm deluding myself, but at present I feel it to be true) and because it provided a much more evenly likeable storyline.

 

I am, of course, quite ecstatic about the forthcoming Lullaby trilogy, which I've heard good things about.

 

Roach, don't tell me your one of those major shoplifter types, as I've known many a prick who was a ganker. Remember my jerk-obsessed friend Rob?

[Moon Roach]

GC> I am...and Survivor didn't help. But I've decided to stop. Stealing has always been against my morals, but try to see it from my point of view. I got my own apartment at 18 and in order to get by I've had to save money like a maniac...meaning all my money went to my bills, my wheels, and my education, with only a little left for food. I sure got creative with food. But for a long time I couldn't afford things so I just went without...until I realized the wonders of stealing. I was so impressed with the cool gadgets and books and clothes I could suddenly "afford" that it quickly became an obsession.

 

But time for material bullshit has come and gone, and now I must live like a true hippie with the other berkeleyans.

[Doubleplus GC]

You're going to need more dreds, weed, and a letter of anti-war protest for the President.

[Moon Roach]

I may be liberal but I'm not an extremist...yet.

 

I do like Survivor though, and I can't wait for Lullaby. Have you heard anything about it?

[Doubleplus GC]

Only that some guy with an advance copy said that it was Palahniuk's worst to date until at the end he suddenly felt the urge to reread it and now says is possibly his best to date.

[Alien426]

Used to steal, too. Not out of need, though. I could have afforded it quite easily. When they caught me once I stopped.

[Alien426]

GC> Remember me trying to guess what GC stands for? I've got a new game: I try to guess your real name.

 

If I hit the right one I trust on you to tell the truth.

 

Here goes: Ian Altenbough

[Doubleplus GC]

Shouldn't be too hard to figure out my real name, as I revealed it in full (middle name included) on the old forum, way back when.

 

Anyway, you got the first name right, as I'm sure you know. Oh, and to chrisakachris (and anyone else who knows my true name), don't spoil anyone's fun.

[Doubleplus GC]

I've been reading through that booklet that comes with the Fight Club DVD, and I've also taken a gander at the original Jim Uhls shooting script (prior to the Andrew Kevin Walker uncredited rewrite and the Norton/Pitt/Fincher line adaptations). The process of creation, dedication to original work, attention to detail, and overall heart-being-in-the-project-aceousness is not only amazing, but is the exact kind of ethic that should have been applied to the screen adaptation of The Beach.

 

Really, Danny Boyle should've known better. He adapted Trainspotting so well, how could he butcher such a fabulous book?

[Alien426]

Originally posted by Doubleplus GC

...as I revealed it in full (middle name included) on the old forum...

 

I don't think so. In what thread? You did tell us your first name, but never the last. I'll make the next guess when I'm home.

[Doubleplus GC]

I have no idea which thread, but I do distinctly remember mentioning my last name somewheres and saying "yeah, so there you have it, if you've been paying attention you can now construct my entire name." Why anyone would care is beyond me.

 

Alien, why did you suddenly get the urge to try this game in the Fight Club thread, a surefire way to get us completely clear of anything resembling Fight Club? I mean, I know we're violating the first two rules here, but...

 

Man, I'm not funny at all.

 

Anyway, I just read some interview with a bunch of different novelists who have been adapted to the screen, and Palahniuk was amongst them. Apparently his other three books are in some stage of film adaptation or other, and he's already auctioning off the rights for a Lullaby movie. Odd, considering Fight Club wasn't really that lucrative a move for Fox.

[chrisakachris]

I'm still trying to find out what's happening to the poor goat.

 

Anyway, I think I'll start Choke once I finish AHWOSG.

 

I still regret having started Invisible Monsters so soon after Survivor.

 

 

A thought struck me - Monsters is underrated.